Stay (21 page)

This most recent warning was even more personal and frightening. I had broken the rules and my
secret fear was fading away before I could see Cain one last time. I never believed in a happy ending for myself, not since Seid cursed me. But knowing Cain had taught me to hope as I hadn’t allowed myself in two thousand years. The idea of losing this awareness, of feeling human again, scared me.

I was so overcome that I didn’t hear his approach and flinched at the sound of his voice.

“Hey, you okay? Look like you could use a drink,” Jude said at the foot of the stairs, his silhouette covering me.

I stared numbly up at him, not quite hearing his words, until he reached his hand out to me and smiled.

“Come on. I don’t bite, much.”

Two glassfuls of amber liquid later left us in the same place we had started. My miniature glasses remained untouched before me, yet Jude continued to pour. I could see that he was hoping the liquor might convince me to work for him. But what Cain had pointed out and I agreed with was the fact I never actually agreed to dance for him.

Jude changed tactics. “So how long have you known my cousin? It can’t have been too long, even if he managed to hide you in that rats
’ nest of his.”

I frowned at his
unpleasant choice of words. Rats still remained a scourge to this day. And I had begun to think of Cain’s little apartment as my home. “It feels like forever,” I said wryly.

He swirled
the drink in his glass between his covert glances at me. “I think I believe you. But I’d feel a lot better if I knew you were a citizen before hiring you. That accent of yours is something else. What part of the world are you from, honey?”

I was curious as to why he would compare me to food, but answered truthfully. “It has been ages since I have seen my home.”

“Okay, guess that answers that question…” He laughed. “You do realize this is a kind of informal interview, don’t you?”

“Cain does not wish for
me to perform for you.”

Jude chuckled
and I saw in his eyes the confidence of a man used to getting his way. I still hadn’t decided if this made him more or less appealing. “Oh, it wouldn’t just be me you’d dance for, though I would
more
than enjoy it. I guess I’ve been going about this the wrong way. English is obviously your second language. So tell me, honey. What’s it gonna take to get you back on that stage tomorrow night?”

“
Not until I see Cain play again,” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. While outwardly I tried to maintain a stoic calm, inside my heart was racing. Cain might not accept this proposition and then I would have put him in a difficult position. Jude was still his employer and might not appreciate me giving ultimatums. And Cain did not play anymore. He said so.

But he promised his
aunt. So maybe this could help to steal back some of his grief.

Jude stared at me while I thought through all of this and then laughed. “Cain? Are you seriously telling me he wants to play again, after ten years? Mr. Happy wants to moonlight as a musician.”

“I think you should let him play his instrument,” I stated, angered by his doubt. The answer seemed so obvious I wondered that he hadn’t seen it. Cain loved music. This was why he chose to work here.

And maybe it’s the key to fulfilling your mission.

I was still unused to acting spontaneously on my own, used to sensing the rightness of things. But I knew once the words left my mouth Cain needed to start playing, as much as Lissa needed to leave Derek.

Jude fought a grin before saying, “Oh you do, huh? You’ve figured him out already, after spending
a week holed up in that flat of his?”

I frowned, not appreciating his tone, yet not fully comprehending his meaning. “I am not well versed in this way of speech. You people always say things you do not mean. But I speak the truth.”

Jude observed me from over the rim of his glass before leaning forward on the bar and saying, “I like you, blondie. Tell you what, you manage to convince my little cousin to get on that stage and I’ll make sure he has a spot tomorrow night. We got a deal?”

Perhaps this will be enough?

I knew I was fooling myself in thinking I could just let him go once this was over. But what else could I do but try? So I accepted Jude’s proffered hand and returned his smile. “The deal is struck.”

“Yo, boss!” A thin, chocolate
-skinned girl tossed up a hand as she walked past us and slowed once her eyes fell on me. I too froze as I began to recognize the girl who had guarded the cloaks that first night.

Jude grumbled something under his breath while tossing down the last of his drink. “Chloe, how many times have I told you not to be late? What do you think I’m paying you for?”

The girl sniffed and smoothed her thick black hair. “You and me both know I’ve got the best assets of any of your girls,” she said with a wink. Looking to me she waved and smirked. “Good luck, new girl. Great moves, by the way.” Before Jude could interrupt she darted off to the dressing rooms.

Jude shook his head and poured himself another glass.

“You drink too much,” I said after observing him.

He paused, eyes widening a fraction of a hair. “Now I’m starting to see why my little cousin keeps you around. You’re a co
medienne and an exotic dancer, best of both worlds, honey.”

Lissa
appeared behind Jude, from the apartment stair and hung onto his shoulder. “Pop’s been asking for you.” She flinched when her eyes drifted and met mine.

Jude’s relaxed demeanor shifted and his hand on Lissa’s back was gentle, affectionate even. “Keep an eye on things down here for me, will you, babe?”

While I watched them look at each other, I slipped off the stool and donned my cloak once more. They didn’t even notice I was gone, now they were too busy whispering to each other. I smiled as I watched their erratic and electric red connection fizz and dart between them. Humans had difficulty seeing what was before their own eyes.

As I melded into the background, I wished things could be so simple for all of us. How easy it would be to remain human forever, for the curse to break and all of us find our individual happiness. After what happened to
day, I wasn’t so sure I should hope for the impossible anymore.

-anonymous

Chapter 19

B
roken Ones

Cain did not work at the club that night. Instead he made us dinner and turned on his stereo before we ate his attempt at a Korean dish. We danced to the music, a tangle of hands and caresses. After he left to check on Mrs. Nguyen and bring her the leftovers of our meal, I allowed myself to think. Exchanging the simplicity of feeling for thought was not a pleasant experience, especially when my thoughts tended to remind me of the truth I’d rather ignore.

