Starblood (The Starblood Trilogy) (27 page)

Arms lift her off the floor and carry her to the bed. The cold towel is pressed against her face again. Starting to calm a little, she opens her eyes and stares at the woman, demon or god tending to her.
God help me, I still love that face.

Lilith seems to sense her thoughts. She slips an arm beneath Star and lies next to her on the bed. Her other hand wipes away Star’s tears as they form. Kissing Star’s nose and eyes, she tells her how much she loves her. How the world is brighter each day they are together. How they can make it work between them whatever the barriers might be.

‘I do love you,’ Lilith says. ‘I want to be with you, whatever mistakes we’ve made. You complete me.’

‘I don’t know,’ Star says. Her lips tremble.

‘Don’t think about it,’ Lilith tells her. ‘Just feel.’

The towel goes from her face and Lilith starts to stroke Star’s arm. Hairs rise to meet her fingers, begging to be touched. Star lets the thoughts melt from her mind and focuses on the feelings aroused in her body.

Her lips are brushed by Lilith’s. Then they kiss and Star’s mind soars. She watches the scene from above, two bodies entwined, sharing their passion and their warmth. From here she cannot feel her lover’s hands against her skin, or tongue inside her mouth. She tries to dive back into her body but she feels too light. Rising higher and higher, she pushes through the ceiling of the room, past shadowy shapes of furniture and boxes stored in the attic, and into the starlit night. Dwarfed by the limitless sky, she feels tiny and alone. Millions of stars pump out their light to the world below her. They shine so brightly and yet the woodland beneath and the mountains around her remain dark. No star shines bright enough to light her way in the world. She must find her own light. This thought acknowledged she is sucked back inside her body, moaning with the pleasure of Lilith’s caresses. If she is alone in this world then let her enjoy the sensations of this bag of flesh, which separates her from others.

Falling into the rhythm of their love-making, Star feels her body rise and crash with each heart beat. She wonders whether Lilith’s heart beats too and she reaches towards the other’s chest. Lilith takes Star’s fingers in her mouth and kisses them.

‘Take me again like you did that night,’ Star says.

Lilith turns Star over onto all fours.

‘No peeking,’ she whispers as Star strains her neck to see what is happening behind her.

Lowering her head, she sees Lilith’s eyes concentrate on her right hand. Star looks at it too and watches its shape change. Lilith clenches her fist and it becomes a serpent’s head, her arm the serpent’s body. She strokes Star’s buttocks, which are tense in anticipation. Star looks away, she has seen enough.

As the serpent enters her she feels her world fall apart. She loses her strength and has to be borne up by Lilith’s grip. Her head fills with the stars above them. She tries to stay calm but their white lights push behind her eyelids.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god
.
How can a feeling be so wonderful and so terrible all at once?
The serpent expands inside her. It fills every groove, opening every gateway. It meets with the child in her womb. They communicate: parent and infant. The void within her is full of life and movement. Then the snake pulls back, then forwards, and back again. The sensual rhythm works with the tribal beat of her heart to empty her of anxiety.
This is real. This is love. It’s what I need
. White light streams through her eye-lids. In the light she sees a man.
He is coming to save me, but do I want to be saved?

The pleasure lasts for hours. Star’s body is consumed by exquisite agony. By the time she falls asleep with the serpent still between her legs she feels sated and exhausted. Her dreams, when they come, are gentle. She sees Steve crouched before her, his eyes full of love. Smiling, she drifts into his arms.

Chapter 40

Satori stands at the window, watching the sun paint the mountains. When he hears Douglas open the door he turns and sees the bleary-eyed Scot head for the kitchen.

‘Coffee?’ Douglas asks him, pouring water into the kettle.

‘Thanks,’ Satori replies.

He hopes the man doesn’t take too long to get ready, but does not chase him for fear of appearing ungrateful. Sleep has left its mark on Douglas. His face is full of lines and creases Satori had not noticed the night before. His wild hair looks more peppered with grey than when it was brushed into submission. Together with his walking stick and awkward footsteps Douglas seems fragile this morning.

Satori wonders whether he should go alone.

He has already checked the map. Star and Lilith are still in the valley. He wonders what the women are doing, sleeping perhaps, although he doubts whether Lilith sleeps. At least Star is still alive, of that much he is certain.

