Status Update (#gaymers) (20 page)

“I needed to hear it. I needed to make the changes. I needed to stop punishing myself for being gay.” He realized as he said it how true that was. He’d spent years unconsciously beating himself up over it. It had taken Adrian charging into his life to make him see the prison walls he’d built around himself.

“I love you,” Adrian said. “I love you for deciding to love yourself. Life’s too short to hate yourself.”

“I get that now. But I have no clue what comes next.” He felt lightheaded thinking about the future. He’d driven here, powered on by the smoke from his smoldering life, unwilling to think about anything more than getting to Adrian.

“How about you don’t have to think about that yet?” Adrian kissed him again, his lips a soft, steady pressure linking Noah to the present. “You’re here. It’s New Year’s Eve. Come home with me. We can go eat korma at Meena’s if you feel up to a group thing. Then I have big plans for midnight.”

“Big plans, huh? I’ve never had someone to kiss at midnight.”

“Tonight you do.” Adrian kissed him fiercely. “And if I have my way it’ll be a very naked kiss.”

“I like the sound of that.” Noah tried to shove all his worries about the future aside. For the first time ever, he had a New Year’s date and he was going to enjoy that. He could freak out tomorrow.

Chapter Twenty

“You sure it’s okay that we’re bringing the dogs?” Noah asked as they walked up to the swank apartment complex. He wasn’t sure if his shaggy black dog fit with Noah’s hipster life. Okay, really, he wasn’t sure if he fit with Adrian’s Santa Monica life.

“Meena and Dale love Pixel. They’ve got two Pomeranians Pixel adores. It’s a tiny back patio, but the dogs will still have fun.”

Ha.
That remained to be seen. Fluffy floor mops looking to play chase were exactly the sort of dogs Ulysses liked to grumble at.

The door to a townhouse on the end of a row of apartments stood open, the sounds of indie pop streaming out into the evening air along with the heavenly scents of cinnamon and ginger and meat. Noah wasn’t about to confess to Adrian that he’d actually never had Indian food—ethnic restaurants were not exactly staples in Landview, and his own cooking reflected his family’s very pedestrian tastes.

Luckily it wasn’t a huge crowd—maybe six or seven couples spread out over an open-floor plan living area and small patio, but Noah still felt his breath speed up as Adrian greeted a red-haired man with a British accent.

“Meena’s in the kitchen,” he said, clapping Adrian on the back. “I’ve got beers in the cooler, and she’s got a couple of bottles of wine open on the counter. Help yourself.”

Two white dogs came running up, yapping until Adrian set Pixel’s neon plaid carrying bag down. Ulysses gave each of them a sniff, his expression somewhere between skeptical and “Snack time! Thank you for the two fuzzy treats!”

“We don’t eat our new friends,” Noah hissed at him, making no move to unleash him.

Adrian grabbed a beer from a cooler, offered one to Noah, but he shook his head.

“Meena drinks tea. I can ask—”

“I’m fine.” No way did Noah want to add another burden on the hostess—she was bustling around her kitchen and had what seemed to be a half dozen dishes in progress.

He dug in the cooler himself, coming up with a can of some sort of herb-sweetened soda. Adrian steered Noah to a weird round piece of furniture that was bigger than a chair but smaller than most love seats. Ulysses promptly curled up underneath, wedging his big body into the small space so that only his tail showed.

“Not a people person, eh?” Josiah said from his seat on the sectional couch.

“What? No, I’m fine.” Noah fumbled his soda, making some drip onto his pants.

“I mean the dog.” Josiah laughed, then returned to chatting up a handsome Indian man with high cheekbones and a poof of black hair that rivaled Adrian’s for ridiculous hipster style status.

Cheeks flaming, Noah perched on the edge of the not-a-chair, but Adrian hauled him back against him, wrapping an arm around him. Noah startled, but no one around them seemed to notice—or care—that Adrian was publicly cuddling him. Noah shut his eyes, blocked out his nervous thoughts and inhaled the familiar scent of Adrian, absorbed the feel of his warm chest against Noah’s back.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

“Me too. I’m making up for a lot of dateless evenings right now.”

“Is this a test?” Noah voiced the question that had been bugging him since Adrian first proposed the party.

“What? Like you have to get along with my friends and like curry to come back with me?” Adrian laughed. “No. You’re coming home with me regardless of whether you hide away like Ulysses there, but...”

“But?” Noah’s muscles tightened back up.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this week about why I always want a boyfriend for social things like this or my sister’s wedding, yet I always end up with out-of-town boyfriends.”

“What did you decide?” If there was a more awkward place for this hushed conversation, Noah wasn’t sure where. He was crammed into a weird-shaped chair, legs jutting straight out in front of him, conversations happening all around them, dog snorting softly like he wouldn’t mind going bowling for Pomeranians later, all while Noah tried to keep a neutral face and not look like Adrian could destroy him with a single word.

