Shoulda Been A Cowboy (41 page)

Every McKay family member had gone out of their way to
make her feel welcome. So Cam's…standoffish attitude
toward his family bothered her and she wanted to let Carson know she
appreciated his genuine interest in welcoming her and Anton into the
McKay family. “I'd like that, Mr. McKay.”

“
Shoot, darlin', call me Carson.”

“
We will definitely find a time to get together
soon, Carson.”

“
Good enough.”

Cam whispered, “Nicely done, wife.”

Anton didn't sit with them. Colby and Cord stood
back from the kid's table, keeping an eye on the kids, while
they talked and held yet more dark-haired babies.

This was one fertile family.

Libby plopped down beside her. “How is Anton
faring with the multitude of McKay males?”

“
Good I guess.”

“
I forgot. Not all males.” She pointed.
“Look at Eliza.”

Her face was sweaty and smudged with dirt. Weeds poked
out of her pigtails. Grass stained her flowered shirt. And she was
grinning from ear to ear.

“
And they thought Keely was hell on wheels. I say
look out for her.”

Domini scanned the picnic tables, but she didn't
see Channing. “Where's Channing?”

“
Lying down upstairs.” Libby chuckled. “Can
you believe she's pregnant again? Some of us can't even
have one baby and she's knocked up every time I turn around.”

She didn't press Libby on her
some
of us can't even have one baby
comment,
but she was curious as to why Libby just blithely tossed it out
there.

She can tell a stranger about her fertility issues
but you can't even tell your husband about yours?

“
This is their fourth in six years. Miles is only
six months old.” Libby gave her a droll stare. “FYI:
Channing is blaming the cherry bombs for her current state. Said she
got home, got naked with Colby and neither remembered a condom.”

Domini couldn't help but laugh. “If it's
a girl, I hope they consider naming her Cherry.”

A beat-up Suburban pulled up. Carter McKay exited the
driver's side. A tall, muscular guy Domini vaguely remembered
from Colt and India's wedding reception sauntered around the
front end of the vehicle.

Talk about gorgeous. Talk about impeccably dressed. He
wore tasseled loafers, black dress pants, and a gray cashmere sweater
layered over a black mock turtleneck. His dark hair was a little
long, but created a sophisticated, bad boy, devil-may-care aura that
added to his dazzling looks.

Carter's oldest two boys ran up and hugged their
dad and then Mr. Overdressed, who grinned and didn't seem to
care if the dirt on their clothes transferred to his.

Domini glanced at Cam, but Cam's eyes were
narrowed at someone behind her.

“
For Christsake, what the hell is he doin'
here?”

“
Keely!” AJ said.

Domini turned around. Keely had worn that same furious
look the night of the bar fight. Not a good sign.

“
I'm not kidding. Who invited him?”

“
We did.” Macie took her youngest son,
Spencer, from Keely's arms as a precaution. “He's
staying with us for a couple days. What were we supposed to do? Leave
him at home?”

“
I'm sure he'd love to spend the day
staring at his perfect face in the mirror. Or combing his perfect
hair. Or figuring out how he can be even more of a perfect dickhead.
Oh right, that's not possible for
Jack-off
,
because he's already the biggest dickhead on the planet.”

“
Keely West McKay, that's enough.”
Carolyn came up behind Keely, set her hands on her shoulders and
whispered furiously in her ear.

“
No. Not possible. You are dead wrong, Ma, and I'm
ticked off you even suggested it.” She wheeled around and
hustled into the house.

Carolyn and AJ exchanged a look. AJ sighed and chased
after Keely.

Oddly enough, Cam said, “Excuse me,” and
left the table too.

Confused, Domini faced Libby. “What was that
about?”

“
Keely used to date Jack's younger brother.
No love lost between them, which is awkward since Jack is Carter's
best friend. Keely and Jack are constantly sniping and one of these
days they're gonna kill each another.”

“
Oh.” Quinn and Libby jumped into a heated
discussion with Buck and Kade. When ten minutes passed and Cam hadn't
returned, she dumped her plate. Anton was nowhere to be found. Babies
cried. Kids shrieked. Dogs barked. People were everywhere. It was
chaotic and loud.

What would it be like to really be part of this
boisterous family? To understand the rivalries and alliances? To
build relationships that would last beyond the length of a job? To
have roots in not only a place, but with people?

She'd put down roots in Sundance, more so than in
any other place she'd resided, but the temptation to leave
existed. She had nothing to keep her here.

What about Cam? He wants to give you all this.

He should give it to a woman who can give the same
thing back to him—babies, family, that long-term community
connection.

Isn't it up to Cam to decide that? Aren't
you doing what you hate; taking away someone's choice?

It hit her. Her reproductive problem wasn't the
total issue. She'd used it as an excuse. She'd been more
than willing to share her body with Cam, but her heart? No.

Why had she demanded so much brutal honesty from him but
she'd not done the same, except for when it came to sex?

She wandered to the section of the yard between the
house and the barn. On edge. Wanting so much to come clean, to have
the kind of marriage with Cam she didn't think existed. To have
a real chance with him. Not for Anton's sake, but for hers.

“
Domini?”

Speak of the devil. Warmth suffused her body. Not
surprising he'd tracked her down when she needed him—the
man was inordinately attuned to her. “I was just thinking of
you and here you are.”

