Soap Star (10 page)

“Oh, I didn’t know, Ruby. That must be tough,” she said. For a second I felt like I was in one of Nydia’s parallel universe film ideas where everything is the same but completely different.

“‘S’all right,” I said. “But, anyway, having stupid parents doesn’t make it OK for you to pick on us, does it? It’s not a reason, is it? I’ve got stupid parents and you don’t see me going around making you cry…” I looked at Anne-Marie’s tear-stained face. “Much. I mean, which Anne-Marie is the real Anne-Marie? The one that goes parading round school like the Queen of Sheba? Or you, like you are now? Nice. Ish.”

“I don’t know,” Anne-Marie said finally after a long
pause. She looked up at Nydia. “Everyone, all the girls I mean, expects me to be a certain way. Everyone expects me to be funny and the leader. You two, you’re just easy targets that’s all. And, well, you make it easy, especially you, Nydia. You never fight back. You’re too nice.” Nydia’s eyes widened.

“You hate me because I’m too
nice
?” she said with disbelief. “Not because I’m fat, or black, or don’t live in a big house like yours. You hate me because I’m nice?” Nydia shook her head. “I don’t understand, Ruby. Why would anybody hate someone because they’re nice?” Her big brown eyes filled with tears and I reached out and held her hand. “Are you saying that if I was cruel and a bully like you and your friends that you’d like me? Is that what you’re saying?”

Anne-Marie shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

“I…no…I don’t know, OK?” She stood up and walked over to Nydia. “Sometimes you sort of forget a person has feelings. You sort of forget they’re real; being mean becomes a sort of habit.” Anne-Marie bit her lip and held out a hand to Nydia. “I’m sorry, Nydia, I really am. I hear myself sometimes and I think, what a nasty cow! And then I realise that it’s me talking. I don’t know how I got to be like that, but I’m sorry, I really am.” Anne-Marie looked up at me. “And I’m sorry for what
I’ve done to you too, Ruby. I really am. I suppose that…” She bit her lip. “I suppose I was jealous of everything you’ve got. I suppose that’s the real reason I haven’t been nice to you. You’ve got this incredible role and all that fame – everything that I want. But you say you don’t know which is the real me? Well, I didn’t know the real you until tonight. I still don’t, really.”

I plumped down on to the bed and the three of us sat side by side looking at our feet.

“I’m sorry, too,” I said after a while, “for calling you all those names. I suppose I don’t really know you properly either.”

Anne-Marie nodded. “It’s like we haven’t been going to school together at all!”

We all looked at our toes for a moment longer.

“So what now?” Nydia said.

“Well, I don’t know about you two,” I said, “but I think we should call off the kissing practice.”

Nydia and Anne-Marie chuckled.

“Michael’s run a mile anyway,” Nydia said. “You must have scared him off, Ruby!”

“It doesn’t take much to scare him,” Anne-Marie said ruefully. “He’s not exactly romantic-hero material. I’m thinking of chucking him anyway: he’s nice-looking and everything, but he looks at his reflection more than me.”

We all chuckled again.

“Um, I think we should tell you,” Nydia said. “As we’re making a clean start. We made up the bit about getting you an interview for the show. That was a total lie.”

I rolled my eyes. I’m sure we could have left that bit out and it wouldn’t have mattered.

“Yeah?” Anne-Marie didn’t seem too surprised. “Oh well, I didn’t really think you had any influence in casting, Ruby. And I was going to tell everyone about your kissing practice at school anyway.”

I thought about being offended, then decided I couldn’t be bothered.

“We’re idiots, aren’t we?” I said. “A bunch of stupid, idiotic girls behaving like morons.”

“Yeah,” Nydia said.

“We are,” Anne-Marie agreed. She paused as if considering something.

“I know,” she said finally. “Lets send out for pizza and watch DVDs instead.”

“Good plan,” Nydia and I said.

Anne-Marie half smiled. “Hanging out with two losers – I’m never going to live this down!”

And from then on everything started changing. Remember that down escalator that I kept trying to run up which never got me anywhere? Well, after that night at Anne-Marie’s house it changed direction. It started going up and up faster and faster, and even if I wanted to I couldn’t get off.

There was nothing I could do to change my life back to the way it had always been and there was nothing I could do to stop it from keeping on changing or to stop me changing too. There was no way that Mum and Dad were going to fall back in love with each other, even if they both still loved me – I was slowly beginning to see that. And funnily enough it was because of Anne-Marie. When she talked about her parents I could see that my dad
did
love me, even if he couldn’t stay when I asked him. I was still angry with him, still angry that he couldn’t just stay at home and keep things the way they used to be, but I knew he loved me and that I was lucky, because when the anger and the hurt had died down he
would still love me. I was luckier than Anne-Marie and I was luckier than Naomi, whose letter I still hadn’t answered. Neither one of them knew that they were loved like I did.

