Solitary Man (6 page)

T
hree days with no word. Kevin figured he’d given Nikki enough time to digest her situation. She hadn’t called and he hadn’t expected her to. He had, however, had enough of the silent treatment.

He entered the familiar building and walked up the three flights of stairs. The dark stairwell with its many steps was another reason why he wasn’t comfortable with Nikki staying on here after Janine was gone. His rambling house with its many rooms on the ground level would be more comfortable for Nikki. And more difficult for him. Sharing a home with her would give him glimpses of warmth and the illusion of a family… He didn’t deserve either.

He knocked on the door and waited. No answer. Kevin banged again, louder this time. Janine was at work, but Nikki didn’t hold a day job. He’d chosen to arrive before nine, before Nikki would be out for the day. He leaned closer to the door and listened. Still silent. He banged again.

An uncomfortable prickle of fear worked on his nerves. Even if she’d been asleep, his pounding would have awakened her by now. He had no reason to believe anything was wrong… except she’d fainted once before. He had a hunch she wasn’t feeling as well as she claimed. What if she’d gotten dizzy again? What if she’d passed out cold on the floor, or worse, in the shower?

What if, like Tony, she was alone and something was wrong and he was too late? Kevin didn’t hesitate. He jimmied the lock and tore inside the apartment. The empty apartment, he realized as he glanced around and hit every room, checking the beds, the couch, and the floors.

Feeling like a fool, Kevin made his way into the kitchen and lowered himself onto one of the bar stools. He’d obviously overreacted. Though his adrenaline still flowed fast and his heart still pounded against his chest, he forced himself to breathe deeply. Part of him felt like an ass, breaking into the apartment on a whim. And part of him still felt uneasy.

He ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to calm his raging nerves. So Nikki had gone out early. He was sure he could count a number of places open at this hour, but he couldn’t discount the nagging feeling in his gut that something was off.

He looked around the impeccably clean apartment, seeing nothing unusual or out of place. Until his gaze fell to the open telephone book on the kitchen counter.

Planned Parenthood.

His worst fear was confirmed.

When Nikki had found out about the pregnancy, she’d said she needed time to think. Kevin had convinced himself she meant about how to deal with her altered future. But what if she’d spent the weekend thinking about whether she wanted this baby at all? Though Nikki loved life and children, she’d suffered enough in the last few months to have a skewed perception of reality. And the one person she ought to turn to, the baby’s father, had already proved he couldn’t be trusted when things got heated or emotional.

What if, feeling alone and abandoned, she turned to the one option she’d surely regret later? The one option he regretted now? Planned or not, Kevin was responsible for the life growing inside her and he was responsible for Nikki as well.

With a second glance at the phone book and address, in a part of town he would never allow her to frequent alone, he jumped from the stool and left the apartment, hitting the street at a dead run.

* * *

Nikki wrapped the white sheet around her naked body and waited for the doctor’s return. The sterile room felt cold and empty, unlike her heart, which was warm and full of more hope than she’d had in awhile. She pressed a hand against her flat stomach.

A child. Kevin’s child, yes, but it was her baby, her hope. Her future. Once the shock had worn off, she’d examined the difficulties that lay ahead and despite the fear and uncertainty, she acknowledged a flurry of nervous excitement as well.

“Sorry, I had an emergency phone call.” The young female doctor entered the room, wheeling a small machine behind her.

Nikki smiled. “That’s okay. You already gave me the news I was expecting… I mean the news I was expecting to hear.”

The doctor laughed. “Either way, sounds about right to me. Your examination was fine. Nothing unusual. But I’d like to verify the due date and check some other things with an ultrasound.” Nikki wanted to tell her there was no need to worry about the accuracy of her due date. She’d been with one man, one time. And she’d never forget.

“Ready?” the woman asked with a smile.

Nikki was grateful for the doctor’s warm manner and youth. The sheer terror she’d felt upon entering the building for basic prenatal care had evaporated under this woman’s caring ministrations. Although she couldn’t say what she’d expected from a phone book-picked clinic, Nikki was thankful for what she’d found.

