Songs of the Earth (12 page)

I pushed the notepad toward Uttu. "Do you recognize those names? There are only six, but they referred some petitioners to me and I don't know who they are."
Uttu looked at the list. Her eyes got a faraway look before she intoned in an oddly flat voice:

"And the heralds went out and spread the word to the four cornerstones.
Rejoice! For the King has returned!
He bears the Mark of the Father,
The Earth comes when he beckons,
He has slain his enemy and is victorious over evil.
Come! Rejoice with us!
Come and see the King.
Terrible are the times that come!
Bonds are broken,
Families are lost,
Under Him will they be safe,
We will charge like wild bulls,
Courage of Gilgamesh!
Courage of Enkidu!
We will ignore the blasts of thunder.
Courage of the father!
Courage of the brother!
Though the ground burst open,
Though the mountains split,
Though the clouds turn black,
Shamash will hear our call.
Shamash will be the wind at our back!"
Neesie was looking with wide eyes at Uttu as I took the list back. "Never mind, forget I asked. I have to go to the grocery store." I got up and walked out, already making a list in my head of what I'd need for dinner and maybe something special for breakfast tomorrow.

I closed the office door behind me and gave a ragged sigh. I didn't feel right in my skin and hadn't for a couple of days and now I knew why. I couldn't ignore the changes I felt anymore, the itching under my skin, the strange pulling in my stomach, the flashes of temper. It didn't excuse me though. I'd been an ass all day. My mind hadn't shut down in a couple of days, running a list of things I couldn't do in my head.

I needed to talk to Ushna, apologize for what I'd said earlier. I'd been feeling inadequate and angry, and I'd taken it out on him. My father would have rolled over in his grave if he'd seen the way I acted today. I'd disappointed him, myself, and most importantly, Ushna.

I closed my eyes and let myself feel for Ushna and moved in that direction. I found him in our bedroom, sitting on the bed with his back to the door. I closed the door behind me with a soft snick. I leaned back against it as I drank him in with my eyes, taking a moment to gather my thoughts.

Ushna sat on the edge of the bed, elbows to knees, his blue T-shirt stretched tight across his shoulders, dark head bowed. He knew I was here but he didn't turn to look at me. My heart stuttered as I speculated why.

"I…" The word rasped out of my mouth and I cleared my throat a couple of times and tried again. "I'm an asshole." Ushna didn't move, didn't indicated he'd heard me. I pushed on. "You've never treated me with anything but respect. I had no cause to say the things I did."

"Then why did you? Those words didn't pop out of thin air. They came from somewhere."
I guessed this was where I laid out my secret fears and let Ushna see all of me. I was scared; scared of what he'd say, what he'd think. I couldn't take it back and now the words hung in the air between us. If Ushna turned away from me, well, it was my own fault.
"I was angry with myself, not you. Being followed around by you or a couple of guards, I've no real privacy anymore and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm suffocating. I'm not able to contribute in any real way and I've been feeling like a stranger in my own skin. But it's not only that."
Ushna hadn't moved. I guess he couldn't stand to look at me. What a fucking asshole I was. I looked down at my boots and let it all out, pride be damned.
"You've taken care of me for so long. I thought I had the pieces put back together enough to have something to offer you. I mean, if I'm not man enough to take care of myself, then how can I protect you? I want to be a strong partner for you, I want to bring you honor. I want to be worthy of you and I know no other way. I don't want you to wake up one day and regret you have to take care of me yet again and go…" My voice faltered, the frog in my throat blocking the words. I cleared my throat again and studied my dirty work boots. "You've done what I thought was impossible, you made me whole again. I should be able to give you more and all I've managed so far is to get you shot and make you a target for everyone who wants to get rid of me."
My eyes itched and I rubbed them, trying to breathe against the constriction in my chest. "To top everything off, I'm a selfish bastard because I know I should've allowed you to find someone who could… who is strong and capable of being your equal, who is better for you than I am. I can't seem to let you go."
Another set of work boots stepped in front of mine. I could feel the heat coming off of Ushna's body.
"Stupid man," he growled.
"I know," I whispered, closing my eyes.
Warm hands cupped the back of my head and pulled me forward, and I went willingly to him.
I felt his lips brush my ear before he breathed out, warm breath ruffling my hair. "What did he do to you that you don't know your worth?"

