Snow Angel Cove (Hqn) (24 page)

“El. I need to—” he started to say but the doorbell rang before he could finish the thought.

“Probably a last-minute delivery,” she said, grateful for the distraction. “Those poor drivers, having to be out on Christmas Eve. I’ll grab one of the gift bags of cookies for him.”

She picked one up off the console table in the hallway where she kept extras and pulled open the door.

It wasn’t a delivery driver. It was a man in a uniform, looking handsome and friendly and delighted to be there.

“Jamie!” Aidan exclaimed. The happiness on his face as he spotted his brother just about took her breath away.

The other man just had time to give Eliza a flirtatious grin before Aidan grabbed him hard in a bear hug.

“You always have to make an entrance, don’t you? Last I heard, you couldn’t get leave.”

The guy extricated himself and picked up his suitcase to come inside. “It was a last-minute thing. I didn’t know until late last night, so I’ve spent all day catching stand-by flights.”

“You should have called! I could have sent transportation for you.”

Jamie—just younger than Aidan, she remembered—gave a cheeky grin. “Then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, right?”

She could tell right away this one was a troublemaking charmer. Good thing her heart was no longer available.

“Your father is going to be over the moon,” Eliza predicted with a smile.

Jamie turned to her and aimed all that mojo her direction. “Hello, there. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m James. Younger brother to Geek Boy, here.”

“I’m Eliza Hayward,” she said with a polite smile. “Aidan’s housekeeper. For the sake of the family, I’m glad you’re here. But you have no idea how hard it’s going to be to find a bed for you.”

Jamie raised an eyebrow. “Do you know, I believe that’s the first time any woman has ever said that to me before.”

He was obviously a player, an uncomplicated flirt—at least on the surface. Because she caught just a glimpse of deeper layers beneath the lightheartedness—and because Aidan was so obviously thrilled to have his entire family intact and at his home—she decided to like the man.

“I’m not picky,” he said. “I can sleep on an unused sofa or a couple of blankets on the floor. Even a pile of hay would work. Wouldn’t be the first time somebody in a pinch had to make do with that on Christmas Eve.”

“I think we can probably manage to keep you out of the stable,” she said dryly.

He grinned and draped an arm over his brother’s shoulder. They went in search of the rest of the family while Eliza hurried off to add another place setting and make arrangements for one more guest.

* * *

“T
HIS
IS
GREAT
,
A
IDAN
. Really great.”

The rare sentiment coming from Dylan as they looked at the packed table touched him. He loved seeing his youngest brother smile again after so many months when they weren’t sure he would survive his injuries sustained in an ambush in Afghanistan.

His stomach growled. “Everything looks delicious, doesn’t it?”

“Hope there’s enough to go around now that Jamie rolled in. I would hate to have to fight you for the last piece of ham.”

“You know you would lose, brother. I have no mercy and I fight dirty.”

Dylan grinned. “You always did, which is one of the things we love about you.”

The rest of his family had started to gather in small groups and take seats at the big dining table. Everyone looked so happy that his heart seemed to expand in his chest—just like the Grinch in the book he had read to the little ones the other day.

Down at the other end of the table, he saw Eliza sit down with Maddie sandwiched between her and Charlotte.

With all the in-laws and grandchildren, his family didn’t fit all together anywhere else, even in Pop’s big house in Hope’s Crossing. Usually the children complained about having to be separated into another room. He had purposely had a huge table made from planed hickory logs so that he could have everyone together—though it was still tight, he had to admit. He might have to commission a second table to go next to it, at the rate the Caines were growing.

When everyone sat down, he turned to his father, whom he had seated at the head of the table out of respect. “Pop, do you want to say a few words before we eat?”

Silly question, he knew. Dermot was Irish. He always had something to say.

His father stood and smiled at his progeny. “Only this. What a year we have had.”

He smiled at Katherine, elegant and graceful. She blushed and smiled back and Aidan couldn’t help thinking how perfect they were. Their courtship had taken more than a decade but perhaps that only made it all the sweeter.

