Songbird (19 page)

“What do you
think of the captain?” asked Gwilym, as the party was breaking up.  He and Ruth
were staying in the hotel for the night, before their journey to Portsmouth the
following day.

“He’s
a nice enough man.  We had a long chat.”

“So I
could see.  But don’t let him sweet talk you, Issy.”

I
felt very amused with this morsel of advice from my big brother.  “And why is
that?”

He
frowned.  “From what I’ve seen, Captain McAllen seems to have a woman in every
port.”

“A
woman in every port?  Isn’t that something of a cliché?”

He
nodded and laughed softly.  “I wonder he can remember their names.  I often
wonder if he remembers their faces.” 

I
felt startled at such revelations but I had already surmised that Captain
McAllen was something of a charmer when I had travelled to France and I knew he
had been flirting with me on that occasion. 

Gwilym
smiled.  “Ah, here’s Mrs Pritchard.”  The expression on his face made my heart
melt.

Ruth
sat down beside him.  “It’s been a wonderful day,” she sighed.  “Absolutely
perfect.”

“Yes,”
I said and then nodded in Mr Perry’s direction, “but how did you get him to
come to your wedding never mind give you away?”

“I
asked him.”

“When?”

“Yesterday
morning.”

“And
he agreed just like that?”

She
nodded slowly.  “I think he was so taken by surprise that he felt he had to
agree.”

Although
Mr Perry had his back to us, it was obvious he had overheard our conversation,
as he turned and came towards us.

“If
I’m going to lose her, then I should see it done well,” he laughed, taking a
seat next to me.

“You
did the job very well,” nodded Ruth.  “And I thank you for it.”

“Yes,
well, I’ve always enjoyed weddings,” he smiled and I felt startled.  His smile
seemed to be directed at me.  I must have been mistaken, I thought to myself.

Ruth
grinned and then took my hand.  “Good luck tonight, Issy,” she whispered.  “I
know you’ll be a great success.”

I
grimaced.  “Well if I’m not, I can always go back to teaching music.”

Martha, my
dresser, was very kind and helped me on with my costume after I had completed
my makeup.  She deftly pinned up my hair and placed the black wig over my head.

“It’s
always nerve-racking on your first night, but it usually turns out well,” she
said.

I
didn’t answer.  Mr Perry entered the room.

“Are
you ready?”

I
swallowed hard.  “I’m shaking like a leaf.”  I held up my hands to show him.

He
pulled up a chair and held my hands between his.  “I don’t want you to worry
about anything.  Just go on that stage and be Carmen.  You’re going to be the
talk of the theatre world after tonight.” 

“Perhaps
in more ways than one.”

He
chucked me under the chin.  “I’ll be with you all the way.”  He kissed my hand,
jumped to his feet and was through the door before I could answer.

“Well
I never,” said Martha.  “He’s not done that to a principal lady before.”

I
stood in the wings, waiting.  The rest of the cast took their places on the
stage.  I could hear the audience, their soft hum of conversation filtering
through the curtain.  The orchestra was tuning up.  I knew the theatre was
packed and I knew that their eyes would be on me as soon as I made my entrance. 
Suddenly, I felt terrified and wanted to run.  But wasn’t this what I’d worked
so hard for?  Everything I had gone through was for this moment, I thought
angrily.  What was wrong with me?  I looked down at my shaking hands and tried
to steady myself.  If I failed now then everything would have been for
nothing.  It was time to prove to myself that I could do it.  Not only for
myself, but also for the other members of the cast, for Mr Perry and for my
husband who had had so much faith in me.  And last of all, for the sake of the
child I had sold for twelve hundred pounds.

Mr
Perry squeezed my hand before disappearing through the curtain.  I heard the
audience’s hum die away.

“Ladies
and gentlemen.  Owing to circumstances beyond our control, Miss Ruth Procter
will not be able to perform tonight.  Instead, the part of Carmen will be
played by Miss Emmeline Barri.”

I
heard the gasp and then a groan sweep over the hundreds of people sitting in
the auditorium, the balcony and the boxes.  They had come to see Ruth, not an
unknown. 

“Oh,
help,” I whispered as the overture started.

“Show
them what you’ve got, kid,” said Diamond, kissing my cheek.  “Make them forget
Ruth Procter every existed.”

It
began and finally it was time for me to step onto the stage.  With my Spanish
blouse falling loosely over one shoulder and my hair hanging down my back, I
became the sultry Carmen, absorbed in the story of her love, betrayal and
ultimate death at the hands of the soldier, Don Jose, the man she had
deceived.  And when I sang
Habanera
, I knew I had come full circle for
that was the piece I had chosen to sing at my very first audition with The
Royal Academy of Music.  Only this time I was enjoying myself.  Even if the
audience didn’t like me, I didn’t care.  It was absolutely wonderful and the
music, the passion simply swept me along.  I left the stage in the interval
completely exhilarated hardly hearing the applause from the audience.

