Shifters Gone Alpha (44 page)

Chapter 4

Adam watched his lover sleep, pushing a lock of chestnut brown hair off Cullen’s forehead.

Those dreaded words,
we need to talk
, had stolen his breath and thrown him into a panic he’d never experienced before. Whatever Cullen wanted to talk about, it wasn’t good.

He’d taken Cullen three more times, until the man had passed out from exhaustion. But even in his sleep, unhappiness was etched all over Cullen’s face.

Cullen stirred, and his eyelids fluttered.

Damn. Adam had hoped for more time. He took a deep breath and watched Cullen drag himself out of sleep. He couldn’t help but smile. Cullen loved to sleep, and waking up was always a battle. But, God, he was adorable when he first woke up, all affectionate and warm and hard … and usually horny.

True to form, Cullen nuzzled close and pressed his morning wood against Adam’s hip. Soft kisses were dropped on Adam’s collarbone, and he reveled in the feeling until Cullen stiffened and pulled away. His face was a study in abject misery.

“Cullen, baby. Tell me what’s wrong? Whatever it is, I’ll fix it. If someone is making you feel this bad, I’ll rip their throat out. I promise.”

He meant every single word, too.

Cullen studied him and shook his head. “We need to talk, but I don’t want to do this here, in our bed.”

Adam swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “Okay. Just let me get dressed.” Somehow, this didn’t seem like a time for naked skin.

Cullen didn’t answer, just rose from the bed and pulled on a pair of sweats that had been sitting neatly on the top of his dresser. He walked out of the room without a backward glance.

Adam took a second to use the toilet and stared at his reflection in the mirror as he washed his hands. Something big was about to happen, and he wasn’t sure he was ready.

The scent of coffee drifted up the stairs. Crap, this was worse than he thought. Cullen never drank coffee. In fact, the only time Cullen ever made coffee was when he was upset and wanted something warm to hang on to. Adam asked him about that particular habit back when they first started seeing each other. The answer Cullen had given him melted his heart. “I usually make hot chocolate when I’m upset. You don’t drink hot chocolate, so I thought I’d make coffee instead.”

No one had ever put him first. Ever. And it had scared the shit out of him then.

It scared the shit out of him now.

Taking a deep breath, he left the bathroom and went downstairs, feeling like he was about to meet his executioner.

Cullen was standing at the huge picture window in the living room. He wasn’t cradling the coffee like Adam expected. There was a mug steaming on the coffee table, but Adam could tell from the scent that Cullen had poured it for him, since it held no hint of cream or sugar.

Instead, Cullen was staring out at the forest, his arms wrapped around his middle as if he was trying to hold himself together.

This was
so
not good.

“Babe? You wanted to talk?” Damn, if his voice got any more hesitant, he wouldn’t be talking at all.

Cullen nodded, the movement jerky, and the scent of tears flooded Adam’s nose.

He was at Cullen’s side in a flash, wrapping his arms around Cullen’s middle and tugging his lover against him. Cullen didn’t unwind his arms from around his waist but he did lean his forehead against Adam’s shoulder, his tears dripping down Adam’s bare chest.

Adam let him cry, totally at a loss. Cullen had never cried in front of him before, and the silent tears broke his heart. “Cull, you need to tell me what’s wrong, babe. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what I’m trying to fix.”

For the first time since they’d started seeing each other, Cullen was the first one to pull away. Adam shivered as emptiness invaded his soul.

Cullen swallowed once, and then twice before clearing his throat, clearly trying to get himself back under control. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Pure terror tugged at Adam, and he locked his knees so he didn’t collapse on the floor. “Do what?”

Cullen finally unwrapped his arms from around his middle and waved his hands around vaguely. “This. I want it all with you, Adam. I want to be yours. Completely, totally, unequivocally yours. I want to wear your mark and your scent. And I want you to be mine. That you don’t want to mate me is killing me.”

Adam’s stomach dropped, and ice began creeping through his veins. “So, I’m not enough for you?”

Cullen snarled and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him. Adam had never seen him like this. “You will always be enough for me, Adam. That’s why I want to have that mate bond with you, you bastard.” The anger suddenly drained out of Cullen, and his grip turned from painful to caressing. “Sorry, Adam. I just ... it hurts to know that you don’t love me as much as I love you.”

Oh God, and Adam thought his heart had broken a few minutes ago. That pain had nothing on this one. It was like his heart had shattered into a million pieces and someone was grinding those shards into dust. “Cullen, I do love you. Baby, we don’t need to get mated to love each other.”

Cullen stepped back, putting even more distance between them. “But getting mated is a commitment that every other wolf recognizes.”

Adam watched with confusion as Cullen pushed his pants down. Why the fuck was he getting naked
now
?

