SORROW WOODS (39 page)

meeting room that first time. I remember how they had cried because they were so happy. I feel bad when I think of how mean I was to them by not seeing them right after the police had taken us from the woods. I was selfish and I regret that more than anything.

They love me. They’ve always loved me. I can’t imagine what this will do to them. I can’t

imagine the pain they will feel when they realise they’ve lost me again. It doesn’t seem fair that they’ve had to go through losing me and finding me, only to lose me again.

Sometimes it’s a cruel world. I know this now and I wish I had a chance to live and experience

it all properly. I guess I should be thankful that despite being taken from them, I had a relatively happy life. I hope they’ll forgive me. I hope they’ll forgive themselves.

As I’m being pulled back through the water again, I know this is the last time. I’m drowning

and I’m scared. Not of dying but of being alone in heaven, if there really is such a place. Everyone that I know is here and alive, and I’ll be dead and lonely.

I never thought I would die in the water. I used to love swimming. I could swim all day.

I can feel myself starting to panic. My heart is thumping so hard in my chest that I’m sure

you’d be able to see it if you looked under the water at me. A heat starts to rise from the centre of my chest and into my head. I don’t know why, but my brain feels hot. It feels like there’s a small ball of fire in there, swirling around and burning out any conscious thoughts. Maybe it’s my body’s way of making sure I’m not aware that I’m dying. Maybe it numbs me first.

Something clicks inside of my throat and suddenly my airways are burning too. The hotness of

having no breath left licks up and down my throat like a tongue that’s on fire. The flames curl and snap at me. I want it to go away, and I don’t even care if I die now.

The feeling of knives been forced into my mouth and down into my chest makes me feel like

I’m going crazy. I shake my head and open my mouth to try and scream one last time, but it’s

useless. The prickles of pain start to disappear. I feel a hint of relief.

Maybe I’ve been saved. Am I breathing again? Why does everything feel so calm? Where has

the pain gone? I snap my eyes open, but there’s just darkness. The sound of my heart beating in my ears has disappeared. I can’t even feel the cold or the water. Before, when I could feel pain, at least I knew I was still alive. I must be dead. That’s why I can’t feel anything.

My heart has stopped beating. My brain has stopped working. I’m just an empty shell floating

through the water with nowhere to go. What will happen to my body? Will the sea give it up? Will I wash up on the shores and be found by someone? I don’t know and I don’t think I really care. I’m too busy relishing in the numbness.

I see Kaiden and hear all of our conversations that we’ve had, every word he’s ever uttered

to me replaying over and over in my head. Every smile and even every face he made is shown in

super-fast images that flash in front of my closed eyes. I hear is voice, floating through the water and into my ears, calling to me, telling me to wait. Wait for what? He’s not here. I’m imagining it.

He’s the boy from my books. He’s the boy that I dreamt about meeting my whole life. He’s the

boy that rescued me, the boy that helped me and stood by me, even when I didn’t want him to. I

think about our kiss and how warm and soft his lips felt. I can feel his hand against my nightie and see the crinkling of his skin around his eyes as he smiled at me. He’s the boy that I’ve hated. He’s also the boy that I love.

The darkness is gone. Now it’s just nothingness.

That’s the last thought I have as death creeps right over me and snatches me away from

everyone.

I unfasten my suit jacket and lean back against my car. The heat from inside it swells out from the windows and smothers my back. It’s the end of June so it’s not unusual for it to be hot, but the

weather we’ve had in the last three weeks has been ridiculous. It’s like God is making some sort of statement. I look up at the perfectly clear blue sky and wonder what it is that he’s trying to say. I sigh, knowing God will never try to talk to me because after all that’s happened I know he can’t

actually exist.

I pull my cigarettes from my inside pocket and flick my lighter open as my eyes trail over the

people that are gathering around the entrance to the church. They’re all wearing their suits, jackets, and ties, and every single one of them look as hot as I feel. Wearing a suit doesn’t feel right. Not today. The sun reflects off the brilliant white church walls and shines back onto my face. I can feel the heat from it pressing against my cheeks. I hate church at the best of times.

I notice Zak standing in the shade underneath an old pink blossom tree. I shove my hand into

my pocket and light my cigarette with the other hand as I walk over towards him.

“Drowned?”

I snap my head around and notice two old women standing and gossiping at the church gate.

“That’s what I hear. She jumped off the top of High Cliff Edge. Her Mother, the one that

snatched her when she was two, had taken her to that motel that got shut down last year.”

The other woman gasps. “It’s such a shame for a young girl to have to go through all of

that.”

I clear my throat. They both look up at me and blush when they see who I am. I scowl at

them and then look away. I don’t have the energy these days to argue with people. I don’t really

have the energy to do anything really, if I’m being honest with myself.

“Hey,” says Zak, “how’re you doing?”

I shrug. “I don’t know really.”

He nods towards the people that have gathered. “Look at them all. They’re all such

hypocritical bastards. I bet half of them don’t even believe in God. They’re just here because of the news. Nosy fuckers.”

I take a drag of my cigarette and nod. I scan my eyes over the crowd and pick out the few

reporters that are scattered amongst them. I notice Angela and Auden, both wearing grey, talking to the vicar who pats their hands with his.

I let my eyes trail along the line of graves. Some of them are old and decrepit. Some of them

are new and shiny. Some have flowers. Some don’t.

I’d never really noticed headstones before or what is written on them. Some of the words are

descriptive and suggest a peaceful death, while others just have fact-based information about the person that’s buried underneath. Birth and death, simple as that.

“It’ll all be alright,” Zak says.

I don’t say anything back to him. I simply stand and smoke. I notice movement through the

crowds and see the police officer who came to the Scott’s house three weeks ago walking towards

me.