And I was going to kiss Justin, under studio lights, in front of cast and crew, next to a hydrangea, without any practice and without the faintest idea of what I was doing, and there was nothing, nothing I could do about it. I didn’t know what waited for me at the top of those escalators but I thought it was probably a very, very long drop.

When I got back from Anne-Marie’s that night it was way past nine, in fact it was nearly ten. We’d had a long lecture from Nydia’s dad on the way back in the car for not calling him to pick us up until late, and I knew I was going to get another from my mum the moment I got in, especially considering the way we had parted earlier in the evening. And I was right, except it wasn’t about being late.

She was standing at the bottom of the stairs when I opened the front door and I wasn’t sure if she’d just been passing or if she’d actually been standing there waiting for me to open it. She crossed her arms and pressed her lips together.

“Sorry I’m late,” I said quickly. “It’s just we got talking and…”

“I’ve just spoken to Nydia’s dad, Rube, so don’t even try it.” I shrugged and took off my coat.

“OK, I’m sorry. But, well, this girl Anne-Marie, she’s got about three hundred DVDs and we were watching this really good film and I just forgot what time it was…” That was more or less true. I decided to skip the part about me, Nydia and Anne-Marie screaming and shouting at each other before we finally sort of seemed to make friends. That part I was still trying to understand. That part I still didn’t quite believe myself.

Mum gave one of her little cross shrugs and walked away from me into the living room. I stood stock-still in the hallway. Normally her lectures went on for much longer than this and involved me being grounded. I was confused. Eventually I decided to just head for my room and hope she’d forgotten all about it.

“I spoke to Liz this evening,” she called out as I started up the stairs. I stopped. I walked back down the stairs and into the living room.

“Oh?” I said. I yawned conspicuously. “Gosh, I’m tired. Silly me for staying out so late…Good night Mu—”

“Ruby, sit down.” Mum’s voice was stern but not really angry. I sat down. hopeful I’d be allowed out again before I turned sixteen. Sometimes Mum has a way of making me feel in the wrong even when I haven’t done
anything. “She said she’d been meaning to call me for a couple of weeks now, but after she heard about me and your dad she just had to ring. I’m glad you told her. She’s been very supportive to you since you joined the show.” I shrugged and dropped my chin on to my chest.

“I know,” I said into the neck of my T-shirt. “But I didn’t exactly tell her. She just heard. I thought maybe things might change and…well…things at work were a bit up and down and I just didn’t say anything…” I trailed off.

“Liz was worried about you, she said she’d meant to discuss your new story line with me. Imagine how I felt, Ruby – I had no idea you had a big, new story line coming up. She thought you would have told me straightaway, she assumed that if I’d had any questions or worries I’d have been in touch. She thought we’d have gone through the script together like we always do.” Mum looked worried. “She told me about their plans for you, Ruby.” Mum brushed a strand of hair back from my face and tucked it behind my ear. “It sounds exciting! Why didn’t you tell me? Is it because of everything that’s being going on here. I understand if it is, but I couldn’t bear the thought of you not talking to me any more. I always thought we could talk about anything. That you told me everything.”

I looked up at her. She wasn’t angry, I realised, she was hurt and worrying once again that somehow she was letting me down.

“I got all worked up about it,” I said. “Even before I knew about you and Dad. Everything seemed to come at once. I thought maybe they were going to drop me from the show and it seemed like the end of the world, and then Dad moved out and it
was
the end of the world and then Liz and Trudy came up with this new story line and…Did Liz tell you about the kissing scene?”

I looked at Mum warily. She was so keen that I shouldn’t grow up one second faster than she thought was appropriate that I thought she’d hate the idea. She just laughed.

“Well, yes, but it’s not really a kissing scene, is it?” she said, ruffling my hair. “It’s more of a scene with a kiss in it.” For some reason her reaction disappointed me.

“Well, I suppose,” I said, glumly. “If you put it like that.”

She looked closely at me. “Has that been worrying you?” she asked me. “Because if
you
feel you’re too young…”

“Mum! No,” I said, picking up a cushion and hugging it over my tummy. “It’s not that I’m too young, I just
didn’t talk to you because I thought you had too much other stuff to worry about.”

Mum put her arm around me and hugged me to her.

“Ruby, whatever is happening in my life there will never be a day that I won’t be here when you want to talk to me about anything. When you’re ninety-five and I’m a decrepit old lady you can still tell me everything. OK?”

