Slave to Love (31 page)

Looking into the fire, I am haunted by Noel’s story, and the insight into Hale and what drives him. I feel like tonight I learned the key to this man and I haven’t even begun to process it yet.

Maggie. The woman I look like. Noel’s love. Hale’s, too. She drowns and Hale can’t save her. I drown and he saves me. And I leave him. This is just too much to grasp.

At 12:45 A.M. I can’t take it any longer. I’m stalking my living room, a cat ready to jump out of her own skin.

Where are you?
I text Monica.
Why haven’t I heard from you guys?

Five minutes passes and I’m almost dozing on the couch when my phone buzzes.

We had to save him from the evil Robyn

Hale?

Yes Hale

Maybe he liked it and didn’t want to be saved

No, he loves you

How do you know that?

He told us

He told you?

Yes. We escaped with him

Escaped to where?

His suite. He loves you. He wants you to have his babies.

Was he drunk?

Maybe. But he wants you to have his babies. Four of them.

Tell him to get a surrogate. LOL.

Ha-ha. No shit. He wants three boys and a girl.

Well you can’t always get what you want. Call me.

I can’t.

Why not?

I’ll wake everyone.

Huh?

We all passed out in Hale’s suite. Beverly and I are in the second bedroom.

Where is he?

Hold on, I’ll go check.

Chuckling, I’m picturing Monica tiptoeing through some lavish suite to sneak up on Hale.

My phone dings and there is a picture of Hale, flat on his back, passed out, still wearing his suit.

That is hysterical. How much did you guys drink?

A lot. We came up here to escape everyone and talk and he played bartender. I think he thought getting us drunk he’d get more info out of us. But I think we got more from him.

That he wants someone to birth him four babies?

No. He only wants you to birth them. He feels bad about not making you his number one priority and he wants a chance to do better and take care of you.

I don’t need taking care of.

He’s well aware of that, but he loves you and said he’s learned from his mistake. He wants you back.

When I don’t answer, Monica texts again.

He can’t get over you, Sierra. Sound like anybody we know?

I want to answer, but I can’t. I’m too busy sitting there staring at the photo of him passed out in his suit.

Whether it’s the effects of the wine, Noel’s revelations to me, or hearing that Hale wants me to be the mother of his children, I suddenly need air. With the phone still in my hand showing his picture, I open the back door off my kitchen. Letting the cold air wash over me feels good at first, until the tears begin sending streams of salty water into my mouth and down the side of my neck.

What I had expected from this night, just to get some stories from the awards ceremony and gossip about Hale, was far from what the evening delivered to me. A story of two brothers having their lives destroyed as teens, a man trying to save the world to make up for one falsely perceived failure, my own brush with death and the heroic attempt to make sure history didn’t repeat itself. And another person out there who just can’t walk away from things, can’t let it go.

My stupid heart knows that sentiment too well. My OCD brain has been in cahoots with my heart as I’ve obsessively carried him and the pain around with me.

But I don’t want the pain anymore. I just want him.

Forgiveness sometimes doesn’t come easy. At least not for me. But if he has learned from his mistakes and is willing to change, the compromise of a relationship means forgiving and trying to move forward together.

All the information that has bombarded me tonight has weaved an interesting and unexpected tale, one that in some cases ended in devastation claiming pieces of multiple victims. Yet, I was one of the lucky ones. My body may not have been responsive on its own, my heart may have felt bruised and battered at times these past few months, but I was truly a fortunate one.

I was given a second chance.

Hale Lundström gave me a second chance. And I took his away.

Shaking my head in the cold air I finally understand why things have happened the way they happened.

And now it is time for me to give a second chance.

Dear Mr. Lundström:

I am not certain as to what openings are currently available in your organization, but I am writing to you today to inquire if there is a job that potentially fits my skillset. It is my hope that should you not have anything currently available, that you will consider creating a position for me.

What I seek is a hybrid position of sorts:

From a corporate standpoint, I am interested in building a division that mirrors the spirit in which you originally conceived and built SpaceCloud. Although you have a robust new product development team, this new division I am proposing would be separate, established solely to incubate spin-off technology companies on the for-profit side, and to develop charitable organizations and foundations on the non-profit side that either utilize new technologies, fund entities in a pre-launch phase or help people and planet through the SpaceCloud umbrella.

As one of the foremost successful tech companies in the world, this would allow you, and your organization, to continue to enhance and give back via mentoring future technology leaders as you foster the entrepreneurial spirit and launch a diverse portfolio of organizations that will have greater success with the backing and expertise a SpaceCloud Incubator can offer.

