Starting Over (Treading Water Trilogy) (3 page)

“You really think I can do it?”

“I have no doubt and neither did your brother. ‘Take another look at Colin,’ Aidan said. ‘He’s the best of all of us. Sarah always said so.’”

Colin’s eyes burned at the unexpected reminder of the beloved sister-in-law he’d lost to cancer ten years earlier. Aidan’s wife had died two days after giving birth to the stillborn son they named Colin, after him. “That was nice of him to say.”

“He’s right and Sarah was, too. You’re everything that’s good about the O’Malleys, and you’ve earned the respect of the men. It might take a while to bring your brothers around, but you can do it.”

“I’m honored that you have such faith in me. If it’ll give you some peace of mind, I’ll give it a shot.”

The relief showed on his father’s face. “Thank you, Col. We’ll do this right. I’ll talk to Dec and Tommy myself, and then we’ll have a meeting with all the guys so they know there’s been a changing of the guard. I think it’ll be important for them to hear it from the horse’s mouth.”

“What about Brandon?” Colin asked.

“When he gets home, we need to ease him back in slowly. In fact, I have an idea I wanted to run by you.”

“What’s that?”

“You know that apartment building I bought on Old Queen Anne Road?”

“Sure. You’re just going to flip it, right?”

“I was planning to, but I’m thinking if we put some work into the place, it might make for some nice extra income for Mum and me in our retirement.”

“You don’t need money, do you, Da?” Colin asked with concern.

“No, no, but the apartment building might be a good project for Brandon, to get him back into things without the responsibility of leading a crew. After what happened that day with the loader, it’ll be a while before the men trust him, anyway.”

“You’re probably right.”

Brandon had narrowly missed dropping a load of gravel on two of the men a week before the blowup with Aidan sent him to rehab. Colin knew the workers suspected Brandon was drunk at the time.

“I’ll talk to him if he gives you any trouble,” Dennis said.

“No, I’ll deal with him at work. If I’m going to do this, I have to do it myself. I can’t be bringing you in every five minutes to bail me out.”

Dennis smiled.

“What?”

“I knew you could do it, but now I’m sure.”

“How do you think he’s doing?”

Dennis shook his head. “Hard telling. I’m sure he’s fighting with everyone.”

“No doubt. That’s what he does best. I sure hope it works, though. I don’t know what we’ll do if it doesn’t.”

“Mum and I are going for the first visiting day next week. We’ll see then how he’s doing.”

“We did the right thing, didn’t we?”

“We did, son. We absolutely did, and we should’ve done it a long time ago. I can’t believe what he did to Clare,” Dennis said, referring to Aidan’s girlfriend.

“Did you write your letter?”

Dennis nodded. “How about you?”

“Yeah. Not the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but the truth hurts. I wonder if he’ll ever speak to any of us again after he reads them.”

“Hopefully, he’ll hear what we have to say and take the treatment seriously.”

“I hope so. Well, Mum said there’s soup downstairs, and I’m starving. Call me if you need anything?”

“I will. You, too.”

Colin grinned. “Oh, you’ll be hearing from me, don’t worry.”

“I’m counting on it. I love you, son. I’m proud of you, and I know you’re going to do a terrific job.”

Overwhelmed, Colin leaned in to kiss his father’s cheek. “Take care, Da.”

“Wow, that was good, Mum,” Colin said as he finished his soup and reached across the table for her hand. “Are you doing all right?”

Colleen shrugged. “I guess. I haven’t been sleeping too well. I just wish we knew how Brandon is coping. I picture him all alone in that place…” She looked away from him as she struggled for composure.

Colin moved to sit closer to her. “We had to do something.” He put his arm around her. “We’re lucky Aidan didn’t kill him.”

“I know.” Colleen wiped her face on her apron and leaned into her son’s embrace. “I just can’t figure out how this happened. I go over it and over it in my mind. I know he always drank, but how did it get this bad? How did it get to the point where he’d do what he did to a woman in this house and then not even remember it?”

“It’s been this bad for a long time. We just covered for him and tried to keep him out of trouble.”

“What else were we supposed to do?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have tried so hard. Maybe then he would’ve reached this point sooner, without practically attacking Clare.”

“But he could’ve done something even worse.”

“I’ve been doing some reading about it. Alcoholism is considered a disease—like diabetes or cancer. They say it’s not just a disease of the body but a relationship disease, too. What we’ve been doing by cleaning up his messes has enabled him to continue drinking without worrying about the consequences. We can’t do that anymore.”

Colleen sighed. “No, we can’t.”

“I’ve been thinking about going to an Al-Anon meeting. They help people like us who have someone in their family struggling with alcohol. Why don’t you come with me?”

“Oh, Col, I can’t imagine talking about our family’s troubles in public.”

“You don’t have to say anything, and if you do, it’s completely anonymous. No one would ever talk about what happens there. It might help us to help him, and to feel better ourselves, too.”

“I don’t know…”

Colin kissed her cheek and stood up. “Think about it. You don’t have to decide anything now. Do you mind if I go to a meeting? I feel like I need to do
something
.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I appreciate all you’ve done to help your brother. I know you’ve probably had it with him, yet you still help him.”

“He’s my brother,” Colin said with a shrug.

“You’re a good boy.”

Colin laughed. “I’m thirty-six years old, Mum.”

“And you’re still my boy,” she said with a spark of feistiness that was much more like her than the sadness.

“I’ve got to get back to work. Thanks for lunch.”

“Thank
you
for what you’re doing for your Da.”

“You know about that, huh?”

