Slayed (6 page)

“Look, you and I are
never
going to hunt vampires together.
Not going to happen!
”

Kiki’s brow furrows and she bites her lip. “Why? Is there some super-secret slayer society? Sign me up; I’ll pay the dues.”

“It’s just easier to hunt alone.”

“But I could help you.”

I shake my head. “This is a
dangerous
business.”

“I don’t care,” she insists.

Why won’t she take no for an answer? I put my hands on my hips. “Okay, to be completely honest, I’m pretty sure you have a
drinking
problem, therefore making you a huge liability. Simply put, I’m not risking my life for some bored little rich kid. This is serious stuff, and definitely
not
for amateurs.”

“Jeez,” she says quietly. “I just wanted to help.” She rubs her backside where she landed on the ground. “And I
don’t
have a drinking problem—not every night, anyway. I would never drink on the job.”

“Look, the police are going to arrive any second—”

Her eyes widen. “The police know about vampires too?”

“Yes,” I say wearily, as my temple starts to throb. “A lot of people know about them, but it’s kept quiet because it would cause mass panic, cripple the restaurant and entertainment industries, and it’s not something the
government wants to make common knowledge. Nine out of ten people will never even encounter a vampire.”

“Wow, this is just like the Area 51 conspiracy, only with vampires. Cool.”

I’m still having trouble fathoming what she thinks is so cool about this whole thing, but it’s clear she’s completely deranged. “Look, the vampire task force for South Bristol will take you and your driver to the station and negotiate a fee so you can be in on the
conspiracy
while keeping your mouth shut. Cool, right?”

Kiki nibbles her lip and wobbles a little—the alcohol’s obviously hitting her again. “Does paying people even really work? You’d think the tabloids would be paying bigger bucks than the government ever would.”

I look her in the eye. “If you don’t take the money, they kind of imply they’ll ruin you. As in you just
disappear
.”

She shakes her head. “That’s fucked-up. But they don’t need to pay me. The last thing I need is
‘washed-up child star says driver was attacked by an army of vampires
—
news at eleven.’
”

“
Please
stop saying ‘army of vampires,’” I beg.

“Sorry,” she snaps. “I didn’t grow up hunting vampires so I don’t know everything like you do. I didn’t realize this was such an elitist profession.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and, for the hundredth time,
wonder what planet Kiki Crusher is from. “Killing vampires is not fun, cool, or fashionable. It just honest to God sucks!”

She looks toward the car at her driver. “Maybe it’s not
fun
or
cool
, but it is important. Without you, Sam and I might be dead—or undead.”

I hear a noisy muffler come up the alley and I’m relieved to see Mom and Dad pulling up in the van. A white hearselike car follows them and I figure that must be the South Bristol vamp squad.

Mom and Dad get out and look at Kiki as if she’s some sort of wounded fawn. “Are you okay, Miss?” Dad asks gently.

“I know this must have been quite a shock,” Mom says, reaching out a hand to pat Kiki’s shoulder. “You’re a very brave girl.”

Mom’s laying it on thick—anything to keep us from looking bad during the negotiations.

Two men with buzz cuts get out of the white car and march toward us. They’re wearing dark suits and no-nonsense attitudes. While Mom is trying to butter Kiki up, they’ll use the opposite technique and try to stay completely emotionless and avoid saying anything that might upset her more. Two men in hazmat suits get out of the back—the cleanup crew. I tilt my head toward the Dumpster so they can pick up the body.

Dad points to me. “Agents, this is our daughter, Daphne. And this courageous young lady here is the one who witnessed the attack.”

“I’m Special Task Force Agent Sloan,” the tall one says shaking Kiki’s hand. “You’ll need to come down to the station. We have a counselor waiting to help you deal with this …
event
.”

I roll my eyes. I’ve never heard a member of a vampire task force actually use the word “vampire.”

Kiki looks back and forth between my parents and Agent Sloan. I wait for her to tell them she’s fine, but then her bottom lip quivers and all of a sudden she’s sobbing uncontrollably. I’m stunned to see actual tears streaming down her cheeks.

“It was so
horrible
,” she wails. “I thought my driver was going to
die
and then I’d be next.
This will haunt me for the rest of my life!
”

Kiki takes in a blubbery gulp
of air and my father puts an arm around her.

