Still (18 page)

She lifted her shoulders and strapped some steel to her spine.

“Wyatt?”

He didn’t stop pacing, didn’t even look up at the sound of his name. She took another hesitant step forward and searched his face, her heart beating harder at the terror she saw in his eyes. He finally noticed her and froze, a tremor shaking through him.

Thank God he at least appeared to be awake.

“Wyatt? Are you okay?”

“I thought I saw something outside.”

She started to step towards the windows but he swept her back, putting himself between her and the glass. “No, they might see you.”

“They?”

A hint of sanity returned to his gaze as he stared at the window with his brows scrunched down. “Yeah. I thought I saw some guys out by the tree line.”

She tried to put everything that made her a Dominatrix into her words, the intangible strength that she would need to really get through to him. “Wyatt, I have motion detectors all over the property. If anyone comes near the flood lights will turn on. I had them installed to keep an eye out for coyotes.”

“Coyotes?”

“Yes, when I bought the ranch one of my neighbors said to watch out for coyotes. That they are a bit of a problem in this part of Texas. I don’t want my cats eaten.” She reached out and lay her hand against his arm, distressed by how cold and clammy he was.

“You’re not safe here,” he said in a low voice and turned to her, his eyes fever bright. “There are so many places they could hide.”

Desperately trying to think of some way to ground him, to pull him back fully into reality she nodded. “You’re right. In the unlikely event that the Native American tribes rise up against us I might have some issues.”

He stared at her, confusion pushing back more of the panic as she made him think. “Michelle, the Native Americans around here are good people.”

“Then who are you afraid of?”

He shuddered, hard. “There is evil everywhere.”

“Of course there is, but there is also good.”

He didn’t say anything, just stared out into the moonlit darkness. “I wish I had some night vision goggles.”

All too easily she could imagine him building up an arsenal to protect him against the monsters that haunted his mind. “I have a better idea.”

“What?”

“I need you to do something for me, please. I need your help.” She stepped in front of him, drawing his attention to her. Keeping her voice soft, soothing like when she was trying to calm her horses down, she tried to appeal to his natural protective instinct towards anything female. “Would you agree that a dog could sense things that we couldn’t? That if someone was out there they wouldn’t be able to fool a trained guard dog? Think about the guard dogs that we had over in the sandbox. Could you imagine one of them letting anyone get close enough to the property to do any harm?”

He looked over her shoulder, then back at her. After a long moment he closed his eyes and his shoulders relaxed a fraction. “No.”

“I don’t know anything about dogs. Do you think you could do some research for me? I’d like you to find someplace local that trains guard dogs. I don’t care what kind, as long as they are friendly with us and children.”

“Children?” He blinked, almost completely back in the real world now.

She sent up a silent prayer of thanks. “I have two older brothers who, being good Catholics, seem to think it’s their life’s mission to populate the earth with as many children as possible. And they have been known to ship them off to Aunt Michelle’s house for visits. Especially now that I have a ranch. Nina, my seven-year-old niece, is obsessed with horses. She’ll be coming out for a visit with her family in a couple months.”

He let out a soft chuckle. “How many nieces and nephews do you have?”

“Twelve.”

With a low whistle he pulled her into his arms and gave her a hug. “Where are you going to fit them all?”

“Eventually I plan on building a bunk house nearby. I’ll do it like the bunk houses they had in the old west, but styled for kids.” She wrapped her arms around him and took in a deep breath of his scent, taking comfort from him even as she tried to be his rock for once. “Better?”

“Yeah.” He stiffened. “Sorry about that. Sometimes…sometimes I think I see stuff that might not be there.” On the last word his voice slipped off to a shamed whisper and he looked away, his discomfiture and embarrassment rolling off of him in waves.

Trying to keep her tone casual, professional she toyed with his nipple ring as she said, “Does it happen a lot?”

“No, not back at my apartment. I live in a well-lit, and populated area. Plus, I usually don’t go out at night.”