She held his coat for him. “There’s not much that goes on around here that I don’t know about. You’ll be just fine, Col.” She zipped his coat for him like she had when he was five. “Follow your heart, be fair, and do the right thing. The rest will fall into place.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

He smiled. Truer words were never spoken. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.”

“Think about coming to Al-Anon with me.”

“I’ll do that, too.”

Chapter 3, Day 8

Brandon sat across from his counselor, Dr. Sondra Walker-Smith, and waited for her to say something. This was his third session with her in as many days, and the other times she’d led him through a basic discussion of his life, his family, and his work. This time, though, she seemed to be waiting for him, and he squirmed in his seat under the heat of her scrutiny. Her office was the nicest room he’d seen yet at the austere facility.

“Brandon?” she said, her inquisitive pale blue eyes trained on him.

Dr. “Call me Sondra” Walker-Smith was a babe. The big diamond she wore on her left hand said she was someone else’s babe, but that didn’t stop Brandon from feasting his eyes on the best-looking woman he’d seen in longer than he could remember.

“What?” he asked sullenly. Even for her, he couldn’t pretend he was happy to be there.

“Nothing to say today?”

He shrugged.

“How’s group going?” she asked with a sigh.

“Bunch of cry-babies. I’ve never seen so many tears in my life. It’s pathetic.”

“Most people think crying is cathartic. Don’t you cry?”

“No.”

“Never?”

“Not that I can recall.”

“Surely there had to have been
something
in your life that’s moved you tears.”

Just one thing
,
but you’re not getting that out of me. No way.
“No.”

“Hmm.” Sondra stroked her chin and sized him up, her gaze full of wisdom, as if she had all the answers and wasn’t about to share them with him. “You’ve told me about your family, but you haven’t spoken of any other relationships. Have you ever been in love?”

Brandon hadn’t seen that one coming and kept his face neutral to hide the burst of pain that exploded inside of him. He never had learned how to brace himself for it. More than any time in the last week, he wished for a drink—something—
anything
—to dull the pain.

“Brandon?”

“No. I’ve never been in love.” His expression dared her to challenge him.

“You know, if you lie to me, you lie to yourself.”

“I’m not lying.”

“You’re thirty-eight years old, a reasonably good-looking guy, and you’re going to tell me you’ve never had feelings for a woman? Or a man?”

He laughed. “I’m not gay, so you can cross that off your list of issues to explore with me.”

She smiled. “There’s no list.”

“So I’m only reasonably good-looking? That’s somewhat disappointing.”

“He has a sense of humor. Another facet is revealed.”

“I’m very complicated,” he said with mock seriousness, enjoying the banter despite his desire to stay detached. He’d forgotten how much fun it could be to go a few rounds with a hot-looking woman.

“Part of our treatment program involves our patients’ families,” Sondra said, changing gears on him. “People come to us at different points in their addictions. Some are so weary and so tired of being ruled by their demons that they immerse themselves in the program and commit fully to their recovery. Others, for whatever reason, resist. They’re not ready to admit they’re powerless over drugs or alcohol, they don’t see their lives as unmanageable, they don’t think they need help. They see themselves as victims of a conspiracy by disgruntled family members.”

“Gee, which group do I fall into?” Brandon asked with a smirk.

“I think you know.”

“So are those of us in Group B untreatable?”

“Far from it. They just take a little more convincing.” She got up to retrieve a pile of paper from her desk.

“What’s that?”

“Letters.”

“From?”

She sat back down across from him. “Your family.”

Something that felt an awful lot like fear twisted in Brandon’s gut. He wanted to get up and leave but was frozen to his chair. “I don’t want to read them.”

“Then I’ll read them to you. Where shall I start? I have letters from your brothers, your sister, your parents, and your ex-girlfriend Valerie.”

Brandon exhaled a long deep breath and finally managed to push himself out of the chair. He had reached the door before she spoke.

“Brandon.”

He turned around and was stunned to find steel in her usually compassionate eyes.

“Sit down.”

He held her gaze until he realized she wasn’t going to let him escape. She wasn’t his mother, his father, his sister, or any of his brothers. She didn’t love him and wouldn’t make excuses for him. This woman had nothing to lose by playing hardball with him. When he couldn’t bear the disappointment on her pretty face any longer, he returned to his seat.

“We’ll start with your brother Declan. What’s the age difference between you?”

Brandon cleared his throat and took another deep breath in an attempt to slow his racing heart. “He’s three years younger than me.”

“Are you close?”

Brandon shrugged. “I guess.”

“Maybe you used to be?”

He looked down to study one of the old Nikes at the end of his long, denim-clad leg.

“Dear Brand,” she began. “I hope you’re doing all right in there. Colin said it’s a nice place, and I hope they can help you. When you get back, I want us to go fishing like we used to. Remember how we’d go out all afternoon and then fry what we caught on the beach? Those were some of my favorite times with you. Why did we stop going fishing?

“When we were kids, everyone thought of me and Colin as a pair and you and Aidan as a pair. I guess that was because you and Aid came first and looked alike, and I looked like Col. But to tell you the truth, Brand, I always liked being with you the best. I used to love going to your swim meets when you would totally kick ass, and I’d get to say: that’s my brother! You tried to teach me how to swim like you did, but I wasn’t born with whatever it was you had. None of us were.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about this drinking thing of yours, trying to figure out when it got so out of control. I can’t really decide when it happened. All I know is when I watched you almost drop that load of gravel on Simms and Lewis (and couldn’t get there in time to stop it), I knew we couldn’t ignore it any longer. Then Da had the heart attack, and the whole thing with Clare happened. Well, I guess Aidan and Colin saw to it that you got the help you need. Please get better, Brand. I miss my fishing buddy. I love you. Dec.”