Smoke (37 page)
Authors: Catherine McKenzie
“You were taking an awful risk. Putting your job on the line like that. You must love Tucker very much. He’s like a son to you, isn’t he?”
“We never had any children,” he says, after a moment, twisting his wedding ring around his finger.
“But what about Angus? What about John Phillips? Didn’t they deserve your protection?”
“No one could’ve predicted that kid would allow the blame to be placed on his shoulders. Why would anyone do such a thing?”
“Because your nephew was bullying him and his girlfriend.”
He shudders and takes another drink. “John Phillips did it. I said that from the beginning.”
“John Phillips did it,” I agree, “but that isn’t what matters.”
“I think you should go.”
I stand. “I’ll be back for my things.”
“We got the right man,” Rich says as if he hasn’t heard me. “It’s the result that matters.”
“I used to believe that. Now I’m not so sure.”
I find Ben in the car outside, a bag of sandwiches on my seat, two cans of soda resting in the drink holders. He asks me where to, and part of me wants to say, let’s get out here, let’s do what Mindy and Peter are doing and just pick up and leave. But I’ve been doing that my whole life, moving on, never staying in one place for long. I called it my job, but that’s what I was doing. Never sticking anywhere. Putting my life at risk. Cloaking everything I was doing in the sanctity of saving others.
I’ve got to learn to stick. Stay. Root myself. Whether Ben’s a part of that or not. I owe it to the child we’re going to have.
I owe it to myself.
“Wanna go watch the fire?” I ask.
He doesn’t say anything, just puts the car in gear and drives to the arts center—as close as we’ll be able to get without being in anyone’s way.
He parks the car, and we get out. Something feels like it’s shifted in the air. Underneath the smoke there’s another smell I can’t quite identify. But standing out here long enough to figure it out isn’t an option. Ash is falling around us, and it’s difficult to breathe. I follow Ben inside. Last night it was full of people. Now it’s deserted like the rest of the town. A fireman’s radio crackles from where it was forgotten on a table. I pick it up and listen.
I hear Kara’s voice and hit the “Transmit” key.
“IC Panjabi, this is Martin,” I say. “Is a status update possible?”
“Good to hear your voice, Martin,” she says after a moment. “We’re kind of busy here.”
“Understood.”
“I just posted an update.”
“Hand me your phone?” I say to Ben.
I go to ForestFires.com and load up the latest report. A hint of good news. They’ve held the fire at the ridge, pushed it back, and contained it from spreading down the slope to our house.
“We going to need a new house?” Ben asks.
“Looks like maybe not.”
“I’ve always liked that house.”
“I love that house.”
The radio crackles again. “You still there, Martin?” Andy says.
“Here, Thomas. You all right?”
“Affirmative. You?”
I meet Ben’s eyes. “Affirmative.”
“You take care,” he says, and all that’s left is static.
I put the radio down, waiting for Ben to say something.
“He’s a good guy, Andy,” he says.
“He is.”
“And I get it, now, sort of.”
“Get what?”
“This,” he says, turning to take the Peak into the sweep of his arm. “Fighting against it. What you’ve been doing all these years. When I was helping Andy last night, I felt kind of . . . alive in a way I haven’t before. Useful.”
“It’s the adrenaline.”
“Sure, maybe. But we were really doing something. Making a difference. I don’t want you to give it up.”
“Really? You were saying just the other day how you hated my job.”
“I hate how it takes you away from me. But you haven’t been happy since you quit. And I feel guilty about that.”
“You didn’t ask me to quit. In fact, if I remember right, you told me I shouldn’t.”
“But I didn’t insist. I should have. I should’ve seen how important it was to you.”
“What you do is important too. Think of all of those kids you help.”
“You mean like Tucker?”
“Okay, maybe not him. But you never know, this might be a turning point for him.”
“Maybe. And for us?”
My mouth goes dry.
Don’t screw this up, Elizabeth. Don’t you dare.
“I want that more than anything, but only if—”
“If we really forgive each other?”
“Yes. Can you?”
“I want to. You?”
“I want to too. I want to forgive myself.”
“How do we do that?”
“You’re asking me? I’m the idiot who thought getting divorced would solve things.”
He laughs at that. Kind of like how I laughed with Mindy earlier today. Free. Open. Like happiness was possible.
“That maybe wasn’t your brightest moment.”
“Well, you did agree with me.”
“I did.”
“And it did get us here.”
“It did.”
“So maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing,” we say together. Then smile the smile we always smile when we say something at the same time. Like we did early Tuesday morning, only this time it’s a reminder of good things to come, not good things gone away.
Ben reaches out his hand, and I take it. His fingers squeeze mine almost too tightly. I close my eyes for a moment, trying to control the emotions that feel like they might take me over at any moment. There’s a loud clap in the distance, and I realize what it was I smelled outside.
“Rain,” I say, opening my eyes.