The doctor shifted the white sheet until the opening fell to Nikki’s back. “Before I do an ultrasound, I want to remind you, we’ve already discussed your options and though you’ve made your feelings clear, you need to remember something.”

“What’s that?” Nikki asked, although she could barely concentrate on anything except the thought of seeing her baby for the first time. Excitement and trepidation rippled in her stomach.

The doctor angled the machine closer to the examining table. “You have a limited window of opportunity, should you decide to terminate the pregnancy. Now…” She glanced at Nikki and smiled. “You ready?”

A loud knock sounded at the door. Nikki sat up straighter, grabbing for the sheet that covered too little.

Dr. Molloy shot Nikki an apologetic glance. “Must be an emergency. Let me just check.” She rose from her seat and walked to the door, opening it enough for her to slip outside.

Seconds later, the doctor returned. “There’s someone who insists on seeing you,” she said to Nikki.

“Who…”

“Nicole?” Kevin’s voice sounded in the hallway.

Shock rippled through her. Nikki glanced down at the sheet and, seeing she was as decently covered as she could be under the circumstances, she nodded to the doctor. Kevin barged around the doctor and Nikki found herself facing an obviously upset man.

Dr. Molloy placed herself between Nikki and Kevin, as though she believed Nikki needed protection. Given his flashing obsidian eyes, which would intimidate even on a good day, Nikki didn’t blame the other woman for her concern.

“This is highly irregular,” she said.

This whole situation was highly irregular, but her personal life wasn’t the doctor’s concern. “I realize that,” Nikki murmured.

“Who is this man?”

“He’s…” She sought for a diplomatic way to describe her relationship with Kevin. Somehow the term lover no longer fit, boyfriend was too immature for what they’d once shared, and future anything was out of the question… for many reasons.

“The baby’s father.” Kevin supplied the answer Nikki had both sought and fought to avoid at the same time. His words were a painful reminder she would be tied to him forever, but never bonded in love or caring. Merely out of necessity.

He took a step farther into the room.

“That doesn’t give you the right to charge in here.” The pleasant doctor had taken on the role of guard and protector, a part Nikki sensed the woman played often in this place.

Kevin drew a deep breath, searching for what Nikki believed was a semblance of control. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned that dark gaze her way.

Her stomach pitched, having nothing to do with morning sickness. The harsh angles and planes in his face and the razor stubble on his cheeks were enough to make any woman weak, but the look in his eyes struck Nikki in the heart. They reflected inner torment and pain.

She sucked in a startled breath. Heaven help her, but she was still dangerously drawn to this man and the vulnerable part of him he hid from view. The part she’d glimpsed so thoroughly their one night together.

“I can call nine-one-one.” The doctor glanced at Nikki.

Kevin’s gaze narrowed. “Tell her, Nicole.”

She clutched her fingers around the cold sheet, feeling more exposed and defenseless than ever before. “He’s the baby’s father,” she said, confirming his story.

He clenched his jaw and she knew she hadn’t gone far enough to please him. Tough. Pleasing him wasn’t on today’s agenda. Taking her life one step at a time was.

“Like I said, Mr….”

“Manning,” he said.

“Mr. Manning. Paternity doesn’t give you the right to barge in here. Now either you leave, or…”

“No.”

At the sound of Nikki’s voice, both Kevin and the doctor turned. “Can you give us a minute?” Nikki asked the startled doctor.

“As long as you’re sure. You don’t have to talk to him.”

“I want to.” Relief and gratitude flickered for a brief second in Kevin’s gaze before the steely resolve returned.

Good, Nikki thought. She’d much rather deal with his obstinate side than any veneer of caring he chose to present in order to get his way. She wasn’t at risk of turning into a marshmallow when he was his take-charge self. As long as she wasn’t faced with the softer Kevin Manning she’d be okay.

“I’ll be back in five minutes,” the doctor said, in what seemed like a warning.

This behavior wasn’t like the Kevin she knew. Something must have triggered his anger—or fear, she thought glancing into his eyes. She knew Kevin would never hurt her, at least not intentionally, but this woman couldn’t know that. And Nikki wondered how many of the opposite situations the doctor saw every day. The thought saddened her.