The second aspect I seek of this hybrid post is for the position of love of your life. While I’ve only had limited experience in this role, I know that I possess all the attributes to achieve extraordinary success in making you happy. My passion, commitment and focus are second to none. Being responsible for putting a smile on your face brings me a happiness I never knew existed, and losing it, has made what I want and what I need a lot clearer. Actually, it turns out that what I want and what I need is the very same thing. You. I just want you. I only need you.

The reality is, without you, I feel as if half of me has been lost. And it is a half that was missing for a very, very long time. I just didn’t know that, until I found you. I know I can search this world a million times over, and if I don’t find my way back to you, Hale, I will never be whole again.

Clearly, this is not the most conventional cover letter you’ve ever received, but then there’s been nothing conventional between us since the night we met. I’m totally serious about both parts of this position and I hope you’ll consider creating a special role for me where I will be able to share in every aspect of your life.

Very sincerely and lovingly yours,

Sierra Stone

I know I could send this via email and he’d be reading it in moments, but there is something about an actual letter on your desk that takes it to another level and shows how serious you are. The outside of the envelope reads, Mr. Hale Lundström, Personal & Confidential.

Riding the elevator up to his Austin office is certainly a déjà vu experience, but when I enter the SpaceCloud reception area, I don’t recognize the young woman behind the desk and she has no idea who I am.

“Hi. How are you today?” I give her a bright smile. “Mr. Lundström asked me to have you place this on his desk.” It wasn’t the truth, but I didn’t want to get into a “who shall I tell him this is from” conversation.

Quickly, I thank her and leave the office. I have no idea when he will be returning to Austin and will actually get my letter. I try and tell myself what will be, will be. But I know I’ll be on edge wondering. And hoping.

I haven’t heard anything back
I text Beverly and Monica.

It’s been two days.

He could be in New York and hasn’t even seen the letter. That was a dumb thing to do.

It was a stressful thing to do, but not dumb. I hope he loves it when he gets a letter from me.

He will. He’s going to be so happy you reached out to him.

He’d better be or I’m going to be devastated.

Don’t worry. The letter will make his day.

By day four I’m feeling like an idiot. Maybe he was just telling the girls that stuff just to fuck with me so I’d do something dumb like this. I push that thought from my mind. I haven’t slept in four days because I check my email and text messages every hour throughout the night and that is seriously clouding my thoughts and making me think stupid things. I’ve decided to give it one more week and then shoot an email or a text asking if he’s received it. But for now, I need to let it go and accept the possibility that I need to let him go. Cleanse my heart.

Late morning on day five and my phone rings.

“Sierra Stone,” I answer.

“Hi Sierra, my name is Ellie Connor, I’m with SpaceCloud.”

“Hi Ellie, how are you today?” Zero to sixty in 1.2 seconds. My heart sounds like the motor on Hale’s Lotus.

“Mr. Lundström would like to set up a meeting with you.”

“Okay.”

“Are you available tomorrow afternoon at 3:30?”

“Yes. I can be available. Would he like to meet at the office?”

“I believe so. He didn’t indicate differently.”

“Great. I’ll be there tomorrow at 3:30.”

Looking at my calendar, my afternoon today is free, which is absolutely perfect. I want to feel good when I see him, and I want to look good, too.

“Ginny, I know it’s last minute, but can you squeeze me in for highlights this afternoon?

My hairdresser informs me that she just had a cancellation, and I think, this is no coincidence, this is a sign. The universe is helping me, so that when he sees me, he’ll realize just how much he’s missed me.

Walking away from him, although I had my reasons, is something I’ve now learned I can’t do. Not unless there are no other options and I’ve attempted all forms of communication.

Surprisingly, I sleep that night. Either exhaustion from the nights prior has finally won out or just knowing that either way, limbo ends tomorrow. We will either be together or not, but we will have decided it. Together.

As it is a business meeting and I’ve applied for a ‘job’, I look through my suits, which I have not worn in months. I finally settle on a black and white color block suit, a white silk tank, and a gifted pair of black Louboutins. Going to my jewelry box, I pick up the mermaid and realize I don’t have a chain for her. Ugh. I really wanted to wear that to complete my outfit, to let him know just how I feel and in some odd way I kept thinking she would bring me good luck. Turning her over in my fingers, I slip her into the pocket of my suit jacket. She’ll be nearby.

The man who I thought was a huge douche, who ignored me and acted inappropriately,
this
is the man my heart can’t get over. Laughing out loud, “Lord, help me.”

Walking into SpaceCloud’s reception area, I wonder if I will see anyone who knows me, but it is only the girl behind the desk and I am a complete stranger to her.