Stadium of Lights: A Second Chance Sports Romance (21 page)

S
hit
. I had no idea what to do next.

I hadn’t planned on that happening. I didn’t know I wanted it to happen until I was close to Claire, feeling sorry for making her cry. It all happened so fast after that. One minute I was trying to comfort her. The next minute we were kissing and my body took over after that.

How would she act? Would it be some awkward thing where we didn’t know what to say to each other? Would she think it was weird if I left? I wanted to leave. I wanted to get the hell away from her before I did something stupid again.

Leaving would be stupid, too. I knew that. It would hurt Claire even more. Would I ever do the right thing by her? It seemed like no matter what I did, it was the wrong thing.

I silently cursed myself as we lay there together. My eyes were still closed, so I didn’t know what she was doing. She was silent, I could tell that much. Maybe she fell asleep? Did girls do that? I had never been with a girl who didn’t either get up right away—usually because I told her to—or try to cuddle. I wasn’t a fan of cuddling. I didn’t know a man who was.

She cleared her throat. Then, she did it again. I couldn’t ignore her forever. She was trying to get my attention. Apparently, she wanted me to do something.

I opened my eyes, and then bit the side of my tongue to keep from laughing. She looked like a shocked old lady, holding the sheet up over her chest.

“Sorry. I guess I dozed off for a second,” I said.

“Yeah. That happens.” The nervousness in her voice and the way she was a little clumsy when we did it told me she wasn’t experienced. She wasn’t a virgin, either, but she wasn’t like the girls I was used to. The ones who showed up at a party without underwear.

I stretched and realized I wasn’t covered up. “Share that blanket?” I asked, pulling on the sheet.

Her eyes went wide like she was panicking.

“What is it?”

“I’m…a little shy. About my body,” Claire admitted.

“Why? I’ve seen it already.”

“I know. But … I don’t know … this feels different. You were … aroused then.”

Part of me wanted to laugh. Part of me wanted to hug her. I felt sorry for her. How long had it been since she had sex? I didn’t want to ask—too personal. That sounded funny even as I thought it since I was just inside her.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I’m going to tell you a secret. Ready?”

“I think so?”

“When a woman is in bed with a man, he’s not picking her body apart. He’s just glad she’s in bed with him. Before and after. Trust me on that.”

That thawed her a little. “What about … what’s it called? When a guy wakes up with a girl and realizes, she’s gross?”

I finally laughed, but I kept it quiet for her sake. “This isn’t like that. I didn’t pick you up at a bar, wasted. We know each other.
I
wanted to be with you. I like being with you now. Come on. Let me cover up.”

She gave me some of the sheets, and I threw them over my waist. “If I’m supposed to be so comfortable around you, how come you aren’t comfortable enough around me to be naked?”

I opened my mouth to toss off a reply until I saw how right she was. I laughed. “I’ll take it off if you do.”

“No!” She pulled the sheet tighter. I couldn’t win.

“I don’t see why you’re so hard on yourself. You have a beautiful body.”

“No, I don’t. You’re just saying that.” She wasn’t fishing for compliments like any other girl would. She meant it.

“Why would I just say that? I’ve already had you—sorry, that sounded wrong.”

She smirked, nodding.

“But you get what I mean, right? I’m not trying to blow smoke up your ass so you let me screw you. I’m serious. Your body turned me on.
You
turn me on.”

“It did?” Her whisper was so small. I wanted to hug her again.

“Uh, I think I proved that already. Didn’t I? Weren’t you here?”

She giggled. “Yeah. Okay.”

I wasn’t kidding, either. I wasn’t trying to make Claire feel good by lying. Her body was different for me—I was used to thinner girls, for sure—but the extra curviness was lush. That was the only word I could think of. I held on to her. When I touched her, there was plenty to feel. She wasn’t fat. She was round and soft and smooth. The perfect size.

“You’re like one of those women in those paintings. You know the ones I mean. I’ve always liked them.”

“Rubenesque?” she asked.

“Yeah. That. That’s what you are. You’re beautiful.”

She blushed, putting her hand in front of her face.

I leaned over her, pulling the hand away. “I’m serious,” I whispered. I was so close to her. I could feel her breath on my face. I had to kiss her again. Anyone would have.

Why did I care so much? Why was it important to me that she understand how I thought about her? Why was it such a big deal that I didn’t hurt her feelings? I had no idea. It was a first for me. But I had to kiss her like it was a way to convince her I was telling the truth. Once I was in the kiss, I didn’t want to stop.

Neither did she. Her hands tangled in my hair, pulling me closer to her. I made a noise of surprise—she almost attacked me. She was desperate for it, for me. There was something about that, something hot. She needed me. I would give her exactly what she needed.