I shivered.
Please don't make me say. Please, please don't make me say.
I pressed my face harder into his shoulder. I didn't want to remember that time in my life. It was over. "I'm sorry," I mumbled into his shoulder.

Ushna's hand soothingly stroked my hair, while his other arm tightened around me, pulling me tighter to him. "Stop, Tristan, you're breaking my heart," he whispered.

I finally lifted my arms and clutched Ushna to me. He wasn't yelling at me, but I almost wished he would. The guilt was eating me alive because I knew I'd hurt him and here he was, still worried and caring for me.

Ushna coaxed me to bed, not that it took a lot of convincing. I was tired and I didn't want to let go of him. Once situated, he wasn't content until I was practically draped across him like a blanket. He calmly stroked my hair, my face, my arms, and my back. He touched me until the stress finally drained out of me. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Did you ever think I like taking care of you? That it makes me feel special that you rely on me like you haven't anyone else? That you trust me implicitly and you're confident in my abilities to keep you safe? I'm proud you chose me for your consort. I'm humbled by your love. You're everything I could want in a partner, a lover, or a mate. Somehow you were made for me. You make me happy to be alive and I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it: I won't leave you, there is nothing you can say or do to make me leave.

"Do you know how long I've loved you? After Brian's death, you were the only one who didn't ask me how I felt or gave me pitying looks. You had the uncanny ability to know what I needed when I needed it, whether it was quiet company or distracting me when my thoughts were suffocating me. You kept me sane. I'm not saying Jory, Stan, and Gregori didn't help because they did. You, though… you were the light that peeled back the darkness.

"By fifteen, I was head over heels in love with you. I fought my parents about college. I wanted two things in life, to be a warrior and you. My parents won out and I went to college so I'd provide the tribe with additional job skills." I could hear the smirk in his voice. "They weren't thrilled that my degree was in Criminal Justice."

The stroking slowed as Ushna remembered. "I'll never forget the day I came home from college and smelled the magic from Theo's claim. I thought my heart was going to break into a thousand pieces until I realized you hadn't claimed Theo. God, I wanted to ask you what was going on. I'd hoped you'd come and confide in me. The more I watched you, the more I hated Theo Sullivan. Your smiles went away. I watched you sit at Brian's grave, sometimes for the whole day."

