She Has Your Eyes (21 page)

“I wish she’d left well enough alone.”

I surmised she was talking about the parental situation. “David had a right to know, Janine,” I said. “So did Wylie.”

She seemed just as offended by my using her first name as she had when I’d formally addressed her.

“Well, if you want David to have a relationship with her, then back off.”

“You don’t want me to tutor Wylie anymore?”

“Not just tutoring. Back off
completely
.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Are you telling me I can’t see Wylie at all? Can’t have anything to do with her? Do you know how impossible that is?”

“You wanna test me?”

“What on earth did I say or do to you, Janine? I came here to tutor your daughter. That’s all. And I appreciate your allowing me into your home.”

She didn’t budge. “What’s it going to be?”

“Do you really think David’s going to be OK with this ultimatum?”

“Please. You think he’s going to stand by
you
? Blood is thicker, honey. Always was, and always will be.”

“You can’t stop David from seeing his daughter. You just can’t.”

“You’re forgetting something. I can
out
him. I know who he used to be. How would his fancy art clients like to know he used to roll in bed with women for money?”

“How would Wylie like to know?” I countered. “Because if you open that door, you can’t close it. Think of
her
.”

“
I
am Wylie’s mother. Not you. You’re not even the stepmother. You have no standing here. You don’t see her, you don’t talk to her, you don’t e-mail or text her, and you don’t tutor her or read her English papers. Are we clear?”

I thought about David. His life had already been overturned the minute he found out he had a daughter. I imagined the scandal of his art clients and friends finding out he used to be an escort, making false assumptions, his career and reputation in ruins. I imagined the effect on Wylie. I imagined him being shut out of Wylie’s life. He’d already missed her first steps and riding a bicycle and swim meets. I further imagined him missing her proms and high school and college graduations and other milestones too. And I imagined him holding me responsible for all of it.

“Clear,” I said.

When I got to my car, I took several deep breaths in an attempt to keep myself from crying. My hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel in an effort to steady them. Peter Baker was in the driveway washing Janine’s car, his truck dripping in the autumn sun. He then dropped the hose and approached my car. A bout of anxiety rushed me, along with the irrational thought that he was about to yank me out of the car by my hair and beat the crap out of me. I locked my doors, but rolled the window down a crack.

“Everything OK?” said Peter.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.…
“Just fine,” I lied. At least one tear escaped, and I quickly brushed it away.

“I overheard a little bit of your lesson before I came out here,” he said. “You really made a connection with Wylie.”

“Mr. Baker, I swear I didn’t come here to steal her away or anything like that,” I babbled, “I just—”

“Call me Peter,” he said. “Look, I can tell my wife rattled you.”

“She just cut me off from Wylie. Threatened to cut David off if I defied her. I understand… she’s just protecting your daughter. But I don’t know what I said or did to make her issue such an ultimatum. David might be a little overzealous, but he’s just trying to make up for lost time, that’s all.”

Peter took a moment to consider this. “I don’t think you and your husband are bad people, and I don’t think you’re trying to take Wylie away. It’s his right to know her, and vice versa.”

I didn’t bother correcting Peter regarding David being my husband.

“Just the same, Peter, I can’t imagine how upsetting this must be for you and your wife.”

He looked at me in a way that conveyed equal parts appreciation and sadness. I rolled the window almost all the way down.

“I’ll see what I can do about your situation,” he said. “I’d hate to see Wylie’s schoolwork suffer because of this. I also wouldn’t want to get into a legal battle if Janine tries to keep David away.”

“I just want what’s best for everyone involved,” I said.

He seemed to deliberate on whether to speak his next thought. “You’re a nice person,” he said.

I made direct eye contact with him. “And you’re a great dad,” I replied.

I drove home in silence; didn’t even listen to the playlist of Sam’s and my favorite songs. When I got home, David asked me how it went.

“Fine,” I said, my voice quavering. “I think she’ll do well with her paper.”

“You OK?” he asked.

There was no way I could tell him about Janine’s ultimatum. If I told him and he came to my defense by defying her, she’d make his life miserable. Worse still was the possibility that he would take
her
side. I worried that Janine was right about blood being thicker. When given a choice between your kid and your girlfriend, you’d pick your kid, right? Even when we married, it wouldn’t make a difference. I didn’t share Wylie’s DNA. And that was now a currency I would never, ever be able to afford.

“As OK as I can be,” I said. “You know, the day.”

I thought he’d take me into his arms, say something of comfort. Instead, he said, “Well, I’m sure Wylie appreciated your being there,” and asked what I wanted for dinner.

Since when was he so insensitive?
Or was I being overly sensitive?

Emotionally and physically exhausted, I went upstairs to the bedroom, logged into e-mails, and found one from Andrew.

Hey Andi-

I just wanted you to know that I know what today is, and that it’s probably a difficult day for you. For what it’s worth, I’m thinking of you. Hope you’re well.