“What?”
We look out the window. The wind has picked up again and seems to be coming from a new direction. We can see the Peak for the first time today. The ridge of flames is no longer visible, though the smoke plume is just as black and ominous. But there’s another force at work up there. A cumulonimbus cloud is towering behind it. As we watch, it advances and swallows up the smoke, the Peak, the flames, like it wants to swallow up the town. It’s black and angry, and I feel like I’m watching a swarm of Dementors advance on a fresh crop of wizards.
The sky flashes with lightning, and thunder booms again, so close it sets my ears ringing. The cloud sweeps around the building, and now it’s raining. A few drops at first, and then it’s like a shower someone’s turned on full blast.
Rain, rain,
rain
.
“Wanna go outside?” I ask.
“Seriously?”
“Why not?”
I tug on his hand, and we push open the doors and walk into the sheets of water. We do it like I used to walk into the ocean, without hesitation, becoming one with the storm, breathing in the cleansing downpour. We are soaked to the skin in moments, but the rain is so warm that its temperature is almost indistinguishable from our own.
And though it’s hard to see anything, Ben’s grip is tight in mine, and I know in my bones that everything’s going to be okay.
Acknowledgments
You’d think, after five books and one novella (!) that these things would get easier, and yet, no.
That being said, I must give thanks to:
Cam, Therese, Kathleen, and Lisa for reading early drafts and telling me this book didn’t suck. And to Allie for insisting I write the book in the first place.
My mom for the constant typo checking and smiley faces in the margins.
Therese, Therese, and Kathryn for an awesome writers’ retreat where a section of this book was written. My hand is raised to tell the next story.
My friends for having my back and making me laugh and supporting this weird adventure I go on every year or so.
Ditto to David, who bears the brunt of the clattering of my laptop when we’re supposed to be watching TV together.
My four nephews (Owen, Liam, William, and Anders) for making my life more full.
My editor, Tara Parsons, for her unbridled enthusiasm, and the whole team at Lake Union for their amazing work on this book, and
Hidden
before it.
My agent, Abigail Koons, who’s always in my corner and makes it possible for me to keep doing this.
My writing partners, Adrian Wills and Martin Michaud, for collaborating on other projects that will hopefully see the light of day eventually.
To each and every one of my readers who continue to let me dream for a living.
To the members of the Fiction Writers Co-op for support, laughs, and wisdom.
And to Shawn Klomparens, for introducing me to Jackson Hole.
Reading Group Guide for
Smoke
- When the book begins, Elizabeth and Ben’s marriage is on the verge of breaking up, but their personal crisis is overshadowed by a forest fire that is threatening their town and their home. Can natural disasters have a positive side, in that they help us reprioritize our lives? Or are the same problems that we had before going to resurface once the crisis is over?
- Some of the couple’s issues had to do with all the things Elizabeth hid from Ben in their marriage. Why do you think she kept so much from him? What does hiding things from a spouse do to a marriage?
- Elizabeth felt that she needed to choose her husband and the hope of having a child over her career. Do you feel that this was a fair sacrifice for her to make? How did this contribute to the problems in her marriage?
- When we first meet Mindy, she’s friends with a group of catty women whom she doesn’t seem to like. Why do you think she stayed friends with them? Does this contribute to her unhappiness? Have you ever been friends with people you didn’t like out of expediency or for other reasons?
- What are the similarities and differences between Mindy and Elizabeth?
- At first, we don’t know who set the fire that’s threatening Nelson, Ben, and Elizabeth’s house. What does this mystery reveal about the characters?
- Mindy evolves in this story from a shrinking violet to a strong character intent on defending her children. She also might have caused some issues in her own marriage in the process. What do you think the future holds for her?
- Elizabeth never had a sexual affair with her coworker Andy, but they did seem to have a deep emotional connection. Do you think someone can have an emotional affair? If so, is this as bad, or worse, than a physical one?
- As you were reading the novel, did you hope that Ben and Elizabeth would reconcile by the end? Why or why not?
About the Author
Photo © 2009 Robert Galbraith
Catherine McKenzie is the bestselling author of
Spin
,
Arranged
, and
Forgotten
and the novella
Spun
. Her novel
Hidden
became a #1 Amazon bestseller and a Digital Book World bestseller. A graduate of McGill University with degrees in history and law, she lives and practices law in Montreal.
Visit her online at
catherinemckenzie.com
, on Facebook at
facebook.com/catherinemckenzieauthor
, and on Twitter at
@cemckenzie1
.
Table of Contents
PROLOGUE Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
CHAPTER 5 You Take Sugar with That?
CHAPTER 8 Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner
CHAPTER 9 How a House Became a Home
CHAPTER 13 There’s Going to Be a Change of Plans
CHAPTER 18 I Know What You Did
CHAPTER 25 Fight Fire with Fire
CHAPTER 32 Way Over Yonder in a Minor Key