Starblood (The Starblood Trilogy) (28 page)

Star is not in the living room. He turns towards the kitchen. A pot and a bowl sit upside down on the draining board. They are the only signs of recent occupation. A door stands ajar at the end of the small living room. He walks towards it. With every step he takes he has to fight the urge to run away and not face her. He owes her more than that. He owes her so much more.

Chapter 41

Star feels a hand stroking her hair. She turns over, eyes still closed.

‘Lilith,’ she whispers. ‘You’re insatiable. Let me sleep.’

The hand moves away. The bed dips near her feet. She hears breathing and knows it is not Lilith in the room. Slowly she tries to half open her eyes without being seen by the intruder.
Please not another house owner wandering in while I sleep.
The figure sits turned away from her. She opens her eyes and sees shoulder length black hair and a black wool coat. She knows Steve’s slouch too well to mistake him for another.

‘Steve?’ she asks.

She keeps her voice as low as possible and hopes he hears her. He must have heard because he turns to face her. As she sits up the covers fall from her body, she grabs at them and holds them across her to cover her nakedness.

‘Star.’ He smiles, but there are tears in his eyes.

‘What are you doing here? How did you find me? What’s happened to your face, your eye?’

‘Magic.’ He lifts shaking fingers to the vicious scar along his cheek then lets his hand fall. ‘It’s nothing.’

Star looks at him. His face screams agony. She wants to hold him, stroke his hair and tell him everything will be okay. More than that, she wants to punch him, tell him how much she hates him and expel him and his pain from the cottage and her life.

‘Lilith will be back soon. You ought to leave. I don’t know what she’ll do if she finds you here,’ Star says.

‘She’s gone,’ Satori answers. He pauses, and they sit watching each other in silence for a few moments. ‘Did she hurt you?’

‘She loves me,’ she answers. ‘Or at least I think she does. She mixes lies with truth so easily I forget which is which.’

He moves closer, his arms are open to hold her. She shakes her head.

‘What are you doing?’ she asks him.

‘I’m trying to rescue you.’ A tentative smile brightens his face. ‘Usually the princesses in the fairytales don’t give the hero as hard a time.’

‘Hero,’ she spits. ‘I’ve killed two people and spent the last two weeks fucking a demon
you
brought here. My life is a train wreck. I don’t see any heroes in this fairytale, do you?’

His smile dissolves and he hangs his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘We should go. Whose house is this anyway?’

‘I’ve no idea, we broke in.’

‘We should definitely leave then,’ he says, grasping her fingers.

She pulls her hand away.

‘And go where, Steve. I’m wanted by the police.’

‘I’ll sort it,’ he promises.

‘With magic.’ Her words drip venom. ‘I’d rather you just left me here.’

‘Well I’m not going to leave you. So you might as well get up and get dressed.’

He throws her clothes at her and marches out of the door. She hears him pacing across the living room and is shocked by his fury.
What did he expect? I’m with Lilith now, for better or worse, we belong together.

‘Lilith’s gone,’ Steve shouts through the door. ‘I sent her back to hell.’

So you can read minds now can you
? she wonders. He doesn’t answer her.

She rushes after him. The desire to crush him, to silence his lies forever, gives strength to her limbs. As she reaches the door and hears his sobs from the other room the adrenaline falls from her fingers like water. Lilith is gone. She is alone. Killing Steve won’t change that fact. She picks her clothes off the bed and gets dressed.

‘I wanted to kill you,’ she tells him simply, as she walks into the living room.

‘But you didn’t,’ he answers.

‘I don’t know what I will do. I can’t be trusted,’ she says.

‘I trust you,’ he tells her.

She shakes her head. ‘There’s evil inside me.’

‘No you were just brushed by evil. It’s gone now. We’re safe.’ His forehead is heavy with lines. The worry of the past few weeks and lack of sleep have taken their toll on him.

She doubts they are really safe. Lilith could return any moment. Whether they run and keep running, or stay here and wait, she could find them.

‘It hasn’t gone. Not completely. There’s a piece of her left inside me.’

‘Your memories will fade in time,’ he says.