Andrew

I burst into tears. He was the only one.

chapter twenty-seven

“Don’t you think that’s a little creepy?” asked Maggie when I recounted the story of Devin’s picking me up at Perch. I had already filled her in on the fiasco of Wylie’s tutoring session and acknowledging Sam’s anniversary. “I mean, he’s basically pretending to be someone else. It’s a way of acting out cheating on you without actually doing it. I would think you of all people would be bothered by that.”

“I don’t see it that way at all,” I argued. “And even if it was, wouldn’t you rather have your significant other play it out with you than actually cheat on you? Besides, he wasn’t being someone else; he was being a former version of himself. He was being Devin.”

“Yeah—an
escort
. A guy who used to sleep with other women—and before you tell me that he didn’t technically have sex with them, may I remind you that you used to poke holes in that flimsy defense all the time.”

“What’s up with you, Mags? I thought you’d be totally into this. This was like, amazing sex we had.”

“Amazing?” she imitated me.

“Yeah.”

“Since when do you use the word ‘amazing’? I thought you hated that word.”

“OK, fine. Not amazing.
Thrilling
, I guess is the word. I mean, we had sex the night before, too, but it wasn’t the same as
this
.”

Maggie sat there, her mouth hanging open. “I hate you, you know. Just putting it out there.”

“Hey, I’m just making up for a misspent youth, is all,” I said.

“So why? Why be Devin after all these years? I pretty much thought that guy was dead and buried.”

I confessed, “I think it was something I said. I don’t know, I think everything that’s been going on lately has stirred up some old stuff. First Wylie, now my mother…” I trailed off.

“What’s up with your mother?” she asked.

“I was just getting to that.” I straightened my posture and lowered my voice. “She has cancer.”

She gasped and sat back in her seat. “
You tell me about the sex thing before you tell me your mother has cancer?
” she said loud enough to draw looks from both staff and patrons.

She slapped her hand to her mouth. Mortified, I shrank in my seat. “Yeah, so we’re never coming back
here
again,” I said.

“How bad is it?” she asked, her voice returned to normal decibel level.

I became solemn. “It’s terminal.”

“Oh, Andi. That sucks on so many levels.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“How long does she—what’s the prognosis?”

“Not good. Anywhere from six to eighteen months.”

She put her hand on her heart. “Oh, holy shit-fritters.”

“Well said.”

“So are you going to go back to Long Island?”

“Right smack in the middle of the week, at least once a month for the time being. Of course, this all comes as David’s getting to know Wylie—without me, now.” I was talking rapid-fire, changing subjects without warning or pause. “Oh, and I haven’t even told David this one yet: My mother wants us to get married before, you know, before it’s too late. She made a special request.”

“Why haven’t you told David yet?”

“Hel-lo… fabulous sexual encounter? He kind of distracted me with that one.”

“Maybe that was his intention,” she said.

“It worked.” Of course, I’d had plenty of chances to bring it up since then, so what was my excuse?

“Or maybe he’s going through some midlife thing.”

I furrowed my brow. “Is he old enough to be going through a midlife thing?”

“Think about it, Andi: Teenage daughter shows up on his doorstep; mortality reminder shows up on his doorstep; you start bringing up Devin.…”

“Not to mention Andrew,” I added, then caught myself and stiffened.
Shit, shit, shit!

“What about Andrew? You didn’t—you’re not in touch with him again, are you?”

“I’ll put a stop to it,” I said in a feeble attempt to block the wrath that was about to follow.

“I can’t believe you got in touch with him again. What’s more, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you got in touch with him again, which is a surefire sign that you know it’s wrong.”

“It was just a few e-mails, that’s all.”

More than a few, actually. But I could barely admit that to myself, much less to my best friend.

“Does David know you’ve been e-mailing him?”

I clamped my mouth shut.

“Oh, Andi, this is bad. This is, like, deal-breaker bad. Think about what you’re doing here. It’s bad enough you’re not telling him about this ultimatum. But the last thing you want to do is keep secrets from your fiancé about your ex-fiancé. Especially when new fiancé is bonding with his long-lost daughter and old fiancé isn’t tied to anyone. At least, I’m assuming he’s not.”

“He’s not.”

“You’ve got to tell him.”

“Tell who what?”

“David. You’ve got to tell David that you’ve been in touch with Andrew.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“My God, it’s like a bad reality show. Although that’s redundant, isn’t it.”

I changed my tune. “You’re right, Mags. I know you’re right. I made a big mistake and almost fucked everything up and I’m better off telling David now than hiding it from him. I’ll do it tonight, after I tell him about my mother’s request.”

“Good thinking. He’ll be too
verklempt
over that to be mad at you for the other thing.”

“Mags!”

“Hey, it was
your
idea!”