Sleepless at Midnight (24 page)

Matthew closed his eyes, the image of his pale, dying, pain-ridden father forever emblazoned in his mind. The shot from the highwayman’s pistol had fatally wounded him, but not in a merciful, quick way. It had taken him a long, painful day to die.

Opening his eyes, he stared at the ground and continued, “When I arrived at Langston Manor from London, I learned from Father’s steward that the estate was heavily in debt. Father was always a gambler, but apparently he’d suffered a long run of extremely bad luck. He’d lost everything that wasn’t entailed and owed huge sums to the servants and dozens of merchants and shopkeepers. Even to the steward himself.”

He drew a deep breath, then still looking at the ground, said quietly, “When I saw Father, he was close to death. Extremely weak, and laboring for every breath. He haltingly told me he had something of the utmost importance and secrecy to tell me, but before he would impart this information, he demanded a promise that I would do something for him. I’m not certain if it was guilt or pride or the need to show him I was honorable or a combination of all three, but I said I would do whatever he asked.”

Looking up, he said, “He extracted a promise that I would marry within the year and set about producing an heir. It is a promise my honor demands I keep.”

She nodded slowly. “Of course it is.” Realization dawned in her eyes. “The year is nearly over.”

“Yes. In twenty-eight days.”

“So the rumors that you’re looking for a bride are true.”

“They are.”

He could almost see the thoughts aligning in her head. “Which is why you invited my sister, Lady Emily, and Lady Julianne to your home. To choose one of them to be your wife.”

“Yes.”

She frowned. “But why have you not cast your net wider? You’ve not been in London there have been dozens of soirees over the past several months, all attended by dozens of eligible young ladies.”

“I haven’t wanted to leave the estate. Haven’t wanted to take time away from my search.”

“Search?”

“It pertains to my father’s great secret.” Matthew could almost feel his father’s hand weakly clutching his, see his eyes desperately trying to convey all he wanted to say while each torturous breath rattled in his filling lungs, his terror at knowing he was nearly out of time.

“With his last breaths he told me that the night before he was shot he’d won a huge sum gambling more than enough money to pay off his debts and put the estate back to rights again. He hid the money, here on the estate.”

Comprehension widened her eyes. “In the garden.”

“Yes. But his words were so faint, so halting, he was nearly impossible to understand. He died, still trying to speak. Afterward I wrote down what he said as best as I could recall, and I’ve been searching ever since, trying to find this cache of money so as to pay off the debts I inherited upon his death.”

She nodded slowly then pushed off from the tree and paced in front of him. He stepped back to give her room, watching as she clearly absorbed all he’d told her.

“I believe I understand now,” she said, continuing to pace. “Because you have so little time left before your year expires, you didn’t want to leave your estate and thus your search for the money. Yet, in order to honor your promise to your father, you need to find a bride. And since you are so deeply in debt and may indeed never find this windfall he spoke of, it is now necessary that your bride be an heiress. Therefore, you invited three women you believed to be wealthy marriage prospects to your home, intending to choose one of them while still searching for the money.” She halted and met his gaze. “Is that accurate?”

“I don’t believe I could have explained it better myself.”

She pushed up her sliding glasses then asked in a soft voice tinged with obvious disapproval, “You’d marry purely for money?”

He dragged a hand through his hair. “Unfortunately I don’t have the luxury not to. I cannot allow the estate to fall into ruin. A great many people are counting on me. They depend on this estate for their livelihoods. Nor can I ignore the Langston history and the fact that this home has been in my family for generations. The burden of those responsibilities weighs heavily upon me, and I take those obligations very seriously.”

His gaze shifted to Danforth, who stood quietly beside him, then returned to hers. “And I’m certain you’re aware that many marriages amongst members of the peerage are based on the advantageous combining of fortunes and titles rather than sentimental affairs of the heart.”

