Some Bear to Love: BBW Bear Shifter (BWWM) Romance Standalone (5 page)

But right now, he had other things in mind, and his hands kept a firm grasp on her soft thighs as he lowered his head to swipe right over her with his tongue. She arched back, eyes nearly watering in pleasure at how good it felt when he kissed right over her center. He sucked gently, running his tongue back and forth over her most sensitive part, and she fought the restraints, his hands, the towel fruitlessly. She was unable to escape his mouth, his touch, the pleasure threatening to overwhelm her.

But not for a moment did she feel trapped. Instead, she felt safe, anchored so she couldn’t float away. It felt like no one had ever cared for her in that way, and it hurt her feelings.

But right now, she would just savor the feeling of being totally safe and totally pleasured as his tongue played and explored. He wasn’t simply tasting her; he was learning her, and she could tell by the way his movements changed as her breathing and heartbeat sped and her legs clenched and fought the oncoming pleasure that he was a very effective student indeed.

It was coming, it was coming, it was coming as she looked at the faint stars above her and held her breath as all her muscles tightened in anticipation. Then he murmured something against her and the brush of his lips set it all off.

She bit her lip to keep from screaming and arched back with closed eyes as the orgasm hit. Once again, he freed her, quickly untying the towel and coming forward to wrap himself over her. He caught her lips in a kiss as her hands wrapped around his back to claw long trails into him to communicate how she was feeling. She tasted herself on him, but it felt so right.

Nothing in the world could feel as right as this. How could it only last one night?

He held her as the orgasm abated, not making any move for more nor looking like he planned on it. Instead, he took a clean blanket, wrapped her in it, and held her in his lap as he rested against the side of the dinghy, which rocked gently in the waves.

His breath was hoarse and husky. She could feel her own heart pounding in time to his. His hand found her hair and played at the base of her neck as her body tried to slowly calm. She felt so warm and safe against him. She didn’t want to go back to the ship, back to civilization, or back to New York. She just wanted to stay here with her mate.

T
hey were
both quiet as Sebastien pulled the rope in until the dinghy was once again right next to the bigger boat. He helped Kim silently onto the back and got on behind her. They changed into their discarded clothes, which were cold from the night air, and then Sebastien helped Kim climb the ladder to the top deck, for some inexplicable reason.

But she felt guided by him, so she went.

When they were up top, the cool, humid night air whipping around them, Sebastien went silently to the front of the boat and stood with his hands in his pockets, waiting for Kim to join him.

“What does this mean?” she asked, coming beside him, longing for the warmth of his body, the feel of his touch, but knowing he hadn’t promised anything like that. That nothing more could probably happen between them. Neither of them had made promises, except to enjoy one night together.

But could anyone stick to that after seeing how amazing things could be between them?

He shook his head and walked below deck. She wasn’t sure if she should follow, but a moment later, he reappeared with a large blanket, which he wrapped around her shoulders.

“That was amazing,” she said, unable to stand the silence any longer. “How are we supposed to pretend it didn’t even happen?”

He pressed his lips together but just kept looking out at the ocean, infuriating her.

“Please, say something,” she said. “It’s worse if you just keep silent.”

He shifted slightly, took a breath, but then let it out. She sighed and turned to leave, unable to sit and wait any longer, when he caught her arm and pulled her back. He looked into her eyes and saw permission in them to pull her close, so he did.

She loved the warmth that surrounded her, but her heart still felt slightly cold. Then he spoke.

“I know I have no right to ask this of you. I told you I’m not looking to make promises. But yes, I don’t know how to forget what happened tonight, because nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I don’t know how to pretend it didn’t happen, because it has struck me to my core. And I don’t know how to not do it again, because every cell in my body seems to scream to repeat it.” His arms tightened around her, making her feel small yet secure.

As a strong, tall, curvaceous woman, it wasn’t a feeling she was used to. But she liked it. Even if she knew this had to end at some point, she liked it.

“I know it’s not fair.”

“Why aren’t you looking for something?” she mumbled against him.

“I just… It’s not for me. I like my life how it is.” The tightness in his voice suggested there was more to it. But she had no right to ask, so she didn’t.

“What about you?” he asked. “You said you weren’t looking for anything serious. I’m not used to that from women. They seem to want commitment, at least at first.”

She snorted and pulled back to look at him, wondering how he wasn’t cold in the night air. It was warm in the Caribbean, but the water was cool and in the night air, one could feel quite chilled. “Not all women. Plus, sometimes we already have a commitment. Elsewhere.”