I hated myself for giving in so easy, even as I kissed my way down her body. She moaned, and didn’t stop me when I peeled away the sheets. The sight of her, all of her, had me hard in no time. I had to be inside her. I had to be. She had to open herself to me.

I ran a hand down her body, skimming her curves, taking her in. The narrow waist. The round hips. The firm thigh and calf. Then up again. My fingers caressed her, drawing sighs from deep in her throat.

“Yes,” I whispered. “Let me make you feel good.”

She whimpered then, visibly relaxed. I had her where I wanted her, and the thought made my cock throb again.

I focused on her tits, burying my face between them. They were firm, round, ripe. I devoured them like a person starving, licking and sucking, listening to the way she moaned louder the harder I sucked.

“Yes … Jake, please … yes…” Her head fell back, her eyes closed. I flicked my tongue back and forth over her perky nipple, and she gasped. I did the same to the other one, listening to her gasp again when I did.

It was almost fun, seeing what else I could do to her. The other ways I could make her feel good. It wasn’t all about me, either. I wanted her to enjoy it as much as I knew I would. I ached already for the tight heat of her pussy.

My hand roamed her legs, and she gasped the further up her thigh I went. The closer I got to her center, the louder she gasped. Then she whimpered, spreading her legs further. I wanted to dive into them but held back. If she was really inexperienced, she might not like that.

Instead, I let my fingers do the work for me. I started by stroking the outside of her lips, where moisture glistened. I worked without looking, watching her face instead. Sometimes, I would take a quick lick of her nipple, or her neck, or earlobe. But all the while, my fingers stroked her smooth, slick skin.

She opened her legs wider. “Please … p—please…!” She sounded desperate.

I could understand why. I positioned myself against her, rubbing my aching cock on her smooth skin. I groaned, and she whimpered again.

“Please, Jake!”

“Please, what?” I let my fingers just skim the outside of her clit, and her hips left the bed.

“Fuck!” she cried out then moaned continuously as I dipped inside to stroke her wet folds. I kissed her, sucking her lips, biting them gently as she moaned into my mouth. Meanwhile, I stroked her clit, strumming it, rubbing it, circling it. The closer she got to coming, the more desperate I was for her to come.

“That’s it, baby,” I whispered. “I want you to come for me. I want you to scream so I can give you my cock.”

“Yes!” she shrieked. My ears rang as she writhed and moaned in ecstasy. Then she shuddered, whimpering again, coming down.

I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to be inside. I got up and climbed between her legs while struggling with a condom. She opened them for me, inviting me inside. Her heat pulled at me, begging me to enter her. I lined myself up.

“You ready?” I asked. It wasn’t vanity, it wasn’t dirty talk. I wanted to be sure she was okay.

“Yes. Please.” She clasped her hands behind my neck and closed her eyes. I pushed forward, making her tense and gasp.

I took it slow at first. She still needed time to adjust again. Whoever she had before hadn’t been as big as me. My ego didn’t mind that at all. She was so fucking tight. It was a struggle to keep from coming right away, as she gripped me like a vice, trying to milk me dry.

“You feel so good.” She smiled, eyes still closed.

I smiled, too. She had such a pure, simple way of enjoying what I did to her. She wasn’t porn-y. She didn’t try to pretend to be in the throes of passion the minute I slid into her. She went with me, letting me fuck her. She just enjoyed it. It was refreshing, and it made me appreciate it more, too.

I started to grind, swiveling my hips in circles, making her moan. She liked that, so I kept it up. By the time I started taking her with long, deep thrusts, she was moving her hips in time with mine.

“That’s right,” I groaned. “Show me how you like it.” I closed my eyes and grunted again, louder, when I felt her come alive under me. She moved with me, then against me, then with me again. It was bliss. I was dangerously close to coming, too.

I slowed down, pushing myself up on my hands, kneeling above her. I saw her flinch, and then try to cover herself, so I took her wrists in my hands.

“Stop that,” I panted, still thrusting. “I want to see you.” I held her hands still, watching as her tits bounced up and down in time with my thrusts. It was hypnotic.

I let go of her wrists, and she didn’t try to cover herself. This time, she reached for me. Her hands ran all over me, everything she could reach. I shivered at her touch, going harder and faster.

“Yes!” She moved against me again, and our bodies slapped together harder and faster. I leaned over her, palms on either side of her, and started pounding her mercilessly. My body took over. I needed to come.

“Yes! Jake! Fuck!” I felt her nails raking me from shoulder to ass, and it was all I needed to push me over the edge. I cried out, jerking as I exploded inside her. Our noises mixed together until we were finally both silent.

