Starbird Murphy and the World Outside (38 page)

The hinge on the barn door squawked when I opened it, but only a few heads turned to look. The back of my hand where I had scraped it against the wood was now completely healed; there wasn't even a scar. People inside were quietly concentrating their attention toward the north wall. I didn't see our usual seating assignment for the Translations. Instead, over a hundred people were scattered about on the rugs or standing, forming a human wall around the perimeter. There were faces I didn't recognize, and children were in the room, too, even ones too young to be at Translations.

I squeezed in between two tall men standing at the edge of the crowd and caught sight of members of Beacon House leaning against the wall near the platform. Cham was there, along with Europa, Eris, and Kale. At the opposite wall were Saturn Salt and some of the Canadians from the apple pressing.

In the middle of them all, seated on the dais where the early light from the window in the hay loft shone down on him, was EARTH. He was sitting on a stack of pillows and looking at his knees. Mars Wolf stood behind him, holding up the aerial photo of the California mansion.

“The voting will take place today,” Mars Wolf was saying, “with all members of the board of directors who are present. Family input is valuable, but EARTH's Translation from the Cosmos has given us clear direction.”

Fern Moon was the first to notice my presence, as if some maternal instinct guided her eyes to the back of the room. She was seated on the floor to the left of the platform, and when she saw me, she waved at me to join her. I was picking my way through the crowd when a few others caught notice. Eve reached out to touch my hand, Bithiah waved, and Indus gave me a warm smile as Lyra tucked herself under his arm and leaned against him. I heard a person whisper, “That's her.” Gamma didn't look up from her seat near the dais, but when Ursa spotted me, she squealed “Starbird!” loud enough to attract EARTH's attention.

He turned to Ursa's voice and followed her gaze to me. A puzzled look crossed his face, as if he was working out a math problem. Then he smiled widely and at the same time, a ray of sunlight came through the window and lit up the barn. “Starbird,” EARTH boomed. “Your presence is a great gift.”

I froze midstep, just two feet from Fern Moon. All heads turned toward me. I was so close to my mother, I almost kept walking to her. I wanted to hug her, to tell her about Doug. I wanted to ask her for advice and help, but the whole room was watching. Fern seemed to notice my confusion and she frowned, clasping her hands together.

“During my time in Seattle, I received a message from the Cosmos about the future of our Family.” EARTH addressed the whole room now, still seated on his pillows. “Child, please come here to the dais.”

I looked at EARTH and then past him to Mars Wolf. Mars's whole body seemed to betray his shock at seeing me. He lowered the photo of the Mansion and nearly dropped it. I considered accusing him right there, pointing my finger and saying, “He tried to abduct me.” But what would happen next? He would say he was just trying to drive me to the café. I would look paranoid and crazy. I could try to tell them about what happened to Doug, but Doug had disappeared again. No one could back up my story except Europa, and I couldn't trust her. I remembered my conversation with Teacher Ted.
Listen for what resonates as the truth within yourself, but think critically
, he told me.
Don't look for absolute rights and wrongs
. I glared at Mars Wolf, keeping my gaze on him as I walked all the way to EARTH's side.

A few more people said hello as I passed—Caelum and Pavo, a few others from the apple pressing. Finally, I arrived at the platform and turned to face my Family.

“The Cosmos instructed me to make an announcement, to tell you that Starbird has a special place among us. Those of you who were at the apple pressing saw what a leader Starbird has become. She is also my natural daughter.”

I watched Fern Moon's mouth fall open. Other voices wove together in a pattern of praise and jealousy. Ursa clapped her hands in glee. I noticed Europa whispering something behind her hand to Cham, and Lyra, who had turned her back to the stage, was kissing Indus on his cheek and neck.

I looked at EARTH. His blue eyes glistened with joy but also sparkled with another emotion: fear. I tried to search his expression. Did he know what Mars tried to do to me?

I thought of the group outside the Sanctuary, Sun and the others, waiting in the dark. I thought about Doug somewhere on the streets of Seattle with no food or shelter. Inside the barn it was warm and right, and I was finally being recognized. I was special and seen. Everything I had always wanted was spread before me.

