So Totally (16 page)

Heather was waiting for me when I got to the corner.

“Sorry I’m late.” I buckled my belt. “How was your—are you okay?”

Yeah…remember I already said that was a stupid question, but it didn’t stop me from asking it, either.

Her hair matted strangely to her head in places where she had used too much hairspray the day before, and yesterday’s eye makeup smudged all over her face. Her eyes were puffy and red and her lap was littered with crumbs and Ho-Hos wrappers.

“I’m fine,” she said on a hiccup.

“What happened?”

She pulled away from the curb. “Tommy broke up with me. This morning. After quite possibly the worst night of my life.”

A bastard in any era, I guess. “Heather, I’m so sorry. Did you guys…?”

She nodded and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “It was terrible. Did you think so too?”

Crap. So, she and Tommy actually went all the way and it was awful. I didn’t follow through on the virginity pact and instead had the best night ever.

So I intentionally misled.

“I’m not sure. The jury’s still out.”

She pulled another Ho-Ho from under her seat and opened it one-handed with a deft efficiency that astounded me. “Tommy was drunk. He smelled like stale beer. It hurt so bad, but he wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t get him off of me. And when it was over, he passed out and I still couldn’t get him off of me.”

“God, I’m so sorry. It sounds horrible.” It sounded worse than horrible.

She nodded, her mouth full of cake. “When I finally got him to roll over, I ran into the bathroom and cried all night. In the morning…he told me that we just didn’t have good chemistry. And that it would be better off if we just broke things off now before either of us got hurt.” She slammed her hand on the steering wheel. “Can you believe that crap? I want to kill him dead.” She looked at me—instead of the road, mind you. “You didn’t think the sex hurt?”

“Um.”

She saved me by carrying on as if she had forgotten she’d asked me a question. “I can’t believe he broke up with me. I can’t believe he passed out on top of me. Like…parts were still…engaged and everything.”

Blech. I rubbed my forehead to try and erase the mental image. I have no doubt that it scarred me for life.

“You can do so much better than him, Heather.” Yeah, like my dad. That worked out well for her too, didn’t it? Was there no hope for her? She didn’t deserve this guy karma. She was so sweet and nurturing. Look at the way she took care of me. She didn’t even know she was my mother, but she still took me under her wing from the start.

“Fanks.” She mumbled over her mouthful. She swallowed finally. “I can’t go home like this. I look like a drunk clown.”

We stopped at McDonald’s and I helped her get cleaned up in the bathroom. I couldn’t get over how different our nights were. Nate would never treat me the way Tommy steamrolled over Heather. Granted, I still didn’t know if I liked sex or how much it hurt. However, Nate cared enough to make it as good as possible for me. And if the act was as nice as the preview from the night before, I’m guessing I’ll be loving life.

“You’re smiling. You must be thinking about Nate.”

I met Heather’s gaze and then sheepishly looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be stupid, Carri. I want you to be happy. I’m glad you had a better night than I did.” She hugged me, the tight squeeze expelling the air in my lungs in a whoosh. “Doesn’t mean I’m not a teensy bit jealous, though.” She backed up and turned back to the mirror for one last once-over. “I am so getting blitzed tonight.”

She totally reminded me of my mother.

Heather wasn’t kidding about getting blitzed. We couldn’t have been at the bonfire more than fifteen minutes before she tripped over a log and had to be rescued from the fiery pit. It was going to be a long night.

We arrived a little past nine o’clock. I looked longingly at the ocean, wishing Nate were there for one of those romantic beach walks from the movies. The moon cast a rippled glow on the water, and the scent of burning wood and seawater etched itself in my memory. I noticed those little things more now. All my senses grasped at sensory input as if I had to bank my memories, just in case.

I turned back to the fire pit. Someone handed me a red cup. I didn’t really want it, but it gave me something to hold. I figured Heather designated me as driver for the night about the time she almost fell into the fire.

I missed Nate.

Since he had to work last night, the guys were doing that dungeon thing on Saturday instead of their normal Friday night gig. He promised to drive out afterward, but like any lovestruck teenage girl, I ached for him something fierce.

“You better watch your friend. She looks out of control tonight.”

I glanced to my right. Oh, joy. It was Joy.

“She’s had a rough day,” I answered.

“I don’t suppose you have a light?” she asked, holding an unlit cigarette in her mouth.

I shook my head but gestured to the bonfire.

“Ha-ha. You know, I almost could like you.” She regarded me, taking in my signature “everything about me is average” look. I didn’t blame her. I wondered what Nate saw in me, too. Especially when he could have had her.

She wasn’t pretty, exactly. But she possessed an exotic, dangerous quality that I could never achieve. She was seventeen going on twenty-five, with a splash of lethal.

Heather appeared out of nowhere, bumping into me and sloshing beer all over us both. “Ohmygawd. I’m sho drunk.”

“You think?” Joy and I answered simultaneously.

“Don’t be a pooper party, Carri.”

Joy snorted.

“Okey dokey, Heather. But you might want to slow down. If you pass out, you’ll miss all the fun.” God. I was using my mom voice on my mom.

“Jake and Sissy bork up again. Can you believe it?” Heather asked.

Of course they did. It was at least forty-eight hours since they “bork” up the last time. “They’ll get back together; they always do.”

She nodded solemnly, then lost her balance from all the nodding. “That’sh what I told him too.” She looked down. “My cup is empty. See you later.”

I covered my face in my hands, and Joy patted me on the back. “You are in for a long night. You want me to keep Nate entertained for you?” My death glare made her laugh, which was so not the point. “I’m kidding. Nate’s totally into you. I get that.”

