Shmucks (7 page)
Authors: Seymour Blicker
I find this character truly disgusting and insist that something be done to remove him from our building.
Yours truly,
Mrs. Dolly Mendelsohn
Levin put the letter down beside him. That was going to be a hard one to answer. He'd come back to it.
He picked up another envelope and opened it. He pulled out a piece of soiled foolscap. The writing on it was jumbled and erratic. He began to read the pencilled scrawl.
Dear Mr. Levin:
As you probably know by now, everyone in the building hates our present building manager, Mrs. Silverfarb. She is a nasty person. Never listens, never does anything. She sits in her office and reads books all day. She has to go; it's either her or us.
Please let me know your answer as soon as possible. I await your reply.
Signed an anonymous tenant at the
Grosvenor Arms
Levin put it on top of the first letter, shaking his head in disbelief. He was just about to open a third one when he saw the figure of what seemed to be a girl enter the laneway behind the taxi.
PELZIC WAS RECLINED ON THE FRONT SEAT.
He was fuming inside. He was on his last cigarette, he was hungry, and he had to urinate. He looked at his watchâ12:45.
In spite of his aggravation he smiled. He remembered how he had smuggled it out of Romania. Actually, he hadn't really smuggled it. He had bought fifty watches and put them all on his arms. They had been lined up from his shoulder to his wrist on the right arm, and from shoulder to elbow on his left. Unfortunately, he had been caught and all the watches had been stripped from him. The customs official, however, had let him keep the one which he stared at now.
He had also smuggled out a diamond which he had swallowed prior to leaving the country. They had missed that. Later on the train he got the runs and forgetting about the diamond rushed to the washroom and relieved himself. He still wondered sometimes if the diamond was ever found or if it lay to that day on some railway line in Romania.
Pelzic's reminiscences of the old country were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the car window. He sprang up, figuring for a moment that it was the madman from the car in front of himâbut he saw instead the smiling face of a young girl. Getting an instant erection, he rolled down the window.
“You got any spare change, mister?”
Pelzic hesitated for a moment. He wanted to think of a clever reply, a subtle answerâsomething that would perhaps both impress the girl and at the same time indicate to her that he desired some small pleasure in return.
Finally he said, “What do
you
have for me?”
“A dose of syph,” the girl replied straightfaced.
Pelzic forced a laugh. “Very funny,” he said, “very funny.”
“Up your ass,” the girl replied curtly and turned to go.
“Wait, wait a minute,” Pelzic exclaimed.
“Yeah,” the girl said.
“Come into the car and I'll give you some change.”
“Just pass it through the window.”
“Come in an siddown for a minute. I wan talk to you.”
The girl shrugged with bored indifference and pulled the door open. Pelzic moved over to let her in. She got in and closed the door.
“Okay talk,” she said.
Pelzic forced a little laugh. “You're such a young girl,” he said smiling. “You shouldn't be out so late. You don't have school tomorrow?”
“Are you kidding! It's July. School doesn't start till September.”
“Oh, of course,” said Pelzic, slamming the heel of his palm into his forehead.
Pelzic sat there for a moment thinking of something to say. The girl sat staring straight ahead.
“Does your father know you're out so late?”
The girl turned towards him with a look of disdain on her face. She made no reply to the question but instead said, “You got a cigarette?”
“No, this is my last one,” Pelzic replied.
The girl nodded her head slowly in what Pelzic sensed was a scornful manner.
Pelzic felt himself sink slightly in his seat.
WHEN LEVIN SAW THE GIRL
get into the taxi, he began to burn up with envy and rage. He figured that the taxi driver had probably used his radio and had the dispatcher call his girlfriend down to keep him company.
Damn it, he thought, he should have had the car phone installed like he had once planned to do. At the time, when he had debated the pros and cons of a car phone, he had decided against it because of the costâfifty dollars a month. But for a situation such as he now found himself in, it would have been well worth it. He could have called any of his friends. He could have ordered up food now if he wanted to.
