Songbird (32 page)

“There’s
nothing to worry about.  You’re chasing phantoms.  Jane won’t jeopardise our
reputations or our happiness.  Come and sit down.”

We
resumed our seats and I watched him as he made himself comfortable.  He said he
hadn’t threatened Jane and I believed him, but I knew he had put pressure on
her.  I remembered our battles at Claythorpe and what he could be like when
someone opposed him.  In a strange way, I had enjoyed crossing swords with him;
that antagonistic part of him had excited me just as much as the warm and
tender side of his nature.  As if he could read my thoughts, he smiled at me
and in his eyes I saw a look of love, of desire, that sent a shiver right
through me making me tremble.

It
was then his words sifted through my mind.

“What
did you mean when you said ‘Jane won’t jeopardise our
happiness
’?” I
asked tentatively.

He
kissed my hand.  “Because I’ve never felt so happy since you came back into my
life.  A joy that I can’t believe and a joy I want to continue.”

We
sat quietly for a few moments while I contemplated what he was suggesting.

“How
long have you been married?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.

He
gave a rueful smile.  “Fifteen years next month.”

“That’s
a long time.”

“A
lifetime.”

Moments
of silence fell again.

“But
you knew your wife when she was a child?” I asked, breaking the silence.

He
looked surprised.  “How did you know that?”

“Mrs
Holland was your nanny, that was obvious.  At Chateau St Julienne, she was
warmly welcomed by the duc and duchesse as if she was an old friend.”

Brett
nodded.  “My father met the duc when they were on diplomatic service in Rome. 
They became firm friends.  Angelique is five years younger than I and our
parents agreed that we would marry and the houses of Shelbrook and Vacher would
be united.”

“You
had an arranged marriage?” I asked incredulously. 

He
gave a pleasant chuckle.  “Not in the strictest sense of the meaning.  It was
more an understanding rather than an implicit arrangement.”

“Did
the agreement still hold after your father’s death?  After all, you were very
young when he died.”

“My
mother wanted to fulfil his dying wish and she continued to encourage the
match.”

“And
you were happy about that?”

“We
were married when I was twenty-four and Angelique nineteen and to be honest, I
cared neither one way or another.”

My
mouth fell open in surprise.  “But she was to be your wife.  You must have had
feelings for her.”

He
shrugged.  “I didn’t meet anyone else who became more important to me.  If I
had things might have looked very different.  But as it was, Angelique was
someone I had known most of my life and I fell into marriage.”

I
pondered on this.  “Do you love her?”

“I
care for her as a husband should a wife,” he said and then added grim-faced, 
“I have a responsibility towards her.”

I
shook my head slowly.  These revelations were unbelievable.  “You agreed to
have a child for her.  You must have felt more than a responsibility to do
that.”

He
didn’t speak for a few seconds.  He looked down and took my hand in his.  “We
did have some happiness, especially in the early years.  It was assumed we
would have children and our first born son would inherit my title and also his
grandfather’s.  He would be the Duc de St Julienne and Viscount Shelbrook. 
Quite impressive, don’t you think?”  I nodded.  “But my wife’s health was very
fragile.  I never realised that.  Perhaps I should have opened my eyes and been
more aware of the situation.”

“Would
you have married her, if you had realised?”

He
took in a slow breath.  “Who can say.” He pursed his lips.  “As the years went
by, we knew that she would never be able to bear a child.”

“And
then you agreed to have a child by another woman?”

“It
was my wife’s idea.  I was very much against it, but she eventually convinced
me.”

I
nodded.  “Yes, I remember that Angelique can be very persuasive at times.”

“But
then the idea began to appeal to me.  As I told you at Claythorpe, I wanted a
child too.  It’s a way of becoming immortal, to know that part of you carries
on.”

I
closed my eyes briefly and smiled.  “Danny looks so like his father.  I can see
it more and more as each day passes.”

“What
would your husband have thought of our arrangement?”

I
considered this.  “Daniel would have understood.  He wouldn’t have approved,
but he would have understood.”

“Daniel? 
So, you called your son after your husband?”

“Of
course.”

Silence
fell again and we could hear people passing the door, but they didn’t disturb
us.

“I
made a mistake marrying Angelique,” he said hesitantly and I jerked my head in
his direction at such a forthright confession.

“You
don’t mean that,” I whispered.

He
nodded.  “I thought a child would make things better between us, but it
didn’t.  She became irritable with Emily and spends hardly any time with her.”

Tears
filled my eyes.  “Oh, my poor little girl.  What have I done?  All for the sake
of twelve hundred pounds so that I could…could…”

He
put his arm round me.  “Could what?”

I
looked up into turquoise eyes that seemed so tender.  “Follow a dream.  Climb a
mountain that I thought impossible.”

“And
did you realise that ambition?”

“Yes,
but the price was too high.  And I’ll be paying for the rest of my life.”

“No,
you won’t!  I want you to visit Emily regularly.  I want to bring her to London
and we’ll meet and spend time together.”

“But
how will I explain you to Nan and Diamond?  It will look questionable, a
married man calling on me, with or without a child.”

He
hesitated slightly before saying,  “I talked of our happiness.  Can’t we just
enjoy the time we have together and not look for complications?”

“Is
that possible?”

“Yes,
if we don’t look too far ahead,” he smiled.  “One day at a time, as Mrs Holland
used to say.  Think how it’s been these last two days.  I’ve enjoyed your
company and I’m sure you’ve enjoyed mine.”

“Yes,
I have,” I nodded.

“Then
I see no reason why it can’t continue.”

“You’re
leaving tomorrow,” I reminded him.

