Authors: Joanne McClean
I shake my head at him. “Priestly, you’re drunk and not making any sense. Come on, I think it’s time to call it a night.” I suggest for a second time.
Carter nods. “Yeah, come on man.” He grips Priestly’s arm and then turns back to me. “I’ll get him to his room and then I’ll help you get rid of everyone, okay?”
I nod but watch, horrified, as Priestly shakes off Carter’s arm.
“Get the fuck off me! You can’t fool me! You’re just looking rid of me so that you two can hook up!” Priestly snarls.
That’s it. He’s finally went too far.
I stare at him, full of pity but mostly anger.
I’m done with being patient. And before I even know what I’m doing, I grab my glass of Diet Coke and throw it in his face.
Carter then suddenly yells, “Okay party’s over everyone! Get the fuck out!”
“It’s time.” he then whispers to me. “Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.”
I nod at him and then turn back to Priestly, who looks shell-shocked. I continue to stare at him, waiting for everyone to leave before I explode.
When the last person has left, I shake my head at Priestly and let out a heavy sigh.
“What the fuck was that for?” Priestly finally asks. It seems that throwing a drink in his face has sobered him up a bit.
“For being an asshole.” I tell him bluntly.
He scowls at me and then proceeds to pull off his sticky t-shirt.
I try not to let his toned chest distract me. After all, I have to try to snap him out of this funk he’s gotten himself into.
“Real nice Nerd Girl!” he snaps at me, reaching for a beer bottle.
I shake my head wearily. “I can’t do this anymore Priestly.”
“Do what?” he sneers.
“Watch you spiral out of control.” I say quietly.
He raises an eyebrow. “In case you missed the headline: my dad fucking died! I think I have a right to act however the fuck I want.” he yells at me.
As much as my heart breaks for him, I can’t watch him do this to himself.
“Priestly, do you really think your dad would want this for you?”
***
Priestly
The knife in my heart twists painfully at her words.
“Oh you go straight for the fucking jugular, don’t you? You’re a real piece of work Nerd Girl. You have no right to talk about my dad!”
I yell at her furiously.
But, the truth is
… I’m not angry at Temperance, I’m mad at myself. Her words have hit that deep, dark part of me that I don’t want to acknowledge right now.
“Priestly, I’m not going to yell at you.” she tells me softly. “But you can go right ahead and scream at me if it makes you feel better but I refuse to watch you self-destruct. You’re better than this.”
Her bright blue eyes stare me down and I hate the fact that she’s right. But, as always, my sadistic bastard side rears his ugly head.
“Oh fuck you Nerd Girl! You don’t know me, so stop pretending that you do!” I roar at her.
I watch as she barely flinches and that angers me even more so I go in for the kill.
“You will never know me! The only reason I tolerated you
was so I could pass my damn Business Class! But since I don’t give a shit about that anymore, I don’t need you. You’re not worth my time. You are nothing. You are no-one.” I tell her viciously, staring her directly in the eye.
I watch as her eyes well up with tears and the callous part of me enjoys it.
Maybe, for just one minute, I can transfer all of the bitterness … all of the rage … all of the fucking misery I feel right now to her.
Maybe, for just one minute, I can breathe again.
Just one minute …
***
Temperance
I’m not an idiot. I know he’s only hurling abuse at me because I’m an easy target but I wish it didn’t hurt so much.
I sniff back my tears and stare at him.
He looks so lost and hurt but I can’t help wonder if it’s all worth it.
After all, he’s right … I don’t know him – well this side to him, at least.
And suddenly I don’t want to.
I’m tired of being treated like this.
And I’m tired of being patient. It clearly hasn’t worked so why should I care anymore?
“You know what?” I say calmly. “Fuck you Priestly. Fuck you.”
And with that, I leave him in the kitchen and barricade myself in my room.
I’ve had enough.
Chapter Thirty
Temperance
I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. Bleary-eyed, I grab it without even glancing at the screen before answering.
“Good morning!” a voice chirps down the phone. “This is Gertrude!”
I clear my throat awkwardly before replying. “Morning Gertrude. What’s up?”
“Good news, a room in Beckerman Housing has come up. So, since the whole flat-share thing was our fault, you’re the first applicant to be offered this place.
Now, the problem is since it’s three weeks until Christmas break I need to know right now if you want it?”
I stare at my phone, hardly daring to believe my ears. This is my chance … my one and only chance to escape from the time bomb that is Priestly.
Breathing out a sigh, I close my eyes and don’t even think twice when I say, “Yes. I’ll take it.”
***
Priestly
So, I’m a total asshole.