He was beginning to get really hungry. He cursed, thinking about the girl in the taxi. Well, at least he would repay the driver for his headlight gambit.
Levin started his motor and switched on his brights. Now the taxi shmuck would have a little taste of his own medicine.
He put a James Brown stereo tape into the deck below the dashboard, leaned back and waited to see how the taxi driver would react to the extra candle power.
PELZIC EYED THE GIRL'S FIRM YOUNG BODY.
How he would love to fondle it. It had been such a long time since he had seen anything so attractive. His wife was a well-built woman but she had begun to sag in places years ago. His girlfriend was nothing to scoff at either, but she too lacked the naive innocence that so attracted him now. He had always been drawn to childlike women but they never seemed to go for him.
He could feel the blood coursing through his body. He didn't want her to get out of the car.
“So you don't even have one lousy cigarette,” the girl suddenly said.
“No, this is my last one. You can have a puff if you should like to.” The girl cocked her head as though debating if it was safe to put her lips on the cigarette after it had been in Pelzic's mouth.
“Okay, yeah, lemme have a drag.”
Pelzic held the cigarette so that the girl could drag on it. Just as she inhaled, the interior of the car was illuminated as Levin put on his headlights. The girl winced as she stared into the powerful beams.
“Who's that? What does he want?”
“Him? He's a fool. He's crazy.”
“Why doesn't he shut his lights?”
“I dun know. He's been there all night.”
“What are you doing here? Do you run the hookers from up there?” The girl pointed at the building to their left.
“What do you mean?” Pelzic asked. “What hookers?”
“You know, the high-class hookers from that building. They ship 'em out all over the city. Whatever your taste is, they ship it out. If you want a 12-year-old girl, they'll get her for you.”
“No, I don't do that. I didn't know they had that kind of organization in that building. I'm just waiting for that crazy guy to move.”
“Why don't you just back up and leave?”
“He's not going to impose his will on me,” Pelzic said defiantly. “I had enough from the nazis and the communists in Romania. That nazi is not going to do the same,” he said, pointing into the light coming from the other car.
The girl stared at him. “Well look, are you gonna give me anything? I gotta go. Those lights are freakin me out.”
Pelzic felt a slight panic. He didn't know what to do. He wanted the girl to stay. He wanted something from her, he didn't know what exactly. He didn't wish to give her any money. If he gave her some change, she'd be gone and most likely laughing at him as she went. He couldn't reach her. He knew his personality and appearance and speech weren't attractive to her. He had to make a quick decision. He decided to do it. In one swift motion he unzipped his pants and pulling at his undershorts released his throbbing member into the air.
“Take a look at dat!” he exclaimed, constricting the appropriate muscles so that it jiggled. There was a wild gleam in his eye. “You like dat, miss?” he asked.
The girl shook her head in disbelief. “Oh man, are you gauche,” she said. “No class at all.” She opened the door and got out of the car.
“Wait,” Pelzic shouted as his tool immediately shrivelled and collapsed. “At least buy me a pack of cigarettes. I'll give you some spare change.”
The girl stopped and turned. “How much?”
“A quarter,” Pelzic said, hastily stuffing his penis back into his pants and doing up the zipper.
“Gimme half a buck and I'll get you the smokes.”
“Okay, here.” He clicked a dollar and five cents out of his money changer and handed the coins to the girl.
“What brand?”
“Buckingham.”
“Right.” She turned to go.
“How do I know you'll come back?” Pelzic said.
“You don't. I may or I may not.”
Pelzic shrugged. He needed a cigarette badly. It was worth throwing out a half dollar for the possibility of getting one.
The girl turned and headed up the alley towards Peel Street.
