Stadium of Lights: A Second Chance Sports Romance (19 page)

“
C
ome on
, boys! We’re only down three! Get your head in the game!” Zack made it his duty to rev the team up like we needed any help. The first game of the season had been a nail-biter all the way through. We might have been exhausted, we might have been damned near wasted and filthy and half-dead, but we knew what was at stake.

The offensive line hit the field. We needed to move the ball all the way down from our own twenty-yard-line in less than a minute. It would take a miracle—but we had one of the best quarterbacks in the conference.

“Okay,” Max said, huddling. “They’ve been all over the passing game all day, so we run. Brad, it’s all you, brother.”

“I’ve got this.”

I crashed helmets with him, praying he had it. Losing the first game after winning the championship the year earlier would have crushed the school.

The roar of the Indiana Hoosiers’ crowd was almost too much to take. My ears rang with it, but I couldn’t wear earplugs on the field, or else I’d miss the calls.

Max called, “Hike!”

I snapped the ball, and threw all my weight behind, blocking not one but two defensive linemen from getting to him before he handed off to Brad. From the corner of my eye, I saw Brad take off.

“Yes!” I screamed shaking off the Indiana Hoosiers players and running behind my teammates as Brad ran out of bounds at the Indiana thirty. A fifty-yard run. I could’ve kissed him.

We huddled up, trying to run out the clock as much as possible while leaving time to score. Managing the clock was always something we tried to work on, but it was tough when we wanted to keep the momentum going. “Okay, boys. Thirty yards to go. I want to run a screen, here. They won’t expect a pass this close to the end zone.” He was probably right, I realized. Max almost never passed the ball when we were that close. The Indiana Hoosiers had nearly read our minds all day, so I knew they’d been paying attention. I hoped it worked in our favor.

We broke the huddle, getting in formation. I heard the frustrated grunts from the other players, knowing how desperate they were to hold us in place. The clock sat at forty seconds.

Max made the call—I snapped, and then threw myself forward. They were desperate to get through to him before he released the ball. I put all my effort into holding them just long enough. That time, he threw a long spiral downfield. Straight into the arms of Nate, Zack’s backup wide receiver.

Anybody who didn’t know better would’ve thought we won the championship all over again, the way we jumped on each other and screamed. It was only a matter of holding the Indiana offense after that, and our defensive line poured on the field after the extra point went through. They were raring to go and made short work of it.

Our first win of the season. It was a high like nothing I could imagine.

I wished I had somebody there to cheer me on.

* * *

“
D
ude
, what the fuck is wrong with you tonight?” Brad handed me a beer. “You decide you don’t like to drink anymore?”

“No.” I tried to shake off the arm he slung over my shoulders. “I’m just not in the mood to get wasted, is all.”

“Why not? Come on, man. There are tons of girls here, and they want some football cock! We won, bro!”

“I thought you were hooking up with Jenny now,” I reminded him.

“Whatever. She’s probably off fucking one of the basketball players or something. The girl is a freak,” he said, then laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard.

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” I said. Like I didn’t know.

“So what’s the problem, bro? Come on. Let’s do some shots.” He tried to steer me in the direction of the kitchen, where a few of my teammates poured rows of shots without stopping. There was always somebody there to drink them.

I realized something as Brad tried to drag me to the kitchen. Parties weren’t as much fun when I didn’t get wasted.

That was depressing. I didn’t want to get plastered because I wanted to be up early enough to get in a quick workout, get some studying out of the way. I had to be serious about my grades. I told myself I could balance partying with studying.

But it wasn’t as much fun when I only had a beer or two. The people I used to think were so much fun were actually kind of stupid when they were drunk, and I was pretty much sober. Even the girls were a little sloppy. They never seemed that way before. Did I actually screw some of them? What the hell?

Right then, I hated my life. I wanted to go back to partying without worrying about studying. Back when I didn’t have to prove myself to anybody. Especially not Claire.

Funny how her opinion mattered more to me than Coach’s did. He could suck my dick, as far as I cared. But Claire was different.

I turned to Brad. “I think I’m going to go upstairs, bro.”

“Oh, you see somebody you like?” Brad looked around the kitchen, trying to pick out the girl he thought I wanted. “The little Asian chick in the corner, maybe?”