I fell against her, totally spent. I finally knew what it was like to feel totally satisfied after sex. I buried my face in her neck, breathing in her rose perfume scent. It was all so different.

And wrong. So fucking wrong.

“Shit,” I whispered. It was more for me than for her. I messed up again.

I
wanted to tell somebody
. I wanted to tell someone so badly.

Everyone I passed on the sidewalk seemed a likely candidate. “What did you do last night? Oh, that sounds nice. Know what I did? I slept with Jake Jennings!”

I saw myself doing it, heard myself saying the words. Saw their looks of shock and surprise. Oh, I wished I had the nerve to go through with it.

I didn’t, naturally. I would have died of embarrassment. I had the feeling Jake wouldn’t want anybody to know, anyway. Why would he? I wasn’t brag-worthy.

Even if nothing ever happened between us again, I would appreciate the tender, sweet way he treated me for the rest of my life. That much, I was sure of. He didn’t have to be so caring. He treated me like a princess. He took the time to tell me I was beautiful. Heck, he made me feel beautiful—that was a minor miracle in itself.

My mind wandered all throughout my classes. I was on Cloud Nine, miles above the mere mortals on the ground.

This is not good
, I reminded myself.
GPA. Law school. Future
.
Focus!

So what? A little daydreaming never killed anybody. And that’s all it was. Daydreaming. For a single day. Post-booty glow, I’d heard Jess call it. That sounded about right.

I was smiling to myself over that very term when I walked into my dorm room on Thursday afternoon. Jess was there, watching TV with a book open on her lap. She had a rather mischievous look on her face when I came into the room.

“Hey! What’s up? How did the show go last night? You were out cold when I left this morning.” I plopped my book bag on the bed and slid out of my sandals, ready to make up for some of the material I hadn’t paid attention to in class that day.

“It went just fine, thanks.” Her voice was cool, distant.

“I’m going to come tonight, I promise.” I hoped she wasn’t mad that I hadn’t seen it yet.

“Awesome. I can’t wait for you to see it. I would love to hear what you think.” Nothing about her voice or demeanor changed. She was like a robot.

“Okay.” I sat on my bed, across the narrow room from hers. “What’s up? Why are you acting so weird?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Did you have a man in here last night? And you didn’t tell me?”

I frowned. I didn’t know how to respond. What was Jess more concerned with? The man, or that I didn’t tell her?

“You weren’t awake this morning, but … um … yes?” Why lie? I waited with bated breath for her reaction.

She nearly jumped off the bed. “Woo-hoo!” She threw her book into the air and did a victory dance. “Claire got lucky! Claire got lucky!”

I couldn’t help giggling. “Whoa! Chill out!”

“How was it? Who was it? Oh, my goodness.” She stopped hands over her mouth. “Was it him?”

It was my turn to have a little fun with her. “Who’s him?”

“You know who I mean. Jake.”

I shrugged, looking at the floor. “Maybe.”

“Holy shit!” She fell onto her bed, kicking her feet into the air. “This is unbelievable! Oh, you have to tell me all about it! Oh, I’m so fucking excited!”

“Calm down!” I couldn’t stop giggling, though. It felt so good to get it off my chest. “How did you even know?”

“Oh, come on. Ever notice how sometimes, when you come into the room, it seems a little off? The energy is different?”

I thought about it. “Yeah, every once in a while.”

“Yeah, well, that’s when I’ve had a guy in here.”

“Oh, really? And you don’t tell me about that, but I have to tell you every detail about my wild night with Jake and the not one, but two times we had sex?”

“Twice?” She beamed, rolling from side to side on the bed. “Shut up! You’re killing me! Come on, please. Details. How did it happen? Who started it? How was it?”

I told her the whole story—coming to the room to study, having a fight, crying. “And then, all of a sudden, Jake kissed me.”

“Girl, tears get ‘em every time. Way to go.”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t trying to get him to kiss me, Jess. Trust me, sleeping with him was the
last
thing on my mind.”

“It doesn’t matter. It worked anyway—maybe even better since you weren’t trying. Sometimes guys can tell if you’re trying.”

“Good to know.” I rolled my eyes. “How many times have you been around the block, anyway?”

“None of your business.” She glared. “Besides, this is all standard female knowledge. I’m happy to pass it on to you, now that your dry spell is officially over, and you’re sleeping with one of the hottest football players of UM.”

“Hang on. I don’t know if we’re actually sleeping together. We’ve slept together. Two different things.”

“What, you think it was a one-off? I’m sorry, two-off?” She smirked.

“Probably. I don’t want to assume anything, you know? I don’t want to push him away, or make him regret what we did. You’re making it more than what it really is.”

“Yeah, you may be right. Oh, and guys hate clingy women.”

“See? Even I knew that one,” I said.

