Shira (54 page)

Gradually, the storm in his heart, which had been stirred up by Shira – by the thought that she might have transmitted some disease to him and from him to his wife and daughters – began to subside. You can’t imagine the scale of his terror. He leaped up repeatedly, alarmed for no reason. When a spoon or fork fell, for example; when the door was opened. After he began to calm down, Herbst felt as if he had a wound that was bandaged too tightly. When the bandage was removed, the pain vanished and he felt normal again. Herbst felt like someone who went out for a walk but was unable to move his legs. When he opened his coat and took off his hat, his feet felt light. Herbst had many metaphors for his soul. I have included two of them, relatively simple ones, for in that period his imagination was vivid, and his images were odd and remote. In one realm, there was no change – the realm of impending disease, which sometimes remained vague to him, formless or nameless. At other times, each disease assumed its classic form, its characteristic symptoms. He considered himself the primary source; the rest of humanity, both a source and an outcome. Before long, all the victims, including himself, were forgotten, along with their diseases, except for his wife, who succumbed to an illness the doctors were unable to diagnose or cure. He, too, forgot the source of her disease and no longer tormented himself with the fact that he could have shed light on its nature and thus its cure. All the fantasies that at first led him to rage, to self-torture, were transformed into pity for this innocent woman assaulted by so many ills. Because he pitied his wife, he tried to please her. There wasn’t a single good thing it was in his power to do that he didn’t try to do. Which wasn’t easy, at this particular time. Because Zahara was about to give birth, Henrietta was unusually nervous. She forgot about serving meals on time; she forgot to do his laundry; and, when the mailman gave her a letter for him, she forgot to pass it on. It happened once that an urgent letter arrived and was left in the kitchen, among the pots. If Manfred hadn’t needed a match for his cigarette, the letter would still be there. Luckily, it was a silly letter, an invitation to a testimonial dinner, one of many such events that take place in Jerusalem every day, honoring some guest who is passing through. Tables are set up for cakes, cookies, pastries, and wines and other beverages, and prominent men and women are invited. But not every prominent person is the master of his own time, and many of them have other invitations for that very hour. In such cases, a moderately prominent person – the lecturer Herbst, for example – is invited and introduced to the guest of honor as a professor at the Hebrew University. Being a well-mannered person, he remains silent and doesn’t say, “No, I’m not really a professor.” Fortunately, it was a silly letter, and, if he had never received it, he would have lost nothing. But the same thing could have happened with an important letter. Nevertheless, he did not scold his wife. On the contrary, he made an effort to reassure her. And this is how he behaved whenever possible.

This effort purified his soul and allayed some of his anguish. But it left its mark on his face, and the strain was quite obvious to the world.

It is the way of the world to see one’s own worries reflected in a friend’s. A man with a miserable wife blames his friend’s sorrow on his friend’s wife, a man who is having trouble with his children blames his friend’s trouble on his children, and so on. Taglicht was a bachelor and childless. What troubled him at that time were those factions that split off from the Haganah to act on their own, contrary to the policy of restraint adopted by the moderates in the
yishuv
, by the Jewish Agency, by the bi-nationalists, by the best of the English. When Taglicht heard that Tamara Herbst belonged to one of these factions and was involved in terrorist activity, he surmised that her father was worried about her. It didn’t occur to him that Herbst knew very little about Tamara’s activities, that, like most parents, he was not well informed about his children’s lives. Especially in matters such as these, which are carefully guarded and concealed lest they reach the wrong ears.

Taglicht was nineteen years older than Tamara. She therefore thought of him as a member of her father’s generation. Until Tamara went to study in Tel Aviv, he used to address her as if he were an old man talking to a child. That was how he behaved until the day Zahara came from the
kvutza
, bringing Avraham-and-a-half with her, at which point Taglicht began to treat Tamara as an adult. Henrietta took note of this and said, “Dr. Taglicht, why do you make an old lady out of Tamara? Why, you knew her when she was in the cradle.” Taglicht answered, “One of these days I’ll have to treat her as a grownup, so I might as well begin now.” Since Tamara remained silent, he said no more. After this exchange, Tamara tried to justify his new attitude and was careful not to respond to Taglicht in her usual frivolous way. When Taglicht saw Herbst’s worried face, he understood that he was distressed because of Tamara, because she belonged to that faction, and because she was involved in terrorist activities. He decided to seek her out in order to talk things over with her, to convince her to reconsider. At first, he had intended to revert to his original manner, to approach her as he used to when she was a child, so she would see she was still young and immature. After further consideration, he realized that she would be more likely to acknowledge the implications of her actions if he approached her seriously.