She laughs. Her laugh threatens to break into hysteria again. It shakes her so violently she can hardly stand up. ‘I’m not talking about memories,’ she shouts through roars of laughter. ‘I’m pregnant. Lilith’s child is growing, squirming and getting stronger every day. I can feel it inside me.’

Steve looks at her. His face is a mirror of the horror and revulsion she had felt when she first found out. She feels pleasure watching his expression crumple. He runs to the bathroom door, sounds of his retching echo round the cottage.

When he returns to the room his face has the pallor of bed sheets and she worries for him. He is not as strong as he pretends. He falls on his knees in front of her and rests a tentative hand on her belly.

‘I am so sorry,’ he says. ‘I didn’t know.’

Her own hands hover at her sides. Then she starts to stroke his hair. The warmth of him wakens her nerves and mind out of their reverie.

‘We should go,’ she says. ‘While there’s plenty of daylight left.’

‘Can you walk okay?’ he asks. ‘It’s mostly downhill from here but it’s about ten miles.’

‘We’ve got a car,’ she reminds him.

‘Can you drive?’ he asks.

She shakes her head. ‘I’ll pack my things,’ she says.

‘And I’ll carry them for you,’ he assures her.

She does not feel the cold when they leave the cottage. Steve gives her the gift of warmth. He tells her it’s a salamander and describes how it looks. Her brain cramps as she tries to see it, but she cannot. Still, she is thankful for its heat.

Standing outside the cottage, Star feels the density of the forest crush her.

‘I don’t think I can do this,’ she says.

He touches her elbow and guides her away from the house and car. They pass the circle of stones and she bends to look at it.

‘Look.’ Her voice is full of wonder.

Steve nods silently.

She picks up a smooth stone and throws it into the wood. A bird breaks through the canopy of trees and into the pale sky above them. Its lonely cry echoes inside her soul. She places a hand on her stomach.
I’m not alone. I’ll never be alone again.

Steve’s hand is at her elbow again.

‘We’ve got to go,’ he tells her.

She steps away from the circle and walks with him along a narrow path and up to the road.

Their progress is slow and the mist descends around them long before they reach Aviemore. They sit by the roadside, Star waiting for a passing car, Steve using the time to let his mind wander. He is the first to bring good news.

‘There’s a cave just over there,’ he points up a steep bank of earth.

They clamber up, grabbing at weeds and grasses for support. Star first. She keeps losing her footing but he catches her and eventually they make it to the top. In front of them is a cave large enough for them to spend the night inside.

‘I’ll gather some wood,’ he says. ‘You rest a while.’

She sits in the cave, the light barely reaching her feet, her face hidden in the shadows. Steve’s bag lies beside her. She opens it and digs through the contents: a book, a crystal ball, a dagger and some clean underwear. She laughs, typical Steve, always thinking of the esoteric before the physical.
Where’s the food
?

She pulls her jacket around her. She isn’t cold, the salamander still nestles around her neck, but the closeness feels like a hug and she misses being held. She tries to visualise the life growing inside her. She sees its pin-head face turn to hers and they share a moment of mourning for their mutual loss. Child, mother and lover held in the circle of her mind. Only the crone is missing.

She picks up Steve’s book. It is a modern-looking paperback edition. So unlike the ancient-looking texts they read in his room. The cover is mottled purple and a jade-coloured crocodile, or maybe an alligator - she can never remember the difference - stares at her from above the silver script. She opens it. The words are mostly English.
Is this what you used to steal my lover from me?

She lets her tears fall on the page, and the words lift and dance in the air. Her fingers tingle. The black print from her index finger lifts too. The ornate letters join the text before her in a primitive dance. She shuts the book and looks at her finger again. For the first time in two weeks it is clean. Lilith is really gone.

She hears Steve, scrambling towards her, before she sees him. The mist is dense, and she marvels that he found his way back.

‘I’ve got the wood,’ he says. He arranges the firewood at the mouth of the cave then pats his pockets. ‘Do you have a light?’

‘No, can you rub sticks together?’

‘Wait,’ he says. ‘I’ll just need this a moment.’

He reaches behind her and takes the warmth from her neck. She stares at his hands but can see only air. He holds his open palms near the wood and blows gently through them. A spark hits the twigs then fizzes and dies. He blows again, this time the fire catches.