I know it. Temperance knows it. Heck, even Carter knows it, ju
dging by his text this morning –
‘H
ope U wrnt 2 much of an asshole 2 her. We R just worried bout U bro.’
Fuck, since when did Carter give a shit about what I did?
He’s hardly the type of guy who’s concerned about others … yet he told me himself that my father’s death made him wise up.
Still, I can’t help but
find this whole thing a little bizarre. I’ve never had anyone care about me this much – apart from family and that’s only because they’re obligated to.
So, yeah, I do feel bad about the way I treated
Carter and Temperance last night … well, mostly Temperance.
Which is why I should apologise but I’m just too chicken shit to face her. Well, that and I’m severely hungover. I roll over in the bed and glance at the clock – 8.03am.
Suppressing a groan, I shove a pillow over my head and decide to have a little lie-in, vowing to myself that I’ll apologise later on. After all, begging for forgiveness when you’re as hungover as shit is never a good idea.
***
Temperance
“So, tell me again? Why are we whispering?” Anson asks as he lifts my suitcase in one hand and my pillow in the other.
“Because Priestly’s sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.” I tell him in a low voice.
“Riiight.” Anson drawls out. “Because we should really let that asshole sleep off his hangover.” he adds spitefully.
I throw him a pleading look. “Look, despite all the shit that’s happened, he’s still grieving Anson.
I’m not defending his behaviour but give him a break.”
“Give him a break?” Anson scoffs. “It’s some seriously messed up shit you’ve had to deal with. It’s not right.”
I heave a sigh. “Just drop it Anson. I was patient with him and it didn’t work. I lost it with him and it didn’t work so now I’m leaving it all behind, okay?”
He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he
opens the door of the flat and starts making the trek across to my new room in Beckerman Housing.
I follow him, carrying the rest of my luggage and my duvet.
“So, how come you decided to leave?” Anson asks as he pulls open the door to the Beckerman building.
I shrug. “
Oh, a lot of reasons that even I don’t understand. I just thought he could use the space … and to be honest, so could I. I know he didn’t mean any of the crap he said to me but it still hurt, you know? Suddenly, it all just got to me and I wanted out.”
Anson nods and then declares, “Well, you shouldn’t have to put up with him acting like
an übe
r
dick. Yeah, it’s horrible what happened but it’s time for him to deal with it and move on.”
“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” I say quietly.
“Okay, maybe.” Anson reluctantly agrees. “But still, think of other people who have worse shit to deal with. It’s not fair on you darlin’.”
I throw him a small smile. “Newsflash Anson … life isn’t fair.”
***
Priestly
I wake up again around eight-thirty, instantly regretting that I’ve slept all day. I feel shitty and in dire need of a shower to clear my head.
So, I make my way down the hall to the bathroom, praying that I don’t bump into Temperance yet. I still need to come up with something to say to her.
I rub my face wearily as I grab a towel and head for the shower.
As the hot water streams over my face, I try not to think about anything. However, my conscious doesn’t let me. My mind flashes back to what I said to Temperance last night and my stomach twists with regret.
I push those thoughts away only to have them replaced by thoughts of
my father. Sure, I passed the stage of Denial long ago but I’m still dealing with Anger right now and it’s not pretty.
Although, I can’t help but
feel that Guilt should be included in there too. As much as I try not to dwell on the fact that I wish I would’ve talked to him more, I can’t help but torture myself about how I neglected to keep in touch with him since I started school here. If only I’d have made more time, I wouldn’t feel like such a failure.
As I switch off the water, I realise that I’ve just made a tiny breakthrough.
Goodbye Anger, hello Bargaining and Depression.
Oh man, fuck my life.
After trying not to wallow in the misery that is my life, I change into jeans and a shirt and make my way down the hall towards Temperance’s room. I still have no idea what I’m going to say to her. I just hope I’ll be inspired when I come face to face with her.
I heave a sigh and then knock on her door.
“Temperance, can we talk?”
No answer.
I knock again and then press down the handle, gently pushing the door open.
I stare at the sight before me and feel a dull ache in my chest.
The room’s empty.
She’s gone.
Chapter Thirty
-One
Temperance
“So, have you seen him?” Anson asks as we make our way to the campus canteen.
It’s been over two months
since I moved out and I haven’t heard a thing from Priestly which is probably the best thing for the both of us right now.
I had thought that he’d contact me over the Christmas break but alas, I was wrong.
I shake my head. “No but I think this break is exactly what we both needed.”
Anson nods. “Let’s just hope he
still isn’t on a bender somewhere. Despite what I said, I’m still rooting for you two. I just hope he can get his shit together soon darlin’.”
