Stereo (35 page)

“But you wrote it.”

Shaun’s was dumbstruck.

Adam shook the laptop that he was still clutching. “You sat down and you wrote it.  Right?”

“Yes.”

“From the fucking moment we met…” Adam turned away from her, running his hand through his hair, then turned back.  “You were about two seconds from letting me fuck you tonight.”

Shaun’s face tightened as a pain so poignant swept across her bones it almost paralyzed her.  “I wanted you…”

“When were you planning on telling me?  Before? After?  A week from now?   
Ever?
Jesus…”   He turned away from her, again, planning to listen to every bone in his body and walk away.  Forget she ever existed.  That they ever existed. “Fucking Christ.”

“It took me forever to come to my senses but somewhere deep down I always knew I wasn’t going to submit it, Adam.  Every day that I spent with you that became clearer and clearer.”

He turned back to her. “But you managed to finish it didn’t you, Shaun?”

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came.

Adam’s voice rose.  “You managed to type the entire thing and
god damn
if it's not well written.  Congratulations, you’ve certainly found your calling.”

As he spoke he couldn’t shake the images of Shaun from his mind.  Tripping in every high heel she’d ever dared to put on, looking like a lost puppy whenever someone commented on her beauty, and succeeding at being the worst model that had quite possibly ever graced the planet.

“What was real?” he asked again, as images of her shot through his mind—her laugh, the smell of her hair, the sight of her eyes fluttered closed, head tilted and lips parted as her tongue tasted his.  He jammed his own eyes shut, willing the thoughts away.  “Wow,” he whispered. “Wow.”

“Adam, it was all real…”

He slammed the laptop shut. “You know what?  Don’t even answer.  After a month of faking it with me the lies must be running pretty dry at this point, and to be honest I’m going to fucking lose it if you tell me one more so… You’re out of jail, you’re welcome, have a great fucking life.”

“Adam please.” Shaun tried to take a deep breath, but her body was shaking so wildly that the simple feat seemed impossible.  “If you would just let me explain.  I can explain everything.”

“There’s nothing to explain.  You lied to me.  Every second we’ve had together… how can I trust anything you say? You’ve conned me right from the start.  I’d have to be an idiot to ever believe another word that comes out of your mouth.”

“I didn’t have a choice.  My editor was threatening my job—“

“I don’t want to hear it.” He held up a hand.  It shook in the cold air.  “I don’t want to fucking hear it, Shaun.  It means nothing.”  His eyes finally met hers and the moisture in them nearly boiled over.  “I guess this is my payback, huh?  This is how I pay… For all the fucked up shit I said.  Is that how you justified this?” he asked, lifting the laptop high.  “Is that how you fucking slept at night, Shaun?”

“It was at first, yeah… but it’s different now.  And even though I wrote that article every second we spent together was real for me.  I never lied to you about who I am deep down.  Never.   I really, really cared about you.  I still care.  I care about you so much.”

She gasped when Adam hurled the laptop out of his hand, not even looking as it crashed onto the pavement.  He zeroed in on her.

“I loved you,” he screamed, his skin bright red as they came nose to nose.

Shaun was struck speechless at his words and the pure anguish in his eyes.  She didn’t miss the way he’d used the past tense when saying those beautiful words and, as her heart split in two, she realized that she felt the same way.  She wanted to tell him but knew the words would mean nothing now.  They would be no better than poison to him the moment they left her lips.  It was too late.

Adam’s breathing remained labored, but had relaxed considerably.  It was as if the admission had somehow freed him. Calmed him.  “I never want to see you again.”

Shaun watched him climb back onto his motorcycle, unable to move.

As he tore out of the parking lot, tires screaming the entire time, she couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever hated herself more.

--

A week later Shaun had finally managed to unpeel herself from her bed, take a hot shower and leave her apartment.  It was a beautiful day in Los Angeles and as she walked along the busy streets of Downtown L.A. that Monday morning, she couldn’t stop the hot tears from falling down her face. She swiped them away absently.  In the seven days since she’d last seen Adam she’d grown used to the tears and was sure she’d made a few permanent wrinkles for herself with how violent she’d become at swiping them away.

Her phone vibrated in her back pocket but she didn’t bother to answer.  She knew it would be either Celia or her parents, the three people in the world she wanted to speak to the least. She hadn’t seen or heard from Adam since that night in the parking lot, and as the realization that she probably never would again hit her, it made her feel like she was being slowly torn in two.

She had to take responsibility for how enormously she’d hurt Adam, a man who wasn’t perfect, who’d had one foolish slip of the tongue.  An interview he’d given before he’d even known her was the only thing Adam had ever done to hurt Shaun, and he’d done nothing but express his regret over it ever since.  The list of things Shaun had done to hurt Adam, however, could have probably filled a scroll, and she’d done it all knowingly.  Intentionally.  She wasn’t sure how she would ever forgive herself.  Sure, she’d been much more naïve and innocent when this entire debacle had begun… but she hadn’t been stupid.  She’d been a grown woman who made a choice.  She’d chosen to listen to Celia, to lie to Adam, and now she would have to pay the price.

It was a lesson learned, a huge lesson that Shaun couldn’t imagine ever forgiving herself for.  She realized now that she had been a fool for listening to her equally foolish friend because, yes, Celia had many suitors, but none who had ever loved her.

None who had ever loved her the way that Adam loved Shaun.

Shaun swept away more tears.  She would give anything up for a chance to go back and change everything with Adam.  To do it all differently.

She missed him so much.  Fresh tears sprung to her swollen eyes, a sensation that had become very familiar to her after a week of crying in bed.  She willed them away as she approached the shining glass doors of Cosmopolitan Headquarters, took a heaving breath, and stepped inside.

