Slave to Love (26 page)

“What are you doing working? I thought you’d take a few days off. At least take the week.” Kemp’s call is in response to my latest email.

“Ugh. You know me, I can’t sit still. I’ve been taking it easy, reading and watching TV for the last four days. Relaxation is definitely overrated.”

“I’m really glad you are okay, Sierra. What’s with you Texans and these western-style shoot-outs?” he kids.

“Kemp, this was more like streets of Baghdad-style. It was crazy and truly horrifying.” Sitting up in Hale’s bed, I look out at the clear blue sky over the western hills, truly grateful to be here, enjoying another day in this world.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Sierra. I put you on this project because Lundström asked and if anything had happened to you…”

“I’d be haunting your ass,” I laugh.

“That is one of my big fears anyway.” There’s something in his voice when he says that.

“Why Kemp?” Fifteen hundred miles apart and I can feel the air between us get heavy.

“This really isn’t a good time to tell you. With what you’ve been through and all.”

My stomach knots. I obviously know what’s coming before it’s out of his mouth.

He starts, “It’s been no secret that Bob Mannon is going to be moving into an advisory capacity. And I’m moving into his role.”

I don’t even let him finish. “What was the reason behind your decision?” I’m not letting the punchline come out of his mouth.

“You’re both so qualified. It was very tough. Right now her numbers are better than yours.”

“Seriously, Kemp,” there’s venom in my voice. “My team has outperformed hers for several years. Not months. Years. And, as we all know, her team’s numbers are driven by SpaceCloud revenue, which that team did not sell. It was handed to them on a silver platter. Additional sales were not made by them either, that happened in the freaking Polo Lounge in LA.” I’m physically shaking, I’m so angry. “So numbers are a bullshit reason. You need to do better than that.”

“She also had a backfill, Sierra, ready to step into her role immediately.” I can hear the defensive tone in his voice.

“Who?” I have no clue who the fuck he is talking about.

“Robyn.” As if I should know.

“Robyn?” Pussy-baring selfie queen, Robyn, has been promoted to my counterpart? Am I seriously hearing this?

“So, I’m going to be reporting into Susan with her protégé, Robyn, as my counterpart?” I need clarification of the obvious because this is turning into the gateway to insanity.

This is how good performance is rewarded?

“I know there’s the potential for you to leave under this scenario.”

“You think?”

“Sierra…”

“Kemp, do not go into the valued employee shit with me right now. My team has led the way for years and represented this company with the highest integrity and what? What does it tell me? Bungalow fucking four was my only option for advancement? That is disgusting.”

“That is not at all the message. I know this is very emotional for you.”

“Don’t you dare go down the emotional road with me.” I am so angry that my muscles, head to toe, are literally spasming.

“You know I don’t want to lose you. You are one of the best employees I’ve ever had,” his voice is calmer now. Now that the bombshell has been dropped. “But if you do decide to leave, you’ll be unemployed for under five minutes with probably more chance for growth than you’ll ever get in this organization.”

“What are you talking about?” He’s already got me out the door.

“SpaceCloud. It’s no secret that Hale’s board and investors have been pressuring him to bring in women at the senior management level since he’s got such a gender inequity on his staff. He’s ready for you the minute you tell me to take a hike.”

“What do you mean he’s ready for me?”

“He’s prepared to offer you a job,” Kemp clarifies.

“Hale Lundström knows I didn’t get the promotion?” All the air has been knocked out of me. Sucker punched.

Kemp is silent and I want to make sure I’m reading this one hundred percent correctly and not misinterpreting anything so that I don’t go accusing someone of something that is not true.

“Kemp, Hale knew?”

“Yes. And I thought it was good that he had an option waiting for you,” he defends.

“Oh you did, huh?” This is way too much for me to process. Hale fucking knew. He never said a word to me. He honored Kemp’s confidentiality at my expense, while he was fucking me. Bros before Hos. Isn’t that the saying?

“You didn’t think it was inappropriate that a client knew I wasn’t being promoted before the employee herself knew it?”

“Sierra, it just came up organically in a conversation about how competent you are in all facets of the business and Hale’s need for someone like you to round out his organization.”

That’s all I ever was? Someone to round-out his organization? The employee who said, “No” to the almighty tech god, Hale Lundström, making him even more determined to bed me.

“How long ago did this conversation take place?”

“Several weeks ago,” he admits.

“So, both you and Hale have known for several weeks that Susan was going to be offered your position and that Robyn would be my counterpart?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.” I can hear the annoyance in his voice. He’s annoyed with me? He’s testy because he has to have this conversation with me? Seriously?

And that’s it.
That
is the end of my rope.

“Okay, great. Well you won’t need to say it again. I’m done, Kemp. I’ve worked my ass off and done everything the right way, with integrity. I didn’t stab people in the back or use their shoulders as rungs on my personal ascension ladder, I didn’t blow anyone or spread my legs to secure my next role. I did everything honorably. But clearly this is not an organization that respects dignity. After nearly losing my life last week, for my job, I remind you, I am done giving. I am resigning, effective immediately. I’ll ship my laptop, printer and files to you within the next forty-eight hours.”

“Sierra, no one wants you to leave. I don’t want you to leave.”

“Yeah, Kemp, but you didn’t want me to stay.”

