Sinners 01 - Branded (23 page)

“Your face is beautiful—”

“What?”

“Has healed beautifully. Geez, I can’t even finish a sentence.” He slides a sideways
grin at me, his eyes sparkling in mischief.

I’m not sure if he’s teasing me or not, but his comment makes me blush, and I refuse
to look up from my plate.

“Well, that’s good to know. I haven’t checked, too afraid to see my reflection,” I
mumble, placing the last bite into my mouth. It’s so uncomfortable to eat while he
stares. “This definitely hit the spot. Thank you.”

I put my fork on my plate and sit back for a minute, soaking in his face. He’s not
smiling anymore like I thought he would be. Instead, he looks pained. His eyes are
distant, his lips pursed, as if seeing a mirage in the desert.

“Something wrong?” A familiar feeling grips me. It’s fear. It consumes me at times,
creeps up my throat, and constricts my airway. “Cole…”

He snaps to attention. “I have to tell you something.” He looks everywhere but at
me, avoiding my stare.

The walls start collapsing. I have to remind myself to breathe.
Inhale. Exhale.
“What? Tell me.”

“I got orders yesterday. I leave tomorrow.” My stomach drops. I’m about to interrupt
when he lifts his hand to stop me. “Don’t worry. Bruno will be with you while I’m
gone. The important part’s coming.” He pulls a crinkled piece of paper out of his
pocket. Despite the folds, I see a stamp embedded into it and a photograph. He slides
it across the table.

I crinkle my forehead, confused. On the paper is a written order to hunt down Keegan
Hamilton—
my brother
. The photograph is black and white, but it’s definitely him. He looks older, more
mature, and filled out.

“What are you telling me?”

“He’s gotten into some trouble with the commander. I don’t know exactly what he did,
but it’s bad. Real bad. Do you know anything about this?” Cole leans forward, pulling
the order back.

I’m shocked. “No, no. I know nothing. I haven’t seen him since he left us. Please
don’t bring him here. Cole, you can’t bring him to this terrible place.”

Cole drops the hand with the orders in it and looks me in the eyes. “Lexi, he’s already
here.” I can hear the conflict in his voice, like he didn’t want to break this news
to me.

“How can he possibly be here?” I start to panic.
Keegan’s been here all along?
The weight of the situation dawns on me like an anvil attached to my beating heart.
“I don’t care what’s he’s done. He’s still my brother! Where is he? I have to see
him.” I’m shaking with anger and disbelief. “Does he know I’m here? Why didn’t he
come see me?” I stand up, nearly pushing the table over. A million thoughts trample
through my brain.

He shrugs his shoulders. “I have no idea if he’s aware you’re here.” He stands and
takes a step toward me. “I don’t know what to do.”

“What are you saying?”

Cole’s calm voice can’t conceal the panic within his eyes. “We’ve been ordered to
take him to the commander.”

I step back. Searing emotional pain darts from my throat to my chest and into my soul.
Everything blurs. I put my hand against the wall to hold myself up.

“Don’t you dare, I’ll hate you—I’ll never forgive you if you hurt him.” My insides
scream as his eyes plead with me to give him a solution.

“Then please tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do because I don’t know. I have
orders that I have to follow. If I follow them, I’ll lose you. If I don’t, I’ll be
executed and then you’ll lose me. Either way, I’m screwed and so are you. Damn it,
you’ve complicated everything.” His voice is anguished.

“How can you say that?”

He collapses into the chair. “I never planned on falling for you. You were just an
assignment. But it just sort of happened and now look where I am. Stuck between two
walls that won’t budge either way. I’m trapped by you and my obligations as a guard.”

“Wait a minute. When you say you’ve fallen for me, do you mean—”

“You’re all I think about. My mind is constantly consumed by you and it scares the
crap out of me.”

“No! No, you can’t! It’s forbidden. They’ll kill you!”

“Don’t you think I know that? I didn’t choose this. I didn’t mean for this to happen—it
just did.” He blows out a hard breath and seems to steady himself before continuing.
“Everything about you sucks me in. No matter how hard I try to hate you or be disgusted,
the opposite happens. You’re like my magnet. You pull me in, but when I get too close,
it takes everything I have to remain at a safe distance.”