I had to admit that I felt better now she knew about everything. Well, nearly everything. Talking to a parent or teacher did help after all. Of course, I’d always known that, I’d just forgotten it recently. Mum kissed the top of my head.

“Liz told me Justin was taking you for lunch on Saturday, is that right?”

I sighed inwardly. She really did know everything.

“Yes, but it’s only for work, just so we can talk over the scene and everything. It’s not as if it’s a date!” I rolled my eyes. Mum suppressed a smile.

“Do you have a crush on Justin?” she asked me gently. I sat up abruptly.

“No! And anyway he’s got a girlfriend. And anyway I don’t fancy him, so I don’t even care. It’s only work.”

Mum nodded and, picking up the remote, turned the telly on.

“OK. Well if Liz has arranged it I’m sure it will be fine. You can go.” I headed quickly for the door, thanking my lucky stars. “You can start being grounded for being late on Sunday, OK?”

“OK,” I said wearily. I should have known Mum would never let me get away with that.

I never thought in a million years that Anne-Marie Chance would ever be sitting on my bed putting her glitter gel on my eyelids. It was so strange that if I hadn’t been about to go to lunch with the love of my life, and if my stomach hadn’t been invaded by a flock of butterflies, I would probably have been quite freaked out by it. Strangely, Everest – who never normally got excited about anything that wasn’t edible – seemed to love Anne-Marie and continuously rubbed his head against her. If Everest likes her, she can’t be all bad.

“Now, all you need is just a touch here and here,” she dabbed my closed eyelids. “Just on the inner corner of your eyes. This makes them look bigger and wider apart and also eliminates all those dark shadows.” She smiled at me when I opened my eyes. “Not bad,” she said, regarding her handiwork.

“How do you know all this stuff?” I asked her. “I know nothing about make-up. I mean, I’ve read articles and seen what other girls do, but when
I
try to put any on I
end up looking like Coco the Clown.” Anne-Marie smiled and shrugged.

“I don’t know really…I just seem to pick it up. I have a lot of time to myself, after all.” She unzipped her make-up bag. “Now for some lip gloss…” Nydia leaned over Anne-Marie’s shoulder and examined me.

“You look really nice, Ruby,” she said, sounding slightly surprised. Anne-Marie and I laughed.

“Oh, thanks!” I said.

“No, I mean, well when Anne-Marie suggested she come over and do your face I wasn’t exactly sure what she meant. Only a week ago it would have meant giving you two black eyes. But you do look really nice.” Nydia knelt down on the floor next to the bed. “Will you do me next?” she asked Anne-Marie. “I haven’t got a date with the hunkiest bloke in Britain, but I’d like to know about eyeliner all the same.” Anne-Marie laughed.

“Sure,” she said. Nydia and I exchanged glances. It was so strange. Here she was, being nice to us, doing our make-up and having a laugh, and as far I could tell she wasn’t just doing it because of some evil-genius master plan to stop us from thwarting her destroying the world. This Anne-Marie who was in my bedroom was a completely different person from the one I’d always thought she was. As usual it was Nydia who put into words what I was thinking.

“Anne-Marie…” she said uncertainly, “when we go back to school…well, will you still talk to us or will it be back to usual?” Anne-Marie paused mid-lip gloss and looked at her.

“Have you ever seen those wildlife documentaries about dangerous animals, like tigers and stuff?”

Nydia and I exchanged glances.

“Er, yeah,” I said, trying to keep my lips from sticking together.

“Well, you know the bit where they tell you if you’re ever confronted with an angry tiger you mustn’t ever show it you’re afraid. The moment it knows you’re scared it’ll just rip you to shreds?” She finished glossing my lips.

“Um, yes?” Nydia said.

“Well, being friends with Jade and Menakshi is a bit like being confronted with an angry tiger. You never know when they’re going to sense your insecurities and turn on you and…well I could never talk to them the way I’ve talked to you two.” She smiled at us. “So, yes, I know it will be weird and everyone will think I’m a nutter, but I
will
still be talking to you when we go back to school – if you’re still talking to me, that is. What Jade and Menakshi will do – well, who knows. I don’t care any more.” She grinned at us and I realised that not only was Anne-Marie actually nice, she was also really brave. It was much easier to stay on the right side of the tigers than it was just to be yourself.

“Just be yourself,” Nydia told me as I stood by the front door. My mum hovered in the kitchen trying really hard not to interfere. “If you’re yourself he can’t help but love you,” Nydia said happily. I widened my eyes at her and nodded back towards the direction of the kitchen shaking my head.