“Hear
that?” said Diamond.  “They’re loving it.”

“Let’s
wait and see,” I said cautiously.

Mr
Perry came rushing past me.  “Can’t stop, Isabelle, but I’m very pleased, very
pleased indeed.”

Diamond
sniffed indignantly.  “Well, don’t overdo the compliments, will you.”

I
smiled.  “He’s happy and that’s good.”

I
made my way to the dressing room and let Martha fuss round me as I repaired my
makeup.  I looked into the mirror and saw a young woman with shining eyes. 
Martha had made me a drink and I sipped it slowly.  Twenty minutes went by all
too quickly and soon I could hear the orchestra again and I was called to take
my place once more.

The
second act turned out to be just as wonderful but by the third and final act I
knew the audience were on the edge of their seats.  And in the final scene when
Don Jose plunged the knife into me, I turned my face away from the audience and
died in his arms without a murmur.  The curtain came down and the applause
sounded like thundering rain.  Mr Perry and the stage manager organised us for
the curtain-call and after Tobias had taken his bow as the principal male
singer, as was the custom he held out his hand to me and I stepped across to
him, took it and bowed with him.  It was then that the clapping increased and
people started rising from their seats.

I
couldn’t believe it; I was receiving a standing ovation.  In the wings, I saw
Mr Perry applauding, a grin on his face that would have befitted Alice’s
Cheshire cat.  And when I glanced up, I spied Ruth, Gwilym, Nan and Danny
standing up in one of the boxes.  And they were clapping and cheering.  I tried
to hold back the tears.  In my son’s face I saw his father and I knew that my
husband, wherever he was, would be smiling too and I sent a silent thank you to
him.  I’ve done it, my darling, I thought, I’ve reached the top of the tree
just like you said I would. 

I
smiled and curtsied and scanned the faces of the people in the theatre,
wondering if I would ever feel this happy again.  This is the beginning, I
thought.  This is the start of the best years of my life.  But at that moment,
I didn’t know that the best and worst of times, was yet to come.

CHAPTER
NINETEEN

T
he
day after my opening night, I met Jasper.  I was none too pleased to find him
slithering across the dining table when I put my head round the door to see how
Danny’s lessons were going.  He turned out to be Miss Rupp’s ‘little surprise’
that my son had mentioned. 

“Look,
Mama.  Isn’t he wonderful?” said my son, picking him up and letting him curl
round his fingers.

Miss
Rupp looked up, smiling.  “He’s a grass snake, ma’am.  Perfectly harmless.  I
thought Danny might want to handle a snake and see how it feels.”

“How
does it feel?” I asked from the doorway.

“Not
slimy. Quite nice really,” said Danny, his eyes shining.

“We’re
going to sketch him and I’ve brought a book of drawings of poisonous snakes
including the adder.”  She nodded enthusiastically.  “Sometimes it’s called a
viper and it’s the only venomous snake in England and likes to live near
riverbanks.”

I
blew out a breath and pondered on this.  She did teach my child the strangest
things, but there again, knowing about poisonous snakes would keep him safe
from ever going near one.  Even if there were very few snakes in London

“Well,
as long as he doesn’t escape,” I said quietly.

“Can
I keep him, Mama?  Miss Rupp said he can live in a glass tank and I’ll have to
feed him on mice.”

I
shuddered.  “No, dearest.  I don’t like snakes…or mice.”

“If
that’s the case, then I’ll bring Jasper to visit as often as you wish,” said
Miss Rupp.

“Mama
has shares in a mining company called Anaconda.  It’s in Montana in America.”

Miss
Rupp nodded.  “Ah, now then, an anaconda is a huge snake and could eat you in
one go.”

I had
heard enough and decided to escape to the kitchen and start luncheon.

Ruth
was missed right from the start and the morning after her wedding we had waved
her off at Waterloo Station as she and Gwilym started their journey to
Portsmouth.  She promised to write as often as possible and tell us all the
adventures she was having.  And we were certain she would have many.  The look
on my brother’s face as the train pulled away from the platform, was something
I will always remember.  With his arm round his new wife and his eyes sparkling
with absolute joy, I knew that he had never looked so happy.  It would be a
memory that would bring me gladness and sadness over the next few years.

The
week continued and my success in
Carmen
grew.  Mr Perry was delighted
and I breathed more easily knowing that I had survived the first week.