“Look, Adam. I get it. I do. Your parents fucked each other up. I know that you won’t mate me because you want an out if things between us go south. Thing is, we’re not your parents. I have spent the last six years trying to prove that to you. But I can’t keep living with the fact that you can just walk out on me without a word. I can’t.”

Cullen’s words hollowed out the already gaping hole in Adam’s chest. Cullen was right, of course. He’d always known Adam better than anyone else. “Cull. What are you saying?”

Cullen had been in the process of walking away, heading toward the door. Naked. He paused but didn’t turn around. “I don’t want to pressure you, Adam. But if you don’t have any intentions of even considering mating with me, then... I talked to Declan. He said that if it comes down to it, he’ll put my name in for a transfer to a different pack. Also, he decided to split us up for patrol. I’m going out now. I think he has you down for tonight. You’ll have to talk to him about your patrol shifts once you go back to the firehouse.”

He didn’t wait for Adam to reply before he shifted and bounded out the doggy door Declan had installed in all the pack houses.

What the fuck was he supposed to do now?

Chapter 5

Adam banged his way through the door of the Alpha house. “Declan.”

Quinn poked his head out of the front room and smiled at him. “Hey, Adam. Declan’s not here right now.”

Narrowing his eyes at Adam, Quinn pointed the way to the kitchen. “You look like someone died. Need a drink?”

Adam followed Quinn into the kitchen and sat at the table, more for lack of anything better to do than to actually have a heart to heart with the alpha’s mate.

Quinn cracked open the fridge and came back out with a bottle of beer.

Adam’s lips curled up in a small smile despite the fact he felt like he was dying inside. “It’s only ten in the morning, Quinn. A little early to be drinking, don’t you think?”

“It’s noon somewhere,” Quinn said with a shrug. “Besides, you look like you could really use this.”

Well, he couldn’t argue with that. If there was any time for a beer, it was now. He took a swig and eyed the alpha’s mate carefully. The man had an annoying habit of ferreting out exactly what was wrong, no matter who he was talking to. It was probably why he was so good with the pups. In fact, he ran a daycare out of the basement, and the kids adored him. Which, now that he thought about it… “Where are all the kids?”

Quinn smirked at him and shook his head. “Dude, you are really out of it. It’s Saturday. The kids are at home.”

They sat quietly, Adam nursing his beer, and Quinn sipping from his glass of juice. Unable to stand the silence anymore, Adam began to blurt out everything. When he was done, he slumped in his chair, exhausted beyond belief.

A glass of juice appeared in front of him, and Adam blinked. He had been so wrapped up in his despair he hadn’t heard Quinn move.

He waited for the other man to say something but Quinn remained silent. “Well?” he finally said.

Quinn gave him a sad smile. “Let me ask you this. What is the worst thing that can happen if you mate with Cullen?”

That was easy. “We have no way out if things go badly. We would end up hating each other. And I can’t have Cullen hate me.”

Quinn nodded and then sat forward. “And what’s the worst thing that can happen if you
don’t
mate with him?”

Horror crawled through him when he realized he was already teetering on the very edge of the worst that could happen. “I’ll lose him,” he whispered.

Reaching across the table, Quinn patted his hand. “It’s okay to be afraid, Adam. Lord knows I was afraid when I got mated to Declan. But I’ve never regretted it.”

Adam thought back to when Quinn had first come to the pack, abused and looking like a survivor of a refugee camp. Mating with Declan had been life-changing for Quinn, and not just because he’d finally had enough to eat. The man had been scared out of his mind the night he’d stood in front of the pack and let Declan mate with him. The scent of rank fear had saturated the air so thoroughly, it had been hard to smell the pine on the crisp fall air. But somehow, he’d found the courage to mate Declan so the man could take over as Alpha.

By comparison, Adam should have nothing to worry about. He’d been with Cullen for more than six years and things had been great. Sure, they’d fought. They were two dominant wolves—things were bound to get heated sometimes. But they’d always been able to work things out with a minimum of damage. Usually any damage could be attributed to the make-up sex.

He sat at the table, thinking everything through while Quinn puttered away in the kitchen. While the thought of being tied to someone for the rest of his life with no way out scared the hell out of him, living without Cullen was unacceptable. He might as well cease to exist if Cullen wasn’t in his life.

“Hey, Quinn? Do you think Cullen wants a public mating or do you think he would be okay with a private one?”

Quinn pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows. “I guess that depends. Why do you want a private mating? Because if the answer is that the fewer number of people who know, the better—I’d tell you to take a flying leap off a short pier.”

Adam grinned. Quinn certainly had a way with words. “Oh, when I mate with Cullen, I want every pack member to know he’s off the market, as soon as possible. But I was thinking that a private, romantic mating may be more meaningful than a pack-wide one.”