“Please tell me I’m not seeing a police officer on today of all days?”

Zak swivels his head. “Keep it calm,” he warns.

“Mr. Matthews.” The police officer, I think his name is Paul, nods his head at me. “I’ve come to

formally advise you that we’ve set a date for the trial of Lydia White.”

I take a deep breath and glance at my Mother, who I can see staring at me from within the

collection of faces.

“It’s going to be a tough couple of months,” he continues.

“Could you not have waited until tomorrow?” I hiss. “Do you have to be here to act as a

reminder to everyone of what happened?”

Paul lifts his hat a fraction off his head and nods. “That’s all I needed to tell you, Mr.

Matthews. You’ll receive your request for your court testimonial through the mail.”

Zak nudges me. I grit my teeth and nod. “Okay.”

He glances at me once more and then walks off. Zak doesn’t say anything when he leaves.

He doesn’t have to.

“Where’s Dad?” I ask him.

Zak frowns. “I don’t know.”

“Did he drive you?” I push.

“No.”

“How did you get here then?”

“Mom drove,” he says, looking away from me.

“So where’s Dad? He promised he’d come.”

Zak shrugs. “I have no idea, Kaiden.”

It’s then that I notice Elodie and Victoria walking towards me. I freeze. Elodie comes

bounding up to me with her short dark hair and a sparkling cream dress.

“Hello, Kaiden.” She slips her chubby little hand into mine and smiles at me.

“Hello, Elodie.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “You can’t call me that anymore because it’s not my name.”

I smile. “Sorry. Hello, Emma.”

She points towards the white flowering trees in the distance. “I like those trees, they remind

me of Serena. Do you think we could have one in our garden, Mommy?”

“We’ll see, Emma,” Victoria says. I notice that she doesn’t actually promise anything.

I nod at Victoria, who looks as uneasy as I feel. When I glance over her head, I see my

Mother and Angela staring at me.

Elodie blinks up at me and smiles gently. “Kaiden, where’s Serena? She should be here.”

I hesitate, feeling my words stick in my throat.

“Come on, Emma,” says Victoria before I have a chance to answer Elodie, “we will be going

into the church in a minute.”

“I’m right here, Els.”

All of us immediately snap our heads up to look at Serena. I smile, trying to mask the sadness

that’s been crushing me for the last three weeks. Every time I look at her, all that I can see is her pale, lifeless face that I pulled from the water. Her lips were blue and her heart had stopped beating.

I’ll never forget that day, no matter what happens between us. A little piece of me shattered

as I thumped down on the top of her chest and I don’t think it will ever repair itself. I really hope that someday I can look at her without thinking about how I held her limp body in my arms and screamed with everything I had for her to come back to me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, hoping I sound happy surprised rather than annoyed

surprised.

She tries to smile but the cut that snakes right down the left side of her face is still stitched.

She takes a few unsteady steps towards us, but doesn’t take her hands off her crutch or from around my father’s arm. “I wouldn’t miss Elodie’s naming ceremony for the world.”

Elodie rolls her eyes again in annoyance. “It’s Emma!”

Serena chuckles and pulls her hair forward from behind her ear in an attempt to cover her

face. Elodie launches forward and squeezes Serena’s leg. We haven’t told Elodie what happened to

Serena, or that their so-called Mother tried to take her again. We’ve all lied and told her that she fell down the stairs. We didn’t want Elodie worrying that the same thing could happen to her.

Victoria ushers Elodie away from us and towards the church where the vicar is patiently

waiting.

My Dad passes Serena’s hand over to my arm with a quick nod. I nod back and then watch

my Father and Zak walk away from us, where they get swallowed up into the crowd of people that

are gawking at us. I ignore them and turn my attention back to Serena.

“Are you in pain?” I ask her.

She slowly moves her eyes towards my face. “A little.”

I smile. A normal person would have lied to make the other person worry less. I keep

forgetting that this is Serena, and she’s honest to the bone. “I told you to stay at the hospital.”

She frowns. “You know I couldn’t miss this. It’s an important part of Elodie’s life.”

I don’t want to argue with her. Clearly everyone else thought it was a good idea for her to

come or else they wouldn’t have conspired against me to get her here.

I look down at her floor-length peach-coloured dress and the way that her hair curls gently

down her bare back. “You look beautiful.”

She frowns at me, but I can just make out a hint of a smile. “Even with these casts on and

this neck brace?”

I stare at the weird piece of plastic that wraps around her neck and make a pretend-

disgusted face. “Yeah, I guess I still think you’re pretty, even with that thing on.”

She giggles. “Kaiden?”

“Yeah?”

“When I was in the water…” she begins.

“Serena,” I warn. She knows I don’t like hearing or talking about that.

She gives me the look. “When I was in the water, I realised there was some unfinished

business.”

“Like what?” I ask, curious.

“Like things I hadn’t seen and stuff I hadn’t learned, but most of all it was stuff that I hadn’t said.”

I lean over and kiss her shoulder. “You have the rest of your life to do all of that, Serena.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t imagine my life without you now.”

I feel myself smiling. “Good, because I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

She sighs heavily and leans her head against my arm. “What I’m trying to say is that I love

you, Kaiden Matthews,” she whispers.

My heart does a silly little flip in my chest. I remember telling her over and over again that I

loved her whilst she was unconscious on the beach and then again in the hospital. I prayed, begged, and pleaded for the chance to say it when she could actually hear me. I turn toward her, cupping her face with both of my hands. “I love you more, Serena Scott.”

She smiles and leans up to gently kiss my lips.

“What do we do now?” she whispers.

I take a deep breath, brushing her hair back from her face and stare into her eyes. “We live.”

THE END