Soul Cry: The Ten Year Girlfriend (3 page)

Paul had finally finished school and had obtained his degree. He insisted that he needed to work a few years in his field so that he was making enough money to properly take care of a wife and home. LaDaya had been crushed. Especially since for the last three years he’d promised as soon as he walked across the stage with his diploma, they would become one. Here she was no closer to being his wife than she was three years ago. She was beginning to feel like she was being played for a fool.

* * * *

I
made my way down the bus aisle trying to cool myself off . The last thing I wanted was to have a nasty disposition and take it out on people who had nothing to do with my current situation. I was the sole reason I was in the predicament I was in with Roderick. Getting away from my unlikely travel companions was short lived due to the fact it wasn't as if I had anywhere to escape to. Just as I thought previously, the stench coming from the back of the bus was horrible! I didn't know how the people sitting in the back could stand it. I hurried up and made my way back to my seat. We'd be in St. Louis soon. My travel itinerary stated we'd be there in an hour. I needed to call Katrina for support because I was already starting to miss Roderick and I hadn't been away from him but a few hours. I'd been so determined when I'd boarded the bus. Now all my self-confidence was starting to crumble. I know Roderick loves me,I've invested so much time in our relationship. How can I just leave him? Was I really making the right decision or was I letting my pride get in the way of having a beautiful relationship with the man I loved? Maybe it was true what some people said...it was only a piece of paper.

Nope fuck that. I want all or nothing. It was obvious to me that after ten years I was getting nothing so I was done.

* * * *

“ D
o you feel better?” LaDaya asked as I quietly took my seat.

“ Not really but I'll be okay.” I sighed. My entire situation coupled with the conversation I'd eavesdropped on between the two women was starting to wear me down. I felt like a failure as a woman. It wasn't the first time in recent years I'd felt this way. I was also longing to hear Roderick's voice.

“ Well if you need to vent, we have a long ride ahead of us. We all have problems girl as I'm sure you heard us discussing.” LaDaya said sympathetically.

“ Yeah I heard. I'm one of those
“ dumb bitches”
y'all were talking about.” I said rummaging through my bag for my packet of Kleenex. I could already feel the waterworks starting back up. It was too hard trying to keep my defenses up,even to strangers. I couldn't wait to get off of this damn bus. If only for one hour.

LaDaya's eyes bucked and out of the corner of my eye I could see her grab Shavon's hand.

I laughed bitterly.

“ Don't worry about it girl. Y'all ain't said shit I haven't heard before also just to go ahead and put it on out there...I'm a ten year girlfriend.” I said shaking my head. Embarrassed as hell to be telling a stranger some shit like this.

Shavon,
“Ms. Relationship Guru”
herself, seemed to be at a sudden loss for words.  I had just met this chick and I was shocked. I didn't think she knew how to stop running her damn mouth.

“ Look...,” she started slowly,attempting to choose her words carefully. “ I hope we didn't make you feel too bad. I know I have a tendency to be opinionated. I let my feelings be known about topics I feel passionately about.”

“ Oh there's no need to apologize at all. How could you have known what I'm going through? Besides it ain't like you were speaking anything but the truth. Which is exactly why I'm on this bus now to get away from his ass.” I said hoping I sounded more convincing than I really felt.

“ Well I'm glad you decided you deserve better.” Shavon said primping up her lips. “ Shoot you're a beautiful woman. I know there are plenty of men who would appreciate a sista like you!”

LaDaya looked over me with a look on her face I recognized right away. Curiosity. I'd seen that very same look on the faces of people I knew about year five of my relationship with Roderick. Year five was when the questions really began. Are you two getting married? Is the relationship going well? You're not going to get pregnant are you? Oh without a fuckin' doubt I knew the look she was giving me. I made the decision right then and there to put them both out of their misery. I suddenly didn't feel too bad about  divulging all my personal business to these two women. Maybe it would be good for me? After all,I'd learned a long time ago to keep my problems with Roderick private. Katrina was the only person I told all my secrets too and Roderick hated the fact that I told her anything. Katrina was probably the only one who knew how Roderick really was. Everyone else thought he walked on water. His looks and money had the majority of people around us fooled. Katrina was the exception since she was always around me. If I was really honest,the last year I could feel a vibe coming from Katrina that she was sick and tired of the constant Amina and Roderick drama. I couldn't blame her.