“No, man. I mean by myself. I have a lot of shit to do tomorrow, and I have a headache. I’m fucking wiped from the game, too.”

I was alone a minute later. In my room during a party, all alone. Hardly even buzzed.

I sat on the bed, and the vibrations from the music went through the floor, to my feet. The bed even shook a little. It wasn’t usually quiet in my room when I was there during a party, either. I never noticed things like that.

It made me remember being a kid, sitting in my room. Waiting for Mom’s “friend” to leave. She had a lot of friends. They were all men. I wasn’t allowed out of my room when one of them was over. So I’d sit alone. Sometimes I didn’t care. It was a way to read without her yelling at me to go outside and play. How many hours did I spend in that cramped room? I would wait for the laughing and squeaking bedsprings to stop. She thought the music she blasted on her stereo drowned it out, but she was wrong. Then, after maybe twenty minutes, she would knock on my door to let me know it was okay to come out.

I wouldn’t get that knock on the door this time, but I didn’t need it. I wasn’t that kid anymore.

I pulled out my books. Might as well study.
Lady Chatterley's Lover
. If I wasn’t getting any, I could at least read about somebody who did.

* * *

M
onday night
, I walked into the library and went straight to the table in the back, where I usually sat with Claire. Only somebody was already there. I took a step away, looking around for somewhere else to sit.

“Jake?” I turned back to the girl at my table. I knew her voice, but not anything else. Then it hit me.

“Claire?” No way. It was like looking at another person.

“Yeah. It’s me.” She grinned.

I took a slow walk to her, staring at her the whole time. Instead of wearing the oversized T-shirts and baggy blue jeans, she was dressed in a tight white tank top that hugged her body and an open button-down plaid shirt over it. Her tits filled in the top perfectly, and I could see her deep cleavage. The tan skirt she wore showed off smooth calves.

Her hair looked totally different, too. It used to be long, flat. Now it sat on her shoulders, shiny, with a little curl to it. She was even wearing makeup.

“I’m sorry I missed you. You look so different,” I stuttered.

“It’s okay. Come sit down.”

I put my book bag down. “How was your weekend?” I asked. “Busy?”

She laughed. “Yeah. Busy. I did a little shopping, a little haircutting. You know.”

I pulled my laptop and books out. My head was spinning. I couldn’t think straight. What the fuck was happening? It was as if she turned into a girl all of a sudden. When did she decide she had a body she wanted to show off?

“How was your weekend?” She was taking notes on whatever she was reading so I couldn’t see her face. But she sounded a little pissed.

“Um, okay. Busy.”

“Did you have fun at the party?”

Why did I feel guilty? Like she caught me doing something wrong.
I’m an adult. I can do what the fuck I want
. “Yeah. It was a great time—since we won the game and all. We thought we could use a little fun. You should have been there.” No way could I tell her the truth that I had read until one in the morning then woke up with a massive boner after dreaming about one of the scenes in the book.

“I talked to your coach this morning. I told him you’re doing a good job.” She looked at me. “Don’t make a liar out of me, okay?”

“You didn’t tell him I partied over the weekend?”

“No, because I’m not your mother. But I think it would be good if you got serious.”

I nodded. “Okay. How did you know about the party?”

“I have my ways.”

“Such as?”

“Such as my roommate was there, and she saw you. She mentioned it because she knows I’m tutoring you.”

“Your roommate was there? How come you weren’t?”

She rolled her green eyes. “Yeah, right. I would be awesome at a frat party.”

“What? Have you ever even been to one?”

“Hell no!” She shook her head in disgust.

“Then how would you know what it’s like?”

“I just know I wouldn’t have fun. It’s not my thing.”

I didn’t argue with her because it wasn’t like I wanted her there. I didn’t want it getting around that I had a tutor. Even after a week, it still bothered me. The guys would never let me live it down. I could almost hear them. Plus, she didn’t seem like she knew how to let loose.

“Anyway, it’s a new week. And I have more work to do.” She pointed to my laptop. “So do you.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” I pulled my notes out and started typing them up. Only I kept looking at her over the screen. I couldn’t believe I was thinking it … but she was kind of cute. She made me wonder how the girls I usually slept with looked without makeup on, too. If that’s what a decent hairstyle and makeup could do for a woman.