It was easy for Taglicht to go to Herbst’s house but difficult to find Tamara there, for she would fly off as soon as she finished breakfast. Where to, who knows? Still, he found her. He addressed her seriously, without reproach, speaking not as someone with a monopoly on the truth, but as someone whose heart is filled with concern. He talked on and on, until he came to the subject of politics. He began explaining English diplomacy and the strategy of the Colonial Office, which were designed to defeat Zionism and abrogate the Balfour Declaration. Terrorist actions that disrupted the policy of self-restraint were thus welcomed as a step toward the destruction of the
yishuv.
Tamara stood and listened. She gazed at Taglicht as if she did not know to whom his words were directed. She let him talk and assumed a bewildered expression, as though what was being said had nothing to do with her. Then her expression became questioning, as if to say, What are you after? and these two expressions alternated with a coy one: Though I don’t understand what you are saying, I’m willing to listen. When he paused to give her a chance to respond, she looked disappointed and said, “I thought you were going to say something nice. That you are in love with me, for example. Instead, you talk politics. Tell me, dear doctor, why haven’t you fallen in love with me? I can provide endless evidence that you won’t find another girl like me.” Taglicht looked at her and said, “I admit, Tamara, that I was denied a clowning tongue. Not that the subject can’t be treated lightly, but I was denied the talent bestowed on you in such profusion.”

As he was leaving, she called after him, “I was sure you would look back, that our eyes would meet and disturb you. But you went off without looking back. I didn’t turn to watch you go either. If you like, we could stop at that café on the corner. I hear they have all kinds of ice cream. If you don’t eat ice cream, because you believe the old doctors who say it chills the stomach, then you can have a warm drink. I’m surprised at you, Dr. Taglicht, for listening to every old wives’ tale. Those old doctors have weak stomachs, so of course they catch cold from ice cream. That’s no reason to deprive yourself. You renounce enough things for religious reasons.” Taglicht said, “You think it’s my idea to renounce them? The Torah requires this of me and of all Jews.” Tamara smiled, as she tended to do whenever she felt she had the upper hand, and said, “The Torah doesn’t require anything of me.” Taglicht said, “Why do you exclude yourself from the general public?” Tamara said, “I assume you know as well as I do that the rules you invoke are no longer generally accepted. They are upheld by stubborn individuals who refuse to relinquish the authority enjoyed by their ancestors in medieval times. Like the clerics, they want to exercise power over everyone. I admit that some of them are tolerant; even though they cling to superannuated notions, they don’t hold us in contempt, and they even mix with us.” Taglicht said, “Me, for example?” He was obviously pleased with his question. Tamara said, “Actually, I had in mind a young man you don’t know.” Tamara was about to mention his name but had second thoughts, as he was suspected of a terrorist act in which she had also been involved. Taglicht said, “Didn’t you want to tell me something about…about the fellow who – how did you put it? – ‘clings to superannuated notions’ and is an acquaintance of yours?” Tamara realized from his question that he knew to whom she was referring. She laughed inwardly at the phrasing of the question, at her attempt to conceal, which was, in fact, revealing. She affected innocence, pretending to be unaware of the gravity of the issue. Tamara said, “Last Hanukkah I was invited to a latke party. There was a man there who wouldn’t eat, because the pancakes were fried in the fat of a goose that hadn’t been slaughtered by one of those fellows. You know whom I mean – a fellow with a chin braid and a braid over each jaw, which the Orthodox call earlocks and a beard. There was a doctor there, a native of the Caucasus, descended from mountain Jews who had always been armed like free men and never known the yoke of the Diaspora. The doctor asked that man, ‘Why aren’t you eating latkes? Aren’t they good?’ He wasn’t ashamed to say, ‘Because they were fried in the fat of an improperly slaughtered goose.’ The doctor said, ‘The entire Diaspora is the outcome of those dietary laws. If Jews didn’t designate someone special, a
shohet
, to slaughter animals, they would have to do it for themselves. They wouldn’t be intimidated by a drop of blood. They would defend themselves, and Gentiles wouldn’t dare to attack them. But Jews are so afraid to spill blood that they deliver themselves to be slaughtered. They would rather let their blood be spilled than spill the blood of their enemies. Why? Because they’re not in the habit of slaughtering anything, not even a pigeon.’“