Maybe it
was
the right choice to sell the Farm and move to California. After all, the Farm was failing financially and what did I know about business? What if I convinced the Family to keep the Farm and then it bankrupted us all? Plus, if I were a Family leader, maybe I could be the one to fix everything—punish Mars Wolf, get Doug to come back, make the finances work. Maybe I was what the Family needed. Maybe this was my Calling and the way we would stay together.

I turned to survey the congregation again.
I could lead them in the right direction
, I thought.
If they trust me, if they believe I'm EARTH's daughter, then I could keep us all together
.

That's when I saw Iron. He had poked through the wall of taller men at the back and was standing behind the last person seated. His arms were folded over his chest, and he was not looking at EARTH. He was staring right at me.

Iron's ancestors sawed through giant northwest conifers and dragged their roots out of the ground using horses. They built the log cabin and the cider press. They worked the land for a hundred years, removed rocks for the ploughs, started the apple orchard. Iron would never move to California. Iron wanted to die on the Farm. Behind Iron, Venus had also slipped into the room. She was supporting her father, Mercury Ocean. I glanced over to see if EARTH had noticed them, too. He had.

Mars cleared his throat and resumed talking. “The vote will take place in the Sanctuary after this meeting. Plans for moving Family members to California will begin today, along with inventory of Farm property to be sold at auction. See me if you want to join the inventory group. This evening, we will have a Feast to celebrate EARTH's return and our move to California.” He leaned the aerial photo of the property against the wall and moved to the edge of the dais.

I hadn't spent much time onstage in front of the Family before. I noticed how easily I could read their reactions. Some shared worried looks with partners or children. Many whispered or stood to talk to members in different parts of the room. Others seemed thrilled, their eyes already full of palm trees and sandals. Lyra looked eager, sitting up on her heels and straining to get another look at the photo.

Caelum was the first to speak up. “What if we don't want to go to California?”

EARTH smiled. “Members who want to continue farming and living in the Pacific Northwest can join the Farm in British Columbia. Members who want to stay in Seattle can find work with Outsiders. But there is room for everyone in California.”

Adam stood next. “What if the board votes not to sell the properties?”

EARTH's voice was easy and deep. “The Cosmos tells me that won't happen.”

“How soon would it happen?” Eve asked, holding her swollen pregnant belly.

“We hope to sell the Farm quickly, within the month,” answered Mars.

That brought more chatter into the room, and more concerned looks.

“Some of us have Outside family who live near here,” said a man I didn't know.

“The Free Family is the Family we have chosen,” said EARTH. “Love holds us together through many changes.” Standing so close to EARTH, I could see his wrinkles changing with each expression on his face. His smile seemed to require effort. “But if you choose to be with your Outside family, we must respect that and sadly part.”

“Will we be near the beach?” asked Lyra Hay, smiling coyly at EARTH.

EARTH cocked his head toward her, and I remembered that she joined us after he left. He had probably never met her. “Very near,” he said, “and California beaches are sandy and warm. Californians don't wear raincoats to the beach.”

I looked back at Iron, still standing near the back wall. He was chewing the edge of his thumbnail and looking left and right around the room.

Mars Wolf stepped to the center of the platform again. “The Translation is now ended. Everyone but the board of directors will wait in the courtyard until the vote is finished. Then we will celebrate our move and begin planning our auction.”

Ending so fast? There was no more time to ask questions and think, no more time to consider? People started to stand and move toward the door. Everyone started talking. EARTH rose up from his spot on the cushions and stepped down off the stage. Mars Wolf was making his way toward the back of the room. Iron didn't move, still chewing his nail and staring at me.

“This Farm is called the Murphy Farm,” I said toward the crowd of people before me. No one seemed to notice. I had waited too long. People kept talking and moving around. The board of directors had started forming a circle around EARTH to the left of the platform, and Mars was urging people toward the back door, which was open and letting in the sun. “Wait,” I said, but again no one heard me. Caelum and Indus had made their way over to Iron and were talking to him with their heads bent together. Fern was still seated on a rug and looking down at her hands. Where would Fern decide to go? I felt how all of our lives were about to change forever. “Wait!” I yelled. “It's called the MURPHY FARM!”