--

Jackson and Shaun had been in the midst of a staring contest since the moment she sat down across the desk from him in his office.

After several minutes, Shaun spoke first.  “Thank you for not pressing charges against me.”

Jackson leaned back in his chair and cleared his throat.  “I read your article.  It was wonderful.  Poignant.  I felt like I was right there with you through the whole thing, and the last thing I would do is send you to jail after giving me such a beautiful piece of writing.  It must have been hell to live through it.”  He chuckled.

Shaun didn’t smile.

Eventually, Jackson’s smile fell as well.  “Look, I called you in here because I’m going to sign off on the credits you need to successfully complete your internship, but you are no longer an employee at this magazine.  I need to be able to trust my employees and clearly I can’t do that with you.”  Jackson leaned forward on his desk, clasped his hands and let his eyes roam over her.  “You look like
death.”

Shaun took a deep, heaving breath and closed her eyes, which were still swollen from all of the hysterical crying she’d done all week. “So now that you have my completed article—which has been published in my name—you’re throwing me out? I did everything you asked of me, Jackson.  I wrote the damn article, I hurt someone very deeply by doing it and I put my entire life in shambles. All for you… All for this godforsaken magazine.”

“You broke into my office.”

“Momentary lapse of good sense.”

“You’ve treated this opportunity like a complete joke.  You honestly expect me to offer you a job now? You’re lucky you’re not in jail!”  Jackson laughed heartily.  “My magazine isn’t a joke. You’ll be lucky to ever work in this town again.”

“What the
hell
are you talking about?”  She was honestly confused.  Was she so heartbroken by Adam that she’d lost all ability to carry on a normal human conversation?

“You honestly don’t know?”

She stalled before crying out, “No!”

Jackson leaned back in his chair with gritted teeth.  He reached into his desk and pulled out the latest issue of the magazine and, without a word, flipped to her article. Still shaking his head and chuckling madly, he slammed the issue down in the middle of his desk for Shaun to see.

Shaun felt like she could throw up when she saw the official spread of her very first published article. She hadn’t had the stomach to look at it until that very moment.  There it was.

‘How to Land a Rock Star in Thirty Days’

Jackson jammed his chubby finger against the byline of the article, looking downright homicidal.

Shaun took in his face, wondering what the hell he was so angry about.  He’d gotten his article, it had been published and was already being talked about by everyone.  The issue was their best selling in almost five years.  So why the hell was he so angry?  She squinted at him in confusion. 

When he continued to tap his finger angrily into the byline of her article her eyes fell down to the title and, just below it, where her name would surely sit—sealing her ultimate betrayal in print forever.

Her eyes widened at the sight.

Written by: Mickey Mouse

--

Across the breakfast table Katie looked up at Adam from under her eyelids where she’d been pretending to text on her phone, chewing absently on her bagel and cream cheese.  She’d been secretly watching him for the better part of the morning and, for the most part, Adam hadn’t seemed in any hurry to acknowledge her existence the entire time she’d been sitting there.  Her eyes fell to the magazine he’d been reading—he’d never been a magazine person—then back up to him.   The sun shone so brightly through the window of the breakfast nook that she was unable to make out the blurred title of whatever article had him so riveted.  The curiosity was becoming too much.

“Hey brother? Not to be rude or anything… but you’ve been reading the same article for the last, like, hour.  Has all the sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll finally rotted your brain completely?  Do you need me to, like, read it to you?”

Adam could vaguely hear the sound of Katie’s voice droning on and on in the distance, but he couldn’t bring himself to listen past his wild mind.  For a week he’d been preparing himself for the backlash, the questions, and the embarrassment that would surely come along with him falling in love with a woman who had been using him from day one.  He’d been dreading it every second since the moment he’d found out that Shaun didn’t care about him, at all. That she’d been writing an article on him.  When he’d finally summoned the courage to open the magazine to her article and saw that ‘Mickey Mouse’ had written a riveting piece about an unnamed rock star he’d been struck speechless.   As his sister had so kindly pointed out, he’d been unable to look up from the pages since.

“Mickey fucking Mouse,” he whispered, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Wow.”

Katie’s stared wide eyed, truly becoming concerned for her brother’s mental health.  With a shake of her head she took the bagel and orange juice she’d prepared for herself and slowly backed away. 

“I’ll be in my room when you’re ready to join the rest of us here on planet Earth.”  She turned the corner of the kitchen with a laugh.  “Freak,” she mumbled softly.

Once she left the kitchen Adam finally slammed the magazine shut and covered his face with his hands.  The cell phone in his pocket felt like a boulder weighing him down to his chair and he ached to snatch it out and call her.  He needed to hash it out some more.  The scene they’d had at police station was no longer doing enough to satiate him.  She’d tried to explain herself, but at the time it was the last thing he’d wanted to hear. 

As he flashed back on her tear stained face begging him for a moment, begging him to listen, he could remember how destroyed he’d felt.  The sensation of having his heart ripped clear out had never been as poignant as it had been with Shaun that night and, at the time, he really
hadn’t
wanted to hear a word she’d had to say.  He really
hadn’t
wanted to see her again for as long as he lived.  Even Veronica, who’d slept with his
father,
hadn’t shredded Adam anywhere near this brutally.  What Veronica had done seemed miniscule in comparison to the destruction Shaun had left in her wake.

It had been a week now and with every day that passed he felt like he needed to hear her voice more and more.  He needed to look at her.  To speak to her.  To really hash it out and understand why she’d done what she’d done.