Songbird (31 page)

CHAPTER
THIRTY-ONE

I
t was
out of the question.  There was no possibility of meeting him in the art
gallery.  It was unacceptable.  I spent a restless night and was relieved that
Danny was a sound sleeper.  By the time morning arrived I was glad to jump out
of bed.

There
was a great deal of humorous banter as we piled into the cab and set off for
Ealing.  The cabby pulled up outside number fifteen Gibson Place and Diamond
let out a low whistle.

“Now
that’s what I call a house,” she said. 

She
and Nan looked about them and made admiring comments on the smart row of
Georgian houses that were set in the sweeping crescent.  An occasional nanny
could be seen pushing a pram, and sometimes a footman or groom passed us going
about their business.

And
then Nan pointed to the park opposite.  “What a wonderful place to play
cricket,” she shrieked.  “Danny will love it.”

I had
left my son with Oscar’s mother, since I felt that this viewing should be for
adults only while we made up our minds.  But Nan was right and Danny would love
the park.  However, there was plenty of time for him to view the house and
surrounding area.

I
lifted the large brass knocker and knocked gently.  My heart missed a beat. 
How many times had I done this before when I had been visiting?  I glanced
guiltily at Diamond and Nan and felt very uncomfortable.

Jane
answered, still wearing her parlour maid’s apron and cap, but with a woebegone
expression.

“Oh, Mrs
Asquith, I’m so glad you’ve come.”

“How
are you?”

“Very
sad, ma’am.”

“I’m
sure you are.  This is Miss Asquith and Miss Ward.  They’ve come to look the
house over with a view to moving in.”

Jane
clasped her hands together.  “I do hope you decide to live here, ma’am.”

She
opened the door wider and we all stepped inside.  Nan and Diamond were
impressed from the start.  The spacious hallway delighted them.  They loved the
pink and white parlour and I noticed straight away that the room was empty of
any personal effects.  Flowers filled the vases but the surface of the tables
and bureau were devoid of any ornaments or photographs.  I looked towards the
drinks’ cabinet and gasped that in my mind’s eye, I could see Brett standing
there, smiling at me.  He was Karl no longer and as I remembered the evening
before, yearning surged through me.

Nan
and Diamond nodded appreciatively at Mrs Holland’s beige dining room and then
we followed Jane to rooms where I had never ventured, a sizeable study and a
remarkable morning room.  Then we went to view the kitchen and utility rooms. 
Nan nodded in satisfaction, the kitchen tended to be her domain and this one
was massive and full of light from a large window.  Jane opened the cupboards
and drawers, showing us every pan, pot and utensil a cook would ever need.

We
trekked upstairs and swallowing with difficulty, I trailed after them as they
viewed the bedrooms.  I left them to their own inclinations and quickly walked
down the corridor to the room at the far end and flung open the door.  I stood
on the threshold, holding my hands in a tight grip.  There again was the
bedroom in cream and lilac, with the same rich lilac curtains at the window. 
The armchair still had its place by the fire, with the small table to one
side.  The dressing table, wardrobe and dresser were as I remembered them, with
the washstand in the corner.  And against the wall stood the double bed, still
covered with the satin quilt.

“What
a beautiful room,” exclaimed Diamond over my shoulder.

“Hands
off.  It’s mine,” I said fiercely.

“Looks
like we’re moving in,” said Nan, pulling a comical face.

Downstairs,
Jane went to the kitchen to make a pot of tea while Nan and Diamond inspected
the conservatory and garden.  I watched them disappear through the French
windows and heard Diamond’s exclamation of delight and how she would love to
plant a cherry tree at the bottom near the gazebo.

Jane
appeared with the tray of tea.  She nodded in the direction of the window. 
“Well, your lady friends seem quite happy with the house.  Do you think you’ll
move in, ma’am?”

“It
looks like we will,” I nodded.

She
beamed.  “Oh, I’m so glad.  I thought you might want to sell it and I wondered
what would become of me.”