“I’m still working through stuff.” Adrian took a big breath, and Noah found himself holding his own. “But I did decide that I’m not going to be afraid to ask for what I want in a relationship, whether it’s a date to Meena’s or attendance at family gatherings or living in the same time zone.”

“Ah.” Some of Adrian’s antsiness made sense now. “You told me to not worry about stuff tonight, but the distance thing is a deal breaker for you?”

“Something like that.” Adrian sighed. “But when I’m holding you like this, I feel stupid even obsessing over it. I’ve got everything I ever wanted right here.”

“I want you to have the sort of relationship you want.” He leaned back so he could see Adrian’s face. “You deserve it. And it’s what I want too. A real relationship. No more pretend holiday boyfriends. You’re the real deal for me, Adrian.”

He stretched, brushing his lips across Adrian’s. A kiss. In public. And he didn’t die on the spot of a panic attack.

* * *

Adrian unlocked his apartment, pleasantly buzzed on Dogfish Head ale and high on waiting hours to be alone with Noah. He and Meena both lived close to work, and they’d walked home from Meena’s to get Ulysses some exercise. Poor Ulysses had looked even more eager to leave the party than Noah.

“We’re cutting it close to midnight,” he said as he flipped on the lights.

“Not my fault.” Noah laughed, tone light and teasing, not impatient. “You’re the one who dragged me into that game.”

“Yeah, but who would have predicted you’d be so good at Cards Against Humanity?” Adrian nuzzled into him. They’d stayed long after the food was eaten, playing the game and talking. Joz had left for the clubs after striking out with Meena’s friend. “You had an okay time, right?”

“Yes. I like your friends.” Noah surprised him with a soft kiss. The kiss earlier at Meena’s had totally blown Adrian away. Watching Noah expand his comfort zone made his chest lift like a hot air balloon, powered by a burner spreading good feelings throughout his body. Noah had it all wrong if he though Adrian was the brave one—Noah had tackled so many challenges in the week they’d been apart that Adrian’s brain spun.

“Have I told you yet how happy I am that you came?” Adrian had been such a mess of emotions, he wasn’t sure if he’d managed to convey adequately the joy that had surged through him when he’d seen Noah standing there in the reception area.

“Mmm. How about you show me?” Noah leaned into Adrian. He hadn’t drunk, but he was acting all nice and loose and relaxed and Adrian loved it. Loved him.

“You have no idea how often I’ve fantasized about showing you my bedroom.” He grabbed Noah’s hand, pulled him down the short hall to his bedroom.

“I’ve seen it, remember?” Noah laughed. “You gave me the full tour. More than once.”

“Chat sex doesn’t count. You weren’t here for me to do this.” He pushed Noah backward onto the bed. He landed on Adrian’s fluffy striped comforter with a plop and a big grin.

Thinking they were playing a new game, both dogs came rushing in, jumped up next to Noah.

“Out. Out, out, out.” Adrian pointed to the door and shooed the dogs through it, then shut it.

“It’s weird how well they get along,” Noah said, stretching out on the bed. His blue button-down shirt rode up, exposing a stretch of fuzzy belly. “You saw Ulysses with the other dogs tonight. He’s not usually one for companionship.”

“Maybe he just needed to find the right guy.” Adrian kissed Noah’s stomach before lying down face-to-face with him.

“Maybe.” Noah pulled him in for a kiss. The kiss was slow and sweet and everything Adrian had been missing. He’d missed the way Noah kissed—totally present in the moment and hungry for more. Like he’d been starving for Adrian’s lips, yet with an underlying tenderness that completely undid Adrian. Like he was content to let Adrian lead—never demanding more than Adrian was willing to give. And Adrian wanted to give him
everything
.

“I love you,” he said, looking down at Noah.

“I love you too,” Noah said, eyes warm. “I might love you even more naked.”

“Look at you, Mr. Impatient.” Adrian laughed as he tugged off his clothes and Noah did the same. He liked this more sexually free side of Noah. Pushing Noah back down, he straddled his hips and claimed his lips again.

He luxuriated in the rub of Noah’s dick against his own for a few thrusts before breaking the kiss. “I want to ride you.”

“Oh.” Noah’s eyes went wide. “
Oh.
You mean...But I thought you didn’t like to...receive?”

“You’re cute.” Adrian gave him a quick kiss. “And as much as I like fucking you, I want to feel you in me too.” He scrambled in his nightstand for supplies, checking the expiration date on his condoms.

“We don’t need those.” Noah plucked them from his hand and set them back in the drawer.