AS LEVIN PUT ON HIS BRIGHT LIGHTS
he could see the girl leaning forward to take a drag from the driver's cigarette. Levin cursed in frustration. The girlfriend had obviously brought some dope with her and now they were turning on. They'd have a party, probably end up screwing while he, Levin, had to sit it out alone and horny. Shit! If only he had installed the goddamn phone in the car. He sat there flicking his brights on and off, and chuckling wickedly to himself. Then he stopped that and tried to discern what was going on.
They appeared to be talking now. The girl began to motion towards Levin indicating that the lights were bothering her. Good, good. Maybe it would really get her uptight. He felt bad about doing that to the girl but the driver had done the same to him. If he wasn't going to have any fun, then neither would the taxi driver.
Suddenly Levin saw the girl open the door and step out of the car. He could see her lean back towards the window as though exchanging a few words with the taxi man. Levin saw the man extend his hand out the window as though giving something to her. She turned and began to walk up the alley in the direction of Levin's car.
Levin's mind was spinning. Something was up but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what it was.
The girl walked towards the car. As she neared the side door, she stopped and turned to face Levin. “You got any spare change?”
Levin didn't reply immediately. He was overcome by the beauty and youth of the girl. What was she up to? he wondered. Normally when he was approached by a young girl panhandling, he would reach into his pocket and draw out some change. Not always though. It depended on how he was asked and the overall appearance of the person. In most cases though, when it was a girl he would give, if he had. With the boys he was more reluctant, but even with them he would give if he liked an individual's styleâwhich wasn't the case most of the time. Some of them asked as though the money was owed to them.
He looked closely at the girl. He saw what appeared to be an open trusting face. He didn't feel she could have any bad intentions and, besides, even if she did, he was curious to find out what they were. In any case, he wanted to give her the money.
“Yeah, I have some,” Levin said finally. He reached into his pocket, pulled out whatever change was there, and held it out to the girl. She took the money in a thin, long-fingered hand.
“Hey thanks, thanks a lot.”
“You're welcome,” Levin replied.
She made a half motion to go but suddenly stopped as though something had just occurred to her. “That's a groovy sound. D'you mind if I listen?” The girl was referring to the stereo tape which Levin had inserted in the deck a few minutes before. “I don't mind. Can you hear it okay?”
“Oh yeah, that's beautiful.”
She leaned against the car door, gyrating her body almost imperceptibly to the heavy rock sound. Levin could smell the scent of perfume waft in through the window.
“Would you like a cigarette?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Levin pulled the pack of Export A's down from the visor, opened it and offered her one. She took it. He gave her a light and watched her face as she inhaled it sensuously, allowing a thin stream to go up her nostrils. She blew the smoke out into the air with a mal de siècle gesture.
“That's a good song. Any other good numbers on the tape?”
“A few.” Levin named several that he liked especially well. She nodded approvingly as he named them.
“Have you got any other tapes?”
“Sure, I have a whole boxful.” He pointed at the tape container which fitted across the drive shaft hump.
“Who have you got?”
Levin named several that came to mind.
“That's good stuff. Have you got any Otis Redding?”
“Yeah, I have his Sittin on the Dock of the Bay,” Levin replied nonchalantly.
“Oh wow, too much. That's so heavy.”
Levin nodded in agreement, staring at her face. She couldn't be more than fifteen years old, he thoughtâmaybe less, maybe fourteen, maybe less! He could feel an excitement rising in his belly. She had a truly beautiful face. Her breasts had a slight exciting sag to them and suggested in a subtle way the basic sensuality beneath her innocent face.
“Could you put on the Otis tape?”
“Sure, I'd be glad to.” Levin turned on the courtesy light, opened the tape box, and pulled out the tape. He inserted the new one into the slot, and turned the volume up slightly.
“Oh wow, he's too much!” the girl exclaimed ecstatically as the song opened.
Levin nodded in agreement.
“Hey look, if you're going to listen to this, you might as well do it sitting down.” Levin said this more as a question than a statement.
“Yeah okay, thanks.” The girl went around the front of the car, opened the door, got in and pulled the door closed behind her. She stretched her legs out in front of her and slouched down in the seat.