Standing Strong (22 page)

It seemed like only minutes had passed. The sun was still high in the sky. ‘No worries. Thanks again so much for this. I really enjoyed it.'

‘I'm glad.'

Back at his ute, Paul gave her a towel and she headed off to rinse the salt off at the outdoor shower. She had no choice but to put her jeans and T-shirt on over her wet underwear – there was no way she was going to sit beside Paul with him knowing she was braless and going commando! Too bad if she showed wet patches.

‘I think you're right. I'm already starting to feel like I've had a workout,' Jacqueline said as they headed out of town. Her stomach muscles and thighs were feeling tight. No wonder he looked the way he did.

‘Yes, it uses a lot of muscles. I'm serious about you feeling a bit sore. Sorry about that.'

‘No worries. It was worth it.'

‘You might not be saying that in the morning, or two days from now,' he said with a laugh. ‘But, seriously, have a hot shower when you get home, it should help.'

‘Thanks for the tip. And thanks again, I really did enjoy it.'

‘That's great,' he said. ‘I didn't think you'd have the guts to do it.'

‘No, me neither.' She was still a little surprised that she had.

As they neared the outskirts of town, Jacqueline began praying that it was too early for Damien to be at Ethel's for dinner and wouldn't be there to see Paul dropping her off. She really didn't want to hurt him.

‘So, can I call you?' Paul asked as he was idling in her driveway behind the VW. Damien's ute was not on the other side of the street.

‘Oh. Well, I …'

‘Hey, I know about Damien McAllister. That you two were an item, briefly. If you need time, or it's complicated, or whatever, that's cool with me. I can do casual. But we had fun, didn't we?'

Jacqueline found herself nodding, enthralled again by his lashes. ‘Yep. Sounds good,' she said. She got out and waited as he reversed, and then waved him off before heading inside.

Chapter Twenty-two

Damien turned off the bitumen and onto the dirt road that took him to the edge of his property. It felt good to be almost home; he could imagine not wanting to leave for days. He should let Ethel know he wouldn't be there for tea, but didn't want to speak to anyone. He definitely wasn't up to socialising after his mother's bombshell. And, anyway, how was he ever to look Jacqueline in the eye again, knowing what he knew? Fuck, he was angry with his mother. How could she? He sighed deeply.

He pulled up at the depository and got out slowly. ‘Stay there, Squish, back in a sec.' He felt dead on his feet, didn't even have the energy to push the ute's door closed behind him. Every step was a huge effort.

Damien peered through the wire to see if he needed to go inside.
Oh God
. He opened the door and stared, trying to take in exactly what he was seeing. Two pups, young brown kelpies by the looks of them, were against the far wall on their hind legs, their front claws hanging in midair. Two ropes stretched up, one end of each tied to the four-by-two timber frame of the shed and the other around a dog's neck.

Damien pulled himself together and burst into action. He whipped out the multi-tooled pocket knife he kept on his belt. Tears filled his eyes as he got up close and saw the bulging, haemorrhaged eyes staring back at him. He was too late.
Oh God, you poor little things. I'm so sorry.
His heart hurt so much he thought it might actually be splitting in two.

‘I'm so, so sorry.' He cut the ropes and then sank to the floor weeping, cradling the two lifeless bodies. There was nothing more he could do. Squish appeared beside him, licked his hand once, sniffed the bodies, and curled up beside his sobbing master.

*

‘Hey, what's going on? What's happened?'

Damien looked up. Ethel stood in the doorway and his spirits lifted just the tiniest bit.

‘I wasn't here,' he said, lifting his hands and dropping them helplessly. ‘They hanged themselves.'

‘What? How?'

‘Someone tied them up with slip knots.'

‘God.'

‘I should have been here. Bloody Mum. If it wasn't for her, I would have been.'

Ethel eased herself onto the ground in front of him, giving Squish a pat. ‘You can't save them all, Damien. You know that. I know it's hard, but it's the price you pay for caring.'

‘It just hurts so much.'