He turned her toward him. “What's wrong?”

“
Everything.”

Cam's grip increased on her shoulders. “Are
you sick? Do we need to go home?”

“
No. We need to talk.”

“
Right now?”

“
Yes. I didn't want to do this here, with
your family around but I have to do it before I lose my nerve.”

Cursing, Cam dragged her around the corner of the house,
out of sight. He braced her spine against the trunk of an old oak
tree and framed her face in his hands, not saying a word, just
watching her with those dark blue eyes.

Domini attempted to push him back because he was
crowding her, but he didn't allow it. “Talk.”

“
I haven't been…honest about
something. Something big. Something that will probably change
everything between us.”

“
What?”

Breathe. Own up to it. Just say it straight out like
he would.
“You know that scar on my
abdomen?”

He nodded guardedly.

“
It's not from getting my appendix taken
out. It's from getting my uterus taken out.” Domini
detailed the short version of her medical history. She finished by
saying; “I know I should've told you I can't have
children before you married me. I'm sorry. It was selfish. You
deserve better, Cam. You deserve more. You deserve a woman who's
as selfless as you are and I understand if you—”

“
Stop. Talking. Now.”

She froze.

Cam's hands dropped. He spun on his heel away from
her and retreated to pace like a caged animal.

Her heart pounded with pure fear. Was he resetting the
distance between them with each step?

Finally, Cam got right in her face. “Listen to me
very carefully, Domini McKay. I don't mean to be flip or make
light of your medical condition, but guess what? It doesn't
matter to me. Should you have told me sooner? Yes. Would it have made
a damn bit of difference when I asked you to marry me? Hell no. I'm
taking the fact you're telling me this now as a good sign that
you haven't dragged me behind the goddamn house to tell me
you're leaving me.”

She blinked at him, unable to formulate the words
leaving me
out loud.
Cam thought she wanted to leave him?

“
Havin' a mini-Cam running around isn't
important to me.
You
are
important to me.” He flattened his palm on her lower belly.
“This isn't why I love you.” His hand slid up to
cover her heart. “This is.”

Domini choked out, “You love me?”

“
Yes, I love you. Why do you think I married you?”

“
Because of the foster care issue with Anton.
Because it was the right thing to do, you told me that yourself in
Ginger's office.”

“
That was a total lie.”

Her head reeled back as if she'd been slapped.
“What?”

“
I told you what you wanted to hear. You were
so…mired in grief about Nadia and worried about Anton's
future you weren't thinking straight. I seized my chance to get
what I wanted.”

“
Which was?”

“
You.”

A shiver worked loose at his forceful tone. “Me?
But—”

“
You think me offering to marry you was selfless?”
His grip increased on her shoulders and he shook her a little.
“Wrong. I'm a total selfish bastard, Domini. I used the
legal system I'm supposed to be upholding to benefit
me
.
Despite the shitty circumstances of Nadia's death, it made me
happy you had no choice but to marry me without delay if you wanted
Anton. Even now I wouldn't change a goddamn thing. How fucked
up is that?”

She forced a hoarse, “Why?” through her dry
throat.

Cam's eyes searched hers. “Because I hoped
if you were around me every day as my wife you'd fall in love
with me, given the chance. Don't you understand? I'm not
the one who always does the right thing, princess. You are. You're
the one who's selfless, taking on a grieving boy and a
handicapped man all in one fell swoop.”

“
Cam—”

“
Let me finish. I fell in love with you so
goddamned hard and fast my ass is still sore. The thing is, I fought
it from the first time I set eyes on you, which is partially why I
tried to just stay friends with you.”

“
Partially?”

“
The other part was I didn't think you could
handle my sexual needs. Boy was I ever wrong.” He smiled
cagily. “Then you told me what you needed in bed and gave me
everything I'd dreamed of—and more—in return. The
night you called my bluff, refusing to let me hide my body from you,
I knew you were meant to be mine.

“
You fill a part of me that's been empty
since before I lost my damn leg. For the first time in my life I feel
like a whole man. Not because you accept my handicap, but because you
accept
me
. All of me.”
Cam's hand shook as his knuckle drifted down the side of her
face. “You own my soul, Domini. You are my heart.”

Domini studied his handsome, serious face for a long
time, mustering her courage, because her next confession would be the
hardest one.

“
Say something,” he insisted.

“
I'm sorry. All this time we've been
together, I demanded something from you that I wasn't prepared
to give in return. I've given you my body without hesitation,
but not my…” Emotion engulfed her.

“
Sweet Jesus, Domini, baby, why are you crying?”

“
Because I'm an idiot. I tried to protect my
heart from you, but it's safe with you, isn't it?”

“
Yes, baby, it's safe with me. I'll
always keep it safe.”

“
I love you. I think I've always loved you.”

Then his mouth was on hers. Kissing her with sweetness
and tenderness so rare for him. Her tears fell with each gentle glide
of his lips, with each heartbeat, with each shared breath. When she
broke the kiss to whisper, “You make me feel whole too,”
he clutched her like he'd never let her go.

After he'd squeezed the breath out of her, he
laughed. Hard.

“
What?”

“
Did you really think I'd trade you in for a
model that wasn't missing parts?” He swept her hair
behind her ear. “I'm missing parts. That hasn't
mattered to you, has it?”

“
No.”