Shiftr: Swipe Left for Love (Jessica) BBW Bear Shifter Menage Romance (Hope Valley BBW Dating App Romance Book 8) (10 page)

Christian walked toward the door of the room, placing his nose close to the lock. She lifted her hand to open it and brushed his muzzle, which felt surprisingly velvety. As soon as the door was open, he slipped out and she followed, leaving the door unlocked. The grass was damp beneath her bare feet as they walked to the edge of the motel grounds. Then, he dipped down low, and she knew that was her cue to climb on his back. She lifted her leg up high to clear his broad back, and as her bare thighs sank into his fur, she gave a groan of pleasure. His fur was so soft and luxuriant. It was so dense that she couldn’t even feel the heat of his body through it. He gave a soft call that she somehow identified as a sound of encouragement. Unsure what he was encouraging her to do exactly, she stayed motionless. He stood up and moved off and she figured it out – she lay down flat on his back, and laced her fingers into the dense fur at the nape of his neck. Now she could feel his muscles working beneath his pelt, as he moved at a fast yet steady walk into the forest.

And then he began to run. At first, she tensed up, but, oddly, she soon relaxed, trusting him to carry her safely as he wove in and out of trees, leapt over fallen logs, dived and feinted toward little animals that were fleeing away from him in terror. It was a full moon, and the forest looked magical, the pure silver light filtering through the trees, down onto the forest floor. They crossed streams, sprays of water shooting up from his paws and splashing on her legs, and she shouted out in pleasure. She felt at one with nature, in a way she’d never experienced before.

She had no idea how long they were out, but on their return, the clock in the motel room showed 1:37, almost two hours after they left. She went into the bathroom to give Christian some privacy to shift back, and when she came out again, he was pulling his t-shirt over his head.

“That was unbelievable!” she exclaimed.

“Really?” he asked, face lighting with a boyish grin.

“Yeah. One of the best experiences of my life. It was so exhilarating, but so peaceful at the same time.”

“Welcome to the life of a bear. Well, there’s also hunting and occasional fighting too. But most of the time it’s pretty chill.”

“Do you feel better?’

“Yes. I feel – grounded,” he said, and she saw that the lines of tension in his face had been smoothed away.

When they climbed back into bed, without thinking, Jessica shuffled toward the middle of the bed. Christian did the same, and before they knew it, she was snuggled into the crook of his arm.

“Mmm, this is comfy,” he murmured.

“It is,” she said, which was only half the truth. It was also maddeningly arousing. She’d never been so aware of his scent. It was an outdoorsy smell – like woods, bracken, and breeze blowing through trees, but with an exciting musky undertone. She had the strongest urge to press her face into the hollow beneath his jaw, but she remained motionless. She could tell that she was wet, and knew that it would only take a single touch, on his thigh, or his underwear and they’d be together. But it couldn’t happen. It would make everything even more confusing than it was already. Instead, he held her, curled against her body, while she listened to his strong, steady heartbeat until they both fell asleep.

Jessica could tell it was late before she even opened her eyes. The display on the old-fashioned digital clock said 10:13am. She turned over quickly. She was alone. There was a piece of motel notepaper on Christian’s pillow. Rubbing her eyes, she unfolded it and read it:

Jess,

You were sleeping so sweetly that I didn’t want to wake you. I can never thank you enough for coming to see me at Wynter Hollow. It meant so much to me, and I’ll never forget it.

I know that I need to give you some time to think about my proposition, so I’ll not bother you any more.

Your best friend always,

Christian xox

She folded the note up again and got out of bed. She missed him already. As she showered and got dressed, she longed to feel his arms around her again, to be kept safe and protected by him. But she was no closer to a decision. Because, whenever she thought about Lucas not being in her life, she also felt like her heart was being torn in two.

Two hours later she was at the airport, lining up at the gate. Before the plane took off, she messaged Lucas. She said that she was flying back to Hope Valley, and that she hoped he was okay, and that he could understand how confused she was by her feelings for them both. She wanted to write more, but there was nothing she could say until she’d figured out what to do. The plane swept over a vast desert, dazzling in the blazing sunshine, and she tried her hardest not to think about anything, to empty her brain of all thoughts and give her mind some calm.

As she walked out of the airport, blinking in bright sunlight, a tall, dark figure hurried toward her, and before she could see his face clearly, he’d picked her up and swept her into his arms. She gave a squeak of surprise as he hoisted her up, wrapping his arms around her thighs, and she found herself looking down into Lucas’ sexy gray-blue eyes.

