Shameless (21 page)

J
ENNIE HAD MISSED
seeing her daughter grow up, and it was terrifying to think that now that they'd been reunited, Pippa might be taken away again. She'd called ahead to the hospital and been instructed to bring Pippa to the emergency room entrance, where an orderly was waiting to rush her daughter inside. The fear in Pippa's eyes as she was wheeled away reminded Jennie of herself as a pregnant teenager.

She'd wanted to stay with her daughter, but the orderly had made it clear she couldn't leave her car where it was. She drove around to valet parking, but the valet wasn't there, and she fought tears as she looked in vain for a parking spot. In desperation, she parked the car on the street a block from the hospital and started running back. Her daughter needed her.

Every step of the way, Jennie was overwhelmed by memories—good and bad—of that terrible fall day when she'd discovered she was pregnant and the eight insane months that had followed. She remembered the early days, when she and Matt had found such joy in the child growing inside her…the later lonely months, when her parents had separated them…and finally, the jubilant moment when her daughter had been born—and the dreadful tragedy of her supposed death.

Jennie had never forgiven her parents for keeping Matt from her side while she was grieving the death of their daughter. Her feelings for him had gone through many permutations that sad summer, as she both questioned why he hadn't found some way to get in touch with her and missed him with every fiber of her being.

Since Jennie was only fifteen, her parents had been able to control every aspect of her life. After her baby was born, they'd kept her isolated from everyone she knew in Jackson, especially Matt, by living on a ranch in a remote part of Wyoming and schooling her at home. She'd run away several times, but since she didn't know how to drive, and didn't have the money for a bus ticket and had to resort to hitchhiking, she'd always been caught before she got very far.

A year had passed before her parents relaxed their vigilance enough for her to contact Matt. She discovered that he'd disappeared without a word to her or, apparently, anyone else. It wasn't until she'd spoken with Matt's cousin Aiden that she discovered that Matt had searched for her like a crazy man for months without success. He'd only stopped when he was told that she'd died along with their daughter.

Jennie had been furious when she'd learned how her parents had continued to manipulate their lives. It had taken a long time before she was herself again. Once she was old enough to leave home, she'd moved to Texas to live on her grandmother's ranch, and to this day, she was estranged from her parents. All her life she'd wondered what had happened to Matt and grieved for the loss of the boy she'd loved, along with the daughter who'd died.

And then, yesterday, after twenty long years without a word, he'd called.

Jennie was still reeling from Matt's admission that when he'd discovered their daughter was still alive, instead of doing everything in his power to contact her and share that wonderful, amazing news, he'd taken their baby and run.

He'd stolen her chance to be a mother. He'd deprived them of a life together. He'd made all the choices and given her none.

How many times had she dreamed of what it might be like to see Matt again someday, to laugh with him and make love with him? The doctors had told her there was nothing physically wrong with her to keep her from having another child. The reproductive problem, when she'd married at last, had been her husband's. He'd refused to adopt—he'd wanted his wife free to act as a political hostess—so they'd never had children.

Meanwhile, all those years she'd despaired of having a child to hold to her breast, Matt had been raising their daughter without her. It was a bitter pill to swallow. Her heart ached in a way it hadn't in twenty long years.

She entered the emergency room breathing hard, sweat streaming down her back under her jacket. She did a quick search of people in the room and didn't see Pippa. She approached the nurse's desk and said, “I'm looking for Pippa—Philippa—Grayhawk. Do you know where she is?”

“She's been taken to a private room.”

“Already? Is there some paperwork I need to fill out?” Jennie hesitated, then added, “I'm her mother.”

“The hospital administrator was here and took care of everything.”

“What? Why would he do that?”

“King Grayhawk is the president of the hospital board. When I saw the Grayhawk name and realized that she was Mr. Grayhawk's granddaughter, I called him immediately.”