“Three weddings and another in the New Year. Our table is more crowded every year, just as it should be.”

“Get your elbow out of my plate,” Jamie teased to Charlotte, who made a face.

Dermot smiled at his squabbling children, then grew serious again. “Every family goes through struggle. Alas, nobody escapes pain in this world, like it or not. We are no different. We have suffered loss and sorrow, sometimes so great we didn’t know how to get through it. But we are the stronger for our pain. It is our trials that bind us together. They remind us we must walk through the dark times so we can fully appreciate the light. The joy and love and miracles around us. I hope we never lose sight of how much we need each other, in good times and bad.
Slàinte.
”

Everyone toasted each other. As he looked around the family at his brothers, at Charlotte, at their spouses and children and stepchildren, Aidan suddenly knew what he had to do.
I hope we never lose sight of how much we need each other, in good times and bad.
He had lost sight of that. Eliza was right. He had been selfishly confident he could handle anything life threw at him.

He had been so wrong.

He stood up quickly. “Before we eat, I...need to say something, as well.”

Carter, the kid who was always hungry, made an impatient little sound but was quickly shushed by Lucy.

Everyone looked at him with expectant faces. His gaze traveled the table and finally stopped on Eliza, watching him with a curious expression on her lovely, calm features.

“Thank you all for coming. I know it’s a little different having the holidays somewhere besides Hope’s Crossing.”

“Different but wonderful,” Charlotte assured him.

“Right. Well, I just wanted to say how happy I am that you all took time out of your busy lives to come here at my request. Also...I owe you an apology. In retrospect, this might not be the appropriate moment for it when Carter there is ready to gnaw through the table but I don’t know when I can get everybody together, sitting still. It will only take a second, I promise.”

Eliza watched him with dawning awareness in her gaze.

He cleared his throat. “Something happened to me this year, something tough I thought I could handle alone. It’s recently come to my attention that by keeping it to myself and not letting my family know when I was going through a rough patch, I was being selfish and maybe even thoughtless and insensitive.”

“What is it, son?” Dermot asked. “What’s happened?”

This was a mistake. He should have waited until after the holidays, maybe tomorrow evening after the burst of Christmas excitement had passed. He didn’t want to ruin dinner. If he hadn’t been so fatigued, he might have thought this through a little better and made a different choice. Or maybe he would have chickened out and not said anything at all.

Whatever, it was too late to back down.

He glanced at Eliza again. She gave him an encouraging smile and he felt almost light-headed from the approval there. A thought that had been playing through his mind for the past few days, random and scattered, seemed to coalesce into one clear realization. Loving someone—truly loving them—meant exposing your weaknesses to them, not only projecting your strengths.

With a sigh, he parted his hair to show the scar, his most glaring sign of weakness. “I had a brain tumor removed in September, the week after Pop and Katherine got married.”

There was an almost audible collective indrawn breath and then the dining room erupted into a dozen different questions.

Everyone looked shocked, his father most of all, and he was suddenly profoundly sorry for shutting them out.

“Don’t worry, it was benign,” he assured them quickly. “The surgery went well and they were able to remove the whole thing. I’m doing fine now, just some lingering fatigue and headaches once in a while and a little double vision if I’m at the computer too long.”

“Aidan. Why didn’t you say anything?” Charlotte exclaimed. “A brain tumor. I can’t believe this! And you didn’t want your family to help you?”

“I had what I thought were good reasons. The timing of the surgery, for one thing, just days after Pop’s wedding while he was on his honeymoon. The distance between us, with the surgery in California and you all in Colorado. And,” he admitted, “a good part of it was pride. I’m...not good at allowing myself to need other people. I’m learning, though. I invited you all here for the holidays, right?”

“Just goes to show that even smart guys can sometimes be idiot assholes,” Dylan said gruffly.

He tore his gaze away from Eliza, who was smiling softly at him now, he saw, and maybe even wiping a tear or two away with her napkin.

“True enough. It was wrong of me to keep it from you. I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Contrary to what I would like to think, I do make them. This particular mistake won’t happen again. We can talk about this later but for now, let’s eat before all this delicious food is too cold to enjoy. Pop. Do you want to say grace or pick somebody?”