I throw him a small smile and try to push the
thoughts of Priestly out of control to the back of my mind. That and the fact that the lack of contact between us is partly fault. The truth is, I’ve been avoiding Priestly.
Yes, it’s cowardly but it just hurts too much to see someone y
ou care about destroy everything they care about.
I thought I could handle it but
that
night was the final straw.
How can I help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?
As painful as it is to accept it, I have to let Priestly sort out his life not for me but for himself.
I said it once before, I’m tired
of being a doormat.
I’m tired of trusting the wrong people.
I’m tired of letting people treat me like shit.
I’m just tired.
***
Priestly
“Come on man, have you even tried to talk to her?” Carter asks as he sits down on the couch with a beer.
I heave a sigh and pace the floor agitatedly.
“She’s avoiding me. What the hell can I do?”
“Um, go and talk to her? Wait outside her room or some shit like that.” Carter suggests, looking at me as if I’m an idiot.
“Since when did you take her side? I thought you didn’t like her.” I shoot at him accusingly.
Carter rolls his eyes. “We came to an agreement. It happens.”
I shake my head. “Well, she’s not going to want to talk to me – not with the way I treated her.”
“Yeah, you really can be an asshole. Like, that time you thought I was hooking up with her.” Carter says, before taking a sip of beer.
I roll my eyes. “I was drunk.”
“And jealous.” Carter adds with a smirk.
“What? No I wasn’t.” I tell him adamantly.
Carter looks sceptical. “Uh huh, then why were you so annoyed at seeing us together?”
“I – I don’t know.” I finish lamely.
“Uh, yeah you do. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Carter asks bluntly.
What the fuck?
“Um, I don’t know?” I say unsurely before flopping down onto the couch.
I’ve never been in love before. How do I even know if that’s what this is?
“Bullshit.” Carter declares. “Think about it. All the shit I was giving you about her? You defended her and stopped acting like such a dick. Fuck, she even offered to tutor you – oh no, wait a second,
you asked
her to tutor you.” he finishes with a grin.
Wait, how the fuck does he know that?
I eye him curiously. “She told you?”
He nods. “Yup, that’s when I started to put it all together. The shit with Nixon, the lack of parties … Fuck, if I figured it out before you, you must be as dumb as shit man.”
Fuck.
“And you kissed her man! What the fuck did you think that meant?” Carter continues
with a wicked grin.
Fuck.
How could I ignore it all?
She was the one who offered to help
me with my Business Class.
She was the one who dealt with the aftermath of my parties.
She was the one who challenged my assholish ways.
She was the one who sat with me
when I was at the lowest point of my life.
She was the one who told me it was okay if I didn’t want to talk.
She was the one who waited patiently for me to get my life back together.
She’s the
one who’s been there all along and I’ve just been too dumb to see it.
Fuck.
“I fucked up, didn’t I?”
“Uh yeah. Although, there’s probably something I should tell you.” Carter adds vaguely, looking guilty.
“What?”
I ask warily, fearing the answer.
“Um, I m
ight have mentioned that I thought you, um might be in love with her?” he blurts out before downing his beer.
“WHAT?” I yell as he leaps from the couch.
“Another beer?” he asks, quickly heading to the kitchen.
I get to my feet and follow him. “You did what?”
Carter winces at my tone. “I know. It came out before I realised who I was talking to. I was just figuring it all out – it just happened to be out loud rather than in my head.”
“Oh my God, you moron!” I shout at him.
“In my defence, I had a few beers.” Carter adds quickly.
“Um, what did she say?” I ask calmly. Despite being pissed at Carter and his big mouth, I am curious.
Carter frowns. “She didn’t seem to believe me.”
“Yeah, I think I know why.” I admit reluctantly. “Remember when I told you that I kissed her … well that wasn’t the only time.”
Carter grins at me. “Oh yeah?”
I nod. “Yeah. After that, we had a party and you were meant to be my wingman so that I could figure out what to do
. Well, you disappeared and Temperance found me and wanted to talk about it and well … I kissed her again.”
“Dude, how could you not figure it out from that?” Carter asks with a puzzled look on his face.
I shrug. “This is all new to me man. And I think I wanted to deny it because when she said she needed to talk about it, I kind of freaked out. I told her we should forget what had happened and stay friends as things could get awkward if we didn’t.”
“Smooth man, real smooth.” Carter says with a smirk.
“I know. And then the whole thing with my dad happened.”
Carter’s expression suddenly turns serious. “How are you dealing with it now, man?”
I heave out a sigh. “I’m sorry for acting like a dick.”
“No worries. We all have our asshole moments dude. Just look at me. I’m the poster boy for assholish behaviour.” Carter says with a grin.