“Don’t be silly, Nydia, I’m only meeting him for work. It isn’t a date or anything!” I said loudly for Mum’s benefit. “And anyway,” I lowered my voice again, “I’ve been myself for the last seven years and he barely even knows who I am.”

“He’ll notice you today,” Anne-Marie said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “You look great.”

Finally Mum came out of the kitchen.

“You look nice,” she said. I waited for her to complain about the glitter gel, but she didn’t. She just stood there looking at me like I was some stranger who had replaced her daughter. “Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a lift there?” she asked me.

I really didn’t.

“It’s OK, Mum, we’re only going to the Italian down the road. I don’t need a lift, I can walk it in five minutes.” She furrowed her brow and I knew she was thinking of things to be worried about.

“Don’t worry, Mum,” I told her. “It’s only Justin from work. It’s no big deal.” Mum nodded.

“OK, well, you’re going to see your dad afterwards, aren’t you?” I paused. Dad had phoned me last night and asked me round to his new place. It had felt strange and wrong, but I agreed to go anyway because, after all, he was trying at least.

“Yeah,” I said, dropping my chin a little.

“Ruby, be nice to him, OK?” I nodded. “And call me when you’ve finished lunch, and call me when you get to your dad’s, and call me when you’re on your way home.” I rolled my eyes and opened the door.

“Mum, you really worry too much,” I said.

“Only because I love you,” Mum said and she watched the three of us walk down the garden path.

“Well, good luck, old chap,” Nydia said in her mock posh voice. She held out her hand and shook mine firmly as if I were off to battle.

“Yes, jolly good luck,” Anne-Marie said, joining in the game. She gave me a little salute.

“Thanks awfully,” I said. “Well, time to go.” I smiled at them, gave another little wave over my shoulder and then we were walking in opposite directions. Them on their way back to Nydia’s for lunch and me to meet my destiny.

“Hi, Ruby!” Cassie smiled at me as I walked into the restaurant. “You look nice today – are your mum and dad on the way in?”

I shook my head nervously.

“No, I’m meeting Justin de Souza here.” Cassie looked blank. “From the show? He plays Caspian.” Cassie looked a bit nonplussed and I realised that she probably never even saw the show, she was always working whenever it was on.

“Ohhh, is he famous then?” she said.

“A bit,” I confided in her. “So if you could put us somewhere out of the way that would be great.” I smiled at her. “He really values his privacy.”

“So is this a date then?” Cassie twinkled at me.

“Oh, no,” I said quickly. “We just have some scenes coming up that we want to talk over.” Cassie looked like she didn’t believe a word of it and I was quite glad she didn’t, actually. She seated me in a booth against the far wall of the restaurant. I looked around; it was early, just gone midday, and there weren’t many people in yet. Justin had said I should meet him at twelve but I didn’t mind that he was late. It gave me a chance to practise how my face would look when I saw him. I
practised a calm sophisticated hello as I waited. After twenty minutes or so I was really good at it. I looked at my watch.

“Do you want a Coke?” Cassie asked me as she passed.

I shook my head.

“No, I’ll wait,” I said. I’d had visions of us sharing a chilled bottle of champagne even though I knew that Cassie would never serve us alcohol in a million years (and anyway, I’d tried champagne once at an after-show party and it made me want to gag). But even so I didn’t want to start without him.

And I did for another thirty minutes. I pulled out my mobile and looked at it. I hadn’t had any missed calls. I didn’t have Justin’s number and I realised he probably didn’t have mine either. He’d never asked me for it. On Friday I’d just run up to him and asked where he wanted to go for lunch. He said wherever, and I said this place, and he said he’d see me there at twelve and then he was gone.
Maybe he’d said one
, I thought.
Maybe he’ll come at one.
So I waited. But by twenty past one he still hadn’t arrived.

Despite the fact that I’ve been quite a lucky person, I’m not an optimistic one. I always think things are going to go wrong so that when they don’t it’s a nice
surprise. All I’d been worried about was having the right look on my face when Justin arrived. It never occurred to me that he wasn’t going to arrive. That, on my very first ever date, I’d get stood up. Even if it wasn’t, strictly speaking, a date.

It was quarter to two when I fully realised what had happened. He just wasn’t coming. He wasn’t delayed, he hadn’t said another time, he didn’t mean another day or even another place. He just wasn’t coming.

I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t prepared a face for being stood up. I stared at the table top. I felt frozen to the spot. The restaurant was busier now and if I walked past all these people on my own, well then they’d know. They’d know I’d been stood up. But then Cassie appeared with a huge smile on her face and I knew from the look on her face that he’d arrived. Justin had actually arrived!