“You sure? I don’t mind waiting—”

“We’ve both waited enough, don’t you think? I want to be with you, Adrian. I want a chance to prove that I’m the one for you.”

“You are. And you don’t have to give up condoms to prove a point.” He remembered Noah’s reluctance on the phone.

“I’m not. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. But I know I want to wake up with you tomorrow and all the tomorrows after that. And ever since you mentioned ditching the condoms, the idea...aroused me.” A pink flush spread up his neck to disappear in his beard. His voice dropped to a low whisper. “We can try it...the other way around later, right?”

“Absolutely.” God, the image of Noah getting off thinking about Adrian coming inside him was almost enough to make Adrian come on the spot. He loved Noah’s combination of reticence and curiosity. His too-formal language hid a major sexy beast waiting to be let out to play. And Adrian was just the guy to uncage it.

He worked a hand between them, jacking their cocks together while they made out some more. Other lovers had always pushed to take over as soon as Adrian hinted he was willing to get fucked, but not Noah. He kissed like he’d be perfectly content to keep lip-locked into the new year.

And that freed Adrian to do more of what he liked. Squirting some lube on his palm, he slicked up their cocks.

Noah stroked Adrian’s hip, hand skating around to drift down his ass. “Do you need...”

“Actually, I don’t really like fingers inside. I like starting very slowly. Working it in little by little. You up for that?” With other guys, Adrian would have felt he needed to do things a certain way, but with Noah he felt comfortable admitting his true preferences. Adrian’s whole life people had gotten on him for being too picky—picky eater, picky about his clothes, picky about how he liked his sex, but Noah never made him feel bad about liking what he liked.

Noah wouldn’t call him picky. Noah asked what he needed and genuinely cared about the answer.

“Oh God yes.” Noah’s head fell back. And Noah totally got on board with his plans. Had to love that. “Might kill me, but I’m willing to take that chance.”

Adrian’s eyes burned. “You truly are everything I need, you know that?”

“I want to be.” Noah stretched up to kiss him.

Adrian reached behind them, prepped himself quickly while their tongues tangled. Breathing hard, he gripped Noah’s cock, then slowly sank down, keeping his eyes locked on Noah’s.

* * *

Noah was pretty darn good at delayed gratification. Heck, he could write a textbook on self-denial. However, Adrian was putting every last bit of his patience to the test. He rocked back and forth on Noah, a blissful pressure on the tip of his erection before Adrian retreated, only to return a moment longer, going lower with each pass.

Adrian’s eyes were squinched shut, and his breath came in low hisses. The hand gripping Noah’s cock was firm, but the one braced against his chest shook. Noah had never seen—never
imagined
—a sight this sexy. Adrian straining to let him in freed parts of Noah he’d never known he had—the part that wanted to claim Adrian, the part that wanted to praise and coddle him for his efforts, the part that wanted rejoice in triumph that Adrian was giving him this gift.

“So good,” he whispered, stroking Adrian’s hips. “You’re so perfect.”

“Funny, I was...just...thinking the same thing,” Adrian panted.

“Maybe we’re perfect together.”

“Think so.” Adrian slid down a little more, a tight clench that made Noah groan. His body screamed at him to thrust, but he held back, let Adrian drive. He’d already learned that when Adrian drove, blissful things happened. And he didn’t have to think, which was a nice bonus. All he had to do was lie back, try to not move, and
feel
.

“Oooh.” Adrian moaned low, his balls brushing Noah’s belly. “I’m gonna go faster now, okay?”

“Do it.”

“Don’t come yet,” Adrian ordered as his hips sped up. “Wait for me.”

“Always.”

Adrian built a rhythm of swift glides that had Noah moaning every bit as much as him. Gently, he tried rocking in tandem with Adrian.

“Oh God. Please. That.”

The slap of their bodies filled the room along with their collective moans. Adrian tensed. “Touch me.”

Noah gripped Adrian’s shaft, stroking him with fast, tight strokes the way he knew Adrian liked. With his free hand, he flicked Adrian’s nipple ring.

“Almost...gonna...need...” Adrian mumbled as he rode faster.

Noah’s thighs burned with the tension of holding back. “Love you.”

Adrian whimpered, taking Noah deep, holding there, hips making small circles as creamy fluid coated Noah’s hand. He stroked him through it before his own hips took over, pistoning up into Adrian, orgasm washing over him like the roar of a flash flood in a slot canyon—too much sensation for the tiny space in his brain, overloading his body with sound and light and pleasure.

Adrian collapsed on his chest, face sweaty and breath coming in ragged pants. They lay like that for a long time, Noah running his hands idly down Adrian’s back. He loved the aftermath of sex—loved knowing he’d turned Adrian from granite into putty.

Adrian craned his neck, reaching for the alarm on his nightstand. “Darn. It’s after midnight.”