It
was the night of my birthday and I had just seen Danny to bed when Diamond told
me something that unsettled me. 

“You
do realise, of course, that you could have been an opera diva long before now.”

“What
on earth do you mean?”

“Mr
Perry has strong feelings for you.  And I think he’s had them since you first
joined the theatre.”

“Don’t
be so ridiculous!” I snorted.  “He’s not shown the slightest bit of interest in
me personally.”

Diamond
smiled.  “He would never say anything to you, unless he knew you felt the same
way.  And since you never gave him the necessary signals, he kept silent.”

“The
necessary signals?  How could I know how he felt when he was yelling at me just
as much as everyone else.”

“That’s
because professionally he treats us all equally.  But privately, his thoughts
were in another direction entirely.  And if you had noticed and responded, then
I don’t think you’d have been in the chorus for nearly three years.”

“Responded?”

She
nodded.  “Shown him that you could be a little friendlier than normal.”

“Diamond
Ward, you are disgusting!  Mr Perry doesn’t think of me that way at all.  I’m
just a member of his cast and nothing more.”

“Suit
yourself.”

I
stood.  “Goodnight Diamond.  Don’t forget to lock up.”

“Goodnight
Isabelle.  I won’t.”

I lay
there in the darkness, going over what she had just said.  I suddenly realised
that there had been times when Andrew Perry had been just a little more tender
towards me, often speaking to me in a softer, gentler tone.  But to use him to
further my career as an opera singer appalled me.  And then my mind returned to
Felix Russell and how I had been willing to use his marriage proposal in order
to fulfil my ambitions.  I shuddered at that memory.  I turned over in bed, and
pushed my knuckles into my mouth, knowing I had done far worse than that.  As
sleep slowly claimed me, I decided that I had to visit Mrs Holland again.  I
had to go to Gibson Place and ask her about Karl.  I must find out if he was
well and happy.  But most of all, I must discover if my daughter, our daughter,
was thriving.  I couldn’t put it off any longer.  I needed to know. 

The following
day I caught a cab to Ealing.  I decided to arrive at four o’clock, since that
had always been the time I had visited Mrs Holland in the past.  As I waited at
the door, I looked about me.  How strange it felt and yet how familiar. 
Nothing had changed.  The fashionable people still promenaded through the small
park and along the pavement, servants still scurried to and fro on various
errands.  Carriages with liveried drivers and footmen rumbled over the cobbles,
the ladies inside carrying their parasols, the gentlemen wearing top hats.

Jane
answered my knock.  “Miss Pritchard!  Fancy you visiting.  Madam was speaking
of you only yesterday.”

“Was
she?”

“She
was and here you are in person.”  She showed me into the hallway.  “Madam is in
the garden pulling up the weeds.”  I followed her through the house and into
the conservatory where my heart lurched in my chest at my memories.  But then I
was out in the glorious sunshine and a beautiful garden.  Mrs Holland was
kneeling on a small piece of carpet, skilfully prising out the weeds with a
small trowel.  “Miss Pritchard to see you, ma’am.”

I
could see she was surprised. 

“Well,
I never!  I only mentioned you yesterday.”

“So
Jane said,” I laughed.

Jane
and I helped her to her feet and she groaned.

“Oh,
my poor, aching joints.  It’s all right getting down, it’s the getting up
that’s more difficult.  Bring some tea, my dear,” Mrs Holland said to Jane.  We
watched the young maid scurry across the lawn.  “Sometimes I think tea is more
refreshing on a day like today.  Now then, do sit down and make yourself
comfortable.”

I saw
two wicker chairs under a tree and sat down.

“I
hope you don’t mind me visiting.  I just felt the need to see you.”

Mrs
Holland frowned.  “Did you?  Is something wrong?”

“Oh
no, nothing is wrong.  I just wondered how you were.”

She
gave a small laugh.  “I know it was assumed we would never see each other
again, but I always hoped we would keep in touch.”

Jane
brought the tea and placed it on the small garden table, along with a plate of
Mrs Holland’s special chocolate cake.

I
smiled with delight.  “How lovely, even if it is bad for the figure.”

Mrs
Holland chuckled.  “I ceased to worry about mine long ago.”  She poured out the
tea.  “How’s Miss Rupp doing?”

“Oh,
she’s absolutely wonderful.  Danny is devoted to her and I must say that she
has some innovative ideas about teaching.”

Mrs
Holland nodded.  “I knew she would be suitable.”

Suddenly
the strangest notion came into my head.  “How did you know it was my advertisement
in
The Times
?  I’ve moved house, you know.”