He pulled back in shock, leaving her cold. “What do you mean?” His eyes were icy and hard, not the distant look he’d had when she first met him, but with a primal anger in them from something she couldn’t identify.

She studied him for a minute and then realized the implication. “No, no. Nothing like that. I’m not cheating. It’s just that… sometimes families have certain expectations. I have… Well, after this trip, I have duties. To my family I mean.” She shrugged. “It’s fine.”

He raised an eyebrow. His thick hair was starting to dry and little wisps rose to whip in the wind. It gave him even more of stern, pirate-esque demeanor and appearance. “I suppose that’s admirable, that you put your family first.”

That stung slightly, given how much it had always hurt to have to put aside everything she wanted for the family, but she supposed he was right. Filial loyalty was something to be respected.

“What was that expression?” he asked, coming forward again. Everything between them seemed to be a dance. Back and forth, back and forth. Don’t get too close; that could hurt. Don’t get too far away; that could hurt worse.

She tilted her head and felt the wind over her braids. What was there to say? Even if he saw very real pain and distress over her situation, what could be done? Her family was powerful. She had her expectations. She shrugged. “It was nothing. I just sort of wish we could be reckless. That we could just enjoy my time in the Caribbean together, making love, enjoying the sun. Letting go a bit.” She lowered her head slightly. “This is my last chance to let go.”

His face tightened inexplicably. “I see. I’ll think about it.”

Her heart sank. She’d put it all out there, and he had to think about it? Damn. If he felt like she felt, wouldn’t he have just said yes and damn the consequences? But no, he was all about rules and routines and regulations. He did everything according to what made sense, and nothing about them made sense.

She tightened the blanket around her shoulders and turned to go downstairs. But he caught her by the arm and pulled her back against him, planting his mouth over hers in a possessive kiss.

She gasped and then softened against him, her mouth melting over his in a harsh, painful soldering of souls. Whatever they were playing with was going to hurt them incredibly, but she was somehow happy he couldn’t walk away either.

“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely, pulling away. But the next moment, he was taking her mouth again, like he had to taste her. Like he couldn’t be away. He licked along her lower lip, making her open, and then licked inside her, exploring gently and fervently every bit of her.

He pulled back and leaned down, resting his forehead against hers. “Damn it. I have a job. I’m not the captain here, but I still have things to do. Tell you what. My days are mine. My nights are yours. It’s a shameless thing to offer, but something tells me you feel like me. That anything is better than nothing.”

“And at the end?” she asked, knowing the answer but wanting him to say it.

“We walk away, grateful for what we had, but neither regretting nor blaming the other.”

But you’re my mate,
she wanted to say. But there was no point. Mate or not, she had her own reasons they couldn’t be together. He could ask her the same, and she’d be the one who said no. He was right. This was the only option. No quarter. No begging.

She kissed him as her answer. Their relationship could be as silent as the night, and she could still have other fun during the day. It was a compromise, but she’d have to accept it.

After she crept away from him and quietly back to her bed, it took her hours to fall asleep. She couldn’t stop picturing what they’d done in the dinghy and the pain she’d seen in his eyes when he told her what they couldn’t have.

T
he next morning
when Wilson knocked on Kim’s door, she was totally unready to wake up. They were going to another site to snorkel and then to stingray city, a place where tourists could swim with rays, and then they would be heading back to the hotel.

Not that sex in a dinghy hadn’t been nice, but she sort of looked forward to what Sebastien could do to her in a fancy suite or on the beach. She grinned as she told Wilson to go ahead without her and rolled groggily out of bed to get changed.

She pulled on her swimsuit and went up on deck in search of delicious coffee to keep her awake. Instead, she was greeted by the delicious sight of Sebastien, wide back revealed as the wind whipped his thin white shirt in the wind. As usual, he was at the helm and seemed completely at home there. Bart was over by the small counter where they’d set up breakfast. He gave her an apologetic look and nodded toward Sebastien. She was guessing mere orders couldn’t keep him from taking control.

She wanted to go over to Sebastien, ask about the day, talk to him. Just be near to him. But he’d said his days were his and his nights were hers, and that worked well enough for her that she hated to mess it up at all.

So she resisted the urge to go over there and went to sit by Wilson instead. He was wearing a hot-pink shirt with a surfer logo on it. He seemed younger than her, in his mid-twenties, though it could just be his demeanor. His blond, shaggy hair gave him a boyish look.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, eyeing her suspiciously. “You seem super tired.”

I was being ravished by the captain all night.
No, that wouldn’t work. “I didn’t sleep well.”