“It’s okay, honey,” he coos. “Take a deep breath.”

“What are you doing?” I ask Kiki.

She ignores me and keeps her tirade going. “I thought the worst was over but then”—Kiki jabs a finger in my direction—“
she
cut the woman’s head off! She even held it up and”—her voice quivers—” and said I could pick up the
next one.
”

“Daphne!” Mom snaps. “What were you thinking?”

My mouth drops open as adrenaline pumps through my system again. “It’s not like it sounds. She was totally fine a minute ago.
Tell them you’re fine, Kiki
. Tell them how you’re not squeamish.”

Mom glares at me as Kiki howls.

“She was
fine
until you showed up,” I insist. “She even helped me drag the body behind the Dumpster.”

Kiki buries her head on Dad’s chest. “I thought she might be some sort of psycho killer and I was afraid if I didn’t help her she might stake me next.”

“She’s lying!” I shout. “She thought the whole thing was totally
cool
. She even went on and on about how she’d fight an army of vampires!”

Kiki lifts her head from Dad’s chest and slowly turns toward me, gasping dramatically. She puts a hand to her mouth and takes in a ragged breath. “There are
armies of vampires
?”

Dear God.

The other agent shakes his head and frowns at me. Then he clears his throat and marches over to Kiki. “I’m Agent Brennan. I think you need to talk with our event specialist, Katie Anthony. Ms. Anthony can help you process whatever emotions you might be feeling.”

Kiki grabs his arm, shaking it frantically. “There’s no time,” she says pulling him toward the cars. “We have to alert the media and tell the world that
vampires are real
!”

Officer Sloan groans and I imagine he’s thinking this is going to cost the town big-time. “Now, Miss, let’s not get carried away. Come with us to the station,” he says gently. “Brennan, you get the driver.”

Kiki nods and lets him escort her to the car. Before they take more than three steps she pulls away.

“Wait!” She stands up straight, sniffs delicately, and places a hand over her heart like she’s about to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. “I have just had an
epiphany
.” She stares off into the night for a few seconds, and then turns to look us each in the eye. Her face transforms from one filled with terror to that of a stalwart soldier. “If there really are vampire armies out there, someone needs to fight them. Why couldn’t that someone be
me
?”

Agent Brennan’s eyes widen. “Miss?”

“Here’s the deal,” Kiki says matter-of-factly. “If Daphne here teaches me the ins and outs of killing vampires you won’t have to pay me any hush money.”

Mom clenches her jaw and looks disbelievingly at me. “You told her about the money?”

I bury my head in my hands.

Kiki folds her arms across her very large chest. “She did, but I’d be willing to forgo any compensation for my
harrowing
ordeal if she agrees to show me the ropes.”

Mom nods. “She’ll do it.”

“No, I won’t!” I say. “Don’t you get it—this is all an
act
.”

Kiki shrugs. “I guess we’ll have to head to the station and discuss money, then. I’ll have to call my parents and their team of lawyers first. You do know my parents, don’t
you?
The Crushers
—lead singers of The Disco Unicorns? Name above the library door? Part of a billion-dollar media empire that could destroy this town with a clack of their little pink hooves? They’re going to be pretty upset to hear vampires have moved in around our cottage and how this traumatic near-death experience will no doubt affect my mental health.”

“Good lord,” Agent Brennan mutters, exchanging a look with Agent Sloan. “The Crushers.”

“Miss Crusher,” Dad says softly. “Daphne would be happy to show you ‘the ropes’ in exchange for not collecting a fee.”

“Dad,” I whine. “Do you really think it’s safe bringing a novice on jobs?”

Mom pulls me aside. “Daphne,” she says through clenched teeth. “We need the money
and
the goodwill of the police department. Having the Harkers here has completely turned the game around. Besides, how long do you think a girl like that is going to last anyway?”

I look at Kiki in her high heel boots and a micro-mini so short I know
Jennifer-Kate
would put her on the “Fashion Faux Pas” page at the back of the magazine.

Mom’s right. Kiki won’t last a day.

“Fine, she can shadow me tomorrow—and however long it takes until the town is clean.”