She
gave another chuckle.  “I cheated somewhat.  Your landlady, Mrs Haygarth, has
been a friend of mine for years.  When she told me she had rented her property
in Finsbury to four young ladies, one called Mrs Asquith and the mother of a
boy named Daniel, it wasn’t difficult to deduce it was you.”

“And
Miss Rupp?  How do you know her?”

“Again,
I’m a friend of her mother.  I’ve known Jean since she was a baby.  She’ll
never marry, of course.  Far too plain to attract the attentions of any
gentleman.”

I was
rather startled that Mrs Holland could sound so unkind.  “Oh, you never know. 
There might be someone out there waiting for her.”

Mrs
Holland patted my knee sympathetically.  “My dear, he would have to be blind.”

I
sipped my tea and decided to change the subject.

“Why
were you thinking of me yesterday?”

“Because
it was your birthday.”

“You
remembered?”

“How
could I forget.  That wonderful evening of your twenty-first birthday when you
sang for us.  The duc with tears streaming down his face.”  She squeezed my
hand.  “Tell me, did you enter the academy and become classically trained?”

“Yes,”
I nodded.  “And not only that, I’m now on the stage at Covent Garden.”

“How
wonderful.  Then you must be in the production of
Carmen
?”

“Yes,
I am.”

“And
what part do you play?”

“Actually,
I’m Carmen.  But only since last Monday.  I’ve managed to survive one week so
far.”

Mrs
Holland clasped her hands together in delight.  “Mrs Haygarth and I were
thinking of going this Saturday, but I had no idea you would be playing the
lead.”

“Then
I’ll leave word at the box office that two tickets must be put aside for you. 
You’ll be my honoured guests.”

“That’s
so kind of you, my dear.  I’m sure it will be wonderful, you sing so beautifully.” 
Her thoughts seemed to drift.  “The duc and duchesse were very taken with you. 
In many ways you changed their lives.  Although, I suppose you changed all our
lives and none more so than…” Her mind returned to the present and she stopped
abruptly.

“Who?”

“Never
mind.”

“Are
you talking about Karl?”  She didn’t answer.  “Please Mrs Holland.  It’s been
five years and I desperately want to know how he is.”

She
looked away and I followed her gaze.  A butterfly settled on a flower and
spread its wings in the warmth of the sun.  I could hear a bee buzzing
somewhere and two magpies started squabbling, hidden away in the foliage of an
elm.

“He’s
very well,” she murmured. 

“And
happy?”

She
turned to me and smiled.  “He’s very happy with his little daughter.  I think
that…that child means everything to him.”  I knew she had nearly said her
name.  “He dotes on her and it’s not surprising, she’s absolutely delightful.”

I
gathered my courage.  “What’s her name?”

She
shook her head slowly.  “I can’t tell you that, my dear.  You know I can’t.”

I
gave a groan.  “Would it hurt!”

“It
might lead to his identity and you know he wishes to remain anonymous.”

I
knew that all too well.  “Is there nothing you can tell me?” I asked
desperately.

“Only
that she’s very clever and what I would call ‘bubbly’ in nature.”  She gave me
a sidelong glance and a smile flittered across her lips.  “And she likes to
sing.”

“She
sings?”

Mrs
Holland nodded.  “All around the house.  Every song she knows.  Of course, my
lady…”

“What? 
What about your lady?”

Mrs
Holland licked her lips nervously.  “I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. 
But my lady…well, she does prefer a quiet life.”

I
felt stunned.  “She finds it annoying when my daughter sings?”  She nodded
sadly.  “But if she likes to sing, then she must be encouraged.  When she’s
older, they must find her a music teacher to train her voice.”

She
gave me a bright smile.  “I’m sure my gentleman will consider that when the
time comes.  After all, he’ll remember her mother and…” Her voice faded away
and a frown crossed her face.

“What
is it, Mrs Holland?  Please tell me.”

She
took off her spectacles and rubbed her eyes, a gesture I recognised and one she
always adopted when she was deeply concerned over something.

“There
are times, my dear, when I wonder at the wisdom of that agreement between my
lady and gentleman and your good self.”

“Do
you think it was wrong?”

She
turned to me with an unusual scowl across her plump face.  “When the dear Lord
dictates that a couple are to be childless, then perhaps it should remain so. 
If they did anything towards getting a child, then they should have adopted a
foundling.  God knows there’s plenty of babes in this world seeking loving
parents.  But my lady wanted her husband’s child.”

I was
starting to have misgivings about
my lady
, but I nodded, trying to be
sympathetic.

“The
day my son was baptised, I remember thinking that my husband had left me a
precious gift, proof that he had lived and during that life had loved me so
very much.”