Maybe I needed a fresh perspective from people that didn't know either of us?

“ Look I don't even know you but spill the tea! I know this brotha gotta be fine for you to be sticking with his ass ten years! I have a million questions. Hell I ain't never met a woman personally who has gone through this type of thing.”Shavon said skinning and grinning. I had to admit,after so many hours of being on the bus riding with her,I was slowly but surely getting used to the gleam of her gold teeth. Each time she opened her mouth I was a little less distracted.

I couldn't help but laugh.
I know Shavon thinks I'm laughing at her comment...and I am,but I'm  mainly laughing at those two gold teeth dangling in her mouth.

I reached into my purse, pulled out my phone and ran my finger over my photo gallery icon. I clicked on one of the more recent pictures of Roderick. Even looking at his pictures made my heart feel heavy. I'd been tempted to delete all of them but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I gave the phone to LaDaya so they could scroll through the pictures.

I wasn't worried about them seeing anything private in my  pictures. They could look all they wanted...which they did with the quickness cackling like two hens. There were numerous pictures of Roderick without a shirt on but everything was pretty tame. I wasn't concerned about them seeing anything racy. Shavon and LaDaya hooped and hollered for a good ten minutes as they scrolled through all of my pictures.

“ You mean to tell me in ten years he never asked you to marry him?” Shavon asked in disbelief.

I reached my hand out waggling my fingers for her to place my phone in my hand.

Once I had it, I flipped to my “engagement” folder.

“ Oh he's given me three gorgeous engagement rings throughout the years ladies.” I said handing the phone back to LaDaya.

She looked down at the pictures of my three engagement rings and let out a shriek so loud she had to quickly cover her mouth. Her eyes were bucked with excitement. Umhmm. I thought smugly. My man knows better than to come to me with a chip of a diamond. Then a gloomy thought hit me. Roderick wasn't my man anymore. I'd left him. It was a sobering moment but I was still gloating inside at their reaction to my rings. It was the same sense of pride I'd always felt about simply being Roderick's woman. Roderick wasn't all bad. We'd had too many good times for me to count during the last ten years. I was just at a point in my life where I couldn't ignore the bad times any longer.

Exactly bitches. Where were the adult Huggies when you needed them?
It already smelled like shit on the back of the bus and these two heffas just made the funk level go up about six notches. Because I know when LaDaya screamed she shit herself too. Probably all up her damn back.

“
Giiirrl
let me tell you! Now I ain't even gonna lie...if I had to hold out for a brotha for a stretch...it would damn sure be for one like this!” LaDaya snickered as her and Shavon high-fived each other.

I just shook my head. Roderick had never even met these two women and on appearance alone he already had them fooled. Ten minutes ago they were militant sounding,marriage minded black women. But one look at a fine man with a nice body and all of a sudden it was “ well if I had to wait,I could for him!” Another point for Roderick.

“ Uh-uh. Back to the tea Amina! Pour it up girl. What happened? I mean after ten years, I know this man has to love you. Why would he stick it out with you that long if he didn't? For that matter why would you? You're both two attractive people and I know neither of you would have a problem finding anyone else. “ Shavon asked confusion clouding her face.

I was at a loss as to where to even begin to decipher exactly what went wrong between Roderick and I. Though if I was perfectly honest,and I had no choice but to be.  I would have to say things between us went bad the very day we met. I cleared my thoughts and began to tell my two new confidants about my rocky relationship with Roderick Jabri Thomas.

“ Well,my best-friend Katrina dragged me to this BBQ one day....,”

* * * *

“ N
igga about time you fell through! Shit was getting dry as fuck around here” Damien said grinning at Roderick  who was walking through the door holding the large bag of weed.

I shook my head and laughed.

“ If I had stayed my black ass home like I planned to,you niggas would have really been stuck out. Lucky for you my ass got hungry and I know Ma Dukes cheffin' it up over here. Where is she? Let me go speak before she put me on blast in front of everyone. I know she don't play about coming in her house and not speaking.” I said laughing.

