Shameless (17 page)

Jennie was crying now, choking sobs that tore his heart out. He waited, feeling sorry and guilty and wishing he'd been smarter about how he'd done this. He should have been there with her. He owed her the chance to strike out at him, to spurn him, to castigate him for what he'd done.

She choked back her sobs and said, “Why did you wait so long to tell me our daughter is alive? Why are you contacting me now?”

The two questions had very different answers. It was easier to answer the second one, so that's what he did. “Pippa's unmarried and pregnant. And in a dangerous situation.”

“Dangerous?”

“She's living with one of the Flynn boys, Devon, in a remote cabin in the mountains. As far as I know, she hasn't seen an obstetrician yet, and I'm worried that if something goes wrong, she's a long way from a hospital.”

“Do you have any reason to believe something will go wrong?”

“No, but…”

“But I had a difficult birth,” she finished for him. “I was fifteen, Matt. She's…”

He waited for her to calculate the date and realize that they were only a month away from Pippa's twentieth birthday.

“She's almost twenty,” Jennie said. “That's a big difference. Where is the father in all this?”

“He lied to Pippa about being married. He's out of the picture.”

“So what is it you want from me?”

“I want you to talk to her, to convince her to come home.”

“Does she even know I exist?”

Matt paused. Here was another decision for which he had to bear the responsibility. “I told her about you a month ago, after we returned to the States.”

“So she never knew I was alive?”

Matt shook his head and then realized she couldn't see him. “No.”

“She's known for a whole month that she has a mother, but hasn't called me or tried to contact me?”

Matt heard the disappointment in Jennie's voice. Or maybe it was despair.

“It seems pretty clear to me that Pippa doesn't want a mother she never knew existed interfering with her life,” Jennie said.

“She asked about you as a child all the time. I just…I avoided the questions. I'm not really sure why Pippa didn't contact you herself. It could have something to do with the fact that she's unmarried and pregnant. She ran off about the same time I told her about you to go live with someone she hardly knows. She's always wanted a mother.”

There was silence for a moment before she asked, “You never married?”

“I did. Twice. Neither marriage lasted long.” He wanted to say that neither woman had measured up to his memories of her. That he hadn't blamed them for leaving him, because he knew the fault had been his. “I have a six-year-old son.” He wanted to ask why she'd never had children, whether something had actually gone wrong when Pippa was born, but he didn't think he had the right. “The second marriage ended when Nathan was still a baby.”

“I want to meet Pippa,” she admitted.

“You can come here—”

“I will speak with Pippa,” she interrupted, “to make sure she's taking care of herself and that she's happy where she is. But I don't want to see you. I don't think I can ever forgive you for what you did.”

“Jennie—”

“I don't want to hear your excuses! I can understand why a boy of seventeen might steal a child and run. But a grown man could fix what a child could not. You could have found me when we were both adults. You should have given me the chance to be a mother to my child!”

There was a lot he'd done wrong. Getting Jennie pregnant, to start with. But his heart turned to stone at the thought of never seeing her again. He regretted more than ever his decision to have this conversation on the phone. “When can you come?”

“Did you tell her you were contacting me?”

“No.”

“So she won't be expecting me?”

“Do you want me to call her and let her know you're coming?”

“I don't want or need your help. I can make arrangements on my own. Goodbye, Matt.”

“Jennie—” But she was already gone. Matt stared at the phone, his heart broken. He might have just ruined whatever hope he'd had of reconnecting with his lost love.

At least Jennie knew the truth now. That hurdle had been crossed. There was no telling what might happen in the future if she established a relationship with their daughter. He refused to give up hope.

Jennie was coming to Wyoming. Somehow, he would find a way to see her and talk to her and convince her that they belonged together.

T
HE RIDE HOME
with Devon was filled with quiet desperation. Pippa wasn't sure which of the two of them was more upset by what they'd learned at the barbecue. Her father and her little brother might find themselves out in the cold without a home if Angus made good on his vow to ruin King. And Devon might not be the son of the man he'd known all his life as his father.

They arrived at Devon's cabin to a joyous welcome from Wulf, but rather than stop to play with him as he usually did upon his return, Devon headed straight to the barn.

“I have to check on my animals,” he said brusquely.