And with that, a very long chapter in my life is closed and a short segue grinds to an unforeseen halt.

She walks into my office
wearing my shirt, a tank top and her shorts, purple hospital socks on her feet. In her right hand is a Whole Foods reusable bag, filled with things.

Looking up, “Why didn’t you text me?” I go to rise from my chair and she motions with her hand for me to stop. “Sierra, what’s the matter?”

“What’s the matter is that you’ve been using me. Your board wants you to have a woman exec and I was, what? Auditioning?”

“Baby, that’s not…”

“Don’t you
baby
me, Hale.” The look on her face is terrifying.

“Sierra, calm down,” the minute it is out of my mouth I know that was a supreme mistake.

Pointing a finger at me, “Say that again and those will be the last two words you ever speak to me.”

And I know she’s not bluffing.

“I have not been using you.” I wonder what Kemp has said to her. They’ve obviously had a conversation.

“Bros before hos? Is that it? Keeping Kemp’s secret was more important than being honest with me?”

“It was not my place to tell you.”

“Wrong answer. You keep telling me that I need to trust you. You really think siding with him is going to build my trust?”

“I didn’t side with him, Sierra.”

“You kept it from me, Hale. Why, you didn’t want me to lose focus and bail before TFV1? You needed me to complete my task so why tell me the truth?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you. It was a funky situation and I didn’t want to risk anything for you.”

“Bullshit, Hale. There was nothing left to risk. I didn’t get the job. You knew that.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Change everything in my life, because none of it is working for me.”

“Did you quit?”

“Yes.”

“I couldn’t see you working for Susan.”

“It’s insulting to have Robyn as my counterpart.”

“She’s really quite bright.” Again, the minute that is out of my mouth I want to reach in the air and retrieve it.

“Don’t even…” She points at me. “Well I’m glad you enjoy her intellect, she can now spend as much time humping your leg as she’d like.”

“What does that mean?”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“You asked me what ‘I love you’ meant to me, well, what does it mean to you, Sierra?”

“I’ll tell you what it doesn’t mean, Hale. It doesn’t mean being lied to, deceived, used. It doesn’t mean putting your needs and other people’s needs in front of mine. Everything about your
love
for me was calculated and manipulated to fulfill your corporate and personal agenda and have total power over me,” she pauses. “I hate to break it to you, but that’s not love, Hale.”

“Sierra, yes I want you here at SpaceCloud, you are smart and competent and we work very well together. Having you on my team would be a huge asset. But that is not what this is about.”

“You knew what that promotion meant to me. But you kept his confidence. We became lovers and you were keeping secrets and telling me, trust me, trust me. How do I trust you, Hale? Truths are based on your agenda, not my welfare.”

She picks up the Whole Foods bag she’d set on the chair. “Please ship the rest of my stuff to me. Don’t bring it by. Don’t call. Don’t text. Do not do drive-bys of my house. I want you to disappear as if I’d never laid eyes on you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“If you think I don’t mean that, then you don’t know me at all.”

“You’re making a mistake, Sierra. Walking out without a job. Without me.”

“No mistake, Hale. I’m walking out with my dignity.”

And with that, Sierra Stone walked out of my life.

We were just beginning so I’d never even thought about what my world would be without her. She had been in my thoughts constantly from the night she walked into the St. Regis bar and ridding my mind of her was not going to be an easy feat. The months we’d spent making memories were the most real thing I’d had in my life since my time overseas. It was lucid, colorful, painful, exhilarating and wonderful. And it was gone.

The things that fulfilled me before Sierra, felt empty now. But I knew the emptiness was just me and in time, the memories wouldn’t be so painful. I needed time. I also knew that Austin was a small city and eventually our paths would cross. Or at least I hoped they would.

She was right. How do you trust a person who doesn’t put you and your needs first? My fuck-up was colossal. And self-serving on so many levels. But what I think hurt the most was that she really believed the whole thing was a scam and that I didn’t love her. Nothing could’ve been further from the truth.

Breathing life back into her after the flood jumpstarted my heart in a way she could never fathom. Had she died in my arms that day, I would not have been able to go on. Instead my breath became hers, as I breathed for her. I would have kept going for as long as I needed to had her body not responded. But it did. And in that moment, I exorcised a ghost.

Never, in a million years, would I have thought that within a week I would be so haunted again.

New York City and the SkyTrack at my health club, L9/NYC became my salvation. While running I would replay that last conversation over and over again. I should have pushed Kemp to tell her, not hold off to meet my needs. That was a douchebag move.

“Where’s the picture of your girlfriend?” Annette from accounting has wandered into my office.

“She dumped me back in the fall,” I confess.

“Now why would she do that, you’re so rich and handsome?”

I motion for her to take a seat.

“Because I was an asshole. I wasn’t looking out for what was best for her. I did what was best for me.”

“It sounds like you’ve learned your lesson. The holidays are coming up soon. Maybe she’s missing you as much as you are missing her.”

Laughing, “I doubt that.” I smile at Annette who is like a wonderful aunt, “What makes you think I miss her?”

“Not for nothing, Mr. L. but you’ve had a basset hound face for the last month or so whenever I’ve seen you. You get these sad, puppy dog eyes. And they are very sad right now. You’re still handsome,” she adds, “just sad.”