Spark (6 page)

“Are you going to be okay, Genevieve?”

Ah, the question on everyone’s lips.

I don’t want to make her feel any worse. I’m sure she’s worried enough about talking to Dad. Rather than tell her I’m not okay, I shrug my shoulders. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about this. I’m sad for Mum, of course, but this news is devastating for our family. I close my eyes, trying to not to imagine the look on Dad’s face when she tells him it’s over.
Fuck
.

Mum wraps her arms around me, and buries her head in the crook of my neck. I hug her tight.

The boys wander into the kitchen, and I do my best to keep it together. Mum pulls out of our hug, and when her bloodshot eyes meet mine, it causes a sudden ache in my chest. “Well, I’m here if you need me,” Mum whispers. Here she is, worried about me. What about her?

“Same … I’ll talk to you soon.”

“How come you’re not staying for lunch?” Chris asks.

I turn to see his wide smile—a smile that soon enough will be washed away. Cherishing the innocence in his expression, I wish that he, and James and Tommy could forever remain blissfully unaware of the future footings of our family. I might as well take the nearest kitchen implement and stab myself in the heart … it might feel more comfortable than how I feel right now.

“Sorry, Chris, I’d better head off. I’ve got some things to organise before work tomorrow.” I muster a smile for him, somehow. I promise to see everyone soon, and give them a big hug and a kiss. Tommy wipes his mouth in disgust, and I kiss him again for good measure, afraid for how much this will hurt his little heart.

Mum walks me to the door, and gives me another hug. “Bye, Mum.”

“Bye, darling girl.”

I get in my car, but before turning the key, I ring Crystal. “Hey, it’s me. Sorry, I might not make dinner, something has come up.”

“Is your mum okay?” Crystal asks.

“I can’t talk about it right now,” I reply in a cool voice, determined not to crack and blubber into the phone. “I’ll see you later. Thanks for breakfast.”

“No worries. I’m here if you need me, Eevie.”

We both mutter our goodbyes.

I glance up the driveway, taking in my childhood home. I swallow the acid threatening to climb up my throat as a vision of a pile of rubble flashes before my eyes. It’s all about to come tumbling down. This will no longer be the family home as we know it.

My little world, which was just returning to some kind of normality, has just been turned on its arse. Tears stream down my face, as I drive away.

I know where I need to go.

CHAPTER FOUR

I don’t even know if he’s home, but as I approach his apartment I spot his car parked out front. I knock lightly on the door with what little energy I have left. The emotions of the last twenty-four hours are snowballing, and threaten to take me with them. Whatever the direction, it can’t be good.

Jon answers the door and smiles, but it quickly fades as he scans my tear-stained face. Overwhelmed, I burst into tears. Jon pulls me into him. I wrap my arms around his waist as he holds me tight and sob uncontrollably into his chest, letting it all out. He moves us backwards into his apartment and closes the door, his chin resting on top of my head.

“What’s wrong?” Jon asks, his voice laden with worry. He takes a step back, and I know he wants me to look at him, but I can’t. Not yet. I need to get my shit together. I don’t even know if I can speak.

I take a series of long, slow breaths, through my nose and out my mouth. How do I put this into words? Where do I start?

“Come sit down.” Jon walks me into the lounge room, his arm draped around my shoulders. “Tell me, what is it?” Jon’s words are more forceful as we sit.

I take off my glasses, and wipe my eyes with my shirt.
Classy
.

“I’m sorry … I didn’t know where else to go. I just came from my parents’ house,” I choke out.

“Everything okay with your mum?”

Jon holds my hands in his. Vivid memories of him holding my hand last night flash through my mind, along with the whole “I think I love you” thing, but that’s not my concern right now.

“It’s all completely fucked. My family’s about to fall apart,” I say, sniffing. “Mum’s telling him tonight that it’s over. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my brothers … if there’s going to be a custody fight. I didn’t know Mum was so unhappy, along with everything else she’s had to deal with.” She’s had to fight so many battles, and the biggest one is yet to come. I can’t begin to imagine the aftermath after Mum talks to Dad. There are too many people affected by this. People that are my world.

“Oh, Eevie, I’m so sorry. Come here.” Jon motions me into a hug.