I
felt startled.  “But I thought Mrs Holland left you a legacy.  You don’t have
to be a servant now.”

She
shook her head.  “I’ve lived here since I was ten, ma’am and I have no other
home.  Yes, I have more money now, but being a maid is all I know.  I hoped
you’d employ me as your maid and then I can stay here.”

I
hadn’t considered this.  “I’ll have to speak to Miss Asquith and Miss Ward
about it.”

She
looked at me quizzically.  “Is Miss Asquith a relative of yours?”

“My
late husband’s sister.”

She
nodded.  “His lordship said you were widowed and had a son.”

I
took her hand and drew her away from the window.  “Jane, I was widowed and had
a son when I first came to this house.  But I wanted to keep it a secret.  I
told Mrs Holland when we went to France and his lordship knows all about it
now.  But if Miss Asquith or Miss Ward ever ask about my visits here, then I
came only to take luncheon and tea with Mrs Holland. You do understand, don’t
you?”

She
looked at me in surprise.  “I’m good at keeping secrets, ma’am.  And I’ve not
said a word to anyone about it.  Not in all these years.  I’ve seen your
daughter when his lordship brought her to visit Mrs Holland and I thought her
such a sweet little girl.  I’ll keep your secret, but not for you, or his
lordship.  But for my dear lady that’s laid to rest in the churchyard.”

It
satisfied me and I nodded.  “Where’s Mrs Holland’s possessions?  I noticed that
the ornaments and photographs have gone.”

“His
lordship and that solicitor said I was to pack everything up.  I know that they
burnt a lot of Mrs Holland’s private papers and the clothes Mrs Rupp and Mrs
Haygarth didn’t want, went to the Salvation Army.  I was allowed to keep some
of the ornaments as was Mrs Rupp and Mrs Haygarth.  I think the rest went to
his lordship’s home, but I’m not sure.”

Nan
and Diamond appeared from the garden.  “It’s wonderful, Issy,” said Diamond. 
“I think the sooner we move in the better.”

I had
to agree.

While
we drank our tea we made plans.  We would move in as soon as possible after
giving Mrs Haygarth due notice and we would hire a wagon and some burley men to
move the furniture from our house in Sampson Street.  Nan and Diamond’s
excitement overwhelmed me.

I stood beside
the grave, a small posy of primroses and violets in my hand.  It was difficult
to hold back the tears as I looked down on the mound of dark earth, the funeral
flowers now all cleared away.  I glanced at the church, a lovely gothic
building with a high steeple.  The churchyard was situated to the rear of the
building and I could see the sun glinting on the stained glass windows.  It was
so peaceful, in contrast to my thoughts that were like a raging storm.  I knelt
and placed the flowers on the moist soil, tears wetting my cheeks.

“I’m
so sorry for not coming to visit you more often,” I murmured to the woman now
lying in the grave.  “I’m sorry for asking you to keep my secret that must have
been a burden to you, since you believed I would hate you for revealing it.  I
never would have hated you.  I thought too much of you.”  I lifted my face and
stared about at the marble stones and angels.  “Thank you for leaving me your
lovely home.  I promise to take care of it.”  I stood and turned to go, but
then stopped.  “And you were right.  I do love Brett as much as he loves me,
but he doesn’t know it yet.  He’s asked me to meet him this afternoon.  Should
I go?  Should I tell him that I love him?  And if I do, will it have dire
consequences for his marriage?”

I
walked toward the lych-gate with a heavy heart.

I caught a cab
to Hyde Park.  As I alighted a church clock struck one-thirty.  I had told Nan
and Diamond that I was meeting Andrew Perry to discuss the next production and
they had accepted it without question.  I walked amongst the flowerbeds just as
the sun appeared from behind a cloud.  Why was life so complicated?  It had no
right to be on such a fresh, clean day with the sun shining brightly, the sky a
pale blue with dappled white clouds, the park thronged with happy Sunday
strollers.  What should I do?  How could I have a clandestine meeting with a
married man?  What would happen if we were seen together?  Last night was
different; that was business.  But this meeting was purely for pleasure. 
Suddenly, my thoughts turned to Mrs Holland’s house, our visit and my
conversation with Jane.