People quieted and stopped moving toward the door. Mars Wolf spun around toward the stage. EARTH turned too and stared at me. “Iron John's ancestors homesteaded here; they built the farmhouse and this barn,” I said. “I don't think we should make John leave this place when his mother gave it to our Family to take care of.”

“The Translation is over,” Mars growled from the congregation, his eyes attempting to bore holes into my skin. “No comments till after the vote.”

“Wait, Brother Mars,” said EARTH in his richest tone, stepping back onto the dais and putting his arm around my shoulder, towering over me. “Starbird has made a thoughtful remark. She gives us all so much with her childlike wisdom.” I looked up at EARTH, who smiled at me the way you would smile at a baby.

Mars Wolf moved back toward the dais, hovering near it.

“This property has been a good home, as Callisto wanted when she gave it to us,” EARTH said, squeezing me to his side. “I've loved it for forty years. But family farms are going bankrupt every day. We must face the modern world, and the way forward is computers. Change is frightening, but if we stay together, the Cosmos will take care of us. We must
stay together
, even if that means exodus.”

There were many approving sounds. Saturn said, “Praise.” A few of the Canadians clapped their hands.

“I want the Family to stay together, too,” I said, wiggling out from under EARTH's arm. I had to make both hands into fists to keep them from visibly trembling. Red splotches erupted over my chest and neck. I raised my voice to make sure the whole room would hear me. “But selling the Farm doesn't feel right.”

Something broke lose in the crowd. “Who are you to question him?” Europa yelled from near the wall. “You don't speak for the Cosmos,” said a Canadian member.

EARTH held up both hands for silence. Standing over six feet in his white robes, a gold cord at his waist, EARTH seemed to hold all the sound in the palm of his empty hand. “Sometimes our hearts are conflicted,” he said, eyeing me with tenderness, “especially when we are young. Starbird doesn't know the trials of the Outside that brought us together as a Family. We haven't done a good enough job of teaching our children what our lives were like before we found each other.”

“Before
you
found
us
, EARTH,” said a man with a gray beard.

“I won't go back to the Outside,” said the woman sitting next to him.

“Starbird, we need each other,” said Adam. “You know that.”

“I do need you. I want the Family to stay together,” I said, guilt and shame starting to erode my courage. “I just feel like we all need to make a decision together instead of blindly obeying.”

That's when the anger erupted. Saturn Salt walked through a group of people and spit on my boot. “Heretic,” she said, pointing a finger at me. A man in the back yelled, “Sit down, Judas!” Then Fern stood up, yelling back, “You're the Judas! Don't yell at her!” “Shut up,” someone else said. Others joined in, the tension rising alongside the sun.

“It is natural to have questions.” EARTH's voice grew firmer and louder. “Faith is the only cure for doubt. But our human discussions won't change the will of the Cosmos.”

“I wish I had listened to my questions,” a man's voice said from the back of the room.

Mercury Ocean walked away from V and into the circle of those still seated. He looked dirty and tired, like he had just climbed down from a red cedar, like he was having trouble standing. “I listened when the Cosmos said our babies should be born on the Farm and not in the hospital. When you told me that, EARTH, I listened to you. Then she died. Venus Ocean died right on this Sanctuary floor.” He made the word
sanctuary
sound unholy. “The Cosmos never wanted that.”

“Death is a part of life and birth. We cannot control the will of the Universe,” EARTH said. I was close enough to watch EARTH's eyes turn red and swell. “I wanted to save her, Mercury. You know I did. I was there too. I didn't want her to die.”

“What about Mars Wolf? Can you control him?” Another voice broke through the crowd near the door. “Or is driving kids off the Farm part of the will of the Cosmos?” Pushing toward the stage was someone I never dreamed of seeing at the Farm, or maybe ever again. It was Doug.