Taglicht asked Tamara, “And what do you think?” Tamara said, “I’m my parents’ daughter. They don’t observe the dietary laws.” Taglicht said, “I’m not asking about the dietary laws. I’m asking if it isn’t good that we have rules about slaughter and appoint a
shohet
to do the job – someone God-fearing and virtuous, who knows that it is only because the Torah lets us eat meat that he is allowed to tamper with life; all Jews are aware of this, and not everyone may slaughter. What do you think about that, Tamara?” Tamara said, “I was never confronted with that question before, so I haven’t explored it.” Taglicht said, “You want ice cream, and I detain you with words. Let’s go into that café.” Tamara said, “We don’t have to go to that particular one. If you like, we could stand outside for a while or walk a bit. Wherever we go, we’ll find other cafés.” Taglicht said, “If you want to walk, I’m certainly agreeable.” Tamara said, “On condition that we end up at some café.” Taglicht said, “Agreed. Meanwhile, let me tell you something.” “Is it something that happened to you?” Taglicht said, “I could tell you that sort of thing. My life is no secret. The events are known. I could give you an earful, enough to bore you. But now I’ll tell you about someone else. If the subject isn’t of interest, the person it relates to may be.” “Who is it?” “Hemdat.” “The one who writes…What is it he writes?” Once again Tamara feigned innocence. She took a mirror from her purse, looked into it, arranged her hair, looked up at Taglicht, and said, “Hemdat. I see.” Taglicht said, “Hemdat told this to me. He lived in Jaffa, in the Neve Zedek neighborhood, in a house owned by a Sephardic Jew. A German gentleman lived there too, who was one of the managers of the Wagner factory. He may have even been a partner to the owner, who was a descendant of the Templers. He himself may have been a Templer. I don’t recall the details. Hemdat thought this German was an extraordinary person. Before the war, all Germans were considered extraordinary – not to mention the Templers, who were, as a rule, ethical, upright, and God-fearing. Hemdat’s manners were such that he kept his distance, rather than risk intruding on these neighbors, and he maintained somewhat inflated illusions about their character, qualities, and intellect, because they were compatriots of Goethe and Schopenhauer. One day, they had visitors from Stuttgart, among them a large blonde girl, a beauty of the sort that had never been seen before in Jaffa. Picture to yourself, Tamara, the meaning of a beautiful girl from Germany in those years, in this country. Now our land is full of lovely, charming Hebrew girls. Hush, Tamara, hush. I include you among the charmers. If you insist, I include you among the beauties too. Are you satisfied? Here’s the café.” Tamara said, “First tell me, then we’ll go in.” Taglicht said, “Hemdat, like many poets when they see a lovely girl and are attracted to her, composed garlands of verse to her. Whether on paper or only in his head, he never divulged to me. His manners were such that he kept his distance, rather than risk intruding on her, and as a result he attributed every virtue to her. Besides, in that period he used to read German books, whatever could be found in Jaffa. And all the fine characteristics ascribed to their women by German poets, Hemdat attributed to this girl from Stuttgart. One day, Hemdat was standing in his attic room looking out the window. He saw the girl in the garden, holding a chicken. Her hair was slightly disheveled, her blonde curls mingled with the white chicken feathers, and her blue eyes matched the pure blue sky. In fact, Hemdat recounted, at that moment he thought he detected an evil spark in her eyes, the sort you see when someone is about to do evil but is too ruthless to be aware of the nature of the act. However, a young man, confronted with his idol, sees beauty even in such eyes. He suddenly heard the shriek of an animal, a heartrending sound. He looked up and saw the girl beating the bird on its head. Hemdat didn’t immediately grasp what had happened. When he did, he turned away from the blonde with the dead bird in her hand, and, if you’ll excuse me, he threw up. Yes, he threw up. On the face of it, the girl was not to blame. It is the way of the world to eat the meat of animals killed in this fashion, and a Gentile woman who needs meat kills, cooks, eats, and serves her family, and no one gives it a second thought. Now for the rest of Hemdat’s story, as he himself related it to me. Not about the belle of Stuttgart, but about that fellow with the earlocks and beard.