“But
we still have the rest of the afternoon…and this evening,” he said softly.

I
didn’t dare look at him.  “Brett, I don’t think…!”

He
didn’t let me finish but pulled me closer, pressing his lips against my hair. 
“Spend the rest of the day with me,” he murmured.  “Come back with me and we’ll
talk and have dinner together.  And then later on I’ll see you home.”

He
was being vague, but I knew what he was asking and I didn’t know how to
answer.  Again, my mind said no, you must not, but my heart and body said, yes,
yes. 

“Am I
permitted to stay in your club with you?”

He
smiled.  “I decided to book into a hotel for a change.  The Savoy.”

I
winced.  I was known at the hotel and at the theatre next door where
The
Mikado
was performed.  Thank goodness there wasn’t a performance on a
Sunday.  But I couldn’t tell Brett any of this; he would have queried why a
simple music teacher frequented such an illustrious place as The Savoy.

I
couldn’t be seen entering the hotel with him.  “I have to do something first,”
I lied.  “May I meet you there?”

“Of
course,” he whispered.  “I’m in the Marlborough Suite on the fifth floor. Meet
me when you’re ready.”  We stood and he took my hand.  “I’ll be waiting for
you.”

We
left the art gallery separately.

I
walked across Trafalgar Square and down Regent Street.  People passed me but
they seemed unreal, distant.  I wondered if I should go home and send a message
to Brett that I couldn’t meet him.  But after an hour of struggling with my
thoughts I made my way to the hotel and passed through the doors into the foyer
and up the stairs.  Only a few people were about, but they didn’t seem
interested in just another female guest returning from an afternoon walk.  The
desk clerk barely looked up from his writing.  I made my way to the fifth floor
and the Marlborough Suite and after glancing quickly along the corridor, I
raised my hand and knocked.

I
didn’t need to knock twice.  The door opened without hesitation and he drew me
inside closing the door quietly behind me.  He held my face between both his
hands and tenderly kissed my lips. 

“It
crossed my mind that you might run away.  But you came.”

“I
must tell you something.”

He
continued kissing my nose, my cheeks.  “And what’s that, my darling.”

I
sucked in a breath.  “I wanted you to know that I’m here because…I love you.”

Wrapping
his arms round me, he gave a cry of pleasure and swung me in the air.

“I
always hoped you might.  I thought you might, but I was never sure.”

“I
fell in love with you when we used to meet at Mrs Holland’s,” I told him
breathlessly.  “I would wake up and you were gone and it made me so desolate.”

He
set me gently on my feet and caressed my face, his eyes shining.  “Not as desolate
as I, having to leave you.  I felt my heart had been torn out of my chest.”

He
helped me off with my coat and I unpinned my hat, placing it on the small
table.  I looked around and realised I was in a very beautiful sitting room.

“This
is wonderful,” I gasped.  “I’ve never seen anything so delightful.” 

“One
of the advantages of having a title.” 

I
pointed to a door.  “Where does that lead?”

“Oh,
to the bedroom.  I’ve ordered some wine, would you like a glass?”

I
shook my head and smiled seductively.  Taking his hand I led him through the
door he had just indicated.  It was a spectacular room with a large double bed
and a blazing fire in the hearth.  Brett stepped over to the windows and
quickly drew the curtains.  Only the firelight illuminated us now, just as it
had done in the past.

The
years seemed to melt away as we undressed each other.  He pulled the ribbon
from my hair and ran his fingers through the dissident curls that tumbled over
my shoulders.

“I
always loved your hair,” he whispered.  “I’ll always remember you sitting at
the dressing table, while you brushed it.  It took my breath away.  It made me
love you even more, knowing that you wore it loose for me.”

We
slipped into bed and were back in Gibson Place again, only this time it was
different.  This time we were together because we wanted to be.  His hands
moved tenderly over my breasts to my thigh, his touch sensual, his kisses
passionate.  I gave myself to him utterly, belonging to him heart, mind and
body, crying and laughing with happiness.  And afterwards, I lay in his arms
and he caressed my face and kissed away my tears.  I don’t remember falling
asleep.

But
when I awoke, I felt relaxed and soothed.  Brett’s arms were still round me and
he was watching me.

“I
fell asleep,” I laughed quietly.

“I
know you did.  So did I.  I’ve just woken up and I’ve been watching you
sleeping.”

I
shuffled into a more comfortable position.  “Oh dear, I hope I wasn’t making
any unladylike noises.”

He
cupped my face in his hand and stroked my lips with his thumb.  “No, you were
smiling.  I wondered what you were dreaming about.”

“You,”
I whispered and reached up for a kiss.

His
mouth was on mine again, gentle but demanding and nothing else mattered but the
room, the bed and the man I was with.  I was a lost woman and all I could think
of was our desire, our love for each other.  And after we had made love for the
second time, I turned over and he snuggled into my back.

“I
feel so comfortable and warm,” I murmured.

He
lifted himself and moved my hair away to kiss my neck.  “That’s good.”

“And
safe.  I feel very safe.  As though I’m in a soft nest,” I said sleepily.

“I
want to protect you.  I want you to be mine, so I can take care of you,” he
whispered.

I
drifted off to sleep again and when I awoke, he wasn’t there.

And
then I saw a light coming from another room leading off the bedroom.  It was
bright and I pulled myself up on the pillows.  This new electric light was so
much more brilliant than gaslight and I watched as if hypnotised by the glow
that flooded across the floor.

Brett
appeared wearing only his trousers and with a towel round his neck.  “Are you
hungry?” he asked, smiling.  I nodded.  He sat on the edge of the mattress. 
“Why don’t you have a bath and I’ll order dinner for us.”