Shattered (27 page)

"So… I know you probably don't want to rehash it, but, what happened with you and my brother?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a long sip of my drink. "Colby is Colby. I honestly just think we grew apart. Our differences were beginning to shine through."

"I won't lie. When I showed up at your house, I was expecting my brother to be there and you two to be inching towards a wedding. I never thought I'd show up and see another guy sitting in there." Her face drooped a little at the mention of Grayson.   

"I didn't cheat on Colby if that's what you're thinking. Grayson and I didn't get together until later. And honestly, I was trying to avoid him."

"Really?" She sat back crossing her arms over her chest, taking in everything I was telling her.

"Yes. I met him at Ada's one night… the night your brother and I broke up. Later, Grayson got in touch with me and Miranda about a remodel for his place."

"Wait… he owns Ada's? Is that why you didn't want to go there?"

"Yes." I felt guilty about admitting it. "I didn't want any more weird vibes floating around, so I figured it would be best to not go there." I swallowed some of my drink to keep myself from elaborating any further.

"Dallis, if you and Colby broke up, then you guys broke up. I won't try and interfere for the sake of my brother. Do I wish you two were still together? Of course I do. You were like a little sister to me. But I also know how Colby can be. If it drove you crazy and you left, then that's that."

I exhaled. It wasn't that I cared about what others thought, but the Shaw's had been a big part of my life and I hadn't had to face any of them since my break-up with Colby. Truthfully, I couldn't predict how they would react to it when they saw me again. "Well, I'm glad to hear it. Colby and I were just growing further and further apart. His incessant need to be married, coupled with his jackass, condescending behavior, just got to be too much for me. Our break-up wasn't pretty."

"Sounds like Colby," Hailey said, shaking her head. "I love him, but I know all too well how he can be when he doesn't get what he wants. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. We finally rid ourselves of each other and I think it's been the best for both of us."

"He didn't want to talk about it at dinner last night."

"You talked about us?"

"I mentioned what an idiot I felt like going to the house and expecting to find him there."

"Did you mention Grayson?"

Hailey nodded her head. "It added to the reason why I felt like such an idiot. He didn't want to elaborate on it… just mentioned something about a barista boy. Now I know what he was talking about."

"Were your parents there?" I began playing with my straw at the thought of Mr. and Mrs. Shaw.

"Yeah. We were at their house. They didn't say anything and after listening to Colby grumble for a few minutes, we changed the subject." She moved closer into the table to look me in the eye. "You don't owe any of us an explanation, Dallis. If you and Colby didn't work out, that's your business."

"Oh I know. I just didn't want to hurt your parents. They've been there for me, ya know?"

"I know, but don’t worry about us. Life goes on." She half-smiled, making me feel a little better. Colby was the prime example of a sheer jackass, but our breakup made me think about more than just him. It made me think about the wonderful people in his life that I would no longer have at my disposal. The thought made me a little sad, but as Hailey said, life goes on. "So tell me about this Grayson. What’s he like?"

I laughed and flashed red. "He's damn spectacular." The red faded from my face as I sipped what was left of my drink. "He isn't what I would have sought out. Actually, I wasn't seeking anything when I met him. He just thrust himself into my life."

Hailey sat with a smile on her face. "It's refreshing to see you like this. I didn't know how this meeting would go with the passing of your mom and the break-up with Colby. I'm glad you're happy, Dallis."

"Thanks. I can't remember when I've been happier."

Hailey's cell phone buzzed and she stared at it, reading the message coming in on the screen when she finally pulled her gaze away and looked back to me. "Hey…I'm sorry, but I have to cut this short. The hospital wants me to come in to sign some paperwork. They don't want any gaps between my return to Seattle and starting work once I get back."

"No problem. I should probably head into work and attempt to get something done as well."

We stood and Hailey took me in her arms. "It's good to see you. I'm just glad to see you happy and doing well."

"You too."

She threw a twenty dollar bill on the table and walked out. After breathing a sigh of relief--what I thought would be an awkward meeting went much better than I imagined. I said goodbye to our server and walked out the door.

Little to no work got accomplished while sitting in my office, so I left after replying to emails and doing little else. Miranda had been out in various locations throughout the day, so I was alone, with nothing and no one to occupy my time. I decided it was best to be alone in the comfort of my own home.

I thrust myself down on my bed with light music playing in the background as I pulled out my journal and began writing. After what felt like hours, and glancing at the clock to confirm it, I stopped and realized that I had written another ten pages just on what had happened in the past two days alone.

An idea sparked in my head and I hurried to get dressed and made my way out to Pike Place Market. After grabbing a few food items and some fresh flowers, I rushed over to Grayson's house, letting myself in with my new key that had been given to me earlier in the morning.

About an hour later, I listened as the click of the front door signaled that Grayson was home. He over exaggerated his sniff as he made his way into the kitchen where I was just pulling the salmon from the broiler.

"Take a seat. Dinner is almost ready," I said, leaning in for his kiss and then turning back to the stove area.

"You better not make me get used to this. I might keep you here if I get to come home to dinner every damn day."

I laughed. "Don't get used to it. There is no way in hell I'm playing Suzie Homemaker every day. Enjoy it while it lasts."

Grayson took his seat at the table while I grabbed our freshly prepared plates and walked them over. He sniffed his plate again and then looked at me, studying my face as he did so. "Is this your way of cutting me off? Making me fat and happy first?"