She
had been a loyal servant to Mrs Holland for a long time and she had promised to
keep my secret.  But could she be trusted?  She was in possession of dangerous
information that could ruin the reputation of a wonderful man, not to mention
mine.  My hair stood on end at the thought of her breaking her promise and
telling Nan and Diamond.  There would be an awful scene if it all came out.  I
must talk to Brett about it.  Perhaps he could allay my fears.  With my mind a
little clearer, I left the park.

I
stood in front of the massive oak and steel doors for a long time.  It was ten
minutes past two and I wondered if he would have waited.  Perhaps he had
already left, convinced that I wasn’t going to turn up.  I entered the foyer and
after taking a pamphlet from the man at the desk, I peeped into every room.  I
don’t know why, since I knew where he would be.

The
room was empty except for the solitary man sitting at the end of the two rows
of chairs placed down the centre of the gallery.  He didn’t turn his head as I
took the seat behind him.  Sitting back-to-back, I felt rather than saw him
lean towards me and then he gave a gentle sigh.  Slowly, his hand dropped to
the side and mine did the same, until our hands clasped and our fingers
entwined.  I closed my eyes with the feelings that swept through me.  After a
few quiet minutes, he quickly glanced round, stood and came to sit beside me.

“You
were fashionably late,” he said, smiling.  “But I did wonder if I’d been
deserted.”

“I
didn’t know if I should come, but I had something to ask you.”

“How
did your visit go?”

“Nan
and Diamond thought the house unbelievable.  It looks like we’ll be changing
our address in the near future.”

“Excellent.”

“I’ve
chosen my bedroom.”  He didn’t answer, but his lips twitched.  “I had a private
talk with Jane.  I had to ask her to keep our secret from them and she’s happy
to do that.”

Brett
frowned.  “I’m surprised you felt you had to ask her.  Jane will not say
anything, I assure you.”

I
turned to look at him.  “Are you certain?  Can she be trusted?  Mrs Holland is
gone now and where do her loyalties lie?  What would happen if she decided to
sell her story to the newspapers?”

He
gave a low chuckle.  “She’ll not do that.  You’re worrying unnecessarily.”

His
confident words didn’t still my qualms.  “It would be such a scandal if our
names were plastered all over the papers.  It would ruin your reputation.”

“Very
few people know and those that do will stay silent.”  He took my hand and
kissed it. 

“Jane
said you burnt all the private papers.”

He
shrugged.  “Mrs Holland had nothing written down concerning our arrangement. 
What Mr Ryder and I destroyed were personal letters and social diaries.  The
entries in her journals relating to us, simply said that we were having
luncheon with her.  Nothing more.”

I
stayed quiet contemplating this.  And then I said,  “We’ve decided to take her
on as our maid.  She said Mrs Holland’s home was her home and it didn’t seem
right to dismiss her.”

“That’s
good.  You’ll be able to keep an eye on her,” he smiled.

He
sounded patronising and I felt irritated with him.  “I don’t find it amusing,
Brett.  I don’t want my name in the papers.  What about my reputation?  I’d
lose my living and what would Danny and I do then?”

My
angry words made him flinch.  His eyes darkened.  “My poor, sweet Isabelle.  I
would never let anyone harm you, I swear.  I’ve already had a quiet word with
Jane and she knows she must keep our secret.”

“You
didn’t threaten her?” 

He
laughed softly.  “Of course I didn’t.  But I was well aware that her loyalty to
Mrs Holland bought her silence.  All I did was extract a promise from her and I
trust her to keep that promise.”

I
stood and walked over to a painting, my hand covering my mouth, my mind
spinning.  Brett followed me and stood very close.  I looked around but we were
quite alone. 

“Then
I must trust her too,” I whispered.  I realised that the painting I was
standing in front of was Constable’s
The Haywain. 
It was beautiful,
peaceful and had a calming effect on me.