“How are things going? Don’t you have that Sociology exam next week?” she asked.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I can’t believe it’s so early. Like we even have the time to cover the material in three weeks.”

“You’re supposed to be covering the material on your own.”

“I am, I am.” I showed her how far along I was in my text. “I’m keeping up with it.”

“Good.”

“Don’t forget to tell Coach about that.”

“I won’t.” She faced her book, but I could see her smile.

After a few minutes, I had to defend myself. “And I cut out of the party early, too.”

“Oh, you did? What was her name?”

“Wow, really?”

She looked up. “Sorry. I just assumed. Did you not get her name?” She grinned, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about this sassy new girl. A wardrobe and a haircut and she thought she was hot shit.

“I was alone,” I told her.

“Oh. Then I guess it wasn’t such a great party, huh?” She made a note on her paper and then flipped to the next page. “Get back to work,” she murmured.

Once again I couldn’t fucking win. Either Claire was sensitive, or a total smartass. I pounded the keys a little harder than I needed to as I typed, and when I looked over at her, I could see the smile she tried to hide.

We worked in silence for three hours. The only sounds I heard were my fingers hitting the keys and the flipping of pages.

“
S
o
, how’s it going with ‘Jennings the Jock’?” Thomas chuckled to himself.

“You’re so corny.” I rolled my eyes and wondered why I had agreed to go to the comic book store with Marcie to watch Thomas and his Dungeons & Dragons buddies play. It was about as entertaining as watching paint dry. Still, after studying with Jake for four hours, it was nice to hang out with my best friend.

As long as Thomas kept his mouth shut. Everybody heard him, too. All eyes turned toward me.

I laughed self-consciously. “Wow. Way to quiet the room, Thomas.”

“Come on. You’ve got to have a bunch of stories already. You’ve been tutoring him for, what, almost two weeks now.”

“You’re tutoring a jock?” One of the other players raised a red plastic cup to me. “Good luck with that.”

“He’s not as stupid as I first thought,” I said.

“No. He just needs a tutor because we all know jocks have a brain the size of a mouse.” Thomas laughed.

I wished he could get off the topic and quit it with the obsession he had.

“Sometimes, people need tutoring. It doesn’t mean they’re idiots.”

“No, being a jock means he’s dumb and puts sports before his studies. Like what’s the point of going to college then if you’re just going to flunk out?”

Most of the room laughed. Marcie didn’t. She understood how I was conflicted.

“So, because he’s not a physicist or a biologist, he’s a fucking idiot? You’re one of my best friends, Thomas, but you’re really fucking annoying with this shit.” My blood pressure rose the more I spoke.

Marcie placed a hand on my arm. “It’s not worth it. He doesn’t get it.” Her soft voice reassured me, calmed me.

“I don’t understand why he has to be such a piece of shit sometimes,” I muttered.

“It’s all he has. It’s his thing, you know? He’s a troll without a personality. Just ignore him.”

I giggled. “So, it’s not just me who thinks that.”

“Not at all,” she chuckled.

“How did he get to be part of the group, anyway?”

“Remember? He and Adam started out as roommates. It was Adam we wanted to be friends with.”

“Oh, right.”

Marcie, Adam, and I had met in a computer class during freshman year. It was mandatory, which was a laugh, seeing as how our computer lab didn’t even have up-to-date technology. We’d bonded pretty early on. Thomas had nothing better to do, so he always tagged along when we went to the campus cafeteria for dinner. A few others had floated in and out of our group over the years, but we were the core members.

Marcie nudged me. “Speaking of Adam, have you two spent any more time together?”

It was a touchy subject for me, one only Marcie could approach and get an answer. “He’s been weird ever since he found out about all the time I spend with Jake.”

“He knows you’re only tutoring him, right?”

“Yeah, I know he knows. It’s not like I would ever date a football player, either. You should have seen the look on his face one night when he walked past the library and saw Jake walking me to my dorm. He wasn’t happy at all.”

“He needs to lock you down, girl, or he has no right to look unhappy when he sees you talking to another man.”