Deep down, Kevin was a good man. Not
the
man for her, though. And that hurt even more. He’d take the obligation of a baby seriously, but he’d never let himself see her as more than his responsibility. She’d never be the woman he loved. She wondered if he’d ever had experience with the word. Recalling his mention of a drunken father, she had her doubts. But she couldn’t let them sway her because their connection was now iron-clad.

Her palm came to rest against her belly. She’d be dealing with him for years to come and if she didn’t assert herself now, she’d pay later. Just because she carried his child didn’t give him license to control her or the situation—no matter how strong the obligation he felt toward Tony or this baby. It was time the ex-cop learned Nikki was a big girl with a mind of her own.

“Five minutes,” the doctor said again, then turned and followed the receptionist out the door.

Nikki watched them leave, marshaling whatever reserved strength she could muster before dealing with Kevin. She sensed she would need it.

No sooner had the doctor’s white coat disappeared than Kevin slammed the door closed behind him. Nikki jumped at the unusually loud sound.

“What are you doing here, Kevin?” Knowing a strong offense was the best defense, Nikki didn’t give him a chance to strike first.

“I should think that would be obvious.”

“What’s obvious to me is that you’ve barged in on me in a private place in a private situation and acted like an arrogant man who believes he has rights where he really has none.”

Contrition flashed in his eyes. He was across the room in two long strides. “You scared me half to death. I show up at your door before nine expecting to find you home, and you’re not. I figured you were out cold on the floor and when I break in to check…”

“You broke in?”

“I thought you’d passed out, Nicole. I thought you needed help.” Did his voice shake or was it her imagination?

So she’d been right. Fear motivated his actions. Her heart did a crazy flip at the thought of Kevin’s concern. Caring was a possible start one that could lead to more, to love… couldn’t it? Her hand clutched around her stomach. “And you’re here now because…”

“Because I was hoping we could talk before you went ahead and aborted my child!”

Nikki sucked in an obviously startled breath. When Kevin had seen the clinic address in the phone book, he’d panicked. Not only for Nikki’s health, but also for the welfare of his baby. Although he’d made mistakes in the past he took this responsibility seriously. He was startled to realize he wanted this child.

“I know it’s your body and your choice,” Kevin said, forestalling any argument she might make. “But I helped create this new life and I deserve to be a part of any decisions you make… before they’re irreparable.”

Her eyes flashed brilliant sparks, but he couldn’t read what was going on in her head. “Please turn around.”

“I’m not walking out that door until we talk.”

“I agree. Now turn around and give me a chance to get decent,” she muttered.

Kevin forcibly pushed down the adrenaline that had been flowing since discovering the phone book on her counter, and focused on Nicole instead. Dark hair brushed her bare shoulders and she sat clutching a white sheet that threatened to fall. Beneath it she wasn’t dressed. He knew what curves lay under the draped sheet and knew what effect they’d had on him in the past. What effect they had on him now.

For the first time, he took in the private situation he’d intruded upon and cringed. He hadn’t given the circumstances a thought. He pivoted toward the door, giving her the respect he’d denied her before. And he waited.

The rustling sound of cotton shifting and gliding over her naked skin was pure torture and almost enough to make him forget he had anger and issues of his own.

“That’s a major conclusion you jumped to.” Her voice whispered close to his ear and a light hint of vanilla fragrance wafted in the air.

He turned. She’d come up behind him, still wearing the sheet, although now it was draped tight around her like a sarong. Her fingers gripped the edges, clutching onto the ends hard and fast.

“Do you blame me? You do realize you’re standing undressed in a Planned Parenthood examining room?”

Deep purple eyes gazed at him in dismay and disappointment. “Is that what you think of me? Forgetting the one night that created this baby? You were closer to my family than anyone else. You ignored football to listen to my hopes and dreams of being a teacher, of being a mother one day.”

Her voice caught and Kevin’s stomach lurched in response.

“You of all people know how many losses I’ve suffered in the past few years. Both my parents, my brother, and…” She halted without warning, but the tension was obvious in the set of her shoulders and the flush in her cheeks.