I don’t hesitate to take his support. Somehow, I end up half lying on top of him, half on the couch. I rest my head on his chest, and he smooths my hair in gentle strokes off my face, and rubs up and down my back with his other hand. After a while, the dreadful sobbing subsides.

We lie like this for a while without speaking. Jon knows exactly how I feel right now. His parents separated about a year ago. I hope that I was there for him the same way he’s been for me these past few years.

“I thought I did this to you,” Jon says quietly. I move to meet his eyes. His pale face is etched with concern.

“No. Not today. You were responsible for yesterday’s outburst.” I regret saying the words as soon as they leave my mouth. “Sorry.” I try to forge a smile. “That was a shitty thing to say.”

“Forget it. I’m just worried about you.”

While he holds me, we continue to talk about his parents’ separation, and how everything changed. I know I have to prepare for that … it’s the boys I’m worried about. Slowly, silence fills every square inch of the room. I know what is on Jon’s mind.

“Have you thought about what I said yesterday?” Jon asks softly.

Ah, yesterday
. I sigh, contemplating his heavy question.

“Up until a few hours ago, it was all I could think about,” I reply. Tears threaten to spill.
Again.
I’ll be battling dehydration if I keep this up. “I can’t lose you, Jon. I just … can’t.”

“I hate to see you cry. Please don’t,” he whispers as he pulls me closer, wiping a tear from my cheek. He kisses me tenderly on the lips, then tilts his head back a touch, his eyes waiting for something.

All I feel is … emptiness. He kisses me again, this time for longer, with more intensity. I give in, if only for a moment, as his warm lips glide against mine, imagining what it would be like … to
be
with Jon.

I pull my lips from his. “Okay,” I say softly. I’m too weak to fight this, whatever this is we are doing. All I know is that with all this shit happening, it’ll be hell without him.

“Okay, as in you’ll go out with me? Sorry, God, that sounds so high school.” Jon’s eyes fill with promise, and he’s unable to hide his smile.

“Yeah.”

“
Really?
We’ll take it slow, okay? This will take a bit of getting used to for me, too.” He squishes me tight against him, and kisses me on the forehead.

I bury my face into his firm chest, shutting my eyes tight.

What have I done?

****

No sooner do I hang up the phone then someone else calls. I’m grateful Monday mornings are busy preparing the week’s advertising, as it means I can avoid Cassie that little bit longer. I know once we start talking, I’ll be a gushing emotional mess. I don’t need the whole office knowing more about my life than they already do.

Somehow, after spending yesterday afternoon with Jon, I feel a bit more in control of my emotions. I don’t know whether he’s right, but he tells me I’m stronger than I think. Thankfully, we didn’t get any ‘friendlier’ than a few kisses. I know I said yes to a relationship, but with everything else rattling through my head, I’m not ready to cope with anything more than kissing.

Shortly after midday, Cassie and I sit on a park bench and eat lunch.

“How was the rest of your weekend?” Cassie asks casually.

Here goes. I just hope I can spit the words out.

I begin with a shortened version of Saturday night with Jon. At first, she chips in with the
I told you so
routine when I tell her about Jon’s feelings for me. But I knew she would.

When I tell her about seeing Mum, and the bomb she dropped, Cassie is comforting, stroking my hand. She listens to my every word, my sadness mirrored in her eyes as I wipe away my tears.

She hugs me tight. “Oh, my gorgeous girl, I’m so sorry. Let me know if there’s anything I can do. Anything,” she whispers in my ear.

“There’s more.”

Cassie looks stunned. “More?”

I nod my head. I recount my trip to Jon’s house after seeing Mum, and how I agreed to be more than friends.

“Wow … how do you feel about that?” She frowns. I thought she might be happy, that I was finally getting out there, but I guess she worries about me.

I shrug. “Okay, I guess. I think I’m still in shock. The weekend was just one big head fuck.”

“I’ll say. How do you feel about him? The move from friends to lovers can be a tricky one.”

Whoa, hold up
. Did she say lovers? No. No.
No.
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, here.

“Lovers is a long way off, Cassie. We’re taking it slow.”