Why was he going there? We never talked about that time.
"You made sure everyone was fed, the pups made it to school, and you set up college programs for those who couldn't afford it for their children. You brought in the lost and the strays and protected them. You found families to take them in and care for them, while you slipped them extra money to help with the support. You visited the sick and the elderly. Despite all of that, you were miserable.
"I couldn't help you. I couldn't take you away from your Flame. I couldn't do anything useful except watch and pray to the Goddess I'd have the opportunity to do something for you. Not once did I stop loving you. So I guarded you from afar, never imagining Theo would be the one to make it possible for me to take you away from that place.
"The day you took your complaint to the Council of Five and I smelled the poisoning, I wanted to kill Theo. I wanted to tear him limb from limb for what he did to you to make you cry on Brian's grave, for the poisoning of the Bond, for taking the sunshine from your eyes, but I knew Theo's pain isn't what you wanted. You needed me. The way you looked at me when I said I'd be your guardian… that was it. I knew I wouldn't ever go anywhere else.
"You're my husband by Lycan law, and I'm so fucking proud to stand by your side. You worry about the welfare and safety of the warriors who swore themselves to you and the families who are coming. You're going to make a fine king. Our children are going to… oh, Goddess I'm so sorry about that."
"Please stop, Ushna."
"I can understand if you're mad about…"
"But I'm not. I love the idea of having children with you. What I hate is that I didn't know to ask more questions about how that would change me." I looked him in the eye for the first time since I'd come into the room. "It wasn't your fault. I'm not saying I'm not angry about it. That's twice Ki has done something to me. She'll not get another chance."
I placed my hands on his face and said with all the emotion in me, "Please believe me Ushna. I want this. I want children with you."
Please don't leave
.
"I thought you hated me."
"Never." I ran a hand over his face, feeling his stubble against my palm. "I could never hate you. I love you more than I've loved anyone in my life." I brushed my lips against his, needing the distraction before I said anything else, before the look in his eyes made me confess this burning need for him that wouldn't go away.
Ushna's tongue came out to meet mine, inviting me deeper into his mouth. We kissed, and I felt drugged with pleasure. His mouth possessed mine as he staked his claim, and my body hummed with pleasure.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Temper tantrums aside, completely… off. I freaked out when Uttu told me I wouldn't change back after having the babies. It made me feel alone knowing there is no one else like me."
His hand slid under the hem of my shirt, his calloused fingertips rubbing up my spine. "You're not alone."
"She said I'm not technically a man anymore. Are you okay with that?"
"For Pete's sake, Tristan, you could grow pointed ears and a tail and I'd still love you."
"I do grow pointy ears and a tail, smartass."
"There you go. What does it matter to me if your organs are turning green or you're growing an extra lung or kidney?"
"That's just gross."
"The point is, you could grow scales, turn blue, and shrink to four foot one. None of that would change how I feel about you, so quit worrying. Now, is there anything else bothering you?"
"No. I'm kind of hungry though."
"Okay, what do you want?"
"Maraschino cherries, cheese puffs… and sauerkraut."
"I'm sorry?"
"You asked. It's been like this for a couple of days now and you keep taking my food from me." I huffed.
Ushna's chest shook under my cheek. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. Uttu said you needed to eat well and I took that to mean healthy."
"Yeah, well, I'd kill for a cheese puff right now."
"We'll get you some cheese puffs." He ran his fingers along the waist band of my jeans, causing my flesh to pebble under his touch. His mind wasn't on his touch though. I could practically hear him thinking. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," I said.
"Every year after Brian died, you insisted we visit his grave on the anniversary of his death and tell him everything we did that year. You said he needed to hear from us. He was bored since he'd returned to the Earth and he needed our stories."
"Hey, I was twelve," I said defensively.
"The thing is, we needed the connection and the release. We continued to visit his grave until college. You went more often. Why?"
"How did you know that?" I nervously drew my nail along the seam of Ushna's shirt.
"Nathan told me when I came home from college. He said you went on Brian's birthdays, too."
"I haven't been there in years," I said.
"You have a standing order for flowers to be delivered twice a year, Tristan."
"When we were boys, and it was the six of us, didn't you ever notice that I stayed around you and Brian more often than not? Brian had this knack for listening, no matter what I was talking about. He never said much, merely let me talk about what was bothering me. It was very calming being around him. The two of you always made me feel included, made me feel special even though I was so-so, average.
"After he died, I missed his presence. I still do. I'd go to visit and sometimes talk my way through my problem or simply sit and be with him. I miss his calmness. Is that weird?"
"No," Ushna said, his voice raspy.
His eyes were soft and liquid as he regarded me. I'd never told anyone how much I actually missed Brian. Ushna had been so devastated, I had put my energy into trying to keep him with us. I was so afraid he'd fade; his grief was so tangible back then. I may have been only a boy but I'd known I'd be lost if I were to lose both of them.