“I see.” What Jennie hadn't counted on, what she'd forgotten in all the years she'd been gone, was how much influence King Grayhawk wielded in Jackson Hole.

As Jennie raced down several corridors, trying to remember the confusing directions to Pippa's room she'd been given, she suddenly found herself face-to-face with Matt.

He stepped into her path, forcing her to stop.

She felt her heart leap and clenched her hands until her fingernails bit into her palms to keep from reaching out to touch him. She should have realized King would tell Matt his daughter was here. She felt off-kilter because she should have made that mental leap and hadn't, and therefore had been caught completely by surprise.

Matt's eyes were just as blue, but now they were decorated with crow's-feet at the edges. His jaw was still firm, but he had a scar on his cheek that hadn't been there twenty years ago. His hair was black, and as shaggy as ever, but it was threaded with silver at the temples. His face bore a five o'clock shadow even though it was early afternoon, making him look a little dangerous and unapproachable. And his body…He had a man's broad shoulders, which narrowed to a slim waist, a flat belly, and long, long legs. He towered over her, making her feel…like the girl she used to be.

Luckily, resentment came to her rescue, keeping her from falling into his arms and forgiving all. “Get out of my way, Matt. I'm here to see my daughter.”

“She's fine. The baby's fine.”

“You can't know that already.”

“The spotting's stopped. They're giving her medication to prevent any further cramps.”

“I want to see her.”

“Devon's with her right now.”

“How did he know she was here?”

“He saw the note you left at the house.”

“How could he possibly get here before us?”

He shrugged. “Drove fast and took a shortcut, I guess. Once he got here, Pippa pretty much threw me out. I left, because it was clear he wasn't going anywhere until he talked to her, and I figured they have a lot to discuss.”

Jennie realized he was babbling because he was nervous. It was something Matt had done when he'd first asked her out on a date. She'd found it endearing then. She found it annoying now. Or rather, she found the fact that she found it endearing to be annoying. “I told you on the phone I didn't want to see you.”

“There hasn't been a day since I took Pippa and ran that I didn't wonder whether I'd done the right thing.”

“And that's supposed to make what you did okay?”

“At least give me a chance to explain.” He took her arm and began leading her down the hall.

Jennie would have jerked free, except a doctor and a nurse appeared, and it was ingrained habit, learned from years as a political wife, to never, ever make a scene. A few turns later they were inside the empty hospital chapel, which was lit by warm sunshine streaming through rainbow-colored glass.

As the door closed behind them, Matt led her to a bench close to the altar, let go of her arm, and said in a surprisingly gentle voice, “Sit, Jennie. Please.”

She sank onto the bench, and a moment later he sat down beside her.

“I want another chance with you.”

She hadn't expected him to speak so frankly. Her heart was beating fast, and her mind had gone blank. “Why would I agree to that?” she asked at last.

“Because we have unfinished business.”

“What we have is a grown daughter. I don't need
you
to have a relationship with
her.
” Jennie heard the bitterness and resentment in her voice and realized that she'd revealed more of her feelings than she'd intended. But once she'd started, everything came pouring out. “You cheated me. You stole my chance to be a mother to my daughter.”

“Your parents did that.”

She glared at him. “They lied to me because they wanted what they thought was best for me. You stole something far more precious. You betrayed the love I thought we felt for each other.”

“I'm sorry.”

“That's not enough! Your apology can't turn back the clock. It won't give us back the years we lost.” It took her a second to realize what she'd admitted. That she'd missed him. That she'd yearned for him. That she'd dreamed of the future together that had been taken from them.

“I'm not talking about trying to recapture the past,” he said. “I want a life with you now.”

“I don't know you. Or love you. I knew and loved a sixteen-year-old boy.”

“I'm the same person, just a little older and a whole lot wiser.”

“It's too late.”

“It doesn't have to be,” he argued. “I've never stopped loving you, Jennie. There hasn't been one day we've been apart that I haven't thought of you.”