I can’t help feeling that I’ve rushed into this, but I need him. I need my best friend, and I’ll take him anyway I can have him.
Am I being selfish?

“I know Jon means a lot to you, and he’s been there for you, but guys will try anything to get what they want. If things start to get serious between you two, and you’re still not sure how you feel, then you owe it to Jon and yourself to reassess things.”

“Like I said, we’re taking it slow.” I know she’s right, but it’s early days. “So, how’s Jeremy?” I say changing the subject. I bet they were all over each other when he got home.
Goddamn sexy pilot
.

“His flight from Hong Kong was delayed, so I haven’t seen him yet.”

“Oh, well, I’m sure you’ll make up for lost time.”

Cassie gives me a mischievous smile.

“Yeah. I bet you will,” I add.

“You better believe it. So, you up for the gym tonight?” Cassie asks as we walk back to the office.

“Yeah.”

I know I’ll feel better for it, and we can talk more about how fucked up my life is then.

****

In the late afternoon, Cassie’s boyfriend drops in with a massive bunch of flowers—in uniform, no less. The photos of him don’t do him any justice. I have to try not to stare. Cassie’s cheeks gather a healthy pink glow, her radiant smile a permanent fixture for the remainder of the day. I bet they’ll fuck their brains out later, and Cassie will wear that smile for the rest of the week.

At the gym, Cassie and I start on the treadmills, running side by side. A good session always clears my head. I’m glad she suggested it.

About ten minutes into the run, I’m startled by a deep voice behind me.

“Genevieve …
sweetheart
, how are you?” The hairs on the back of my neck bristle.

Fuck.

I knew this would happen sooner or later. I was just hoping much, much later. I fucking don’t need this now. I slow the pace down to a brisk walk.

“Hey, Alex,” I reply, breathless. My face burns, either from running or seeing him. He’s wearing the same tight black singlet top and black shorts I remember from before, and a towel is thrown over one shoulder. He rests his elbow on the treadmill, his muscles on display. Fuck me if my greedy eyes don’t take it all in.
Shit, shit, shit.
His short strawberry-blond hair is swept back with gel, and his hazel eyes glint flecks of gold under the bright lights. He gives me a devilish smile making my skin prickle all over.
Dammit.

Just as it was the last time we spoke, the conversation is
all
about him. Apart from his initial
how are you?
, he doesn’t ask anything about me, but I guess I don’t want to talk about all the fucked-up-ness anyway. He then launches into telling me about how he’s opening his bar soon, seeming very proud of his achievement, and promises to send me an invite to the opening.
He really would be much more attractive if he kept his mouth shut.

“You and Jon should go check it out,” Cassie says, interrupting our conversation. A cheeky look lights up her face. I know she doesn’t like Alex, so this is her way of politely telling him to piss off and leave me alone.

Alex tilts his head back, and raises an eyebrow “Who’s
Jon
?” he asks firmly, crossing his arms under his puffed-up chest. My eyes can’t help but scan over his strong sculptured arms. Strong arms that held me, once or twice.

“Boyfriend,” I blurt out. I might as well get straight to it. If I hesitate much longer, Cassie won’t be able to help herself. It’s barely been twenty-four hours since Jon and I moved into this territory, but Alex doesn’t need to know that. It’s
very
strange calling Jon my boyfriend. I suppose I’d better get used to it.

“He’s a lucky guy,” Alex says. His eyes travel up and down the length of my body, setting fire to it along the way. If I could walk away without betraying my thoughts, I would, but it’s better to stay put. I’m sure I’ve only caught his interest because he can’t have me. I turn the treadmill back up to running pace. His eyes track me like a hawk as I get back into rhythm.

“See ya ’round, sweetheart,” he says, flaunting a dimple big enough to drown in. I nod. He struts his way over to the weights, and I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding in.

“Can you believe that guy?” Cassie scowls.

What I can’t believe is that no sooner than I start something with someone do I find myself taunted by eye-candy like Alex. Is this karma for something I did?

“Yeah,” I reply, figuring its best not to tell Cassie what I’m really thinking.
Like the way his lips once felt on mine, and how I’d love those hands to grab my arse
. It would end up with a lecture that I don’t need to hear.