I suppress a laugh. “Yeah, well I’m not gonna argue there. Seriously though, I know you guys were just trying to help. I was just so fucking angry at the whole damn world and I felt guilty that I didn’t talk to him as much as I should have, you know?”
Carter nods. “We all have regrets man. At least your father took an interest in your life, look at mine – he couldn’t give a shit. Count yourself lucky that you had that.”
“You’re right.” I say quietly before adding, “I’m doing better though. I think this time alone has helped me finally move on and accept what happened. Plus, my mother read me the riot act at Christmas and told me to get my ass back to class or she’d make my life a living hell.”
“
Jeez.” Carter says with a shudder.
“Yeah. You don’t argue with my mother.” I tell him with a half grin.
“Well, it’s great that you’re back on track. I know it’s only been like four months since it happened but they say it gets easier. You just gotta stop beating yourself up dude.”
“I know. But that still doesn’t help
me with the Temperance situation.” I point out.
“Fuck, you really have it bad for Nerdo. You still wanna deny you’re in love with her?” Carter shoots at me pointedly.
I let out a low chuckle. “You don’t think it’s stupid?”
“It’s
probably the stupidest damn thing you’ve ever done … but it just might also be the best.” Carter tells me with a wide grin.
“But you’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”
“Never.” he replies with an evil grin.
“Well, it’s going to mean fuck all unless I apologise to her.” I remind him.
“Yeah, well good luck with that.” Carter grins as he downs the rest of his beer. “You have ignored her for like three months.”
“
Yeah, every time I felt like calling her, I’d remember what I said to her that night and I couldn’t face her. I acted like such an asshole. I wouldn’t be surprised it she doesn’t want to look at my face again.” I admit sadly.
Carter shakes his head. “Look, you’ve acted like an asshole to her before and that didn’t stop the two of you from becoming friends. Plus, the girl let you have your space, she was patient with you but inevitably, she grew tired of waiting.”
“Yeah, not making me feel any better here.”
“Let me finish!” Carter declares, looking annoyed. “I told you once before
that all of that doesn’t mean that you can’t change it
now
. You’ve done it before with getting back on track with your classes. All you’ve got to do is take a chance.”
I stare at him, dumbfounded. “Fuck. What happened to you Carter?”
“I finally grew up.” he replies with a smirk.
I shake my head in disbelief. “Wow. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Hey, it’s a day of new things. Who knows what could happen?” Carter says, throwing me a pointed look.
I flash him a grin. “Okay
, I gotta go. I’ll catch up with you later, yeah?”
He
nods and stands up, making his way to the front door.
“Any last words of advice?” I ask him before he leaves.
He turns back to me and nods. “Yeah. Don’t fuck it up.”
***
Temperance
I lie on my bed, listening to music after a long day. After my conversation with Anson, Priestly has been on my mind all day.
The truth is … I miss him.
I miss the playful fighting.
I miss
choosing a song to wake him up in the morning.
I even miss him calling me Nerd Girl.
What happened to his dad was really shitty but I just hope that he can work it out because I want to be a part of his life again.
And despite what Anson says, I know he misses teasing me about ‘sexual tension’.
Heaving a sigh, I glance at my phone and debate calling him.
After all, he’s had a tough time, I should give him a second chance.
He was the one who helped me with the whole Nixon situation.
He was the one who made me stand up for myself.
He was the one who cheered me up when I felt miserable about not meeting the right kind of guy.
He was the one who
taught me how it should feel to be kissed.
He’s the only person in the world that I love fighting with.
He’s the someone I’ve been looking for.
***
Priestly
It’s raining but I don’t care.
I have to get to the Beckerman building. I have to see Temperance.
I arrive at the building and check the number of Temperance’s room before pressing all the buttons at the door in the hopes that someone will buzz me up.
Finally, someone gives in and I push the door open. I make a beeline for the stairs and take them two at a time, searching for the third floor.
I shove open the stairwell door and make my way down to room 304.
I knock gently on the door and wait.
When she finally opens the door, I hear Kings of Leon singing gently in the background as she stares at me, looking dumbfounded.
“I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see.”
“What are you doing here?” she asks. “I thought I was no-one. I thought
you
decided you didn’t want to know me anymore.”
“
Painted faces, fill the places I can’t reach.”
I cringe at her harsh tone and try to catch my breath.
“You’ve got it all wrong.” I tell her quickly. “Can I come in?”
“
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
.”
“I don’t think so.” she tells me with a frown.
“Please, let me explain.” I plead.
“And all you know a
nd how you speak.”
She shakes her head and heaves a sigh. “Please … just go.”