‘Thank you,’ he says.

He places the salamander back on Star’s neck. She watches him intently. He has changed so much. Not only physically, although his ugly scar and blood filled eye draws her attention, but emotionally. He seems weak, resigned and desperately sad.
Good! It serves you right. No, wait, I don’t mean that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Steve.

‘I found some mushrooms and herbs too. Are you hungry?’ He pulls fists full of brown fungi and roots from his pocket.

‘Very, but are you sure they aren’t poisonous?’ she asks, eyeing them with suspicion.

‘They’re perfectly safe,’ he says.

His left eye sparkles. She realises how much she missed seeing his childlike wonder.

‘How do you know, city boy?’ she teases.

‘I asked them,’ he says.

She laughs at him, but in a gentle, friendly way. He laughs back although he seems self-conscious in his laughter. Brittle glass-like sounds erupt from his chest, as if he is simply relieved that the tension between them might be lifting and at the same time frightened that it will descend the moment the laughter stops.

‘You seem different than before. This crazy magic, the salamander, the talking mushrooms, it’s still insane but it seems so…so natural and commonplace. I guess everything’s relative,’ she says more to herself than to him.

‘I know I was an idiot before. I was arrogant. I guess I thought I was something special. I wanted your awe and I thought if you saw what I could do you would want me more. I’m sorry, Sarah.’

Her real name uttered for the first time in over a week, from the lips of Steve of all people, makes her smile.
If we survive, here in the wilderness, we might be all right.

The food is bland but it takes the edge off her hunger. He wants her to tell him about what has happened to her over the past weeks, but she refuses. The memories of it all are too fresh, too painful to speak aloud. They live in her dreams. She has no desire to bring them into this cave as well. Her silence is an invisible wall between them. They talk about the food and the mountains, but these subjects hold neither of their interests.

The fire makes her sleepy again. She rubs her head and feels the tender bump beneath her fingers. Grabbing her bag, she sinks down onto the cave floor, resting her head upon it. Steve takes off his jacket and lays it over her. Sleep finds her quickly.

She is home. Donna carries three bowls of soup towards her. The liquid is deep red, almost black in colour.

‘Thank you,’ Star says. Her voice sounds strange, like two people speaking at the same time.

Donna picks up one of the bowls and sips at the lip of it—Japanese style. The broth spills and dark rivulets run down her chin.

Leaning forward for the soup, Star sees a movement to her right. She knows who it will be before she turns to look. Raven sits on the velvet couch beside her. The woman’s arms are pulled backwards as if bound behind her. The shape of her body makes her large breasts jut forwards and upwards, wrapped in a black satin kimono which inches open each time she moves. Raven’s thick hair covers her face entirely.

Star shudders. What does her face look like behind that black curtain? Reaching across, she pushes the hair back. A black scarf is coiled around Raven’s mouth.

‘I thought you’d like her better this way.’ The voice might be Donna’s, or Lilith’s or even her own.

Raven’s eyes are full of fear. They dart towards Star, then to the far corner of the room, then back again. Star feels dizzy watching those eyes.

Star turns back towards the broth. Next to the third bowl is a paintbrush. She picks it up and dips it into the hot soup. The thick liquid clings to the horsehairs. Facing Raven again, she paints her friend’s throat and chest in strong strokes.

Star wakes up and opens her fingers. The memory of the paintbrush lingers in her hand. She pushes her body off the floor.

Sitting in the corner of the cave, Star shivers, shaking her head clear of the image of Raven—red, raw and powerless. Her fingers reach up to her face and she scratches her cheek. The pain makes her gasp. It stings but it is not enough. She moves her hand to her hair. Her fingers tug at her curls. She pulls harder and harder. Steve stares at her.

‘It’s too much, too much,’ she moans.

He shuffles towards her and puts his arm around her shoulders.

‘Tell me,’ he says softly. ‘Tell me all that’s happened to you.’

She stares at him. Her mouth twists into a snarl.

‘I hate you,’ she says.

He nods, but doesn’t let go of her.

‘You fucked Raven,’ she yells. ‘She told me and I killed her.’

‘It’s okay,’ he says calmly. ‘We’ll figure it out.’