“It’s your home, son. Seems to me you should do the honors, since you have more than most to be thankful for today.”

Damn right. And he wasn’t about to forget it.

With a nod, he reached for Charlotte’s hand on one side and his niece Maggie’s on the other and bowed his head.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

E
LIZA
HAD
NEVER
slept well on Christmas Eve.

When she was a little girl, she had always been too excited. She hadn’t necessarily wanted to catch Santa Claus in the act of hanging stockings or anything, she only wanted to stay up and capture every moment of the magic.

She would hide in her room with a flashlight under her covers, humming Christmas songs or reading one of her favorite Christmas stories or perhaps making one up in her head.

A quick check of her phone revealed it was past 3:00 a.m. This was becoming quite a habit during her stay at Snow Angel Cove.

Staying up all night on Christmas Eve might have worked when she was a little girl who could nap with her new toys tucked around her, after the rush and frenzy of opening presents was over. As a mother and as an employee, she didn’t have that luxury. She was going to be exhausted in the morning.

She could sleep in a little, assuming Maddie did, but that was far from a certainty. Her only real job in the morning was to preheat the oven about nine o’clock and then add the breakfast casseroles she had helped Sue prepare the afternoon before.

Each of the siblings was to spend Christmas morning with his or her own family before they all came together for a casual, no-frills brunch.

She rolled over, trying for a more comfortable position. Her body was certainly tired after a long day and an even more hectic week preceding it, but her mind wouldn’t seem to settle.

The evening had been wonderful. Her perfect image of a big, boisterous family Christmas. After Aidan’s announcement, the family had been upset with him but they had all forgiven him for withholding the information, as she had fully expected.

After the delicious dinner, she had seen his sister-in-law Christine—a pediatrician in Denver—peppering him with questions while Charlotte and Dylan interjected a few of their own.

When the meal had been cleaned up, Dermot read the Christmas story from the New Testament in his lilting Irish brogue and then the children performed the short collection of songs they had prepared: “Jingle Bells,” “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer,” Maddie’s favorite, “Away in a Manger,” as well as a medley of angel-themed Christmas songs in honor of the house’s name—“Angels we have Heard on High” and “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.”

It didn’t escape her attention that Aidan had slipped out shortly after the children sang and didn’t come back in again while the family was playing laughter-filled party games she had suggested or while they were all heading to bed.

Small doses of family worked best for him, apparently. She could understand that, she supposed.

She flipped her pillow and tried that side for a few minutes, then finally sighed and slipped from bed, surrendering to the inevitable. Sleep would continue to elude her until she managed to calm her mind. She would have some chamomile tea while she checked to make sure everything was ready for Christmas morning, then she would likely be able to drift off for a few hours.

Careful not to wake her daughter, she pulled on slippers and robe, then quietly made her way to the kitchen, where she plugged in the electric kettle and mentally went over the items on Sue’s menu for the day as she waited for the kettle to heat.

When it was ready, she poured it over her chamomile then carried the steeping tea through the house, pausing for a moment in the great room by the huge tree that reflected a kaleidoscope of colors in the huge windows.

The younger children had insisted they keep the tree lights on all night so Santa could find his way. Even the teenagers had chimed in to agree with that one.

It was beautiful, she thought again. The whole house was the perfect holiday gathering place for an extended family, with a wide variety of entertainment options and warm, welcoming conversation spots as well as more private nooks for those who might prefer their own space.

Would the Caines come here again next year? Perhaps they would make it a tradition—or perhaps they would alternate between here and their homes in Hope’s Crossing. Wherever they met, their Christmases would be filled with laughter and fun.

She felt a sharp ache in her chest at the thought and especially at the realization that she wouldn’t be there to enjoy those future holiday gatherings.

This season spent at Snow Angel Cove would probably spoil her for all other Christmases.

She sipped at her tea, trying not to feel too depressed about it. She and Maddie had been fortunate enough to be welcomed into the Caine family circle for the holidays and it would be sour indeed for her to already bemoan that she couldn’t have another with them.