“I know.” I pretended to watch the players, but my mind was on that night. I hadn’t spoken to him since then, except for the occasional “what’s up” online. I worked around Jake’s schedule for the most part, and that meant missing dinner with my friends. I realized it was the only time I ever saw Adam on a regular basis when we went to eat.

“So, how is Adam?” I asked Marcie.

“Oh, the usual. Exhausted, stressed out. He could use a little relaxation.” She winked.

I smacked her leg. “I can’t get him to talk to me so, how am I going to get him to do anything else?”

“From what I’ve heard, it’s not difficult to get a man’s attention when you try hard enough.” She nudged my shoulder.

“I wouldn’t know much about it.” I couldn’t help sighing when I thought about my limited experience.

“Now that Jess got you looking all hot, it wouldn’t be tough to seduce him.” Marcie giggled when she saw how I blushed. “How do you feel about your new look?”

“Honestly? I like it.” I shrugged.

“Come on. Be honest. How do you really feel?”

I grinned. “It’s pretty awesome. But it is a lot of work. That was the whole reason I didn’t get all dressed up and made up all the time.”

“You like how you look and feel, though, right?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “Change is good.”

“So it’s worthwhile. You’ll get faster at it as you go along. Before you know it, it’ll be second nature.” She looked me up and down. “You look sexy.”

“Stop, Marcie!” I blushed.

I refused to believe it. Cute, maybe. Sexy? I shook my head.

She smirked. “Have you not noticed the way every man in here is staring at you?”

“Because that’s such an honor. I’m pretty sure they would stare at anything that had tits and ass. They’re not used to having girls in here. Besides,” I told my petite, red-haired friend, “they’re staring at both of us.”

“If you say so.” She grinned. “But I disagree.”

Thomas finished his turn, or whatever it was. “So you’re not going to tell any stories, huh? Is it some kind of code of ethics you have?”

I bristled, my blood pressure rising again. “Fuck off, Thomas.”

“Excuse me?” He put his hands on his hips.

“You heard me. You know I don’t want to talk about it, but you won’t stop bringing it up. It’s this massive hang up you have against jocks. Listen, I don’t like them anymore than you do. But I’m not obsessed with them, either. Get over it!”

“They made my life a living hell,” he said, his voice flat. He pushed his black glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah? Well, me, too, Thomas. But this one, in particular, didn’t. He’s not such a bad person.” I stood, gathering my things.

“Hang on. I’ll come with you. We’ll stop at the diner.” Marcie shot Thomas a dirty look, and we left together.

“I can’t stand him sometimes,” I grumbled as we climbed into Marcie’s car.

“Don’t let him get to you,” she said. “Yeah, he’s annoying, but it’s not worth being upset over. You know how he is.”

The worst part was, I didn’t know why I was so upset. It wasn’t only Thomas being a jerk. He was that way when I met him. I just didn’t like him making assumptions about Jake.

It wasn’t until we sat down at the diner that Marcie asked the question I was expecting from her. “What is it with you and this Jake guy? Do you like him?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I didn’t think so.”

“You wanted to rip Thomas’s head off for talking about him,” she pointed out.

“I would rip anybody’s head off for talking about you,” I replied. “So that doesn’t mean anything. I’m not in love with you.”

“Aww, shucks.”

“I know. Sometimes I think life would be easier.”

“So what, then?”

“He’s a nice person. I mean, would Thomas like it if somebody pegged him as an irredeemable loser because he plays Dungeons & Dragons?”

“He is one, though.”

“I know, but would he like it if other people knew and called him on it?”

“I guess they used to, and that’s what bothers him. That kind of bullying leaves scars. I think we all know that.”

Her words stopped me in my tracks.
Scars
. “I know about scars. If I can get past mine, Thomas can get past his.”

* * *

W
e sat
in silence as Marcie stirred her coffee, carefully avoiding my eyes. “What does that mean, anyway? You mention it sometimes, but you never really told me what happened with that football player, back in high school.”

I thought hard about whether I could go into it. I hadn’t ever told the whole story to anyone.

Chad was the quarterback for the football team. He was like a god in our school. Everybody knew him, and all the girls wanted to be with him. He was extremely attractive, talented, and just incredible on the field. And I was head-over-heels in love with him.