Quinn’s expression softened. “I think Cullen will love it. Does that mean I can go shopping for a mating gift?”

Now the fear racing through Adam was because Cullen could actually say no. That he’d finally had enough of Adam’s shit and decided he wasn’t worth the effort. “I’ll get back to you on that.”

“When?”

God, Quinn was a nosy little thing, but Adam felt no irritation. Not when he’d managed to get Adam to extract his head from his ass. “When I’m wearing Cullen’s mating bite and our scent.”

A huge grin spread over Quinn’s face. “Good deal, man.”

Adam stood up and stretched. Now all he needed was a plan.

Chapter 6

Cullen shifted to human form and walked back to his house. He’d spent the afternoon patrolling the grounds with Declan.

Adam had left a change of clothes for him on the front step, and Cullen pulled them on as he stared at the front door and gathered his courage. He’d never been afraid to enter his home before but the idea of Adam not waiting for him was terrifying.

What the fuck had he been thinking, giving Adam an ultimatum? Of course the man was afraid of mating. He’d been royally fucked over by his parents. He understood Adam’s reluctance to bind himself to another. He really did. But was it really so horrible for him to want that bond? Didn’t he deserve to know they had something permanent?

Gathering his courage, Cullen walked up the steps of the front porch and opened his door.

Relief flowed through him when he spotted Adam walking toward him. “Adam,” he blurted out.

Before he could say anything else, Adam crossed over to him and kissed him gently. “Would you take a walk with me?”

Cullen took Adam’s proffered hand and followed him back outside.

They walked together silently, Adam rubbing his thumb over Cullen’s knuckles with every step. Hope began to blossom in Cullen’s heart. Adam wouldn’t be this attentive if he was going to walk away, would he?

The sweet, soothing sound of the stream reached his ears, and Cullen smiled. The clearing by the stream was one of his favorite places. It was where he and Adam had made love for the first time. It was also where he’d first confessed his feelings for Adam.

Adam never said the words back, but the desperation with which Adam had taken him told Cullen he felt the same way.

He gasped when they finally made it to the clearing. A huge blanket was spread out over the soft spring grass. Another blanket was neatly folded in the corner. A nest of pillows waited for someone to snuggle up and make long, leisurely love with his partner.

A cooler sat next to one of the trees, the blue box out of context with the rest of the scene. He couldn’t resist. “What’s in the cooler?”

“Some sandwiches, a box of cookies, and a couple of beers for later.”

Cullen’s brow rose almost without his knowledge. “Beers?”

Adam colored, a beautiful flush staining his high cheekbones. “I’m not great at this romance stuff. Quinn told me to pack some champagne, but neither of us like champagne, so I figured beer would be a better choice. I could have gone with some sparkling apple cider or something but—”

Cullen cut off Adam’s rambling with a kiss. He wound his fingers through Adam’s dark hair and held him close so they were nose to nose, even when he pulled his lips away. “I love it, Adam.”

“Yeah?” Adam asked. The uncertainty was plain in his voice. “Do you still love me?”

Oh, his poor love. “I never stopped loving you, baby.”

Adam nudged him gently until they were directly over the blanket. Their clothes seemed to melt off, removed by gentle, reverent hands. Skin on skin had never felt better.

They stood together, feeling each other’s hearts beating, their lips barely touching, and their breathing totally in sync. Cullen skimmed his palms over Adam’s ribs. “Love you, Ad-man.”

Adam nuzzled close and stroked his fingers over Cullen’s back. “God, I love you so much, Cull.”

Somehow, they ended up stretched out on the blanket, the pillows cushioning their bodies against the still damp ground. They were pressed together from chest to thigh, arms wrapped around each other, holding each other close. If they got any closer, they would be under each other’s skin.

Cullen closed that scant millimeter between their mouths and licked over Adam’s lips. Adam opened under his tongue and sucked it into his mouth, playing with it gently.

Cullen’s cock hardened, and he rocked his hips, shivering when Adam’s dick rubbed against his own.

This was what he wanted. He wanted Adam in his arms, covered in his scent, and if this was all Adam could give him, he was going to take it and wallow in it.

Slick fingers touched his hole and Cullen’s body relaxed automatically. Apparently Adam had stashed some lube somewhere because everything was wet and slippery and oh, so good.

It was awkward though, with Adam reaching around him. It meant that his finger couldn’t breach Cullen very far at all. And Cullen wanted to be breached so badly. “Adam,” he said on a breathy sigh. “More.”

“Mmm,” Adam moaned. Adam pushed gently at his hip until Cullen rolled over. He would have rolled all the way to his stomach and pushed up on his hands and knees but Adam stopped him when he reached his side.