“Yes.” Indeed, Julianne had said on many occasions that she was well aware she’d be married for her money. “The fact that you’ve told me all this, I gather it’s not merely to explain yourself because you think I would otherwise report your shovel-toting late night excursions to the authorities. It is because you believe my expertise with regard to plants and flowers may help you find some clue in your father’s last words. Correct?”

He nodded. “You’ve again explained it perfectly. Would you be willing to help me?”

Instead of answering, she asked, “Have you not asked your groundskeeper Paul to assist you?”

“Not directly. I’ve asked him some general questions and professed an interest in gardening, but other than that I haven’t asked anyone to help me. I haven’t wanted to risk that word might spread. If I’d confided in Paul, he could have inadvertently said something to one of the villagers or servants, and the next thing you know, every person within a ten mile radius would be digging holes in my garden.”

“How do you know I won’t do the same? Tell someone your secret or attempt to find the money and keep it for myself?”

The urge to touch her became too strong to ignore. Reaching out, he gently brushed his fingertips across her smooth cheek. “My heart tells me you won’t.”

She stared at him for several seconds, then something that looked like hurt or perhaps disappointment flashed in her eyes. She stepped back and his hand fell to his side. Then she once again commenced pacing.

“Of course,” she murmured. “Now I understand. That is why you’ve been so…attentive. So charming. The reason you kissed me. Invited me to tea. Came to my bedchamber this evening. You want my help.”

Matthew snagged her arm as she passed him and pulled her around until she faced him. “No.” The word came out more harshly than he’d intended.

“You don’t want my help?”

“I do. But that is not the reason for my attentions toward you.”

Again that flash of disappointed hurt shimmered in her huge eyes, cutting him off at the knees.

“It’s quite all right, my lord. I understand ”

“Matthew. And no. No, you don’t understand,” he insisted, his voice taking on a rough edge. She didn’t understand, and he wanted, needed, for her to do so. Grabbing her other arm, he pulled her closer.

“That was supposed to be the reason,” he admitted, hating himself for the hurt those words brought into her eyes. “Spend time with you, talk to you, because I wanted information, wanted to tap into your expertise without revealing why. But it didn’t work out that way. Every time I spoke to you, I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. Forgot everything. Except you.” He brushed his thumbs over the velvety smooth skin of her upper arms. “I’ve been attentive to you because I can’t get my mind off you. I kissed you the first time because I couldn’t stop myself from doing so. I invited you to tea because I desired your company. I came to your bedchamber tonight because I couldn’t stay away. I touched you then for the same reason I’m touching you now because I can’t keep my hands off you.”

Her gaze searched his, then she shook her head. “Please stop. It isn’t necessary for you to say such things. I’ll help you, or at least try to.”

“Damn it, you still don’t understand.” He barely resisted the urge to shake her, and cursed every person in her life who’d ever made her feel inferior. “It is necessary that I say such things, because they’re true. Every time I’m near you, something happens to me. You just…do something to me. Just by looking at me. Just by being in the same room as me. I can’t explain it, as it’s something I’ve never experienced before. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not certain I like it.”

They stared at each other, and he swore the air between them crackled. Then her brows rose, and damn it, she actually looked amused.

“Well, at least you’ve ceased your flattery. Although you might want to be careful not to be too insulting. After all, you are dealing with a woman who’s holding a fire poker.”

“Oh? Do you intend to cosh me?”

“If necessary.”

“And what would make it necessary? If I did something…untoward?”

“Yes.”

Giving into the desire that had gripped him the instant he’d seen her standing beneath the tree, he erased the distance between them in one smooth step. Her breasts brushed against his chest and that whisper of a touch scorched him. He leaned down until only a hairbreadth separated their mouths.

“Then you’d best prepare to cosh me,” he whispered against her lips, “because I’m about to do something very untoward.”

Chapter 12

The fire poker dropped from Sarah’s nerveless fingers.