“I didn’t have a lot of friends, so I spent most of my time studying. I was first in the class by the time senior year came around. So, when the principal saw that Chad’s grades had slipped the year before, he wanted his star to have a tutor so he could keep playing. The school was going for All-State, you see. It was a big deal.

“He asked me to do it.” I sipped my caramel coffee, remembering the thrill of that moment. “I couldn’t believe my luck, you know? The chance to spend time, one-on-one, with the boy I’d been in love with since freshman year.

“I started going to his house three nights a week to help him study. It was a dream come true. His mom would make cookies and fix tea or hot chocolate for me, and we would sit at this little table in his kitchen. I loved seeing where he lived and what he did while he was at home. But one night, his parents were having a dinner party, so they asked us to work in his room instead. Can you imagine how excited I was? Like, near-fainting excited.”

“I can imagine,” she said with a wry smile.

“Seeing his room was like being admitted to the Holy Land. It was where he slept, where he got dressed. I sat at his desk, and he lay on his bed. I was fighting to stay focused on the homework we were supposed to be covering. I was so happy to be with him, you know? I couldn’t concentrate. And he was flirty, too, which he started doing around a week or two after the tutoring started.”

“Flirty how?”

“Oh, he would make little comments and smile. You know. The way boys tease, but they’re not really teasing? He had that way about him.”

“So what finally happened?” There was dread in Marcie’s voice.

“Chad asked me to come over to where he was, and he pointed out a passage in the textbook he was reading. He wanted me to help him understand it—I don’t know, it was irrelevant. He did it to get me to lean close to him, and when I did, he kissed me.”

I closed my eyes and could still remember that kiss. I felt the slight pressure of his lips against mine, the gentleness of it. The way he hesitated. At the time, I had thought it was sweet. I had thought it was more than sweet, really. My heart almost burst from the thrill. My dreams were coming true.

“It went further and further. He kept pushing, and I was so excited, I didn’t think to say no. I didn’t want to say no. I figured I loved him. So we had sex, while his parents’ dinner party went on downstairs.”

“Whoa. Holy Shit!”

“Yeah. I know. At the time, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced. Just … happy. I felt happy. It lasted until about five minutes after he finished.

“He looked down at me, where I was still lying on the bed, and he told me he didn’t get the hang of what we were studying. Especially calculus. He hated it. He didn’t have the time to do all the work and still play football, too. He wanted me to help him cheat. Copy off my tests. I’d write his papers. That sort of thing.”

“Oh, no.”

“It took me a minute to understand what happened. I went from being on top of the world to being completely crushed in about five seconds. He was still sweet and flirty. He sat on the bed, stroking my hair. Like I meant something to him.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him to fuck himself next time.”

Marcie shrieked from behind her hands. “You didn’t!”

“I did. I was furious and heartbroken. He had used me. He took my virginity. I thought he liked me. I was so fucking stupid.”

“Wow, I’m so sorry.”

“It got worse. Chad told everybody in school that he’d been with me and that it was the worse experience he ever had. He told them I was horrible in bed, and he regretted ever sleeping with me. I didn’t know what to do. He even made fun of the sounds I made.”

“Jesus.” Marcie took my hand and squeezed it. “What a fucking pig!”

“Yes, he was. I was the butt of everybody’s jokes for the rest of the year. I wanted to drop out of high school. I actually wanted to kill myself. Anything to get away from it all. I didn’t give a valedictorian speech at graduation. I was too afraid I’d get booed and get called a slut.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. “Oh my God, Claire. That’s horrible! I wish I had known you then. I would have stuck up for you and kicked his ass.”

I smiled at my friend, who at four-feet-eleven-inches tall packed more energy than anybody I knew. I had a feeling Marcie could have taken on a few nasty people for me.

“So, yeah that’s my story. The full truth. How I was basically tricked into losing my virginity and have hated football players ever since. They just want to use you at the end of the day.”

It felt pretty good, getting it off my chest like that. I knew Marcie would understand. She would take it to the grave if I asked her to.

I had to keep remembering Chad. I had to think about how he hurt me whenever I looked at Jake and felt that funny, fluttery feeling in my chest.