Slade's Secret Son (14 page)

“Yes, we should.” On the outside, she appeared and sounded like a woman confident in her mission. On the inside, doubts assailed her.

Letting Slade get Andy out of his car seat, she opened the trunk and lifted out one of the lighter suitcases. As they headed toward the house, she realized that the interior of the house was entirely dark. “You forget to pay your electricity bill?”

“I was tired when I got home. I lay down and fell asleep.”

She caught the slight hesitation in his voice and noted that he didn’t look at her when he spoke. He was lying. He’d been sitting there in the dark, brooding. She’d made the right decision. Whether he was willing to admit it or not, he did need her.

Andy was restless from long days of riding in the car. While Slade carried in the rest of the things she’d brought, she let her son toddle around the guest bedroom across from the master bedroom. This would be Andy’s room and she wanted him to get acquainted with it.

Slade carried in the Portacrib. “Guess this will have to do until we can get him a proper bed he won’t be able to fall out of,” he said. Then leaving Lisa to set it up, he returned to the car for another load.

Setting up the crib, Lisa noticed that Andy seemed totally at ease.

Slade returned with a couple of suitcases and a box of
toys. Setting the box of toys down, he said, “I’m assuming that I should put your things in the master bedroom.”

She looked up at him. His expression was shuttered. There was no way of knowing what he was thinking, but the hint of a question in his voice told her he was giving her a chance to state her boundaries. The thought that it might be prudent to remain apart from him for at least a while to see if this really was going to work crossed her mind. She tossed it out. She’d made her decision. “Yes. The blue suitcases are mine.”

Slade’s expression relaxed and with a nod of approval, he carried the two suitcases she’d indicated across the hall.

She frowned at his departing back. He’d wanted her in his bed but he hadn’t been going to push her into it. The barrier he was determined to keep between them was as strong as ever. The urge to change her mind and insist on sleeping in this room with her son swept over her. Again, her jaw firmed with purpose. She wanted to be with him. Maybe that was wanton and perhaps even stupid, but it felt like the right thing to do.

The worry that she was letting lust do her thinking for her taunted her. “So what if I am? If that’s all it is, then I’ll get it out of my system so I can get on with my life.”

“Mommy?”

She looked to her son to find him regarding her worriedly.

She smiled. “Just having a little argument with myself. It’s nothing for you to be concerned about,” she assured him.

He smiled back and toddled over to the box of toys and began to pull them out.

Lisa glanced toward the suitcases and decided that she was too tired to unpack tonight. Behind her, she heard
footfalls. They stopped at the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Slade lean against the jamb in a comfortable, relaxed pose. His presence felt like a warm cozy touch.

“Looks like Andy is settling in just fine,” he said.

She heard the pleasure in his voice. “Yes.”

Andy cocked his head, making a sort of lopsided inspection of Slade. “Da?”

Pride swelled within Slade. “Yes. Dad,” he confirmed, crossing the room and lifting the boy into the air. Then cradling Andy in his arm, his gaze swept the room, coming to rest on Lisa. “Tomorrow you can take my credit card and go purchase any furniture you need to make this room into a nursery.”

Lisa nodded her agreement, confessing to herself that she didn’t want to send for the furniture in Seattle. Although she kept assuring herself this was where she belonged, the desire to have a safety net lingered.

Slate took note of the fact that she didn’t mention sending for more of their things and realized that she wasn’t as committed to staying as she claimed. The thought that it might be best if she did leave again crossed his mind. It had a bitter taste. Having her and Andy here brought a warmth to this house it had lacked since Claudette’s death. But as for him needing her, he needed no one. However, he would enjoy her company while it lasted. “I have some leftovers Katrina left behind, or I can order take-out or we can go someplace for dinner.”

“Andy and I stopped and ate a couple of hours ago.” Lisa saw her son yawn widely. “I think it’s time I gave him his bath and put him to bed.”

Slade hovered in the background, finding towels and doing what he could to help while mentally he found
himself looking forward to going to a toy store and spoiling his son with gifts.

A short while later, Lisa sat sipping a cup of tea and watching Slade make himself a roast beef sandwich. To her surprise Andy had laid down in his bed and gone right to sleep, totally at ease in his new surroundings.

She, on the other hand, wasn’t. During the course of their affair, she and Slade had spent most of their intimate moments at her place. Here, she’d felt Claudette’s presence and had been uncomfortable.
If I’m going to make this work, I have to remember that she’s the ghost and I’m a real flesh-and-blood woman and Slade needs me
, she reminded herself curtly.

“I would have come and gotten you…shared in the driving,” Slade said, seating himself.

“I wanted to see your reaction when I showed up,” she answered honestly. She had told herself to not expect too much from him, but deep down inside she wished for some sign that she really had made the right decision.

Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his. “I have missed you.”

She read the friendship on his face. She was also aware that the barrier keeping his feelings from going any deeper was there, as well. “I missed you, too.”

Slade relaxed. She was willing to accept their relationship on his terms. His appetite, which had been slack these past days, returned full-force and he ate.