I felt like I'd broken out of prison.
I pushed the grocery cart down the breakfast cereal aisle and fought the urge to look over my shoulder. When I'd come out of the bedroom after my nap with Ushna, there'd been nobody in the house. I'd grabbed the keys to the truck and walked outside and nobody…
I'd jumped into the truck, convinced once I turned the key, Ushna or one of the guards would open the passenger door. Didn't happen. I didn't look the gift horse in the mouth and went to town. Still, I was sure any minute I'd turn around and there would be a warrior guarding me. I walked up and down the aisles, remembering a time when I'd hated grocery stores and now the damn thing was a secret haven for the recently escaped.
Waiting in the checkout line, I looked around. There were no hidden bodyguards, no lurking shadows. How sick was it that I was disappointed? Rolling my full cart out to the truck, I smiled at the warrior leaning against the driver side door. Juan smirked at me. I felt Michael come up behind me. I wasn't as alone as I'd thought. I waited for the sense of claustrophobia to rise or my temper to ignite, and neither happened. I smiled wider as Juan reached into the cart. He and Michael helped me load groceries into the truck bed.
I scented an unfamiliar Lycan. I didn't see anything suspicious. Shoppers were coming and going from the grocery store. A Middle-Eastern man was standing three cars away, wearing a tunic and baggy pants. At first glance it was very obvious he wasn't from around here. He carefully approached me, making sure I saw him. Juan and Michael moved to flank me as we waited for the Lycan.
"Alpha," he said in a heavily accented voice. He'd said 'alpha' as if it wasn't a word he spoke often or maybe the English word was just unfamiliar to him. "I am looking for help, to see…" The man became flustered, his hands clenching into fists of agitation.
Lycan's held firmly to their Sumerian roots. The influential families required their children to learn the dead language and fewer still could read and duplicate the cuneiform writings. The rest of the Lycans use the current language of our homeland. In my youth, I had been resistant to many lessons but one thing my father had made sure of was that I'd know three languages: English, Spanish, and Arabic. He argued a warrior might one day have use of a language other than English. I used Spanish often but it had been ages since I'd utilized my Arabic skills. It took me a couple of tries, but I was finally able to ask the man his name.
Relief washed over his face. "Thank you, Alpha. My family and I have newly come to the United States. My name is Adbel-Hakim. I am a priest of Shamash. I was told by my master to come here and find our Xenres. Do you know of him?"
"I do. Why do you seek Prince Tristan?" Juan and Michael tensed, going on alert.
"Shamash said I was to be Xenres's spiritual guide. He said turbulent times are going to come and our Xenres had many trials ahead. If he will have me, I will teach him as I have been taught."
I stared at Adbel-Hakim. Seriously? I was in the grocery store parking lot. Was there anywhere bad news wouldn't find me?
"Are you by yourself?" I asked.
"No, I am here with my wife and son." He looked back at a car.
I pulled out my wallet and thumbed through the bills, counting out enough so Adbel-Hakim and his family could get a room at the local motel and dinner. I handed him the money and a business card for the ranch. " In the morning, call this number and ask for Neesie. She'll find you a permanent place to stay and help you fill out the paperwork to transfer to my tribe. She'll also schedule an appointment for you with my consort and me."
"Xenres!" Adbel-Hakim exclaimed and immediately dropped to his knees on the hard pavement.
"Shit!" I knelt down in front of Adbel-Hakim. "Please don't kneel to me." I gently took his elbow and encouraged him to stand up. "Tomorrow we'll go over the rules." I walked a bewildered Adbel-Hakim back to his car. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Before I could leave, he grabbed my hand and kissed it, pressing the back of it to his forehead and spoke words I couldn't make out, though I wasn't really trying to. I was looking around the parking lot, embarrassed as hell and wishing the man would get in the car so I could take my groceries home.
I smelled it then, that sickly-sweet smell of a serialmurdering Lycan. I scented the air, not caring how odd I looked. The diseased odor of Craig Stoiler assailed my senses, making me nauseous. There were others with him. So many I couldn't get a count. I seized Adbel-Hakim and noticed he too was scenting the air.
"Avatar!" he whispered, eyes wide with fear. "What? What is an Avatar?"
"An Avatar is someone who is possessed by a God. The person loses all independent will, overrun by the will of the deity. They have powers far beyond those of a normal person. They're very hard to kill."
"On second thought, follow us to the ranch. Ushna and I will sleep on the floor if need be."
"As you wish, Xenres." Adbel-Hakim quickly got in his car and I was swiftly escorted back to the truck by Juan and Michael. Juan took the driver's seat as I jumped into the passenger's seat only to be pushed into the middle by Michael.
Driving home, I glanced continually in the rearview mirror to make sure we didn't lose Adbel-Hakim. Michael dug his phone out and called Corey.
I flipped open my cell and called Elder Koller's office.
I didn't wait for a greeting when the line was picked up. "Why is Craig Stoiler alive?"