“Not used to being aboard a boat?” he asked, shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth.

“No,” she said. “Don’t get a lot of chance for that in New York.”

“I didn’t know that’s where you were from,” he said. “Tell me about it.”

But even though she was usually friendly and open to talking about herself, she felt just a little too emotionally drawn to deal. “I’m not really in the mood. Tell me about you instead.” Then she could tune out or listen as she wanted to.

“I’m from New York as well. My family’s fairly prominent there.”

“Oh?” she asked. “What do they do?”

He shook his head. “Naw, don’t make me talk business.”

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of coffee from the cup Bart handed her. Wilson had been the one to bring up his family but then didn’t want to answer questions about them? Her eyes strayed to the handsome captain, then darted back to stare at the ocean beyond the boat.

Her whole body seemed focused on the next time she could be with her mate. Her bear growled beneath the surface. She didn’t know what to do to act normally, so she tried to talk to Wilson once again.

“So what do you like to do?” she asked. “What brings you to the Caribbean?”

Wilson grinned. “That’s two questions. What do you want me to answer first?”

She felt her patience snap. He was just being friendly and polite. Why did he irritate her so much? She took a deep breath and reminded herself she was probably just letting her own stress and confusion rub off on Wilson. “Why are you here?” she asked, more bluntly than she meant.

He didn’t notice, simply put down his plate and stretched with a satisfied groan. When he relaxed back into his chair, he gave her a bright grin. “Just graduated school. Wanted to have some fun before settling down to more serious things.”

Well, that she could understand. He was more like her than she would have thought. But that was why Sebastien intrigued her more than Wilson. He was the opposite of her, but that was interesting. Fully intent on duty, yet his reason for not being with her was his own reason and preference, whereas for her, it was out of her hands.

In the end, the real one bound by duty was her.

K
im enjoyed
the stingray swim with that little tingle of anticipation that comes from having someone around that you are unbearably attracted to and who is unbearably attracted to you.

Sebastien stayed up on deck while they were down, but she couldn’t help thinking of him, even as she fed the smooth, graceful gray creatures swimming around them. They liked to swim overhead and bump her or come around the front and move their soft bellies over her hands.

Most were snorkeling, but Kim was diving, which allowed her to stay on the sandy bottom twelve feet beneath the others. She’d insisted on getting her scuba dive certification before the trip and now was sure it was worth it.

The Caribbean water was so beautiful and blue and clear, and she felt so weightless here, almost as if she could be one of the animals gracefully swirling around her.

She let out a long breath into her reg and the animals swam over the bubbles, as if they liked the ticklish feeling of them.

She wished Sebastien could be down in the water with her, but as usual, he was up taking care of his “duties.” She supposed that was something she was coming to respect about him, but she also wished he was near at all times.

That was normal. He was her mate after all. She wondered how long it would take for the ache to go away once she went back to New York. A part of her said not to go. But she knew they were only half animals. They had their human side to listen to as well. They had to live in the human world much of the time, with logic and reasoning and careful marriages to those who were a good match based on social standing and location.

And then there was the shifter side that meant duty to family in extending the bloodlines. That too would be solved by her marriage. Her suitor was already chosen, in fact. Her father had offered to show her a picture, but she’d said no. She hadn’t wanted anything to interfere with her last vacation before she was a married woman.

She knew it was sort of old-fashioned, the way her family expected her to just agree to an arranged marriage. But bears were dying out. Powerful clans had decided that perhaps the best way to deal with this was to pair suitable alpha females and alpha males. The wolf shifters had been doing this for some time to deal with a scarcity of alpha females, and they seemed to be having some success.

Bears weren’t as social or organized as wolves due to scarcity of resources in their wild forms, but they were coming along. As were other, rarer species of shifters.

She held out fish from between straight, extended fingers so the stingrays could glide easily over her hand and take them. It tickled, and she giggled into her reg, expelling a long stream of bubbles. She almost turned to share the moment with anyone around her, since half the fun of anything for Kim was sharing it with another person.

But the others weren’t with her, and the dive master leading the tour at this location was up near the surface, helping the snorkelers.

That was fine. She’d just enjoy the peace underwater and fantasies of Sebastien.

In only a few more hours, they’d be back on land, and then he’d have to keep his promise and give her what she wanted.

S
ebastien resisted
the urge to strap on a diving tank and go check on Kim. Even though every fiber of his being seemed bent on checking on her or being close to her, he knew he had to restrain himself. They weren’t a couple that could just fall into a mating. They both had complications and needed to be careful in exploring what lay between them.