“You had our daughter to remind you of me. I, on the other hand, had nothing to remind me of you.”

When he flinched, she knew she'd hurt him. She'd wanted to wound him. She'd wanted him to feel the pain she'd endured all these years without him. But she was out of practice fighting back. Out of practice letting her emotions run wild. She'd lived such a…controlled…existence as a senator's wife. It felt good to say exactly what she thought.

“I don't want a second chance with you, Matt. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll be leaving at the end of the day, and if Pippa agrees to come, I'll be taking her with me.”

Matt blanched. “I suppose I deserve that. But I hope you change your mind about taking Pippa so far away.”

Jennie felt a spurt of guilt, but quashed it. “You took her to another continent! You had her for nearly twenty years. It's my turn.”

She wanted time to get to know her daughter. She was more than happy to provide the refuge that Pippa had apparently sought when she'd fled her father's house and moved in with someone she barely knew.

“Why not stay here with me?” Matt suggested, ignoring the animosity she hadn't been able to keep out of her voice. “There's plenty of room at the ranch.”

“I need to go home.”

“Why?”

“If you must know, I'm running for my late husband's Senate seat.”

The shocked look on his face soothed a raw place she hadn't known existed inside her.
See how far I've come without you? You disappeared, and I moved on with my life.

Then he said, “What's your campaign manager going to say when he finds out your unmarried pregnant daughter—a daughter no one has ever heard of before—just moved in?”

She knew Matt was desperate to keep Pippa with him, and it seemed he was playing hardball. One of the things that had made Jennie such a good prospective candidate was the pristine life she'd led. Her youthful indiscretion had never seen the light of day. But as Matt had just pointed out, if she brought Pippa home, that would change.

A Bible verse flashed through her mind.
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
And she had her answer for Matt. “I think the voters in Texas will understand and forgive a twenty-year-old mistake made by a fourteen-year-old girl.”

Matt's shoulders sagged, and she knew she'd won.

Now all she had to do was convince Pippa to come live with her.

M
ATT WATCHED
J
ENNIE
pause at the door to Pippa's room, as though she were gathering her composure before entering, and realized he couldn't let things end like that between them. His pulse was still racing, and his stomach was still doing loops. He'd known Jennie was somewhere in the hospital, but it was clear that she'd been surprised—okay, shocked—to see him. His heart had jumped at the sight of her, and he'd known that, for him, nothing had changed. He was as much in love with her now as he had been the day she'd bumped into him in the gym.

Jennie had only grown more beautiful in the years they'd been separated, but the vivacious girl he'd known was now encased in a hard shell of reserve. Her gray eyes had been cautious and her posture rigid. Her soft curves and long legs had been concealed by an expensive suede jacket and ironed jeans with a sharp crease down the front. That cold, aloof lady wasn't his Jennie. That was Jennifer Fairchild Hart, the senator's widow.

But he'd seen flashes of the girl he'd loved. Boldness. Impertinence. Defiance. Just enough to believe that she was still in there. Just enough to offer him hope.

There had to be some way to convince Jennie to give them a second chance. She wouldn't have been so angry if she weren't hurt. And she wouldn't have been so hurt if she didn't care. Matt was convinced that he and Jennie could reignite the love that had lain dormant between them all these years. All he had to do was figure out a way for them to spend time together and fan that spark into flame.

The problem was he had to stay at Kingdom Come for the next year, and she was committed to a Senate race in Texas. The strict terms of his agreement with King required him to be on the premises. Of course, his father hadn't exactly stuck to the terms of their agreement himself, so maybe there was some leeway for Matt to spend time in Texas with Jennie, if that turned out to be his only alternative.

As Matt watched, Devon exited the room and stopped to exchange a few words with Jennie. Then Jennie entered the room, and Devon started down the hall.

Matt intercepted him and asked, “How's Pippa?”

“She's got her mother now,” he said flatly. “She doesn't need me.”