Pippa figured he needed time alone to think, and to absorb the truth about his birth father. She didn't try to stop him. She simply said, “I'll feed Wulf.”

But when night fell and Devon still hadn't returned to the house, she went looking for him. She hadn't changed out of her dress, but she'd added a sweater, because the warmth of the day had disappeared along with the sun. She didn't want to intrude on Devon's privacy, but she was worried, so she grabbed two cubes of sugar, thinking she could use her work with Sultan as an excuse to show up in the barn.

She had to wedge her hip against Wulf to keep him from coming out the door after her. “Stay,” she said, squeezing the door shut slowly so she wouldn't bang his nose. “We'll both be back soon, I promise.”

She followed the dark path from the narrow, environmental lights on either side of the porch toward the glow inside the barn, wondering what she would find when she got there. What had Devon been doing to keep himself busy all afternoon?

When she opened the barn door, she saw that he'd turned on the single bulb in the center of the barn, leaving both ends in shadow. She peered at the area where the wild animals were kept in cages and saw no movement. She started to call out to him, but everything was so still and quiet, she felt foolish for coming here. Devon had obviously left the barn sometime during the afternoon and gone off somewhere to be by himself.

She might as well offer the stallion the sugar she'd brought. She walked silently down the center aisle toward Sultan's stall. She had no idea why she'd brought two cubes, when previously she'd never brought more than one. When she reached the stallion's stall, he was backed into the corner staring at her, his dark eyes liquid in the shadowy light.

“It's just me, Sultan. I brought you some sugar.” She set the two cubes on the top edge of the stall, six inches apart. Then she took a single step back and stood with her hands at her sides. Her voice remained calm and quiet as she murmured, “I know you've had a tough life, but that's all over now. I've brought you something sweet. Come to me. Come.”

Maybe it was the fact that she was visiting Sultan at night, when she'd previously come only in daylight, or maybe all her hard work was finally paying off, but to her amazement, Sultan left the corner of his stall and took the few steps necessary to reach the stall door without rearing or stomping or laying his ears back. He stared at her, snorted once, then delicately lipped the sugar cube on the left into his mouth. A moment later, he retrieved the one on the right.

Pippa expected him to retreat, but he remained where he was. She slowly reached out her hand toward his nose, murmuring, “I will never hurt you. You're safe with me.”

She was ready to pull her hand back if he tried to bite. She saw his withers quiver, as though he expected a blow, but he held his head still as her fingertips brushed his velvet nose. The touch lasted only a second before he jerked his head away and ran in a circle around the stall. But he didn't return to the corner. He stood in the center of the stall, his head up, his ears forward. He was out of reach, but not as far from her as he could get.

“You did it.”

Pippa whirled toward the voice that came out of the dark. “Devon? Is that you?”

He pushed open the door of the empty stall opposite Sultan's and stepped out of the shadows.

“You scared the wits out of me!” she said in a voice made sharp by his sudden, unexpected appearance.

His hat was gone. His eyes were red-rimmed, as though he'd been crying, and he had straw in his hair, as though he'd been lying down in the stall.

Her heart went out to him. She took two steps and slid her arms around him. “I'm here,” she said. “Everything will be all right.”

She felt him shudder and tightened her hold around his waist. A moment later she felt his arms surround her.

“I must have fallen asleep,” he said, his lips against her ear. “I woke up when I heard you talking. I thought it was…” He shook his head. “I wasn't sure who was speaking. But they were words I wanted to hear.”

Pippa tried to recall exactly what she'd said that might have provided Devon solace. Then she knew.
I will never hurt you. You're safe with me.

She pressed her nose against his throat. She would never hurt him. Not if she could help it. Right now she only wanted to provide comfort for his wounded heart. She kissed his throat beneath his ear, then his cheek, and when he turned his head, her mouth found his.

The exchange of kisses was tender, each of them offering the gentle touch of lips, but soon that wasn't enough. Devon's tongue traced the seam of her lips, and she opened to him.

He brushed the strap of her dress off her shoulder, and followed the falling bodice with his lips until her naked breast fell free. His thumb brushed the nipple, and she moaned as her body responded to his caress. A moment later he had the other strap off, and his mouth left hers and captured her breast.