‘I can get a taxi if you’re feeling tired,’ Satori says. ‘I am incredibly grateful for your kindness and hospitality, but it might be better if I finish my journey alone.’

‘Ack, dinnae sound so dramatic lad. Anyone would think you was Romeo chasin’ after yer Juliet. I guess that’s what bein’ young an’ in love is all about, eh?’

Satori nods. ‘I guess so.’

Douglas hands Satori a black coffee. ‘Want milk or cream, or a touch of courage in that?’ he asks, laughing to himself. ‘When do you want to head over there?’

‘It’s perfect…thanks. I-I’d like to go as soon as we can. I don’t want them moving on before I get there.’

‘Do they ken yer comin’ for ’em?’ Douglas leans forward, studying Satori’s face in detail while sipping his mug of coffee.

‘No, or at least I don’t think they do.’

‘Yer nae gonna do nowt too stupid are you?’ Douglas looks afraid of something he’s seen in Satori’s face.

‘Of course not,’ he assures him. ‘I love her.’

‘That’s why I’m worried,’ Douglas says. ‘Look, we all do crazy things when we’re in love. Comes with the territory.’

Satori nods slowly. He thinks back to the crazy thing which started it all: his attempt to invoke a demon to gain more power, to win back the girl who was already running from his power and magic and, as she called it – madness.
It was crazy, but I can make it right again. I can still save Star. Of course, it’s very likely she’ll never want to see me again. It’s all my fault and I have to accept that it’s…probably…maybe over between us. I can accept that. I have to save her.

‘Okay then,’ says Douglas, apparently satisfied. ‘Let’s go and deliver youse to yer Juliet. Youse want me to wait while you speak to her?’

‘No, I’ll make it back, thanks,’ Satori answers.

‘But…okay, have it yer way. I’ve got better things to do than hang aboot the mountains all morn anyway.’

Douglas retreats into the bedroom to get dressed and tidy himself. When he emerges he is transformed as thoroughly as any glamour. Satori hopes he looks as good at Douglas’s age. They head out of the house and into the car. After throwing a kiss, towards the cottage and his sleeping wife, Douglas drives away from town and into the wild Cairngorms.

‘We’re here,’ Satori says.

‘I dinnae see anyone. There’s nae e’en a barn here,’ Douglas says. He doesn’t stop the car but continues to drive around the next corner.

‘Please stop the car,’ Satori asks. ‘I know where the house is. I need to walk the rest of the way.’

‘Okay,’ Douglas says, gently coming to a halt against the grass verge. ‘Youse be careful though. It’s easy to get lost, and if the mist comes doon you’ll freeze to death.’

‘It’s not far,’ Satori assures him. ‘Thank you. You’re going to have a great life, Douglas,’ he promises him. ‘You and that lovely wife of yours.’

Douglas shrugs and shakes his head as Satori steps out of the car. Resting his bag on one shoulder, Satori waves the car away. He crosses the road and descends the steep bank towards the rear of the cottage. He would like to check whether Star and Lilith are still there but he dares not look through a window. It is tempting to time-dowse to check that Star is here now, in this present time, but too much magic this close to Lilith might alert her to his presence. He silently gathers stones and makes a circle in which to sit. Whispering words of blessing, he makes the space within the circle sacred. Then he takes off his clothes. The mountain air is so cold he can hardly feel his hands as he reaches into his satchel for the book and dagger. The book is left open beside him. Even though he knows the ritual it makes him feel safer having the words visible.

Calling on Isis to protect him while he leaves this realm, he promises to pay tribute to her should he return safely to his body. He clears his mind and sees the door. His spirit walks through into Chaos.

The mad Arab described Chaos as a living, breathing void. Being here, within this shifting, transforming darkness, throws Satori’s mind off balance. He watches his fingers stretch and twist, his legs too. He delights in the swelling and shrivelling of his penis like rolling waves on the shore. The darkness blossoms and ejaculates spores of deeper darkness around him. Glimpses of light weave around the horizon, like shooting stars with purpose. He watches them for minutes or hours. There is no time here and his freezing body is forgotten in his amazement. He sees the dagger in his right hand. The jewels along the shaft glow with a brightness to rival the dancing lights on the horizon. He twists his wrist and the metal bends and flexes, transformed into silk ribbon, whipping the air before him. The dagger is important…he needs the dagger…he tries to remember why. A purpose niggles at the back of his mind. He tries to grasp it, but it’s elusive and the movements around him are hypnotic.
Star
, her name is on his lips and he remembers why he is here.