Adam spooned against him and Cullen shuddered at the feeling. They’d had sex more times than he could count, but they’d never done it this way. It was probably going to be a little more difficult to coordinate, but the feeling of Adam’s muscled chest against his back, warming him all the way through, was worth it.

Another finger joined the first in Cullen’s body, and his eyes rolled back. He could feel every ridge of Adam’s knuckles stretching his inner muscles, and he’d never had the chance to savor the feeling before. Sex between them was nearly always rough and passionate. It seemed Adam was all about savoring today, though, because no matter how insistently Cullen pushed back on those fingers, he refused to be rushed.

Warm lips brushed against the back of his neck, and Adam paused to lick at the sensitive spot behind his ear.

By the time Adam had three fingers inside him, Cullen was frantic for release. “Adam,” he whimpered. “You need to slow down, or I’m going to blow.”

Instead of withdrawing, he circled his hand around the base of Cullen’s shaft and pumped slowly. “It’s okay, baby. I want you to come. I want to feel you explode around my fingers and soak my hand. And then, I want to feel you come on my cock.”

Adam’s words, and the rough, sexy voice they were said in, pushed Cullen even higher. “Twice in a row,” he managed to tease. “Not sure I’m young enough to pull that off anymore.”

The fingers in his ass pegged his prostate, and white hot pleasure zapped down his spine. Adam chuckled in his ear. “Oh no, Cull. We’re not stopping at two. You’re going to have to come a third time when you take me.”

Cullen had no breath left for words, so he decided to simply let the pleasure take him away. It wasn’t like Adam was going to give him a chance to do anything else, anyway.

Adam pressed against his gland firmly and began a short, quick stroke right over the tip of his cock.

Pleasure rained down on him, and his hot seed spurted, drenching the pillows and blankets even as Adam continued to milk the last of the spasms out of him.

He was so lost in the sensations he completely missed the fact Adam had replaced his fingers with his dick. “Shit,” Adam swore and froze.

Cullen whined and pushed back. He still had a hard on and it throbbed in anticipation. “Why are you stopping?”

“Feels too good,” Adam said on a groan.

The realization Cullen was feeling Adam in him without a barrier of latex separating them hit him suddenly. “Adam? What the hell?”

“I love you, Cullen. I don’t want to lose you because I was too much of a pussy to man up and make an honest wolf out of you.”

Oh God, now Cullen’s heart was pumping for an entirely different reasons. “Ad? We should talk about this before we do anything rash.”

“You don’t want to mate with me, now?” Adam asked, his voice breaking.

Cullen could hear the uncertainty in his lover’s voice. That would not do. He couldn’t look into Adam’s eyes, and he couldn’t kiss away any doubts because of their position, so he did the next best thing. Seizing Adam’s hand, Cullen pressed it against his heart so that Adam could feel it beating. “I will always want to mate with you, Adam. Make me yours.”

“Mine,” Adam agreed with a snarl.

They rocked together, both moaning. God, doing it raw was probably the best thing next to heaven. Maybe even better than heaven. Cullen could feel every ridge, every pulse and throb. The drag of skin on silken skin was too much.

Cullen lost it again—every muscle in his body contracted as incredible pleasure swept through him.

Sharp teeth pierced his shoulder, and for the first time ever, Adam pulsed inside him, flooding him with the mating pheromones.

Cullen lay stunned as his soul seemed to shatter apart and mix with the broken pieces of Adam’s soul only to knit back together, entwining them as one.

“You okay?” Adam asked, pulling his hips back slightly.

Cullen winced when Adam’s softening shaft slipped out of him. He turned around so that they were facing each other again. “I’m so much better than okay. I’m great.”

He pushed his fingers through Adam’s sweaty hair and feathered a kiss against his forehead. “Why now?” Cullen asked before he could stop himself.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Why did he have to go and mention it? The seed dripping out of Cullen’s ass was still hot, and he had to go and ask something so stupid.

Adam returned the caress, and the kiss, before answering. “I talked to Quinn and realized that as scary as it is to be mated, the thought of living without you is far more terrifying.”

Oh, his dear, sweet mate. “I love you, Ad-man. So much.”

Adam smiled and stretched, groaning as he straightened. “Now all that’s left is for you to claim me.” He drifted his fingers over the side of his neck, indicating the spot where he wanted Cullen to mark him.

“God, I don’t think I’m able to get it up right now.” He wanted to try. Oh, he wanted to try so badly. But he was pretty sure he’d just blown his brains out through his dick. He held his breath, hoping beyond hope Adam wouldn’t take his answer for a rejection.

“Well,” Adam said. “Maybe we should wait until Declan and Quinn can arrange for a public mating. That way everyone can watch you claim me as yours.”

Cullen melted, relief and love flowing through him. “I could get behind that.”

Adam smiled and petted his face until he fell asleep.