Shattered Castles 1 : Castles on the Sand (15 page)

I wonder what kind of retaliation she'll inflict on me for this one.

O
n Monday, though, she's waiting for me at the corner with her usual smile and carefree air. The day passes without incident. I wonder if perhaps I've gotten away with it this time. The thought of being able to say what I want without her getting my face mashed in is far more liberating than I expected.

O
n Thursday, Kailie comes into the library. “Hey, can we talk?”

Siraj waves a hand in the direction of the little conference room, so Kailie and I go back and I shut the door.

“Are you still with Jean-Pierre?”

“Yeah,” I say.

“I saw him making out with Tatiana, behind the school.”

Those words feel like an icicle rammed through my heart. My breath catches for a moment.

“When?”

“Like, ten minutes ago. I had to stay after for detention, which, can I say, is so much nicer than being grounded at home?”

I only half hear that.

“Madison?”

“Yeah, sorry.” I wish I had JP's phone number. It never bothered me before that I didn't, but now it does. It occurs to me to wonder why I don't have it.

“So you know what you guys have isn't exclusive, right?”

“No, I didn't.”

“Well, catch a clue. Anyway, I gotta get home.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Guys are more trouble than they're worth, I swear.” She lets herself out of the conference room and darts on out the front doors.

“Secret meetings now?” says Siraj, but when he sees my face, his expression goes serious. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah, it's fine.” I do my best to act like I don't care. This, after all, could be Kailie's retaliation for last weekend. Lying about something like this is just her style. It's a variation on the Facebook hacking.

“I'm beginning to think that 'fine' does not mean the same thing to you that it means to everyone else,” says Siraj. “To you it seems to mean, 'leave me alone and don't ask.'”

I sit down at the desk.

“Then again, perhaps that is what it means to most people in these circumstances. All I am trying to say is that it's okay to tell me things are not fine.”

“Thanks.” I log into my email and find another message from John.

Madison,

I know it's pathetic to beg, but I'm begging you, talk to me? Please? I refuse to stop telling you you're beautiful and interesting, but surely that's not a good reason to cut me off, is it?

Love,

John

I frown. He is not who I want to talk to right now. It was his stupid advice that got me into this situation. I can't even tell him about what Kailie just said to me. He'd launch into another of his anti-JP diatribes.

“Is your email also fine?” says Siraj.

“It's my brother.”

“He okay?”

“He doesn't like my boyfriend. Acts like a total know-it-all.”

“You sure he doesn't just want to protect you?”

“Do I need protection?”

“Who doesn't sometimes?”

I stare down at the grimy keyboard of my computer.

“Especially at your age. You have the problems of an adult and the life experience of a child. It's a difficult transition to make.”

“Gee thanks.”

“It's not an insult. There is nothing wrong with being young. It's how we all start out.”

“Maybe I just don't want him to be right about something. He'd be all, I-told-you-so.”

“Then don't tell him. Find some way that he's wrong and pick on him for that.”

Not the answer I expected. “What?”

“You aren't experienced with having siblings. Allow me to educate you. I have nine.”

“You have
nine?”

He laughs. “I'm from India. It's a very overpopulated place. You think having a brother who emails you is hard, try having three who share a room with you.”

“Yeah. Well, thanks for caring.”

“Of course I care. You're welcome.” He smiles at me and returns his attention to his computer.

F
riday morning, Carson climbs out of the MAV and comes straight towards me. Kailie carries on with a disgusted look in my direction.

“If you go to the movies with me Wednesday night,” says Carson, “that's when a whole group of us is going. Mutual was canceled because our Young Women's presidency is all out of town.”

That last sentence made absolutely no sense to me.

“Will you think about it at least?”

“Yeah, I'll think about it.”

“Okay. Everything all right?”

“I think so.”

“You've got my number.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

He nods and looks at me for a moment longer before saying goodbye.

I can't help but think of all the things I learned about his religion on the internet. I'm curious to hear what he'd think about it, but I'm also pretty sure he'd get upset. Best to just leave it lie, I think.

A
s I start my day at school, I figure my plan is simple. I just need to find JP and talk to him. I even sent him a Facebook message before I left work yesterday to let him know I wanted a moment.

He is nowhere to be seen before class. No big deal, I think. I don't always see him before class.

I catch a glimpse of him between second and third period, but he breezes by with his friends and doesn't notice me. Also normal, but kind of annoying.

At lunch I see plenty of him. He sits with his friends and I can't even look at him for too long without giving away my feelings. I feel like I'm wearing an emotional straightjacket.

Kailie is preoccupied, picking at her food.

“Can I ask you something?” I say.

“Hmm?”

“Are you a hundred percent sure you saw JP with Tatiana?”

She rolls her eyes. “Doubt me if you want. Maybe I'm just messing with you. Go ahead, think I'm evil.”

You are evil sometimes, I think. Even though JP's told me that we are exclusive, today has made me realize I have no way to verify that. He's got all the power over when and whether or not we see each other. I am at his beck and call.

Tatiana gets up from her place, three tables over, and heads out into the hallway, alone. I consider following her. I could ask her if she's with JP.

Just the thought makes my nose hurt. She kicked my face in once without getting in trouble for it. I'd be insane to go off alone somewhere with her. I wrack my brain. There has to be
some
other way to find out if JP's seeing other people, but short of tailing him, I can't think of anything.

