Star Force Perseverance (SF81) (Star Force Origin Series) (5 page)

a flow of relief surged through him as his mind finally released restraints he

didn’t even know he’d been running with. One after another flicked off like

dominoes, and for the first in in who knew how long did he truly breathe in a

breath of clean air.

The lizard gore was gone and he was himself again…just

himself, and that pile of clothes that was now well out of sight might as well

be a Jedi robe for all he knew. Nothing unauthentic was now here to prick his

mind out of the illusion, and that gave him the clarity to realize that something

had to change. He didn’t run the same mental calculations again, knowing how

they’d come out, but he chose to pursue the gut feeling and let it soak into

him, with it becoming ever more clear that Star Force wasn’t on the path it

needed to be. He wasn’t on the proper Jedi path, and he didn’t know what it

was, but for the moment, here on Dagobah, he was himself again.

Paul stayed under those roots in the water for a long

time, thinking without analyzing and getting a better sense of who he was

rather than what the situation demanded of him until a very soft pitter patter

of feet walked up in front of his position, almost inaudible amongst the sounds

of the forest, until a slender, pale pair of feet stood a meter in front of his

face with the genetically altered bright red and orange toenails of a Clan

Angry Chipmunk Archon he immediately recognized despite not being able to see

above her ankles through the roots.

Those feet slid into the water, followed by the rest

of Riona’s slender, pale body as a small wave washed over Paul’s face. She

didn’t say a word, vocally anyway, and repositioned herself in the mucky little

hot tub alongside him, pulling a strand of wet hair out of her eyes. They both

held still and silent for nearly a minute, with a wry smile on Paul’s face.

Eventually she tapped him on the head with a finger, telling him to drop his

Kgat.

Paul let go of the mental invisibility psionic, which

blocked him from sensing or receiving from anyone else as well as hiding

himself.

So who are we hiding

from? she asked, eyes peeling and looking around the perimeter of their

little puddle rather than at him as if there were a real threat.

The galaxy,

he replied after a long pause.

Cozy spot. You

come here a lot?

Do you usually

make house calls naked?

This is a house?

Doesn’t look like it. More like a slimy mud hole.

Is there

something you need?

Riona smiled, finally turning her eyes to look at his,

with both of their mouths still under the water line. I was going to ask you the same thing.

Because I came

back to the ship?

Word is you’re

pissed. What’s going on?

Paul frowned. Who

said that?

A few Archons

you passed on the way out. They said you were raging so hard they could feel it

in your aura.

Paul turned inward for a moment, searching his

memories. If I was I didn’t even notice.

Hence the raging

part.

And you thought

a naked you would cheer me up?

No, I saw your

armor and clothes laying back there so I decided to follow suit. What are we

doing here?

I needed to get

away from everyone.

So why do we

need to get away? she pressed, amending his ‘I’ into ‘we.’

To clear my

head.

And that means

getting naked and dunking yourself in a mud hole?

Oddly yes. This

is the cleanest place I could think of, but even it took some time before I

felt like myself again.

What’s wrong,

Paul?

Something I need

to figure out for myself, he said half apologetically.

Alright, she

said, not taking offense. Paul felt the water move as she repositioned herself,

then her face was in his and she kissed him underneath the waterline.

What are you

doing? he asked when she pulled back.

You can either

tell me what’s going on or we’re going to make out, she said, kissing him

again.

Sweet, he

said, pushing her back slightly with his arm. But I don’t take well to threats, he added sarcastically.

No threat,

she said, kissing him a third time and holding it for several seconds, but you came here to relax and I’m going to

help you do it.

Riona, he

said as she kissed him again, but he didn’t feel like pushing her away too

strongly.

Talk, she

insisted.

Sometimes people

just need some space.

There’s no one

here. We’ve got all the space we need, she said, ignoring his attempts to

put her off and kissing him again.

This time when she released the lip lock he slid an

arm up in between them so she couldn’t do it again, but in a flash his arm was

grabbed and pulled aside with the water surging up over his eyes as Riona got

up on him and wrapped her arms and legs around him, pushing them face to face

with her nose buried in the skin beneath his right ear.

No Paul, she

said firmly. You’re not pushing me away

this time. Either you talk or we’re making out. And if that doesn’t bother you

I’m going to fuck you after that. We don’t have sex because there’s no purpose

in it, but I have one now and believe me when I say I will do you in a

heartbeat if I have to.

This is extortion,

Paul complained.

Yep, she

said, kissing the side of his neck, but this time she didn’t stop, only taking

a few small breaks for a breath of air. He didn’t stop her, but he didn’t say

anything either, calling her bluff.

Riona mentally shrugged, then repositioned her hold on

him and pushed him all the way underneath the water so she could straighten him

out and get herself in the proper alignment. When she started rubbing against

him and felt a response Paul finally grabbed her with his telekinesis and

stopped her from moving.

Something is

wrong, he admitted.

Riona surged her Rentar and broke his hold, but rather

to pursue her sexual agenda she pulled him back up into a sitting position and

they both got their noses above water.

Spill, boy, she

said, still wrapping him up in a four limbed hold.

We can’t keep

going on like this.

Who exactly?

Me…and the rest

of Star Force.