She filed that information away for later and stroked his back, his skin slowly warming beneath her touch. God, he’d been exhibiting all the classic signs of shock. Unsure if she should treat him for that or continue to talk, she pulled back enough to look up at him. “I meant it about the guard dogs. Do you think you could help me with that? I don’t even know where to begin looking.”

His shoulders straightened and his jaw firmed. “I’ll take care of it.”

She had to hide her smile. One thing she’d learned about men, submissive, Dominant, or just plain vanilla, they liked to be needed. It was hard coded in their DNA to protect and defend. Stepping out of his arms, she wandered over to the table next to her bed and clicked on the lamp. “Is it the darkness that triggers you?”

While she straightened the bed she waited for an answer, the tension drawing tight between them. Finally he said in a low voice, “Sometimes.”

“Good to know. I think we missed dinner, but Yuki probably left us something in the fridge. Wanna go forage for some food with me?”

“Yeah.” The soft whisper of his feet over the bare wood floors alerted her to his movements. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her hair to the side, kissing her neck. “You sure you don’t want to stay here and eat?”

The sensation of his teeth grazing the side of her neck was all too delicious. She threw an elbow into his side, immensely relieved by his flirting. “Behave.”

Laughing, he strolled to the other side of the bed, his swagger back in full form. They made the bed together and she filed away the information that giving Wyatt something to do, something that made him feel like he was taking care of her seemed to help with his panic attacks. Not surprising, most guys liked to fix a problem instead of talk about it like women did.

After she tossed on some pajamas and he’d donned a pair of sleep pants donated by James, they made their way down to the kitchen. The lights in the fountain were the only illumination in the foyer, throwing shifting patterns onto the walls. She had him walk down first so she could see his ass, something she fully admitted without shame. Why should she be coy about enjoying his body?

They entered the kitchen and Michelle flipped the lights on before going over to the windows facing the front drive and pulling down the blinds.

Wyatt frowned at her, his arms crossed while he watched her. She turned on her heel and placed her hands on her hips. “What’s wrong?”

He nodded in the direction of the windows. “You didn’t have to shut them.”

She breezed past him, moving along the granite counters as she searched something edible. “No, I didn’t, but I want you to be comfortable. Plus those windows can be seen from Yuki and James’ house and I don’t need them watching us like we’re in a fishbowl.” She dug through the stainless steel fridge, lifting lids and sniffing the contents inside. “What are you in the mood for?”

His warmth caressed her back before she was even aware that he’d moved. “Why don’t you go sit down and let me do this.”

She shot a glance at him over her shoulder. “I can reheat food.”

“I know you can, but I’d like to take care of you.” His lips ghosted over the side of her neck, sending a pleasant shiver through her. “You have no idea how much.”

Her body went liquid and she moved out of the fridge, bumping him back with her butt so he’d give her room to maneuver. “Oh, I have an idea.” She smiled at him and brushed her hands over his chest, enjoying the soft scrape of his chest hair. “That’s one of the things not unique to BDSM, the need to care for those we lo-cherish.”

He cupped her face with his big hands, making her aware of how much physically smaller she was than him. “May I kiss you, Domina?”

“You may.”

With the utmost gentleness he brushed his lips over her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her mouth. They unhurriedly explored each other, and when she sucked on his tongue he groaned low in his throat. “This seems so surreal,” he whispered against her lips. “Like any moment I’ll wake up and find out this was all a dream.”

Unable to help herself, she pinched his ass, making sure to squeeze on the area that she’d spanked. He startled and rubbed his butt, glowering at her. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I can.” She grinned at him and gave his nipple ring a playful tug. “I meant it when I said that your body is mine to play with.”

“Don’t I get a say in the matter?” He rubbed his ass again and gave her rear end a speculative look. “Can I play with your body?”

“Not unless I give you permission.”

“That’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not.” She swayed across the cool tiles to stand before him, conscious of how he watched her every move. “But that’s part of what turns me on.”

He stared at her for a moment before bursting out laughing. “Fuck me. If I’d known it would be this good to be your sub I’d have signed up the second I saw you.”

Pleased more than she should be, she leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Slave boy, fetch me some food.”