“ Yo' ass already know she's back there running the show.” Damien said barely raising his eyes from the fat joint he was in the process of rolling. Roderick shook his head. Damien was hovering over the weed like a fiend.

I slowly made my way through the small yet comfortable house. It was filled to capacity with everyone from the neighborhood. Damien's mother Priscilla was known as hood royalty. So was his father before he'd been gunned down eight years ago. Damien's father Marcus had been a former drug dealer who had eventually turned his life around for the sake of his wife and kids. Unfortunately the majority of gang-bangers saw the only way of really leaving a gang was with you laid out on your back,ten toes pointed to the sky. A rival gang chose to settle an old score one afternoon as Marcus was outside cutting his grass.

Even after her husbands death Ms. Priscilla remained a hood queen.  When she put the word out for a party,people congregated on her lawn like an 11:00 o'clock church service.

“ Hey Ms. Priss.”

Ms. Priscilla turned around to see who was addressing her. Rum and coke in her left hand,long silver tongs for turning BBQ in her right hand.

“ Hey baby! Get on over here and give me a hug. Yo' young ass get finer every time I see you. Baby let me tell you...I was so proud to see you walking across that stage last month with that diploma! I felt like you were my own son.” she said beaming with pride. I leaned down and wrapped her in my arms in a tight hug that lifted her off the ground. Ms. Priss let out a squeal of laughter.

“ Well you might as well be Ms. Priss. You basically  raised me. Fed me,clothed me. If I didn't have you in my life none of my accomplishments would have been possible. I ain't never going to forget it either.”

Ms. Priss sat her drink down and pulled a napkin out of her apron to dab her eyes.

“ It was my pleasure baby. You know if we're eating so are you. It was just as easy for me to buy two shirts on sale as it was for me to buy one. Now those high priced ass sneakers y'all tried to get by me are another thing!” she said doubling over with laughter and picking up her drink before she spoke again,her tone suddenly serious.

“ Roderick, I wish you would talk some sense into Damien. Ain't a damn thing out here in these streets I tell you!”

I couldn't help but smile inside at her praise and acknowledgment of my college achievements.  I'd gone from corner dealer to college diploma. I hadn't completely left the street shit along but I was on my way. Slowly but surely I was going legit. Ms. Priss was the mother I'd wished I had. It ain't like my own half-dead ass mama had said much beyond imagining all the money I was going to support her with. Mama or not, she had better step her ass off that crack cloud she was floating on  if she thought that's what was going to happen. Mother's like Ms. Priss got set up for life...not crackhead mamas who barely put a roof over their childs head  like mine.

“ Hey Roderick.”

I turned around to see Sabrina, one of my former jump offs. Sabrina was showing every single tooth in her head she was smiling so hard. Hands on her wide hips as if to remind me of her pussy game. I remembered. It was all right. Nothing I couldn't walk away from. Which was exactly what I did when she started getting too clingy for my taste.

“ What's up Sabrina? How you doing?”

“ I'm good. Better now that I've seen you. I've missed you.”

Damn. Ol' girl already trying to talk up on some dick tonight.

“ Well like I told you, these past few months leading up to graduation have been hectic.” I said taking a step in an attempt to end the conversation and keep it moving.

“ I know baby! I'm so proud of you. It felt so good seeing you walking across that stage.” she said practically jumping up and down.

“ You were there? How come you didn't come speak?” I asked.

“ Well we'd just had that argument about me coming by your place unannounced. I still wanted to support you though.” she said looking into my eyes shyly.

I looked Sabrina over. She was cool. Maybe I was being a little too hard on her. Sabrina was a good girl. She made her own money doing hair at a popular shop around the way. All she wanted from me was everything which was a huge problem for me. I'm the type of nigga that ain't never had a problem getting or keeping any woman I wanted. But not too many females have the ability to hold my attention beyond a few months. Add to the fact I didn't trust females as far as I could see them. I mean my own mother would do anything for a piece of crack. She made me and If I couldn't trust her,other women didn't stand a chance. Not to mention how many women I've fucked that called themselves having a man. These bitches ain't loyal. I mean don't get me wrong. I wasn't
that
fucked up.