Kiki beams and claps her hands. “I promise I won’t get in the way. And even though I don’t think it’s necessary, I will slice and dice heads if that’s what you tell me to do.”

“You’ll just be observing,” I insist.

“Okay.” She turns to the agents. “So, is there, like, some form or something I need to sign releasing the town from liability and swearing me to secrecy?” she asks nonchalantly.

Agent Sloan’s face is a mix of relief and confusion. “Uh, yes, if you wouldn’t mind.” He turns to look at her car. “About your driver?”

She waves a hand dismissively in the air. “I’ll give him a raise; it won’t cost you a thing.”

Agent Sloan exchanges a quick look with Agent Brennan and I know they’re thinking they lucked out with Kiki.

“We will have to contact your parents, though,” Agent Brennan says.

She shakes her head. “I’m an emancipated minor so they don’t have to know anything.”

If the agents weren’t trying so hard to play it cool, I’d bet they’d be high-fiving each other right about now.

“We’ll follow you to the station in my car. Sam, are you good to drive?”

“Yes, Miss Crusher,” he calls out.

Kiki smiles at all of us. “It’s settled, then.” She turns to me. “So, what time should we meet tomorrow?”

“Six a.m. will be fine,” Mom says. “That will give Daphne time to brief you and give some rudimentary instruction before we start house cleaning.”

I smirk and suppress a laugh.
Go, Mom!

Kiki grimaces. “Six? That’s a little early. I usually don’t get up before eleven. And what is this about house-cleaning? I thought we were hunting vampires.”

“‘House cleaning’ is a euphemism for killing vampires in their lairs—or in this town, their vacation homes,” I tell her. “Vampires are less powerful during the day and easier to dispatch. How big of a list do we have?” I ask my parents.

Dad walks over to the van and opens the driver’s door. He leans in and pulls out a folder. He opens it as he comes back our way. “We have ten houses identified for possible cleaning.”

“We’ll definitely have to split up because the Harkers are
sharing
the job with us,” Mom says, not bothering to hide the disgust in her voice.

My mouth drops open again. “No way! We’re sharing the job? How does that even work?”

Mom scowls. “We’ve agreed to forgo our usual fee. Instead, we’ll get paid for each vampire killed. If the
Harkers beat us to the punch, we’re out of luck. But there are three of us and only two of them.”

Kiki raises her hand. “Four!”

“You’ll be in training,” I say without enthusiasm. “So that still counts as three.”

“We’ve also agreed to take a pay cut for every witness, but there is a five-thousand-dollar bonus for whichever ‘team’ can get a definitive answer as to why the influx of vampires has coincided with whatever is preying on the kids.”

“What’s wrong with praying for kids?” Kiki asks.

“
Preying on
—as in hunting,” I say. “Something is sending kids to the hospital and it started around the same time the vamps arrived.”

“We’re staying at the Water’s Edge Economy Lodge on West Side Road,” Mom continues. “We have only one vehicle so you’ll have to use your own transportation—is that a problem, Ms. Crusher?”

Kiki frowns, no doubt still thinking about the early morning wake-up call she’ll need. “No, Sam can drive me. I kind of lost my license—but I was only over the limit by like a fraction of a point. There was also the underage thing.” She shrugs and I can’t believe she’s telling us she has a DWI on her record.

“Are you ready, Miss?” Agent Brennan asks her.

She nods and he leads her to her car. He opens the door for her and she turns to wave to me. “See you tomorrow.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Bright and early.”

As the pink car backs out of the alley I shake my head. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

The hotel sign is glowing in the dark ahead and I wish Dad would drive faster. I can’t wait to get in my own room and be alone.

Agent Sloan phoned to warn me that I better do a good job so Kiki doesn’t call up that “team of lawyers” and have them figure out a way to null and void the contract she’d signed.

Why couldn’t the police have just awarded this gig to the Harkers? I still can’t believe my parents agree to share the job. I know the van needs a new muffler, but still.

“How am I supposed to hunt when I have that girl with me?” I lament. “And what if she gets bitten or something?”

Mom turns around to face me. “You’re hunting during the day when the vampires are almost powerless.”

“I guess, but what if she wants to go on night patrol with me?”