“Can’t you call me something a little more masculine? I am more than a few years older than you.”

“And I love every ounce of skill that comes with your experience.” She walked over to the kitchen table, choosing a seat facing the cooking area so she could watch him. “How about…let’s see…masculine manly man slave boy?”

He snorted and pulled some dishes out of the fridge. “How about no?”

“You’re no fun.”

“Oh, I’m lots of fun.” He gave her a leering smile while putting the dish into the microwave. “I think this is stew, is that okay with you?”

“Sounds great. Check the basket on top of the fridge. Yuki usually keeps rolls up there.”

They settled into a comfortable silence, occasionally broken when he asked her where things were. As they ate neither said much, more interested in filling their stomachs. She didn’t know if it was all the energy she’d expended dealing with him, or the good time he’d shown her earlier, but she was starving. When the beast in her belly was finally content she leaned back with a sigh, scooping up some stew onto her biscuit.

He glanced at her and grinned. “You look as happy as a milk-fed kitten.”

“Feel that way too.” She stretched her legs out, putting her feet on the sturdy maple chair next to him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

He hesitated, looking into his bowl. “Promise you won’t get offended?”

“No, but I’ll keep an open mind.”

Shaking his head, he toyed with his spoon. “Why did you join the Navy? I mean you obviously didn’t need the money, so why sign up?”

Oh, that question was loaded with places in her psyche that still cut at her soul like jagged glass. She looked over his shoulder, tracing the pattern in the painted Mexican tile border between the ceiling and the walls. “It’s kind of a long answer.”

“Take all the time you need.”

She frowned at him. “Pushy, aren’t you?”

“I told you, Doc, you fascinate me. So indulge my obsession and help me understand you.”

A smile tried to break free, but she held it back. “Do you really think any man will truly understand any woman?”

“Not if they won’t tell us about themselves.”

“Touché.” She toyed with her biscuit, breaking off small pieces onto the colorful woven placemat. “I’m going to assume that you know some of this, but I’ll tell you the whole story. Or as much of it as I can tell.”

The smile dropped off his face and he reached out and stroked her calf. “Hey, if you don’t want to you don’t have to. I didn’t realize it was a painful subject for you.”

“No, I’m okay.” She gave him a bright, shiny smile as false as fool’s gold. “So, I was born to the esteemed Senator Sapphire and his wife, the lovely actress Hilda Sapphire, known for her beautiful blue eyes and ability to portray a quiet strength in all of her characters.”

He grunted. “I never made the connection until now, but wow…you look a lot like your Mom.”

“Have you seen her movies?”

“Yeah, well the western ones. Me and my sister were obsessed with westerns when we were growing up. Joy, my sister, wanted to be a cowgirl in the worst way.”

His distant, fond smile helped her relax a bit. “And is she out there right now roping up calves?”

“Hardly. Well she does herd, but only her four boys.”

“Four boys?”

“Yep, from the youngest who is five to the oldest who is thirteen.”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph how has she maintained her sanity?”

Giving her a stern look he shook his head. “No, we’re not talking about me. We can talk about me later, but I want to hear your story first.”

Irritated that she’d been caught unconsciously trying to steer the conversation away from what would be a painful tale she glared at him. “Fine. Get me a glass of white wine.” He raised his eyebrows at her snippy tone and she sighed. “Please. The one towards the back on the first shelf.”

His look of understanding unnerved her, as if he knew it would be easier for her to talk if he gave her space. Mustering her courage, she continued her story and tried to pretend it wasn’t her life that she was talking about. “After two boys their long awaited girl finally arrived. She was loved, cherished and spoiled by her family. Born into wealth and privilege, she was given the best of everything. Don’t worry, she had her two older brothers to torment her and keep her humble.”

Wyatt’s laugher became muffled as he leaned down into the fridge and pulled out the bottle of wine.

“Glasses are in the cabinet over the sink.” She drummed her fingers on the table, trying to think of how to best put the next part. “I was raised from birth to believe that the only true way to be close to God is to do his work here on earth.”