“So what’s with the claws, then?”

Someone threw her a lighter. “Look, he’s a babe. We had fun. Neither of us were into it big-time. But I do care about him. We’ll always be friends.” She lit up. “I wanted to make sure you’re worthy.”

“Am I?”

“No. But you’ll do.”

I rolled my eyes, readying a quick reply when I spied the hottie in question weaving through the masses toward me. Well, us. Since Joy still shared my spot by the fire.

My heart sped up, threatening to burst when he smiled at me. I couldn’t stop myself. I launched into his arms, not caring about playing it cool. It seemed like forever since I’d touched him. His embrace was no less exuberant than mine, and I heard someone say “gag me with a spoon.”

“How geeky would it be if I told you I missed you?” I said into his neck.

“Let’s go make out in my car,” he answered into my hair.

I giggled. “I can’t leave Heather unattended for too long. She’s on a bender tonight.”

“You smell like you swam in a brewery yourself.”

“Yeah, blame Heather. She spilled her beer on me. She also tried to get extra crispy in the fire.”

Nate looked over my shoulder and his brow creased in concern. “I think she’s kissing someone. Is that Jake?”

I cranked my neck to look behind me. “She would never kiss her best friend’s boyfriend.” Oh shit. “She is totally macking on Jake!”

I started toward her, my boyfriend and Joy in tow. “Mom! I mean, Heather! What are you doing?”

I didn’t have to worry about my slip, because before I got very far, she got wrenched away from Jake by her hair. By Sissy. A very livid Sissy.

“You bitch!” Sissy slapped Heather’s face. She deserved it, but still, it doesn’t settle well when someone hits your mom. She got her good, too.

Heather, glassy-eyed, rubbed her cheek and processed the event slowly. “Oh God. Sissy, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was doing. I didn’t mean to—”

A crowd gathered around them, minus Jake, who fled the scene. Who could blame him?

Sissy pushed Heather’s shoulder. “How can you ‘not mean’ to suck face with my boyfriend?”

I took a step, but Nate and Joy held me back. Joy said, “You don’t want to get in the middle of a catfight, sugar.”

“It happened so fast, Sissy. I swear I don’t even know how it happened. I’m so drunk,” Heather said.

“Is that supposed to make it okay? You’re drunk? So what? I can’t believe it—you were my best friend.”

Cue tears. Both girls.

“Please don’t be mad. I’m so sorry. It will never happen again. I swear to God.” Heather, bless her melodramatic heart, got on her knees, pleading for forgiveness.

Sissy just shook her head. “I’ll never forgive you for this, Heather. You’re pathetic.” She turned heel and stalked through the sand toward the parking area.

I immediately joined my sobbing mother. She cried in my arms and I did my best to comfort her. “There, there. We need to get you cleaned up and into bed. We’ll fix it all tomorrow, you’ll see.”

Joy added, “We should get some ice on that cheek. Who knew Sarah Abrams packed such a whollop?”

“Who is Sarah Abrams?” I’ll never forget that last second of peaceful unawareness. It was fleeting, though, as my brain processed the repercussions. “Sissy’s real name is Sarah?” Seconds stood still while my blood iced over in my veins and the roots of my hair pricked my scalp like pins.

I extracted myself from Heather, pushing myself out of her arms. “Nate, we have to stop her.”

“Stop who? Why? Carrington, wait!” he called out to me, but I was already tearing through the sand. My mother’s voice, her grown-up voice, chanted in my head…
If only, if only, if only…

Sissy was already so far away, almost to her car. I’d never make it in time, especially running in the sand in those goddamned jelly shoes.

If only Sarah hadn’t gotten into her car that night
… How could I have spent all these weeks here and not realized she couldn’t have made up that faraway look in her eye whenever she remembered her best friend’s death? Why didn’t I try to figure out who she was sooner? What if I couldn’t stop her?

Nate caught up to me and tried to grab my arm, but I shrugged him off. “We have to stop Sarah from getting in that car.”

No matter how hard I ran, I knew it was pointless. Jake leaned against her car, but the driver’s side door was open. They were arguing, hopefully buying me time.

She shoved him away, got in, slamming the door, and peeled out in reverse. I kept running until I reached the road, her car in the distance. I stood, hoping and praying, willing time to give me another chance. As Heather, Joy, and Nate joined me on the side of the two lane-highway, time finally slowed down. So I could watch in slow-motion as Sarah’s car missed a curve in the road ahead and collided with a tree.

I
DON’T have anything but the fuzziest recollection of the next few hours. Nate and Joy stopped Heather and me from running to Sissy’s car. They bundled us up and took us back to Nate’s, where they sobered Heather with strong coffee and time. At some point we must have gone home, but I don’t remember how. I woke up on and off through the next day, momentarily pleased that I could smell Nate because I wore his shirt…until I remembered why.

Grandma checked on us periodically. There was a lot of tsking and there-thereing.

I didn’t want to wake up. My blissfully dreamless sleep was the only solace I could find. It wasn’t until Sunday evening that I made myself shake off the unconsciousness like a too-warm blanket. Heather needed me.

Sarah needed you too
, I reminded myself. The guilt bunched up in my gut. I’d just have to pay better attention from now on. No more repeats of bad history, no more regretted non-action. I’d never forgive myself for letting Sarah die when I could have stopped it if I weren’t so self-obsessed. Even though I didn’t know Sissy was really Sarah, I should have remembered to be on the lookout. I could have saved somebody’s life. And saved my mom a lot of heartache.