Lisa recognized the signs of a male content in his confidence that he was in control of his world.
Overconfidence comes before a fall
, she told herself encouragingly. “It’s been a long day, I’m going to go take a shower and get ready for bed.”

Slade caught the small, quirky half smile she tossed
his way and recognized it as an invitation. He wolfed down the rest of his dinner, then headed to the bedroom. The water in the master bath was running. Shedding his clothes, he went in and climbed into the shower with her. “Thought you might like someone to wash your back.”

Lisa’s body temperature rose at the sight of him. “That would be nice.” As he began soaping her, she had to fight to keep herself from purring. His touch was delicious.

Slade had to admit that everything about this moment felt right.

They washed each other, caressing and playfully tickling, then toweled each other dry.

As they left the bathroom and entered the bedroom, Lisa turned her full attention for a moment to the baby monitor and listened.

Slade noticed the sudden loss of her attention and smiled. “I peeked in on Andy before I came in here. He was sleeping peacefully.”

Lisa smiled back as he scooped her up in his arms and carried her the rest of the way to the bed.

His caresses and kisses awakened her body to new heights and she could only think about how naturally they fit together when he took possession.

As they moved in the age-old rhythm of union, Slade again found himself thinking that Lisa suited him physically in every way. It was as if their bodies had been made for one another. Then all thought vanished as they reached the summit together and allowed themselves to be lost in the erotic pleasure of the moment.

L
isa sat on the back porch watching Slade play with Andy. It was a lazy Saturday nearly two months since she and Andy had arrived here. It was clear the bond between the males was steadfastly strong. And she knew Slade cared for her, but she was also aware that he never allowed that caring to go beyond a designated point.

“No marriage is perfect,” she murmured out loud. She and Slade truly liked each other. When he came home from a hard day, he talked to her. They communicated about everything…well not everything. She never mentioned Claudette or her frustration that the woman’s presence continued to linger in this house. There had been several times when she’d wanted to ask him if they could sell this place, but she knew that moving wouldn’t solve the problem. He took Claudette with him wherever he went.

A sense of futility swept through her and she wondered if she could really live with Claudette’s ghost for the rest
of her life. She’d thought she could. The problem was that she loved Slade with all her heart. Silently she cursed the catch-22 she found herself in. Because she loved him, she couldn’t leave him. He needed her to look after him, to see that he ate properly, to be his friend so that he would not be alone. But it was that same love that tormented her because she wanted him to love her back.

“Hey, I need help to escape,” Slade called to her, playfully pretending that Andy had him penned down. Immediately, she shoved the disquieting thoughts from her mind and joined them.

All three tumbled around in the grass, laughing and tickling each other. Then Slade suddenly kissed her on the nose and the look in his eyes took her breath away. She knew he was seeing only her and there was love there. Joy raced through her.

The next morning she hummed as she fixed breakfast. She had made the right decision, after all. Smiling contentedly, she went looking for Slade to tell him that his meal was ready.

She found him in his study, standing at his desk with his back to the door. In front of him she could see an ornately carved wooden box. His concentration on its contents was so intense, he didn’t even realize she’d entered.

Stopping a couple of paces behind him, she watched as he picked up a photograph and stared at it for a long moment. From where she stood, she could not make out the faces, but the photo was of a couple in wedding garb and she knew without any doubt that it was Slade and Claudette. Reaching back into the box, he picked up a small gold band. Lisa’s gaze went to the other contents
of the box. It was filled with memorabilia…letters, photos, a couple of pieces of women’s jewelry. And she had no doubt they were all reminders of Claudette.

Tears of frustration filled her eyes. He had let down his shield for a moment, but now he was rebuilding it as strongly as ever. She would never win. Quietly, to not let him know she’d observed him, she went to get Andy and took him into the kitchen. The pain she was feeling was more intense than any she’d experienced before.

“I was stupid to come back. I knew this would happen and it will keep happening and each time it will feel worse until I go numb,” she told her son, knowing he didn’t understand what she was saying, but needing to speak the words out loud. “I know you’ve grown very attached to your father and I’ll see that you get to see him as often as possible, but I can’t live my life in the shadow of a ghost.”

Andy looked up at her questioningly. “Gho-ost?”

“That’s just a figure of speech. Ghosts don’t really exist,” she assured him. But even as she said this, she found herself thinking that for Slade, Claudette’s ghost was as real as the kitchen table in front of her or the chair Andy was sitting in.

Going about the business of seeing that Andy ate, she began to mentally prepare herself for telling Slade she was going back to Seattle.
First and foremost
, she ordered herself,
you will not spill one little tear in front of him
. Having cemented that thought in her mind, she practiced telling him that she didn’t feel the marriage was working.

“I don’t have time for breakfast this morning.” Slade’s voice broke into her thoughts. “I’ve got some
errands to run, but I’ll be back soon. I’m taking the day off.”

Startled to hear him so close, she turned just in time for him to plant a kiss on her nose. Before she could breathe a word, he’d crossed to Andy, given the boy’s hair a tussle, and added, “You be a good boy for your mother.”

In the next instant he was gone.

Lisa frowned at his departing back. He was a man content with his world while hers lay crumbled in ruins around her.