‘I know it does. I know it does,' she said, pulling his head towards her soft, ample chest. They were silent through a new bout of tears. Ethel's eyes were glistening too when they stopped and she released him.

‘How bloody stupid? There's a secure door, so nothing needs to be tied up. Couldn't they bloody see that?'

‘Damien, you're never going to be able to control what other people do. Come on, let's give them a decent burial. It's all we can do now. I've got the kittens in the car. You saved them and they're doing well – focus on that.' Ethel got up slowly and put her hands out for the bodies. Damien got up and followed her out.

‘You got a spade in the back?'

‘Yep.'

‘Here's a good spot – just under that one,' she said, pointing to a lone native pine tree surrounded by broom bush.

Damien got the spade out of the huge toolbox on the back of the ute where he kept tools he might need on his rounds checking stock, fences and water pipes. Holes he could dig and right now that was all he thought about. It felt good to burn up some of the emotion. God, what a fucking day! He needed this like he needed a hole in the head.

Finally they were standing in silence, side by side, looking at the small mound of bare earth, with Squish standing nearby. Damien felt so sad and low he could barely stand.

‘Why can't people just be bloody nice, do the right thing by animals – and each other, for that matter? It's not fucking rocket science!' It was only when Ethel put a hand on his arm that Damien realised he'd uttered his thoughts aloud.

‘Perhaps they did think they were doing the right thing, dear. They brought them here, didn't they?' she said gently. ‘It's up to us to educate them.'

He nodded and hugged her.

‘Come on, I sure could do with a cuppa,' Ethel said, tugging at his sleeve before returning to their vehicles.

Back at the caravan he called home, Damien let Jemima and Bob and Cara out of their runs and gave them all a big dose of affection. Ethel carried the box of kittens in. Jemima hopped into the van before they had a chance to close the door. The small roo standing there in the middle of the van looking around her as if to say, ‘Hello, look at me, I'm here,' brought the slightest smile to Damien's face.

One by one, he took each squeaking, purring kitten out of the box, gave it a cuddle, and returned it. Ethel was right, they really were doing well. He'd have to get used to not winning all the battles. But telling himself that didn't improve his mood. He was becoming sad and depressed. Even his anger towards his mother had been overtaken.

Ethel put two mugs down and took her usual spot on the bench seat.

‘So, Tina got off okay then?' she said.

‘Yeah. But you'll never guess what.'

‘What's that?' she said, overly brightly. Too quickly, Damien thought, looking at her. She was staring down at the table, running a finger across it, following a pattern in the Laminex.

‘You know, don't you?'

‘What's that?'

‘What Mum's done.'

Ethel sighed. ‘Yes. She rang me from the airport in Adelaide. That's why I'm here. She asked me to check on you.'

‘Oh. Right.' Damien was momentarily stunned. Now he thought about it, it was odd that Ethel was there. Thank goodness she was. ‘Well, lucky for her we were busy driving and then surrounded by people in the airport because I swear, Auntie, I just wanted to wrap my hands around her throat and choke the living shit out of her.'

‘I can imagine.'

‘How could she have done that to Jacqueline – to us?'

‘She thought she was doing the right thing, protecting you.'

‘Well, she's a fucking interfering control freak – excuse my language.'

‘Yes, she is that. And I've heard worse. But we all have to cut her a bit of slack. She's going through a tough time with Geoff.'

‘I can't believe you're so calm. Jacqueline's your friend.'
And what about being angry for me?
‘I'm fucking furious.'

‘Well, I'm pretty disappointed, but I'm not quite as emotionally involved as you.'

‘How embarrassing. After all Philip and Eileen have done for me. How am I ever going to look them the eye again, knowing this is all my fault?'

‘It's not your fault, Damien, it's your mother's doing. They're smart enough to know you can't control the decisions someone else makes.'

‘Can you believe she went to dinner that night with us all – strolled in with her pavlova and sat around, happy as Larry. Yet just days before, she'd dobbed Jacqueline in.'

‘Well, she did send the second letter. As far as she'd have been concerned, they would have cancelled each other out and no one would ever have been the wiser.'