“I’m not letting you go, Jessica Schmidt,” he said. “All these years, I’ve tried to be the perfect gentleman, and do everything I can to hide my feelings from you, so I don’t jeopardize the friendship between the three of us. But now I realize that I was wrong. I should have told you how I felt. I love you and I’m not losing you to Christian.” His usually calm expression became fierce and hungry, and for the first time, she could really see the bear inside him.

“I’ll fight him. He overstepped the mark by kissing you, and now all bets are off. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you, Jessica. You’re my mate, my perfect match. I’ll never find anyone who compares to you. All I want is to spend every day of my life with you, loving and protecting you.”

“B-but,” she stammered as he allowed her to slide to the ground. “Lucas, as I told you earlier, I have feelings for both of you.” His eyes blazed, and she registered that she’d never seen him look so serious before. There was something so sexy, so deeply arousing in his expression.

“You’ve got to choose between us, Jess,” he said simply. She stared at him in horror, her stomach contracting as the realization dawned on her. It was true. She had come to the point of no return. She’d fallen in love with both men, which meant that she had to choose one of them. They were adults now, and they couldn’t continue to live as they did when they were teenagers, their sexual inexperience protecting them from the glaring truth. She had to pick one man to be her mate, and the other would probably disappear from their lives. Her choice was going to tear them apart. She was going to be solely responsible for ruining the deep bond of their friendship. And for breaking the heart of one of her best friends.

“I don’t know how I can do that, Lucas,” she said, her voice breaking with emotion and tears springing to her eyes. People were staring at them: a huge, sexy man and a chubby girl in glasses, locked in an intense conversation in the middle of an airport. But she barely noticed.

He swept down to her level.

“Choose me, Jess. We’ve always had the deepest connection. You could never talk to Christian about some of the things we shared as teens.” And then his mouth was on hers, hot and hungry and demanding. Against her will, her body responded, her nipples hardening beneath the lace of her bra. Using all of her willpower, she tore her mouth away from his. She couldn’t do this. She was already well aware that she wanted them both, that her body was crying out for each of them to enfold her in their arms. The last thing she needed was any more examples.

“I need to be alone for a while. I need time to think. If you speak to Christian, you’ll understand why.” She turned on her heel and strode toward the parking lot.

“But, Jessica –” In two strides, he’d overtaken her and was standing directly in front of her, hands wrapping around her body. With a cry of frustration, she pushed at his chest with both hands. He didn’t budge an inch. “Lucas, just leave me alone! Can’t you understand that you’re making things worse?” Her voice was very loud and shrill now, and she was crying so much that she could barely see. His pupils constricted in shock and his hands dropped from her waist.

“I’m sorry,” he said humbly. “Please forgive me. It’s my bear; it takes over sometimes. And it doesn’t understand things like choices. It wants you to be my mate, and that’s it. I can see that you’re under a lot of pressure. Please take all the time you need. The last thing I want to do is rush you into making the wrong decision.”

She nodded, too emotional to speak, and ran from him with the relief of having been released. She sat in her car for a long time, until she saw Lucas’ truck pulling out of the lot. Then she darted back inside, grabbed a cola from a vending machine, and drank the entire can back in her car. The caffeine and sweetness revived her, relaxing her enough that she was capable of driving home.

She snuck back into the house, glad that there was no-one around to see her. Tamika and Kyle had gone away for the weekend with the kids and she had a quiet Friday evening ahead of her – just what she wanted. She thought she’d fall apart again if anyone spoke to her right now. Running up the stairs and into her room, she flung herself onto her bed and pushed her hot face into her cool pillow, like she used to when she was a teenager. The last time she’d done that was during those terrible months after the guys disappeared, she recalled. Crying into her pillow all the time, feeling totally alone and bereft.

And now she had the opposite problem – they’d both come back to her, and both wanted to be with her. Forever.

The after effects of Lucas’ touch still crackled through her veins like a current of electricity. A couple of hours earlier, she’d felt the same about Christian.

How was she ever going to choose between them? If she chose one of them, she’d lose the other one as a friend. Then how could she ever be happy in a relationship with either one of them? She imagined herself wracked with guilt all the time.
Maybe I need a clean break. Leave these guys to their friendship and Shiftr and step away. I could live in another country. It doesn’t have to be London.
But the thought of that hurt a lot too. She thought about Lucas’ words in the airport, his assertion that he was closer to her than Christian. Was it true? Did she share more intimacies with him? No. It wasn’t. She shared
different
things with him. The two guys fit the different sides of her personality equally well, and there had been many things she shared with only one of them. She began to wonder whether there had been something duplicitous in her actions, however unconscious they’d been. Creating these confidences with each of them, making them feel like they were her sole confidant. Had she been leading them on the whole time, making each one of them believe that they would ultimately be her partner? A hot flood of shame washed through her.