She was halfway through gathering Andy’s things together when Slade returned. “What’s going on?” he demanded.

“I cannot live in Claudette’s shadow,” she said. “I thought I could, but I can’t.”

“I am no longer haunted by her.”

She straightened to her full height and glared at him. He looked sincere, but she wasn’t buying it. “Don’t lie to me, Slade Logan. I saw you in your study with your treasure box of mementos this morning.”

“Mo-ommy. Da-addy.” Andy looked from one to the other, a stricken expression on his face.

“It’s all right, son.” Slade scooped the boy up into his arms. “Your mother and I just have a little something to settle. Don’t you worry. Everything is going to be just fine.” Looking to Lisa, he said, “When you saw me this morning I was saying goodbye. I put the box in a chest in the attic where the rest of Claudette’s things are. And one of the errands I just ran was a visit her grave to say farewell. She’ll always be a part of my life…a part of my past. But you and Andy are my present, my future.”

Lisa wanted to trust him, but she would not allow herself
to be his fool. “I don’t believe you. You put the box away because you were afraid I might touch it and taint it. And you’re only saying that you’ve put Claudette behind you because you want Andy to be an everyday part of your life.”

“You’re wrong.” Taking her by the hand, he pulled her along with him and Andy out of the house.

“We’re not going anyplace with you,” she protested. “We’re going back to Seattle.”

“I know I’ve been difficult, stubborn, hardheaded and all the rest. But I love you.”

Lisa nearly stumbled over her own feet. She couldn’t believe those words had come out of his mouth. She’d never known him to lie, but she still had her doubts. “You love me?”

“I have for a long time. It just took me this long to admit it to myself.” They were at his truck now and he was buckling Andy into the safety seat.

Lisa stared at the back of his neck. “Look me in the eye and tell me again.”

Finished securing their son, Slade turned to her. “I love you.”

The heat in his eyes and the tenderness on his face took her breath away. But the joy that should have flowed through her was blocked by a dam of fear. He looked as if he was telling the truth and he sounded as if he was telling the truth, but she couldn’t get the image of him with his box of mementos out of her mind.

“Now, climb in. There’s something I need to do.”

Too numb to even speak, she did as she was ordered.

Slade drove to Boyd’s and Katrina’s place. “Katrina is going to watch Andy for us,” he said, climbing out and unfastening their son. “Today, he can’t go where
we’re going. I don’t want to have to worry about him. This is our time.”

Lisa watched from the truck while he carried Andy up to the door and handed him over to Katrina. Closing her eyes, she envisioned Slade telling her that he loved her. With every fiber of her being, she wanted to believe him. But the fear remained.

“So where are we going?” she asked when he returned.

“To a place between heaven and earth so that what I have to say to you can be witnessed by both.”

She stared at him. “That actually sounds romantic, even poetic.”

He grinned. “Didn’t think I had it in me, did you?”

“No,” she replied honestly.

His grin deepened.

Sitting back, Lisa studied his profile. There was purpose in the set of his jaw. Not knowing what to say, she rode in silence. After a while she realized they were heading in the direction of his mother’s ranch.

Entering the property, he didn’t stop at the house but continued past it to the open range beyond, finally parking at the base of a mesa. “This,” he said when he’d come around the cab and opened her door, “is my great-grandmother’s favorite spot. It is also where I come when I want to do some serious thinking.”

Lisa’s gaze took in the untamed land surrounding them. “It’s definitely isolated.”

Taking her by the hand, Slade led her to a narrow ledge that formed a path that wound upward, disappearing around the side of the mesa. Lisa’s gaze traveled from it to the summit and she frowned dubiously. “That’s quite a fall if we slip.”

“Trust me.”

She met his gaze. “I want to.”

“You can.”

The sincerity on his face sent a warmth spreading through her. If what he was saying was true, she would gladly follow him through hell and back. Nodding, she allowed him to lead the way.

To her relief, when they reached the part of the path she had not been able to see from below, it cut into the mesa so that they were walled in on both sides, preventing them from falling off the side. Reaching the summit, Slade led her to the middle of the rocky surface.

“This time, I’m doing it right,” he said, extracting two rings from his pocket. “This had better fit,” he added. “I got the size from one of the rings in your jewelry box and had a friend make these for us.”

Lisa could barely breathe as he took her hand in his.

“Pledging my love to you, with this ring I thee wed,” he said, slipping it onto her finger.

Lisa stared down at the white and yellow gold band, the two metals worked into an intertwining pattern. The dam holding her joy back burst and tears of happiness began to run down her cheeks.

Slade held the second ring out to her. “I know how difficult I’ve been. But I’m hoping you feel the same about me as I do about you. If not, I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to win your love.”

“You have been more than difficult. But, as hard as I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to stop loving you.” Taking the ring from him, she slipped it onto his finger. “With all my heart, I pledge myself to you.”

Slade laughed with happiness and, scooping her up into his arms, he kissed her. Clinging to him, Lisa began
to giggle even while their lips were still pressed together. Never had she felt such happiness or such a sense of oneness with him. Or aloneness…just the two of them together in a world all their own and just as he had promised…someplace between heaven and earth so that both could witness their love.