‘Fuck, I'm angry.'

‘Understandably. I'm sure Jacqueline would say it would be a good idea to write it all down, get it out.'

‘That's the one good thing about all this.'

‘What is?'

‘I now know how to write the letter in support of Jacqueline. I've been tearing my hair out about it.'

‘What are you going to say?'

‘What an interfering, controlling, cold, cow of a mother I have and how that was why I was seeing Jacqueline in the first place. My life was shit before I met her – and not just my love life. Jacqueline totally got me to sort everything out in my head and get on a different, better path, just by getting me to think about everything and analyse how I was feeling and why. The letter's not really about me, but her: how her being good at what she does helped me.' Damien stopped, suddenly aware he was ranting.

‘Sounds good to me. Have you seen the Facebook page for her yet?'

‘What? No. I thought we agreed it wouldn't be a good idea to go public.'

‘Well, lucky for us Nancy Squire has fully embraced the Facebook phenomenon. Coming from her, it will be totally fine. Last check it's already had around five hundred likes. Amazing.'

‘That's brilliant.'

‘Yours is doing well too.'

‘I struggle a bit with finding interesting stuff to post about. And I probably should stay off it while I'm so fucking angry – at Mum and whoever left the dogs to hang themselves.'

‘Perhaps it might be useful to post about it – help you deal with it and educate people about the dangers of using rope and slipknots instead of a proper collar.'

‘I should have taken photos. Maybe I could have used them to find the bastards.'

‘No,' Ethel said thoughtfully. ‘They were delivered to you. Someone took that bold step. It might not have worked out well in the end, but if you start using things like that as an example, then you might frighten people off from doing the right thing. I've heard the police use Facebook to help find missing persons. You use it for good too, Damien. By all means educate with articles and examples, but I reckon save using photos you've taken for helping people be reunited with lost pets or for finding new homes for those who've been given a second chance, eh? I hear it can go like wildfire – even around the world in a matter of minutes.'

‘You're so wise. What would I do without you?' he said, putting a hand over one of hers.

‘And what would this old duck do without you keeping me young by making me feel useful?' She smiled weakly back at him. ‘Well, since you're sounding a little better, I'll leave you to it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and bring these little guys back. I figured you wouldn't be up to socialising. I tell you, I won't miss their squawking – they're noisy for such small things.'

‘Thanks. I do feel a little better. But I'm still pissed off with Mum.'

‘And rightly so. Make the most of it, though, and get that letter written. We've got to do all we can for Jacqueline.'

‘How am I going to tell her it was Mum?'

‘Do you want me to?'

‘Would you? Seriously? Would you mind? But would it look too gutless of me?'

‘She'll understand. If not, I'll make her. Really, it should be Tina. But I don't think we should wait until she gets back.'

‘No, you're right. You're always right.'

‘That, my boy, is certainly not the case, but thanks anyway for your vote of confidence. Now you get on with your letter. The kittens are due to be fed in around an hour, but they'll be sure to let you know.'

Chapter Twenty-three

Jacqueline's legs felt leaden as she and her parents made their way across the road to Ethel's for dinner. She'd have loved to be staying home and having a quiet night in – not that spending time with her dear friend and neighbour wasn't relaxing. And it wouldn't be a late night. But if she'd felt like cooking or had already pulled one of Eileen's meals out of the freezer that morning, she would have invited Ethel to bring her leftover trifle to them and stayed put. She vowed to have a decent walk in the morning before work and stretch her muscles so she wouldn't seize up completely. While she'd been enjoying her surfing lesson and wouldn't have minded keeping going, she was now pleased Paul had called an end to it so soon.

‘Long time, no see,' Philip said jovially as Ethel answered the door.

‘Yes, come on in,' Ethel said.

Jacqueline's antennae went up, noting Ethel's lack of retort. As she retreated from Ethel's hug, she scrutinised her friend a little more closely. Something wasn't quite right. Perhaps she was just tired; she was in her seventies and they'd had a pretty packed day. Jacqueline wished they weren't imposing on her for the second night in a row.