Pippa didn't know what to do with her hands, she just knew his mouth and teeth and tongue were doing things to her that left her whole body trembling with need. She caught his head and forced his mouth back to hers, driving her tongue between his teeth, wanting to be joined with him, wanting it more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life.

He reached behind him and opened the door to the dark, empty stall and backed both of them into it. She glimpsed a striped saddle blanket laid out in the straw before the stall door closed. He lowered her onto it and followed her down onto his knees.

“Let me love you,” he said urgently.

“Yes, yes, please.”

Buttons pinged against the wooden stall as he yanked off his shirt. Then he reached for her dress to pull it off over her head, and she dropped back onto the rough wool blanket, naked except for a pair of bikini panties and her cowboy boots.

Pippa felt a momentary qualm, and then realized he couldn't see her body, at least not well, in the shadows. She kicked off her boots and toed off her socks. By then Devon had stripped himself naked and reached for her bikini panties, skimming them down her bare legs.

He thrust once and they were joined.

Pippa wasn't sure what she'd expected, but it wasn't what happened next.

Devon paused, his body touching hers from breast to thighs, with his weight braced on his arms. He nuzzled her throat and said, “I've wanted to make love to you since the first moment I laid eyes on you.” He tenderly brushed a strand of hair away from her face. His face was shadowed above her, his eyes dark and mysterious. “Tell me what you like. I want to please you.”

Pippa smiled, and then laughed with delight. She could tell Devon was smiling back at her, because his teeth gleamed white in what little light there was. “I like it slow and gentle.” She kissed his lower lip. “And a little wild.” And then she bit it.

He looked surprised. And then he laughed and kissed her back.

The lovemaking was both playful and carnal. Sensual and silly. Devon took his time, teasing and touching until her body was wired taut. Then he took her over the edge, falling with her until they lay together shattered and replete.

What happened next was best of all. Instead of abandoning her once he was satisfied, Devon spooned her naked body against his—her hips against his groin, his arm across her breasts, his warm breath against the back of her neck.

“This is nice,” she murmured.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It is.”

They lay quietly together, and Pippa was almost asleep when Wulf howled. Immediately, the stallion's hooves thumped against the walls of his stall, the owl hooted, and the fawn made a bleating sound.

Pippa abruptly sat up, realizing belatedly what she'd done. She should never have made love to Devon without telling him first that she was pregnant. She'd felt compelled to comfort him, but she should have relied on her head, rather than her heart, to do it.

Devon sat up as well. She shivered with pleasure as he kissed her shoulder. If she didn't do something, they would be making love again. So far she'd been lucky. Devon hadn't gotten a good look at her body, nor did she think he'd spent enough time caressing her belly to perceive the changes her pregnancy had wrought. Her breasts were larger than they'd been a month ago, and more tender, but he couldn't know that.

The first time they'd made love, he'd been excited and easily distracted and committed to making the sex good for her. The second time he might notice things he hadn't observed before.

Pippa reached for her dress and pulled it on over her head.

“We should go,” she said, searching for her socks and boots. “Wulf's going to keep howling until he knows we're all right.”

When he realized she wasn't going to lie back down, he began searching out his own clothes and pulling them on.

Pippa stopped what she was doing to watch. He had a beautiful body, his flanks sinewy and lean, his belly flat, his shoulders and abdomen ridged with muscle. She enjoyed watching the fluid motion of muscle and bone as he stepped into his jeans.

He glanced over his shoulder and caught her watching and grinned. “Like what you see?”

She laughed as she stood and began threading her fingers through her hair to remove the straw. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

Once he had his jeans zipped and snapped and his belt buckled, he crossed and pulled a strand of straw from her hair. She did the same for him. Their faces were close, and she saw that, although the tension had left his body, his eyes still looked haunted.

She stood on tiptoe to briefly kiss his lips. “Come on,” she said. “Tomorrow
is
another day.”

He laughed at her use of Scarlett's line from
Gone With the Wind.
He threaded his fingers with hers and shoved open the stall door. He stopped where he was and stared.

“What's wrong?” She leaned around him to look at whatever had caught his gaze.

Sultan's head was completely over the stall door, his nostrils flared as he stared at Devon.

“He's not running away anymore,” Devon said quietly.

“He knows he's safe here.”

Devon cocked his head at her. “Yeah. I guess he does.”