Shrinking Violet (Colors #2) (9 page)

“Carson.” I felt Navie’s hand come up and rest on my back. “I tried pulling that earlier tonight, remember? You didn’t let me get away with it, and I’m not going to let you, either.”

My back rose as I inhaled deeply before letting it out. I spoke softly, “She doesn’t want me.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I…” I paused, pressing the balls of my hands against my eyes. “I made a move. I thought…Christ,” I huffed. “I totally fucked up. I thought she was interested in me, too. I put myself out there, and she shot me down.”

“Oh, Carson…please don’t tell me you treated her like all your other skanky one-night stands.”

“What? No! Of course not. She was…she was different. I was so stupid. I can’t believe I thought she felt the same way.” I grabbed my hair with both hands and began pacing, the frustration building back up inside me.

“Well, what exactly did she say?”

I stopped and threw my hands out. “What’s it matter what she said? She doesn’t want me! End of story.”

I knew taking my pain and anger out on Navie was unfair, but it had just been so long since I opened myself up enough to care about someone. No matter how many times I’d felt that crushing disappointment in my life, it was never something I grew used to.

Navie stepped into my space, placing her hands on my arms. “It matters, Carson. Tell me what she said.”

I paused and pulled in a deep breath. “She said it wasn’t me, that she just couldn’t. She told me she wanted to be my friend,” I scoffed.

“Well, that’s something, right? I mean, if she didn’t care for you at all, why would she want to be your friend?”

A bark of humorless laughter burst forth. “Oh, come on, Nav. She was letting me down easy. It was a typical blow-off.”

“Not necessarily! You said she had a kid, right? What if…what if something happened in her past, huh? What if she’s just protecting herself and her kid? I know you don’t want to hear it, Carson, but you’re different when you talk about her. You’re…lighter. I’m not stupid. I know you have tons of women—”

“Jesus, Navie. Not
tons
,” I defended.

“Whatever,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “You know what I mean. You’re definitely not lacking for female company, is that better?” she asked sarcastically.

A smirk tugged at the corner of my lips. “A little.”

“
Anyway
.” She laughed. “You’ve never come home excited about another woman before. You’ve never
talked
to me about any of them. It has to mean something that you actually shared about this Cassidy woman with me.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is, you clueless ass, that you
care about her
. It’s not just physical. It’s not just sex. You actually
like
her. I’ve never seen you like this, Carson. Don’t give up on her just yet. So she shot you down; so what? You’re the most persistent guy I know. If anyone can change a person’s mind, it’s you.
Make
her say yes.”

“And what if I can’t, huh? What if she really doesn’t want me, Navie?”

“Then she’s a fucking moron, and she doesn’t deserve you,” she stated vehemently.

Christ, I loved that girl. The best day of my life was the day Navie walked into it, giving me the family I’d always craved but never had.

Reaching out, I pulled her into a tight hug. “I love you, you know that?”

“Of course you do.” She pulled back and beamed her bright smile up at me. “Now, I’m going to bed. I’ve got school in the morning.”

She started down the hall, stopping to look back at me over her shoulder. “I love you, too, you know. You’re the best brother I never had, and I’m thankful every day that you’re in my life.” And with that, she disappeared into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

I felt that niggling sense of hope trying to push its way to the forefront and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to beat it down.

After cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, I went to my room, having just enough energy to strip out of my clothes and face-plant into bed. I needed to formulate a new plan of attack when it came to my not-so-shrinking violet. Something in my gut told me Cassidy was either going to be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to me. I just had to pray I could handle the aftermath of whichever one it turned out to be.

Fucking hope
.

Two days had passed since that breath-stealing kiss Carson laid on me in the parking lot at Miller’s, and not having seen him since was beginning to wear on me in a way I never expected. I hated how we left things that night, how his eyes were so sad as I climbed from his truck.

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”

My little tornado came barreling into my bedroom with energy to spare as I laid in bed, trying to get my bearings. I hadn’t had my caffeine yet, so I was seriously dragging. I laughed as my Doodle Bug jumped up and down on my bed, bouncing me around with her.

Sitting up on the bed, I grabbed hold of Willow and pulled her down, tickling her until her little girl laughter filled the entire room. “Good morning, sunshine.” I leaned down to blow a raspberry on her belly, basking in her hysterical giggles.

“Mommy, make me Fwench toast!”

“What do you say?”

“Pwetty, pwetty, pwetty please!”

“All right, Bug. Let me get dressed and I’ll be right down.”

I watched as she scampered off, my chest expanding as I listened to her singing voice echoing down the hallway. There were so many things in my life I wished I could change, so many decisions I wished I could undo, but the one thing I could never,
ever
regret was having that little girl. Willow made me strive each and every day to be a better person.

I dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a sheer, floral top with a pale pink camisole underneath. Throwing my hair in a sloppy bun on top of my head, I slid my feet into a pair of brown leather sandals and made my way downstairs

When I rounded the corner and saw Willow digging into a bowl of cereal, I let out a good-natured huff. “Bug, I thought you wanted French toast?”

“Unca Kal said ceweal was cool,” she told me through a mouth full of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I looked over to Kal to see him ducking his head closer to his cereal, trying to conceal a laugh.

“I’ll take some French toast, if you’re still offerin’.” Zeke, my uncle’s foreman, and a few of the other guys who worked at Willow Ranch were sitting around the kitchen table, eating breakfast. It wasn’t unusual for Milly or I to cook meals for all of the guys; some of them even lived on the ranch in the houses on the property.

“You want French toast, I suggest you learn how to cook, Zeke,” I teased.

Zeke was a decent enough guy, kind, funny, and he adored the ground Willow walked on. He’d asked me out a few times over the years, but I never viewed him as more than a friend. There was no interest there for me. Nothing like the zing of awareness I felt the moment Carson walked through the back door into the kitchen. Snatching the door to the fridge open, I stuck my head inside, hoping the cold temperature was enough to get rid of the bright red flush that covered my cheeks and neck at his arrival. The memories of the kiss we shared came crashing down on me like a two-ton boulder. My entire body prickled with desire.

“Good grief, girly. Close the fridge before you let all the cold out,” Milly huffed.

Hesitantly closing the door, I slowly turned back around. To my dismay, the cold had done nothing and I felt my blush burning bright. I kept my head down, peeking up through my lashes inconspicuously—or so I thought—to see Carson taking a seat at the table with the rest of the guys and Willow, pouring himself a huge bowl of Raisin Bran.

As I made a cup of coffee, I willed myself to calm down and act normally. I cleared my throat and looked up to meet Carson’s gorgeous gaze. My breath hitched just slightly. “Good morning, Carson.”

“Cassidy,” he offered with a polite tip of his head and a smile so small I almost missed it. That was all he said, just one word. One stupid word and a barely there smile. My stomach sank. I turned away and took a sip of my coffee, noticing both Uncle Kal and Aunt Milly looking at me with strange expressions painted across their faces.

Busted
.

“So,” I started, trying to move the focus off the uncomfortable interaction between Carson and me. “Kal, when you do think you’ll be ready to head over to the farmer’s market with me?”

Uncle Kal slurped down the last of his coffee before setting his cup down on the table. “I’m sorry, baby girl. The tractor broke down on me again yesterday. I’m gonna need to stick around here and fix it. But I’m sending one of the boys with you in my place.”

“I’ll go,” Zeke replied a little too quickly. “I’d be happy to help Cass out.”

All at once, I noticed several things. One, Carson’s hands squeezing into fists so tight on the table top his knuckles turned white, and two, Uncle Kal kept looking between the two of us before finally answering.

“No, son. I’ll need your help on that tractor. Carson, would you mind helping Cass out today?”

I was both utterly humiliated and unbelievably gratefully for my uncle’s keen awareness all at the same time. I didn’t know if I wanted to kiss him or be swallowed up in a massive hole in the floor.

Carson’s voice pulled me out of my musings. “Sure, I’ll help.”

It was decided. First chance I had, I was going to lay a whopper on Uncle Kal’s cheek. God, I loved that all-seeing man. Unless things went south at the farmer’s market. Then I was going to hold him personally responsible.

Willow’s little voice sounded through the room in the only volume that girl knew…loud as hell. “Mommy, guess what! Aunt Milly’s gonna take me fishin’ in the pond!”

She hopped down from her chair and came bounding over, planting herself firmly in my lap. “That’s great, Doodle Bug. Are you going to catch something big to make for dinner?”

“Yuh, huh! I’z gonna catch da biggest fish evew!”

“Is that right?” I asked with the same amount of enthusiasm my daughter was exhibiting. It was so easy for her excitement to rub off on you whenever you looked into her bright, smiling blue eyes. Her unwavering trust and love was enough to make each and every day even better than the last.

“I can’t wait to see what you catch, Bug.” I stood with her in my arms and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Be sure to put lots and lots of sunscreen on today, okay, baby?”

“Kay, Mommy.” She began squirming around, a clear indicator she was ready to be put down.

“Gimme smooches and I’ll put you down.” I put her on the ground once she’d given me a loud, smacking kiss. Once breakfast was done and the dishes were rinsed, it was time to go. Butterflies took off in my belly as Carson helped me load the truck. It was going to be a long day.

It would have appeared that awkwardly silent car rides were becoming mine and Carson’s ‘thing’. The nearly forty-five-minute trip to the farmer’s market was so full of tension, I’d reverted back to a nasty habit of mine whenever I grew anxious: biting my nails down to the quick. By the time we had the crates of jams, fresh vegetables, and homemade bread set up in our booth, I was wishing Carson would take pity on the both of us and just go back to the ranch.