Riona stared at him closely, then went a bit bolder

and hacked into his nervous system so she could get a better look at his mental

state. She didn’t push in too deep as to be offensive, but just enough to get a

feel for where he was at right now.

Too much gore?

The lizards are

making us fight their way, and we can’t keep doing that.

What else can we

do?

That’s the

problem. I don’t have an answer for that.

So you came here

to think?

Yes.

And you think

better naked in a mud hole?

This place is

meant to feel like Dagobah. Feel like the Force, clean, holy even. When I took

my armor off I still felt gore covered. I had to chuck the uniform and immerse

myself until my head washed clear.

But you’re still

not alright.

I was ok by

myself.

If I can knock

you off center either I’m a lot hotter than I thought or you’re a lot

weaker…and I know neither one is true.

I was able to

find my center by disconnecting with everything, but if I go back out there,

back to the fighting like I know I have to, I’m going to have to numb up. We

have to fight them, but doing it this way is wrong. Not because they’re in the

right, but because this isn’t the way we should be fighting. There are so many

of them that have to be killed, with even more being grown to replace those we

take out. They’re making us fight a blood bath and it’s just too damn easy. I

can kill them so easily that it doesn’t feel right. If I was in danger it would

be different, but I know that, despite how devious they are, unless they get

lucky or I make a mistake they can’t stop me. I’m in total control and yet

they’re making me go Sith and slaughter them.

Riona kissed him again, but this time on the forehead

in an endearing way. Paul, you couldn’t

be Sith if you tried.

This isn’t

right, Riona. My gut says so and my logic says otherwise. The two aren’t

matching up and that is the real problem. I don’t have the luxury of putting

this off, because as long as I’m not down there fighting someone else is, and

I’ll not have them die when I could easily have prevented it. And we can’t

stall the invasion, for every day it lasts more people out there, people we may

never even meet are getting killed. One more cruiser might not make a bit of

difference here, but out there, if they’re like we were in the beginning, a

single cruiser could conquer a planet. We can’t put this off, but I had to come

up here and get my head clear before I go back down. It’s clear now, or was

until you came in, but I know as soon as I leave I’ll have to numb up. I don’t

want to do that, but I can’t find any other options.

I’ve gotten gore

head too, you know. I think we all have at some point. Especially since we

started using the death sabers…and no, that wasn’t a bad idea. It makes us a

lot more efficient.

How do you deal

with it?

I take a break

and reset. Then I’m good to go.

How?

You don’t know?

Obviously not.

I mean about me.

Or are you blind to it too?

I don’t know up

from down right now, so please fill me in.

I’m not in

command. I command virtually all of Star Force when needed, but all the second

gen take the lead from you guys. I can trust them, and especially you, to do

the right thing. If you’re leading us in this fight then I know we’re in the

right, even if it gets bloody, and I do my part.

What if I lead

you down the wrong path?

You’d never do

that willingly, and it’s not like I don’t have a mind of my own. I’ve just got

a different perspective than you.

And what do you

see?

I see a threat

that has to be eliminated. I don’t like the methods we have to use, but

ultimately they’re choosing it. They can surrender whenever they want.

I know, I know.

I’ve been around this logic loop hundreds of thousands of times. But my gut is

saying otherwise. I’d been ignoring it until just now, when the gore got too

much that I couldn’t ignore it subconsciously. A red flag was thrown and I

won’t ignore that. Something is wrong and I can’t figure out what it is.

I think I know

part of the problem. When was the last time you were kissed?

A moment ago.

Don’t be coy.

You know we

don’t make a habit of it.

You misinterpret

me. When was the last time you were kissed?

Paul frowned. Now

I honestly don’t know what you mean.

Riona opened up a bit of her mind to him and moved her

lips to his mouth and kissing him gently, making the emotion clear. It wasn’t a

buzz, but rather a comfort. A release from fighting and a…reward?

You’re so far in

you can’t even see it, she said, pulling back and bumping noses with him. You don’t have to lead every second of every

day. You can take a break. Take a moment to rest.

I don’t have

that luxury and you know it. Roger and Liam can handle a lot, but I’ve…

You’re the top

dog.

Not exactly…

Yes you are. You

all swap duties, Morgan has the highest rank, but at the end of the day you’re

a little bit better than them.

Is that really

what you think?

No, it’s what

you think. If you really considered them peers you’d let them lead for a bit,

but you think that if they haven’t found a solution to something then it’s up

to you to do it. You always put yourself head of the line, first in the fight,

at the tip of the spear. I am a lot of the time, but then in times like this

I’m not at the tip, I get to hide behind the tip and not take the full brunt of

the stress. You’re always on the tip because you won’t let yourself go anywhere

else. I don’t know if the others are the same way or not, but I know you better

than I know any of them. You came here to get some perspective, but you haven’t

taken it all the way.

What am I

missing?

You have to have

someone to take the load off you. Putting it aside for you to pick up again

later isn’t enough. You’re not fully letting it go.

I won’t let

someone die while I take a vacation.

That’s the

problem. You don’t trust the rest of us to be able to take the lead. If you did

you wouldn’t have a problem bailing out now and then. That’s how I can handle

the gore. I don’t have to worry about our course of action all the time. I can

just trust in the mission that you’ve given me and lose myself in the

moment…then walk away from it without having to second guess myself. It’s a