“You can’t. It doesn’t matter how we feel about each other. Nothing can happen. Ever!”

He rises from his seat, his eyes boring into mine. A softness overtakes his face.
“So you feel something for me?” He pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around
me.

“Of course I do. But it doesn’t matter. None of this matters. Nothing can ever happen.”

“They won’t know. If we keep it between these four walls, how would they ever figure
it out?”

“By the way we look at each other, our body language. There are so many signals we
could give away, and that’s it. That’s all it takes, one little mistake and then we’re—”

“I need you,” he says.

“You don’t need me.” I breathe him in and my heart starts to flutter. “There’s nothing
I can do to change who I am, what I’ve been labeled.”

“You’re amazing just the way you are. There’s not a single thing I would change about
you. When you smile my entire world stops. All I see is you. I need you.”

My head shakes back and forth, willing his words away. If he keeps this up, I don’t
know if my promise to Sutton will stick. “No, you don’t. You have to stop.”

“I wish I knew how.” His arms break away from me, and he steps back. “You’re the last
person I ever wanted to fall for.”

His words ignite a switch I never knew existed. The words sting. A minute before,
he said he needed me. Now, he tells me how I was the last person he would ever choose
for himself. He’s ashamed of his feelings for me. Before I can stop myself, my emotions
take control.

“Well, why don’t you say how you really feel? Huh? That being assigned to me was the
worst thing that ever happened to you. I’ve ruined your life. But you know what? It’s
not my fault. You can’t blame me because you can’t be like all the other mindless
guards who have no attachments beyond themselves.” I spit in anger. “Why can’t you
be numb?” My mind wanders back to the thought of Cole hunting my brother and it’s
too much for me to bear. I fall to my knees, banging my fists on the floor, my breath
coming in rasps as the pain crushes my chest.

“Stop it. Please stop.” He pleads as he kneels down to put his arm around me.

Sutton’s words come back to haunt me, and now I know exactly what he meant.
Difficult decision—choosing sides, now I understand.
It’s as if he knew this was coming.

“Why would you do this? I can’t believe you’d make me dinner and then spring this
on me. How’d you think I’d react?” I stand back, pushing his arms off me, and face
him with my arms folded across my chest. Zeus comes to my side, sensing the tension.

“I was scared to tell you. It’s been tearing me up inside, believe me.” He steps toward
me, but I move back and Zeus growls. Cole raises his hands in innocence. “Look, you
need to trust me.”

“Trust you? Seriously? After what just happened you want me to trust you?”

“Then we can’t be together. Without trust it would never work.”

“It’s never going to work. It can’t!” I throw my hands in the air. “And you’re going
after my brother!”

“Come on, now you’re being unfair. Please tell me that you know me better than that.
I mean, you get upset with me for being, what, honest? Yet you can’t be honest with
me. I would never judge what happened to you. All I ever wanted was to help you heal.
I’m here to hold you if you have to break down, be vulnerable, and I’m here to help
build you back up. But trust goes two ways. If there’s no trust, there’s no us. I
can’t do this without you.”

Us.
His words freeze me in place. He steps away and starts shoving his clothes into his
duffel bag. I watch in silence while Zeus whines. “I don’t understand what you’re
saying…”

“I care about you, and I know you feel something for me. Damn it, I risk my life every
day for you and I never once second-guessed it. But I need you to open up to me or
I can’t keep doing this. With everything we’ve been through, you should at least trust
me enough to let me in. Trust is the basis for a relationship, you know.” He’s finished.

“What on Earth are you talking about? We’re not allowed to be together even if we
both want it.” Tears leak from my eyes with a fury as I stand and watch him pack his
things. Did he say he wanted to be together? Did he say
relationship
? Does he think I’m his girlfriend?
I can’t.

Everyone’s keeping secrets from me, breaking me into pieces.

He doesn’t even bother folding his stuff, just throws it in. When he finishes, he
drags my old mattress into the other room and stays there.

I want to climb into his arms and plead with him to lie next to me. But I can’t. I
won’t let him die because of my own selfish desires. Then my thoughts wander back
to Keegan and I cringe.