A slight laugh escaped me. "Um, no. First of all, I don't think you can get fat, and secondly, I don't make guys happy before I break up with them. I throw their shit into suitcases down second stories. I'm all about making you feel like shit in the event of a break-up."

"Damn, that's ruthless."

"Only if you deserve it." I grinned wickedly over at him as I leaned over into the next seat and pulled my journal out and sat it on the table. His eyes immediately slid over to it. "I wanted to share something with you."

"Your journal?" he said, slowly peeling his eyes away from it and gazing back into mine. "The one I was told was none of my business?"

"At the time, it
was
none of your business," I quickly replied. "I'm ready to share the contents with you."

Grayson lightly dropped his fork onto his plate and sat upright. I swallowed hard as I slowly opened the pages.

Chapter 17

"Let's finish eating first. I know how much this journal means to you, so I want to give it my undivided attention," Grayson said, studying me intently.

Gazing into his mesmerizing eyes, I thought about what he'd said, and after mentally agreeing with him, I closed the journal and slid it away.

"I want to read it. I just don't want this kick ass food you've made me to get in the way of it, that's all."

Noticing Grayson's sympathetic expression, I tried to hide my overanxious feelings of wanting to show the contents of my journal. He locked his gaze on me, almost as if he were trying to peer into my soul. Wanting to leave the confining silence behind, I cleared my throat as I stood and walked over to the fridge, grabbing two beers. Unlike Grayson, I made sure to use bottle openers to open them, then handed one over to him as I sipped on my own. We finished our meals with frivolous chatter, nothing too heavy, since the journal had spoken volumes without even being able to mutter a word.

Shortly after finishing our beers, I stood and cleared the table. Warm hands curled around my shoulders as I felt Grayson's warm breath on my neck. When I spun around to face him, he held up my journal and pulled me into the living room. "I'm ready to get into your head," he said, taking a seat on the couch and pulling me down with him.

A sudden burst of unease hit me as he sat the journal down on my lap. Earlier in the day, this felt like the best idea I had ever come up with, but now… now it felt like a gross invasion of privacy. Succumbing to my second guesses, I sat the journal down next to me as I turned and looked at Grayson.

"I'm not going to force you, Dallis. If you want to share, you can share. If you don't, then I'll act like you never brought that journal out to me, and we'll have a nice quiet movie night." He tucked my hair behind my ears and allowed his thumb to slowly trail down the side of my face.

"I really want to show it to you, but--"

"Then show it to me," Grayson interrupted. "If you want me to know what’s in there, throw your inhibitions out the window and open up to me. But like I said, if you don't, then let's put it away and move on to something else."

His unrelenting eyes pinned me as I found myself pulling the journal back over to my lap and opening the contents. "This is from the day of my mom's funeral. I spent the early morning up, venting my frustrations on paper, when I should have been crying."

"There is no such thing as 'what you should have been doing.' You do what comes naturally in a situation like that. There is no wrong or right way to handle such a catastrophic loss."

Without speaking another word, I handed the journal over to Grayson. He gracefully took it from my hands and laid back on the couch, pulling me down with him.

"Do you want me to read it aloud or to myself?"

"To yourself, please. I don't need to relive my own fucked up thoughts again."

Laughter rolled from Grayson's belly as he brushed my hair aside, making room for me to lay flat against his chest.

Funeral

Why the fuck did I just plan another one of these? Why am I attending another one for a parent of mine? Does someone up in the heavens above hate me? Have I been a rotten little bitch my entire life? Sure, I can be overly judgmental, and at times downright cold, but does that really warrant having both parents ripped away in such vicious and tragic circumstances? Circumstances that I am sure will haunt me for many days to come.

I want to lash out and rip the eyeballs out of the people who smile the most. I can't smile, I have no reason to, and since life just doesn’t seem to be fair, I feel like everyone should feel my pain. The pain that angers me during the day is the same pain that keeps me awake at night.

I haven't slept since Mom's passing. What good is sleep if all I see is her face, smiling brightly at me? But just as I reach out to touch her, it twists into wry anguish as her body violently convulses beneath her? Laughter surrounds me as I drop to my knees in my moment of weakness. A loving hand rubs my head and a familiar red head with big, grey eyes stares at me, smiling in only a way that he could. DAD!

I stand, furiously wiping away the tears that have my shrouded my face, and hold out my hand to him. Just as our fingers touch, a gentle voice calls him and he slowly turns. Mom is standing off in the distance, looking beautiful and radiant. Dad turns to walk away and as I call for him, his steps increase in frequency. Following after him only makes him pick up the pace, leaving me further behind. Running after them does nothing for me. Their supersonic speed leaves me in the dust. Just as I start to gain ground, they fade off into the distance. And once again, I am left all alone.

I hate sleeping. The same reoccurring visions haunt my dreams, sending me into a fit of pants mixed with pools of sweat. No, sleep is not my friend; it has become one of my many enemies. Strangely enough, I feel like I'm better off without it, though my body is fighting back against that notion. As I sit here in the early morning hours of the day, I feel the piercing stabs of wrath and despair as they infiltrate my body. Somehow I am supposed to gather myself and put on the brave face and be the tough-as-nails Dallis that everyone knows me to be, when all I feel like doing is curling up in a ball while praying for this never-ending nightmare to end.

Alas, it's time to pull myself out of my funk and get it together. I have a lot of people to impress with my uncanny ability to stand tall in the face of adversity.