‘Lilith, I invoke you,’ he whispers.

Then the words come back to him. They sing in his pulsing ears, they stroke his body, and they run fingers through his hair.
The tribute
. He summons her as before with his hand on his cock and her name on his lips. When he comes the semen buzzes before him, glowing like fireflies. The droplets form a spiral, spinning faster and faster. He sees her appear.

He registers her look of shock and shields his ears from her angry scream. As he slices his exit door he sees her grow. Her body towers over him. Her face is an angry scar in the changing darkness. Her green eyes burn viciously. When she laughs he wants to rip out his ears. His heart is squeezed by his tightening rib cage. Paralysed by fear, he stares at her. He cowers beneath her legs, and her sex is Cthulhu, a giant anemone; its tendrils reach for him, threatening to swallow him whole. Evil, knife-edged tongues lash at him from the coils. Serpents.

He ducks and cowers in the darkness, trying to cover his head with his hands. Her terrible laugh besieges him. Pointing upwards with his blade, he slashes blindly at the snakes, which pull his hair and rip his skin. He looks up for a moment and one darts at his face. Its tongue feels like fire. He screams as his cheek tears and burns. The tendril rips upwards, launching him with the force of its blow. Green flashes across his right eye as he is thrown sideways through the door he created. Falling through the breach, he re-enters his naked body. He lies, shivering, in his ring of stones. The intense burning of his wound does nothing to warm the rest of him. Sealing the door with his words, he tries to ignore the echo of her fury in his mind.

His fingers are blue and his eyelids frozen shut. He can sense his clothes nearby but he is too numb to grasp them. He tries to stand but his legs will not move and he tumbles onto his face, trying to kick movement back into his legs. The frozen grass breaks beneath his chest. Panic grips him as tightly as the cold air. He tries to open his eyes.

His thoughts fade and with it the panic.
Death. It is what I deserve. Let the coldness take me, but what of Star?
Lilith is gone, but where is my love?
He hasn’t saved her yet. If he really concentrates he will know what to do. Needles of frost prickle his hands and feet, but he pushes his fear away. He concentrates on two things. First, he imagines a warm sphere held inside his stomach then it becomes a heat. The heat starts to spread slowly outwards. With each second his body feels a little warmer. Then he calls to the salamanders. Tiny red lizards push their way through the stone wall of the house, a dozen of them in total. Their pointed noses appear first, then toes and forelegs, followed by pale bellies, back legs and, finally, long tails. Free of the house they drop onto his back. Their hot feet dance across his skin. One runs up his body and nuzzles into the back of his neck before curling itself in his hair. Others run downwards to his toes and fingers. They lick his frozen digits with their fiery tongues and give life and movement back to him. They share their heat with him. His eyes free from the frost, he opens them. Sitting up, he thanks the salamanders and, as they run back into the warm house, he gets dressed.

As he pulls on his jacket he realises he cannot see what his right hand is doing. Fear and panic rise through his chest. He touches the wound on his right cheek and winces with pain.
Why can’t I see my fingers?
He waves his hands in front of him. On his left he can see his hand as he moves it to the side, on his right he cannot. Everything before him seems two-dimensional. It’s like looking at a photograph. His depth perception has gone.

When he moves his steps feel unreal, as though he is watching them on a cinema screen. Walking unsteadily to the front of the house, he feels emptiness in his hands. After weeks of wondering and waiting, plotting and planning he is about to see Star. Will she thank him for sending her tormentor away or hate him for dispatching her lover? He brings her no gift other than Lilith’s absence. The coldness clings to him, and he wants to be held in her arms. Her welcoming embrace, though, is too much to expect. He doesn’t even know what he will say to Star.
Will you look the same? Will I?
He touches his face again and imagines the scarred skin.
A small price to pay
, he tries to tell himself, but it doesn’t prevent his tears from falling. Pushing back the fear and doubts once more, he opens the door. The house feels warm. Salamanders curl up against radiators and hot water pipes. Satori is comforted by their presence.