My advice to Lissa was still ringing in my ears. Only now did I realize it applied to my situation as well as she and Cain. I glanced at the stereo and thought of the pictures of his sister Amy, of the older man who lived with Jude and Lissa. I wondered what else I didn’t know about Cain’s past.

I stretched out my hands to catch the tiny clusters of ice falling from the smoky purple sky. The window had not been difficult to open, though I might have accidentally cracked some of the glass in my efforts. I smiled as snow collected in my palm. If I changed my body temperature and allowed it to merge with the gentle white storm, the ice would not melt on contact. It was beautiful. And I decided I liked the snow best of all.

I sensed the moment Cain
returned from Mrs. Nguyen’s apartment. I listened as he dug through his closet’s contents, unlocked the metal clasps and quietly began strumming his instrument. I shivered to think of those fingers trailing the skin over my neck. His fingers were rough from his work on “the site” as he called it, yet surprisingly gentle. Like now, as he effortlessly plucked music from the strings of an instrument he claimed not to have touched in years.

Sticking out my tongue, I tested the taste of the snowflakes and grimaced. It was
not sweet as I had expected and rather tainted from the toxins floating above the city. Yet when I clenched my hand into a fist, I wondered if I could fix it.

Closing my eyes, I looked past the darkness
inside of me until I could see that soft pulsing light. When I touched it, thrills laced up and down my spine. I opened my eyes to stare at the glowing chunk of ice in my open palm, as the colors in my skin reflected through its crystalized surface. I released the trapped snow and watched it disperse into a cloud of tiny flakes again with a sigh.

If only Seid’s curse had been a gift. Looking up at the clouds, I wondered if I could purify more than snow. Pulling away from the window, I reached up to push the glass pane closed.

Warmth instantly stole back my senses when I sat at Cain’s side. He smiled at me with a light I had not seen in him before and set his instrument aside. Without a word, he sensed the love pushing against the confines of my heart. I went into his arms then because to not do so would have made the curse burst from its confines. And at this point, I was not sure what the full brunt of Seid’s power would do to us.

Sometime after, as we watched the snow fall from the magical bed, I had the courage to ask him, “Will you play your instrument at the club?”

He tensed behind me, frozen in fury or fear, I did not know. But I was willing to press further. I had my reasons for wanting him to play.

“I—what do you mean?” He choked on his words, ending with a muffled laugh against my shoulder. “Rona, I haven’t played in public,
in at least ten years, not since I left for basic.” His voice drifted into a silence I wanted to crack. I wanted him to tell me everything Lissa had hinted at, about his mother and father and Amy.

“Would you change anything about your life, if you could?”

Cain sighed, pressing the bridge of his nose to my skin, so his breath flushed down my back. “If you’d have asked me that question a few days ago, then
yes
.”

My smile surprised me as much as the joy his words gave me. Afraid he might notice, I turned my chin to the cushion and said, “You cannot tell me you do not regret the choices you made.” My existence painted a very harsh and clear definition of regret. I knew too well the consequences of misbegotten decisions. Willing him to understand, I continued, “Didn’t you ever look at your life and wish you had grasped at your chances when they were before you?”

His answer was cold as his rigid embrace. “Living here doesn’t bother me, if that’s what you’re saying. I don’t need the finer things in life to know what counts. Are you saying you do?”

His fear thickened the air around us so thickly I could taste its sickly green aura. I turned around, into his arms, because
I knew he was comparing me to her.

“Cain,” I began, reaching out a hand to graze the scar against his neck. He flinched and I felt his pain like a physical blow to my chest. Thawed as my icy heart was by his presence, I still hadn’t gotten used to how much it made me feel. But feeling his pain as my own was new to me. Seid had never allowed me to see his bare
-faced insecurities. Cain had been broken by Lissa’s dependency on things he was incapable of giving her.

When I called his name again his blue eyes lifted hesitantly to mine, as if he were afraid of what he might find. I watched the tension in him fade as I cupped his face with my hands and
reminded him. “I am ageless. I have no need to eat or drink, unless I want to. And being solid all of the time has been the most difficult part of my time with you.”

Slowly, he lifted his hands until they covered mine an
d without looking at me, replied, “Rona, I know what you’re trying to do.”

“You do?” I exclaimed and failed in my attempt to pull away from him. His sad smile stilled me.

“Well, you
did
tell me you were trying to hook me up with Lissa. But if you think getting me to play at the club again is going to miraculously wipe the past away, you’re wrong. I can’t pretend like I never met you. I know you think me and Lissa have some kind of epic love, but maybe the truth’s more complicated than that.”

“Cain,” I said.
His eyes flickered to mine and my stomach clenched to see the dark shadows trapped within them. My hair was dragged into his fingers as he sought to draw me nearer. His words fell over my face with a warm breath.

“You ever been in love before, Rona?”

“Yes,” I said, staring at him in wonder.

“And how long was it before you knew?”

I stilled beneath his touch and remembered those horrid years immediately following Seid’s curse. He had never failed to torment me, often showing up to ruin my plans or taunt me. I fought vainly to hide my ire every time he interfered in the missions
he
gave to me. But I craved to see him as much as I hated him and hated myself all the more for wanting him still. I could not say when or why he stopped interrupting. Perhaps he finally understood after the mission when I influenced his own waters to swirl into a vortex and swallow him whole, instead of the couple I was protecting. Eventually, he ceased appearing altogether and I forgot how to live outside my memories and my mission.