Carson's gaze catches my eye and I turn to look at him. He's staring at me, and doesn't even look away when I stare back, only smiles and continues to stare.

“Yeah, go for Mormon Boy,” says Kailie. “Still think he likes you? Seriously, you go for the most unattainable men.”

“He asked me out.”

“Sure he did.” She laughs at me and doesn't even try to hide it as a snicker behind the hand.

I try to catch JP's eye and he glances at me, but looks away with annoyance, and that is the last straw. Fine if he doesn't want to be hanging all over each other in public, but treating me worse than his friends? It took Kailie's ploy for me to see it, but now that I do, I can't ignore the fact that JP holds all the cards. If I can't even get through to him to ask a question, we really don't have a relationship at all. Not even a secret one.

I get up from my seat.

“Where are you going now?” says Kailie.

Carson continues to stare as I cross the cafeteria to him. “All right,” I say.

“All right, what?”

“All right, I'll go with you to the movies on Wednesday.”

He grins. “I'll pick you up at seven.”

I walk back to my table with my head held high. “I just accepted the date with Carson.”

“What about Jean-Pierre?”

“What about him?”

But Kailie just shakes her head and laughs.

It's then that I wonder if I just took her bait. Kailie's good at mind games. Did she just get me to cheat on JP for her own amusement? I resolve to try to talk to JP, somehow, before next Wednesday.

J
P doesn't talk to me Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. I send him one more Facebook message, but then decide I'm tired of the lack of response. I can't find a plausible way to get his cell phone number from anyone else, so on Wednesday I'm stuck with the fact that I may be involved with two guys at once. It's nervewracking. I'm Madison Lukas, the no-date, never-been-kissed girl. How did this happen to me? Well, Kailie's smirk answers that question. She seems to be enjoying every minute.

John emails me every single day and sends a ton more pictures of family members at a barbecue that they had over the weekend. Everyone looks all smiling, happy, and wholesome. I'm still not sure how to respond to him.

I
arrive at the theater on Wednesday night in the MAV, seated in the coveted shotgun seat, next to Carson. The other girls don't give me any overt grief, but I can tell they're jealous. He may think he's just friends with them, but they seem to think he's their territory. It's not as bad as Tatiana's kick in the face, but it's got the same vibe. I'm unworthy to be interesting to him.

Alex is already at the theater, leaning against his little black sedan. The sight of him shocks me, but I don't know why it should. He's kept on doing the Mormon thing, as far as I know, so of course he'd be here too. I hang back, but Wendy, Rachel, LaDell and Chelsey all bound forward with girly trills of “Hey!” and “How are you?”

Carson puts a hand on my shoulder and says, “Yeah. Let's get tickets.”

“You've got competition,” I say.

“Remind me to care sometime.” We slip into the dim interior of the box office.

But I find myself looking back over my shoulder, watching how Alex treats the other girls. He's nice enough to LaDell, who plays flirtatiously with his zipper pull. I wonder if he talks to them, and if he does, what kind of stuff he says.

He seems his usual, quiet, psycho self as he and all the giggling girls get into line behind us, even though Rachel tries to provoke him by stealing his cell phone. He just stands, looking bored, while she and Wendy flip through his contacts and text messages, which seems really invasive to me. They hand it back before we reach the front of the line.

When we get into the theater itself, Alex strides on ahead and parks himself at the far end of the row, and before I know what I'm doing, I've walked across to sit next to him. Carson plops himself on the other side and squeezes my shoulder. “Nice. These armrests flip up. Noooot that I'm suggesting anything.”

The four other females sit in the row behind us, and I have the sense that they glare at the back of my head. Every time I glance at Alex, he's just staring at his hands. He slouches low in his seat, elbows on both armrests, long legs jutting into the aisle. It's as if we're a group on a field trip and he's the chaperone. He's so
adult
.

The lights dim and the previews start, and I find myself still glancing at Alex. Finally he turns and looks at me.

O-kay, I think. Madison, you just put yourself in the seat next to Alex in a darkened room. Way to go. I sense his gaze search my face. Nervously, I look back at him.

Our gazes lock for a millisecond, and then I look away.

I realize I can't even follow the plot of the trailers. I'm just seeing flashing images. Get a grip, I think. I shut my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths.

The previews end, and the opening credits of the movie start. There's a voiceover.

Listen to it, I think. Watch the movie. Stop freaking out.

I sense Alex shift in his seat. “So,” he whispers, low enough that only I can hear, “when the voiceover isn't James Earl Jones or Samuel L. Jackson, you know it's not a well funded movie. Who is this guy? He sounds like a high school guidance counselor.”

I can't help but giggle.

He smirks. A few minutes later is a scene of the heroine getting dressed in her room, first thing in the morning. Alex mutters, “That's how you know she's the heroine. Everyone, view her as a sex object now. She'll be eye candy for the rest of the movie.”

I turn to look at him.

“What?” he says. “That's what they're trying to do. I hate movies like this.”

“Then why are you here?”

“For the spiritual enrichment. I dunno. Why
are
we here? Well, I know why you're here.”

I glance at Carson, who is watching us out of the corner of his eye. He reaches for my hand, and I'm not sure how to react. I don't like feeling as if I'm territory and he's staking a claim. Still, this is a date with him, and he's been nothing but nice to me. I hold his hand. Shifting in seats behind me makes me wonder if I'm going to have a Coke dumped on my head.