She sat for a while alone in the great room with the gleaming Christmas tree. When she finally rose to go, she noticed a light on at the end of the hall.

Aidan’s office.

Surely he wasn’t still working in the early hours of Christmas morning?

Though she knew he wouldn’t want to be disturbed, she couldn’t seem to help herself from walking down the hall and knocking softly on the door. He didn’t answer. Had he fallen asleep at his desk? she wondered. It wouldn’t surprise her.

After a moment’s hesitation, she pushed the door open slightly, just enough to peek in, and then paused in the doorway.

He wasn’t asleep. He was sitting with his back to her working on three different computers at once, his fingers flying over the keys. He had headphones on and was completely absorbed in his work.

She couldn’t tell what he was doing—for all she knew, it might be Spider Solitaire. Whatever it was, she was utterly fascinated by his single-minded focus.

“There you are, you son of a bitch. That’s it. That’s it!” he suddenly said with a delighted laugh.

As she watched him work, one firm, unshakable conviction seemed to settle over her.

She was in love with him.

The realization rolled over her like a snowball building up bulk and speed as it rolled down a mountainside.

She was in love with Aidan Caine.

It seemed an odd moment for the epiphany, while she spied on him cursing at a computer, but there it was.

The feelings had been building, like that snowball, for days. She loved his stubbornness and his dedication, his love for his family, his gentleness with her daughter.

Her heart ached as she watched his fingers dance over the keyboard. Okay, she loved him. So what? This, right here, was exactly the reason she could never do anything about that love.

She didn’t
want
a man who would be working with such single-minded focus at 4:00 a.m. on Christmas morning. She wanted a man who would be able to put her and her daughter first in his life.

He might go out and conquer the world all day long. She was fine with that—in fact, she loved that about him, too, his passion and his drive and his wild creativity. But she wanted to know she came first in his heart.

She had been married once to a man who had, in his efforts to give her and Maddie what he thought they needed, been unable or unwilling to provide what they needed most. His time, his heart.

She wouldn’t put herself through that again.

Her chest ached and her eyes burned with tears as she slipped from the room.

She loved him and leaving would shatter her heart into a million tiny shards but she didn’t have a choice. She had no place in his life, in his world.

Somehow she would stay until his family left. She had made a promise and she didn’t take promises lightly. When the holidays were over, she would take Maddie and leave Snow Angel Cove and would throw herself into doing whatever it took to put back together the pieces of her life.

* * *

“T
HIS
WAS
MY
very best Christmas
ever.
”

“Was it?” Eliza smiled and hugged her daughter. A grand total of six Christmases—three of them spent in the hospital—wasn’t exactly a huge pool to choose from but Eliza still appreciated the exuberance.

“It has been wonderful, hasn’t it?” She had decided she would discount the heartache that had settled in her chest like a nagging cough.

“Bob says it’s his best Christmas ever, too.”

“I’m so glad Bob is enjoying the holiday season,” she said solemnly.

Maddie hopped around, apparently unable to contain her happiness in one spot. “Today after everybody opens their presents, we’re going to go sledding and Carter and me and Faith are going to build a snowman and take Daisy and Max for a walk and maybe go visit Cinnamon.”

“That sounds like a very full day and a wonderful Christmas.”

Everyone had been so kind to them. Maddie would miss this place and this family so very much.

“Santa found me here, too, just like you said! I was afraid he wouldn’t, since it’s not even our house, but he knew just where we were.”

“Santa is magic like that, sweetheart.”

“I wonder if he found Carter and Faith, too.”

“I don’t doubt it for a minute,” she answered with a tired smile.

As she should have expected, sleep had turned out to be impossible after she returned to bed. Heartache tended to have an insomnia-inducing effect, she had discovered, so she had still been lying awake when the first rosy fingers of dawn crept across the room to awaken Maddie.

“We should go see them. Carter and Faith.”

“We’ll find them in a bit. Let’s try to build something out of the magnetic blocks first.”