Even if she’d had the opportunity to brace herself, nothing could have prepared her for this fierce, hungry kiss. He slanted his mouth over hers, demanding a response. And everything, every thought, fell away except him.

Closer. She wanted him to hold her closer. Wanted to feel more of the heat that seemed to pump from his skin, warming her in the most delicious way. Wanted his arms tighter around her. His body pressed closer to hers.

As if he’d read her mind, he gathered her closer, lifting her off her feet. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for all she was worth. She felt him move, then realized that he’d turned them so his back now rested against the tree.

He spread his legs and yanked her into the V of his thighs, a spot where the fit was…perfect. Yet whereas in her bedchamber he’d slowly, gently seduced her, now he swept her away in a fury of passion that tasted of both frustration and dark need. His tongue invaded her mouth while his hands urged her ever closer. The heat and scent of his body surrounded her like a flaming blanket, while the exquisite feel of his hard arousal pressed against the juncture of her thighs, instantly reigniting the fire he’d just recently put out. He rubbed himself against her, shooting sparks through her that loosened her knees.

One deep kiss led to another, then his lips left hers to skim across her jaw. She arched her neck to afford him better access, and he immediately took advantage of the invitation, kissing his way down to touch his tongue to the hollow at the base of her throat. She tunneled her fingers through his hair, threw back her head, completely and utterly saturated in decadent sensation. With a deep groan, he lifted his head, but instead of kissing her again, he gently brushed back strands of hair from her face. With an effort, she dragged her eyes open. And found him regarding her through very serious eyes.

Her confusion at his ending their kiss must have shown, because he said softly, “Please don’t think I stopped because I don’t want you. The problem is that I want you far too much. My ability to resist you is only so strong, and I’m afraid I’ve reached my limit.”

Everything inside her, all the dormant feelings he’d awakened with his kisses, his touches, shoved aside her propriety, which begged her, commanded her, to remain silent. Summoning all her courage, she said, “What if I don’t want you to resist?”

His eyes seemed to darken. “Believe me when I say that it is nearly impossible for me to do so. If I hadn’t stopped when I did…”

“If you hadn’t stopped, then what?”

His gaze searched hers. “Do you not know? Even after what we shared in your bedchamber are you unaware of what happens between men and women?”

Heat flooded her face. “I know what happens.”

“Because you’ve experienced it with Franklin?”

“No! I’ve never…no. No one has ever touched me, kissed me, the way you have.” She dipped her chin and stared at his chest. “No one has ever wanted to.”

He lifted her chin with his fingers until their gazes met. “I want to.” A humorless sound escaped him. “So badly I can barely think.”

“I know that should frighten me. I wish that it did. I’m ashamed to say that it doesn’t.”

“You should be frightened. I could hurt you, Sarah. Without meaning to.”

Her gaze searched his. She knew he didn’t mean physically, which could only mean that he feared she would come to care for him. Which she greatly feared was already happening. And that her heart would break because, as she’d just learned, he’d soon have to marry someone else She froze as the implications hit her like a bucket of icy water. Marry someone else…

How could she have forgotten that, for even an instant? The realization of what she’d done, what she would have done if he hadn’t stopped, suffused her with a sense of horrified shame. He was bound to marry someone else. Within the next few weeks. And worse, that someone else would most likely be one of her dearest friends.

Dear God, if he married Julianne, how could she ever look either of them in the eye again? How could she ever look at herself again?

She stepped back, out of his embrace, not sure if she was more relieved or humiliated at the ease with which he let her go. Acute mortification washed through her and she wished she could simply vanish.

“What have I done?” she whispered.

He reached for her, but she stumbled back two steps, shaking her head. What had she been thinking? She hadn’t been thinking at all, that was the problem. He’d touched her, kissed her, and she’d forgotten everything except for him. The way he made her feel. Which would have been bad enough had he been someone else, but the fact that he might, in a very short time, marry her friend, made this interlude even more unacceptable. In every way. She pressed a hand to her churning stomach. “I must go.”