Zeus puts his paw on the bed and I allow him to be my comfort for now. I lie on Cole’s
bed, my face buried in the pillow, as he jumps up beside me. I rub his ears and cry.
Nightmares easily overtake me.

Wilson and my stepfather, wearing twin, sadistic expressions, stand on the podium
in front of the hospital.

“Come on up. We won’t hurt you. We swear.”

Like a lamb to the slaughter, my legs lead me up the rough, wooden stairs onto the
stage. The whole world watches, and a spotlight rests upon my face, burning my eyes
with its excruciating white light.

Cole stands with his hands tied behind him, and on the other side stands Keegan, also
bound. Except Keegan looks like the boy I knew as a child. He’s ten again, with wavy
brown hair and a knack for getting into trouble.

“Choose,” Wilson says, shoving me forward.

I fall onto my knees, prostrate before them. “I can’t. I don’t understand…”

A hand smashes across my face, sprawling me out and sending pain throughout my body.
My vision blurs and I see double of my stepfather standing over me.

A chilling smile precedes his words. “Choose who dies. Or we kill them both.”

My eyes wander to Cole, standing with bound hands and pleading eyes. And then they
hold the image of ten-year-old Keegan close. The past or the future… What to do when
I love both?

Wilson moves toward Keegan and whips back his head, forcing a scream from his throat.

“You always were a weakling.” My stepfather nods at Wilson, who promptly slices Keegan’s
neck. His head falls forward in an awkward motion as the scarlet blood soaks through
his dirty blue T-shirt.

I scream.

The siren mixes with my silent scream as I wake in a sweaty panic. My shirt and pants
stick to my body as I gasp for air. The dream was so real.

Checking my old room, I see Cole’s asleep. I very slowly grab a pen and a piece of
paper. Then I sit at the table and write. When I’m finished, I fold the paper in half
and tuck it down into his bag. I climb back into bed quietly just as the sun starts
to rise.

He walks down the hallway between our rooms and gets ready to leave. I peek between
my eyelids and see him in his dress uniform looking handsome and crisp. His face tells
another story though. He looks pained, his eyes anguished with the decision he has
to make. The next moment, he kisses my forehead, pulling wisps of hair away from my
face, and he’s gone.

The world seems black and food tastes like cardboard. It should make me feel better
that he was honest, but instead, it confuses me more. He really doesn’t want me hurt.
Well, this hurt. It hurts like hell, and I can’t smother the fire. He was trying to
do the right thing, right? Then why am I more depressed than I’ve ever been in my
eighteen years? I need Cole. I miss him. I miss Zeus. I miss us.

Bruno shows up to do some more training before work, and I go through with it, but
I’m lifeless and possess no fire.

“I think it’s time we call it quits,” he says while unwrapping his hands. “Are you
okay?”

I don’t feel like answering. I pick myself off the floor and grumble while heading
to the bathroom to shower. I barely have the strength to stand there and let the water
wash over me. Nothing brings me joy, pleasure, or even a hint of reprieve. All I can
think about is our argument and his words—his words that stung like flaming darts
aimed directly at my heart. I can only imagine what he’ll think when he reads my letter,
if he reads it at all.

I step out of the shower, towel off, and put on the same beat-up pair of scrubs. They
smell of body odor and sweat.
But there’s no reason to be self-conscious now that he’s gone.
And to make matters worse, I might lose my brother before I even get to see him again.

Just as I slide my feet into my tattered slippers, the siren blares like an evil witch
waiting to ambush me. The thought of going back to work makes me want to hurl.

Bruno bursts into my room, panting and shoving his guns into his holsters. “We’ve
gotta run. Now!” He slides his key and opens my door into the hallway.

After a moment of confusion, I follow him.

“There’s no time to explain… I’ve been called out and the building’s being evacuated.”

As if proving his point, a group of people push past me, shoving me into the cement
wall. Bruno wraps his thick hand around my bicep and drags me along behind him. My
feet barely touch the floor as he rips me through the crowd, weaving this way and
that. When we reach the last floor, I feel the building shudder violently.