“If you think that, you're a fool.”

Devon looked affronted. And then thoughtful.

Matt hadn't wanted Pippa staying with Devon because they were two young, attractive people, and it would be the most natural thing in the world for them to get romantically involved. He'd been afraid that whatever feelings Devon developed for his daughter would change once he discovered that Pippa was pregnant, and his vulnerable daughter would get her heart broken again. It seemed his fears might have been well-founded.

“Do you care for her?”

“That's none of your business.”

“She's my daughter. Ensuring her happiness is every bit my business. Answer the question.”

Devon looked Matt in the eye and said, “Yes. I have feelings for her. But Pippa and I have only known each other a month, and her mother's asked her to go live with her in Texas.”

Matt tensed. “Is she leaving?”

“She hasn't made up her mind.”

“Did you ask her to stay?”

Devon shoved his hands into his front pockets. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I told you. She has her mother now.”

“Is it the baby?” Matt asked.

Devon looked startled. “What do you mean?”

“Is it that you don't want Pippa if she comes with another man's child?”

Devon's brow furrowed. “I just found out about the baby today.” His mouth turned down. “From my father.”

Matt thought that failing to tell Devon about the pregnancy had been a mistake on his daughter's part. But maybe Pippa didn't care as much for Devon as he cared for her. Or maybe she liked him so much she'd kept her pregnancy a secret for fear it would drive him away. He would need to speak to his daughter to find out one way or the other. Or maybe her actions would speak louder than words. It would say a great deal if she left Devon to go to Texas with her mother. But why stay unless Devon made it clear that he wanted her?

He eyed Devon speculatively. “Are you going to fight for her?”

“What does that mean?”

“Are you going to tell Pippa that you want her here with you?”

“She's made it plain from the start that all she ever wanted from me was friendship.”

“That was likely because she hadn't gotten over that sonofabitch breaking her heart. Not only that, she was hiding her pregnancy from you, and she probably didn't want to be dishonest about what she could offer in return.” Matt was putting a lot of words in his daughter's mouth, but he knew Pippa, and those were both valid reasons why she might not have given Devon any indication that she had stronger feelings for him. “Did Pippa give you any reason to think that she might feel more for you than friendship?”

Did you make love with my daughter?

Devon pursed his lips and made a thoughtful sound in his throat. “Yes, but…”

“But what?” Matt felt outraged on Pippa's behalf. How could Devon make love to her and then not fight to keep her? It reminded him too much of the shoddy behavior she'd gotten from Tim. But Devon didn't look like the villain in a melodrama. Far from it.

He met Matt's gaze again, his eyes troubled. “I think I have to let Pippa make this decision.”

Matt knew too well how someone—with the best intentions—could make the
wrong
decision, as he had all those years ago with Jennie. “Are you sure you don't want to say something to her about your feelings?”

Devon shook his head. “I can't. Not yet. Not now.”

“For what it's worth, I think you're making a mistake.”

“Maybe so. But if I've learned anything from Pippa in the month I've known her, it's that she speaks her mind. If she wanted to stay with me, she would have said something.”

Matt had no doubt that Pippa had told Devon exactly what she thought about everything
except
her innermost feelings. It was one thing to talk freely with a
friend.
It was something else entirely to lay your heart bare to someone you loved. Matt's experience with Jennie, and with his two wives, had taught him that. His marriages might not have suffered the fate they had if he'd been willing to admit to either wife the true circumstances of his flight from Wyoming. But he'd kept the knowledge of his heartbreak—and his unhealed heart—to himself.

“Look,” Matt said, “if Pippa decides to go to Texas with Jennie, it's going to happen in a hurry. You're not going to have much time to change your mind.”

“I'm not going to change my mind,” Devon said stubbornly.

“Suit yourself,” Matt said. “But don't say I didn't warn you.”

“Warn me?”

“If you truly love my daughter, you're going to regret this decision the rest of your life.”