“So, was he any good?” she asked.

“I have to be honest, Jess. I don’t know what good is.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “Did you … you know … finish?”

I blushed. “Yes.”

“Both times?”

My face burned a furious shade of red. “More than once, both times.”

“Eek!”

We laughed together.

“So that’s good?” I hated how clueless I was. I’d gone through three years of college with nothing to show for it but a lot of cold showers.

“Claire, most guys don’t even know the first thing about how to get a woman to do that. He got you to do it more than once? He’s a keeper. I would say lock that shit down, tight. Anyway, you can.”

“I have no idea how to do that,” I admitted. “I mean, I didn’t even start it in the first place. I would feel like such a fool. I’m in so far over my head.” I flung myself back on the bed, hopeless.

“The first thing you’re going to do, Scarlett O’Hara, is remember that he wanted
you
. And he didn’t disappear. That means it wasn’t just a fling or a drunken hook-up. And he did initiate. Also a good sign.”

“And he told me I was beautiful,” I murmured from my spot on the bed.

“He did?”

“Yes. Jake told me my body is beautiful when I tried to cover myself up. He said I’m Rubenesque, and he thinks that’s beautiful. That was when we did it the second time.”

“Really?” She threw herself back onto her own bed. “Oh, Claire. You’re in serious trouble, then. He didn’t just do it with you. There’s something else there. I can feel it.”

“You can? Because I can’t.”

“You just don’t want to,” she pointed out. “You're stubborn.”

“I don’t want to get hurt,” I said. “I’ve heard too many horror stories how the guys, especially sports players, treat the girls here. They use them and toss them when they’re done.”

“It’s the chance you take, though, when you get involved with someone. And some would say it’s worth the chance. I mean, you might strike out. You might hit a home run.”

“Another sport,” I muttered.

Jess laughed, throwing a pillow at me. “You know what I mean. Just let it happen. See where it goes. Play it cool and stop overthinking it.”

“Let it happen,” I repeated. “See where it goes.”

“And don’t shut anything down before it can even get started! You’re so self-defeating.”

“Got it.”

We both stared at the ceiling for a while. Then, I heard Jess’s sneaky voice.

“So, how big is he?”

* * *

I
never tried
on so many outfits just to get ready to go to the library.

Somehow, this seemed more important. This was the first time we would see each other since The Night Before. That was what I called it in my head. The Night Before, when we had sex. The Night Before, when he wasn’t just a vague idea in my head but, rather, a whole person with a body I didn’t have to imagine anymore and real noises he made when having sex.

Something about that realization made me a little sad. I couldn’t put my finger on why. What difference did it make, either way? If anything, I should have been happy that I didn’t have to dream about him anymore.

Now that we had done it, though, there was less chance we would do it again. At least, there was in my crazy mind. It was the way I thought. I always expected something dreadful to happen. He would realize he’d made a huge mistake, cut, and run. He would tell his coach he didn’t care if he failed. He would drop football and decide to become a monk because I had scarred him sexually.

Be calm. Be calm and remember it’s just a job.

It wasn’t anymore, and I wasn’t sure having sex with Jake was a very bright idea. Now I would have to face him almost every day for the rest of the semester. It might get easier over time … but what if it didn’t? What if every day was like this one, trying on clothes, tossing them aside, never being satisfied? God, it would kill me. And I would never get anything else done.

I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror.
Calm the fuck down. You’re brilliant. You’re strong. Your worth isn’t measured by whether or not some guy wants to sleep with you again. None of that matters. You’re amazing, just the way you are.

Jess came in from the shower, took one look at the pile of clothes on the bed and laughed.

“Come on, Claire. You can’t do this to yourself,” she said.

“I don’t know what to wear. I’m at a loss.” I sat in the middle of the pile, miserable.

“What’s wrong with all the tops and skirts you bought when we went shopping?”

“He’s seen me in all of those,” I muttered.

She laughed. “Claire, men don’t remember things like that! You could wear the same thing a week straight, and he wouldn’t notice. Not because he doesn’t look at you, but because he doesn’t see. He’s thinking about the body underneath the clothes. Trust me. With that in mind…” She went through the pile, pulling a few things out. “Here. Tank, cardi, skirt. Brown sandals. Done. Now get dressed and get the hell out of here already so I can prepare myself for the show.” She rubbed a towel over her beautiful blonde hair. How many times had I longed for that hair? But Jake seemed to like my plain, mousy hair. A little touch-up from the stylist hadn’t hurt.

I dressed in a hurry and then gave her a hug. “Thanks. Break a leg tonight. I can’t wait to see you.”

“If you miss it, I’ll understand why.” She winked.

I blushed furiously as I left, but couldn’t help hoping…