And then she turned on her back, watched the colonial-style ceiling fan whirring around.
No. I never led them on. We were just friends. I never acted in a sexual or romantic way toward them. I was quite innocent in those days. Innocent, nerdy, and in love with the star of our favorite sci-fi TV show.
She giggled to herself. It was probably her fixation with Callum Mathers that had prevented her from noticing that her two best friends were highly desirable men.

The weekend passed in a similar vein, her feelings changing every few minutes. But there was not one moment when she was certain that either of the guys was a better match for her than the other. She was grateful to be alone in the cool, dark house, wrestling with her dilemma.

Several times she was on the point of calling Christian and asking him how his father was, but she stopped herself, knowing it would only make things worse. And what he needed from her, more than anything, was her answer.

She slept like someone with a fever, waking often, tossing from side to side, getting all tangled up in the sheets.

When the alarm went off early on Monday morning, she sat bolt upright, knowing what she had to do. If she couldn’t make a decision based on her own happiness, then she should choose Christian, and help him keep his clan together.
At least then I’ll know that I’m doing something good. Lucas will hate me, but at least he’ll understand that he wasn’t being rejected because I liked him less
.

She got ready for work slowly, a heavy weight pressing on her shoulders, while trying her best to respond to Tamika’s relentlessly cheerful questions during breakfast.

For the first time ever, she wasn’t looking forward to being in the Shiftr office. The morning dragged, and all she could think about was how Lucas was going to react when she told him that she’d chosen Christian.

At lunch time, Tamika came up behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

“How are you doing, hun? Shall we have lunch together today? I’ve missed seeing you all weekend,” she said, and just like that, Jessica fell apart again.

“Oh dear. What’s happened?” Tamika exclaimed, her voice full of empathy. “I hope it’s not shifter trouble?” Jessica nodded miserably, snatching at a box of tissues on the far side of her desk. Tamika hugged her tight, rubbing her back soothingly. “It’s okay. I’ll order some food, so we can sit in here and have some privacy, and you can tell me all about it. I’m sure it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. Any shifter would be lucky to have someone as amazing as you.” Jessica started sobbing again, the irony of Tamika’s words too much for her to cope with.

Tamika ordered sushi and they went over to the sofas.

“It’s about Christian and Lucas. I’m in love with them both. And they both want to be with me,” Jessica blurted out. Tamika clapped her hands together.

“I must admit that I’ve already seen the 100% compatibility rating for them both,” she said.

“You have?”

“I hope you don’t think it was intrusive for me to look, but I care so much about my dear niece’s happiness, and I was so excited to see who you’ve been matched with.”

“Of course I don’t think it was intrusive,” Jessica said, and she told the whole story of the friendship between the three of them, explaining how close they’d been, how Christian had kissed her once, but she’d conveniently forgotten about it. How broken she’d been when their parents took them away from London. She explained that Christian’s father was very sick, and told her that Christian had asked her to be his mate.

When she finished, Tamika’s eyes were huge.

“My goodness, what a passionate tale, my dear,” she said. “It’s like something from a classic novel.” Jessica laughed but it came out as a snuffle. “How exciting to be in a love triangle,” Tamika continued. “You’ll be the envy of many a woman.”

“If you’d told me a few weeks ago that I’d soon have two men competing to be my mate, I would’ve thought it was really cool. But it doesn’t feel exciting. It feels awful actually.”

“That’s because you’re not looking outside the box, my dear. You’re thinking in narrow human terms.”

“I am?” Tamika nodded wisely. Jessica peered at her through her bangs.

“Then how should I be thinking?” Tamika flashed her a dazzling grin.

“That I cannot tell you. You need to figure it out by yourself.” Jessica frowned, uncomprehending.

“I’ll tell you what, dear. I can spare you this afternoon. Take yourself out on an excursion. Go for a drive around Hope Valley, or go hike up the mountain. Or just go sit in a bar and have a couple of cocktails. Forget about human conventions, and think whether there isn’t a solution that could make all of you happy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Go on,” Tamika wafted her toward the door. “Take as much time as you need, but don’t come back until you’ve got some good news for me,” she said with a wink.