“I hope he’s worth the wait!” she said, and she stepped aside to reveal…Danny.

“Danny!” I said. Just for a second I was disappointed and then I realised I’d never been so glad to see anyone in my life. I could have flung my arms around his neck and kissed him, if only I’d known how to kiss a boy, that is. He sat down opposite me, his cheeks glowing. “What are you doing here?” I looked around. There was
no way he could have seen me from the street, the booth was completely secluded. He shifted a little in his seat.

“You look really…nice,” he said. “Um, Justin just called me. He said he’d…” Danny looked at me. “He said something really important had come up and he didn’t have your number so he asked me to come by and apologise for him. He knew I lived round here.” He dropped his gaze to the cutlery. “He said he’s really sorry, so…” I beamed at him. Not only had he saved me from walking out of here on my own, he’d brought me the news I’d wanted to hear. That Justin hadn’t just forgotten me, but that he just couldn’t come because of something really, really important. And he worried about me so much that he’d gone to the trouble of calling Danny and asking him to come and tell me in person. He really cared. I felt all glowy inside. Maybe he was chucking his stupid girlfriend right now. I looked at my watch.

“Oh, well, thanks for letting me know, Danny. I’m not supposed to be at my dad’s until three,” I said. “I suppose I could go back home…” I thought about my mum and all her questions and that even if
I
knew that Justin technically hadn’t stood me up, other people might not see it in quite the same way. I’d have to tell
Nydia and Anne-Marie later, I supposed. They would be dying to know how it went. They’d be so disappointed that it was only Danny who’d turned up. Strangely, I wasn’t that disappointed.

“Have you eaten?” Danny asked me tentatively. My stomach growled.

“Oh God, no – I’m starving!” I laughed and he smiled back at me.

“We could share a pizza if you like?” He dug into his pocket and clattered a five-pound note and some change on to the table. “I think I’ve got enough for half a pizza.”

I grinned at him.

“OK,” I said. “Why not?”

If I’ve learned one thing over the last few days it’s that people aren’t always how they seem, and if anyone should know that it’s me. After talking to Anne-Marie, I realised she thought I was a stuck-up vain cow who loved herself for being on the telly.
Me!
And all this time I’d thought she was a stuck-up vain cow who loved herself for being thin and pretty.
Her!
She didn’t know that Nydia was a lovely, funny girl with a huge heart
and the best imagination for ridiculous plans that anyone could ever hope to meet. And until I really talked to Anne-Marie and then Danny, I thought that everybody else’s parent’s were like Nydia’s. Two good friends who loved each other and who would always be together. I didn’t realise that Anne-Marie’s parents are actually really, really strange.

Danny told me all about his parents’ divorce and his two bedrooms in two houses, and the every other weekend he spends with his dad and his dad’s new family.

“Isn’t it weird, though?” I asked him. “Isn’t it horrible?” Danny shrugged and looked up at me through his thick brown lashes. I’d never noticed them before. My tummy fluttered. It must have been the pizza giving me indigestion. I’d been so hungry I’d eaten too quickly.

“Oh, well, yes, of course it was weird at first,” Danny told me. He had a nice voice, I noticed – sort of gentle and quiet. “But, well, my little step-brother is quite cool. We have a laugh. And Dad is different now. He used to be angry all the time. Now he’s just, well he’s just Dad.” I thought about the strain and tension that had been stretched out over our house for a long time now. Even with all the pain and change that had
come with Dad leaving, at least that had gone. I thought I understood what Danny meant. Danny gave me one of his sweet half-smiles.

“It
will
be all right,” he said.

“Yes,” I sighed. “That’s what everyone keeps saying.”

“That’s because everyone is right,” he said, and when
he
said it, I believed it might be true.

We piled all our cash on to the table and even left Cassie a thirty-four pence tip. And without me even asking him to, he walked me to my dad’s flat. I looked up at the second-floor window where Dad was waiting for me.

“It’s funny,” I said to Danny. “I’ve walked past this place hundreds of times and I’ve never even looked at it. And now this is where my dad lives. This is where I’ll be coming to see him. I’m going to get to know this place really well.” I looked up at Danny who was standing quite close to me. “But I guess it will be all right,” I said, remembering what he told me.

“It will,” he said. And just then when he looked at me I thought for a second he was going to kiss me. I panicked, took a quick step back and looked around as I felt my cheeks begin to burn.

“Um…so, er, anyway, thanks for coming,” I said. “To tell me about Justin, I mean,” I added quickly. “Um so – I’d better go in.” Danny’s face blazed with colour.
I couldn’t decide if I’d imagined that moment or not – I didn’t really have any experience with that kind of moment. At least not in real life.