Her daughter was easily distracted. “Okay. Maybe the rocket ship.”

“Perfect.”

They were reading the directions to figure it out when Eliza heard a soft knock on the door. Perhaps Sue needed her help earlier than expected.

She rose from the little table in their room to open the door and was stunned to find Aidan standing there, his eyes bleary and his hair sticking up in every direction.

“Aidan. Hi. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

An odd intensity seemed to seethe and froth around him. Through the lenses of his glasses, his eyes seemed to glitter with barely suppressed excitement.

“Sorry to interrupt your morning with Maddie. Should I come back?”

“No. We’ve opened everything. Santa must have a big backache this morning from carrying all of Maddie’s gifts, right, sweetheart?”

Her daughter giggled and rushed to hug him. After a surprised moment, he hugged her back.

“Merry Christmas. Did Santa find where you live, too?” Maddie asked.

“Why, yes. Yes, he did. And he left a present for you under my tree. He must have made a mistake, since our names both have an
A
and a
D
in them.”

He held several presents in his arms, two large gifts and a smaller one.

He handed the two bigger presents to Maddie.

“Are those for me?” she breathed.

“I believe they do have your name on it.”

She took them, eyes wide. “Mama, can I open them? Right now?”

“Of course.”

Aidan sat down on the sofa beside her, stirring the air with that luxurious, delicious scent of him. She tried to ignore it, ignore him, as together they watched Maddie handle the first clumsily wrapped package, trying to figure out what might be inside.

Had he wrapped it himself? Eliza wondered. She couldn’t imagine him going to that kind of trouble but she suspected he had. Most of the presents he had ordered for his family had been wrapped by his assistant in California or had been delivered pre-wrapped.

It seemed significant, somehow, that he had taken the time himself to wrap this one for her daughter.

The first gift was a doll she remembered Maddie admiring at the town festival. Her daughter shrieked with glee and hugged him.

“Now the other one,” he said.

“Is it another doll?” Maddie guessed. “Or maybe a game? Or a bunny?”

She continued to list about a dozen possibilities, growing increasingly more ridiculous as she went, and Aidan finally tugged at her braid gently. “Open it and find out, silly.”

“Okay.”

She ripped the packaging with care and a moment later unearthed a beautiful leather-bound art set that Eliza would have been envious to own, filled with charcoals and watercolors and crayons, along with several pads of sketch paper.

“You’re so good at art,” Aidan explained. “Every artist needs good tools.”

“I love it! I love, love, love it. Thanks. Thanks a
lot.
” She gave him a wildly exuberant hug and Aidan laughed a little as he returned it.

“You are very welcome, sweetheart.”

“Where’s my present for him, Mama? Can I give it to him now?”

Eliza forced a smile, feeling foolish about their gifts after he had given Maddie such an obviously expensive art set. The two gifts were curiously symbiotic, she had to admit. “Sure. It’s over behind the chair.”

Maddie found her present and the one Eliza had made and brought them over to him.

“I get two? Wow. Thank you.”

He opened the larger one first, Maddie’s gift, and exclaimed with delight over the elaborate picture she had colored of Snow Angel Cove, with the lake in the background and little horses—of course—grazing in the meadow. Eliza had matted and framed it and thought it actually was quite good, for a drawing done by a girl who wasn’t quite six.

“You did this? Seriously?”

Maddie nodded, clearly thrilled at his reaction. “It took me a whole half hour to do the barn.”

“I love it! It’s perfect. Do you know what? I’m going to take it back to California and hang it in my office, so I can always remember this Christmas with you.”

Eliza’s heart gave a little squeeze at the thought of him, years from now, looking at the picture and trying to remember the little girl who had once drawn it for him.

When he started to open the other one, she wished she could yank it away and tell him not to bother opening it but she couldn’t figure out a graceful way so she sat mutely while he tore away the wrappings to uncover the scarf she had clumsily knitted to match the hat his sister had made him.

“You made this?”

“Yes. I’m worse than Charlotte, as you can see.”

“No, I love it, especially because you made it. Thank you.”