Shadows of Doubt (19 page)

“Lord Kendall.”

She saw Elly’s face tighten.

“But Lord Fairmont and Easton were there. I don’t know what would have happened if they hadn’t intervened.” Gwen had no idea how she was able to speak calmly. Her insides were churning, and she was subconsciously rubbing her wrists where Peregrine had pulled her.

“You poor dear. This is getting out of hand. Something is going to have to be done.”

“I believe he is being taught a lesson at the moment.”

“Most assuredly, if I know Adam and Nathaniel, but they won’t kill him. He might try again.”

“Do you think he would dare?”

“He obviously thinks you are the one he needs to wed. So unless you are married or gone, I don’t think he will give up.” She paused. “That’s it!”

“Pardon?”

“You said you decided you would go to America!”

“I did.”

“Then you will be leaving sooner than you planned.”

Chapter Fourteen

What had she done? Feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt washed over her and she struggled to breath. Gwen felt the boat list beneath her as she looked around her tiny cabin that had no windows, and tried to reassure herself the walls were not in reality closing in on her. Her stomach churned and beads of perspiration gathered on her brow. Suddenly, the rashness of her hasty decision hit her with a hefty dose of regret. She wished herself back home in Bath with her mother. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought about what had brought her to this moment. If only she could be reassured she was making the right choice.

She musn’t dwell on what she could not change. She decided some fresh air would remedy her doldrums, but when she stood she felt green. She empathised with Mr. Abbott’s sea malady, and wondered how she would survive weeks of this.
 

Gwen was not alone on her journey, however. It was humourous how many chaperones she had. Five of the veterans have volunteered to go to America. Buffy and Josie were to take on the stewardship duties, and Lord and Lady Fairmont decided to visit and help out for a time. They had never been to America and thought they would enjoy the holiday. Gwen was certain they were too polite to say otherwise.

As Gwen was feeling green, she was not sure it was worth it after all. She secretly thought that Lady Fairmont’s presence was the only reason the Dowager had agreed to let her go. If it did not work out, she would have a means of transport back to England, and would have been respectably chaperoned the entire time. Gwen had not been able to make the Dowager understand that it did not matter. There was little hope for her being respectable in the Beau Monde. The Dowager had protested, but she had consented. Especially when Elly insisted the scheming Bradley girls were likely sinking their claws into Andrew as they spoke, and that Lord Kendall would continue his pursuit until he succeeded.

Elly had put up a fight about going with them. She desperately wanted to go back to her beloved plantation. But Lord Easton would hear nothing of it as she was in a delicate situation.
 

Hence, there they were on a private schooner hired by the family to transport a small army of them to America. As nausea was overtaking her normally robust constitution, Gwen prayed Lord Fairmont was correct; she would grow accustomed to the sea and would not be ill the entire way, or she might not be able to leave America once she arrived.

After depositing her snack in her chamber pot, she decided to venture up to the deck to see if fresh air and sunshine would orient her and alleviate her sea sickness.

She refused to be sick for their month-long trip across the sea; she needed to find something with which to occupy her time. Elly had made sure she had ample sketching and painting supplies, but she had no idea what Elly thought she would find to draw on this ship for weeks as she looked around and saw nothing but water and boat.

She gazed at the powerful sails and the masts that reached towards the sky. She contemplated and decided it would make an interesting picture.
 

“As I have little else to do,” she muttered to herself, “it will not hurt to try.” She opened her sketch pad and found a place to sit and work. She reflected as she worked, and wondered if she could forge a living through her art. Mr. Scott had sold her painting for fifty pounds, and the Eastons had paid her one hundred pounds for the scene she had painted for them! Likely it had been a charity offering for mediocre work, but they had insisted they could not be more delighted and commissioned her to paint River’s Bend. At least she would not be obliged to hurry into a position out of destitution if she disliked it there.
 

She became absorbed in trying to capture the wind’s effect on the sails.

“Why are you drawing a picture of the sails, miss?” a young voice asked.

Without looking up she answered, “I’ve never drawn them before.”
 

“Is it difficult? My drawings look nothing like yours.” The little girl moved in closer and looked over Gwen’s shoulder.

“I don't suppose they are too difficult. If you know basic drawing techniques.”

Amelia sighed. “I've been trying to learn, but my art master thinks I'm a hopeless case.”

“You've taken lessons then?” Gwen looked up to the blue-eyed beauty who was a miniature replica of her father, Lord Fairmont.

Amelia nodded. “How did you make the sails look real?”

“By using dimensions. I used some shadow here and here.” Gwen demonstrated the technique. “Would you like to try?”

The little girl looked hesitant but nodded. She drew a line behind one of the sails and then studied it.

“Keep going,” Gwen encouraged.

Amelia repeated her lines until they were similar to the ones Gwen had made.

“Excellent. Now take your finger and blend the lines just so.” Gwen demonstrated effortlessly.

“Brilliant! Miss Lambert, will you be my new art mistress? I must show Papa!” The little girl grabbed the sketchpad and ran off. Gwen watched after her longingly, remembering a time when she had been as excited about art and her life. She smiled. At least she knew now how she could pass her journey.

***

Twenty-one days down and no end in sight. Gwen was certain she had grown fins and scales with all the sea foods she’d been obliged to eat. She also could not remember the last time she had been bored. She had been too sick to consider it overly much, but today the seas were calm and she was able to think about something other than where the nearest basin was. She was not sure how she had maintained sanity before she’d had chores. There was nothing for her to do to help out. The ship was fully staffed, and there were too many men about for her to wander. She was supposed to be attended by another female if she wanted to leave her cabin; she’d been informed of that after venturing out alone the first day. Josie, Amelia and Lady Fairmont were the only other females aboard, so her choices were limited.

She was debating how to spend her idle time before the Fairmonts rose for the day. She eyed the stack of books Lady Easton had sent with her and she looked towards her sketch pad.
 
She decided against drawing. She might need to amuse Lady Amelia along the way, and did not want to be frivolous with the pages should they be on the sea longer than anticipated, heaven forbid.

The stack of books called to her. Some of her favourites were also loved by Lady Easton, and she had lent her copies for the trip. She looked at the two books that Mr. Abbott had given her. She laughed. She definitely did not want to read
Robinson Crusoe
while aboard a ship. She doubted she would last one month alone on an island, let alone eight and twenty years! Thankfully, she had read that before she set sail. She picked up
Gulliver’s Travels
and decided to give it a try. She had heard of the book, of course, but had never particularly been interested in reading it before Mr. Abbott gave it to her.

The book began with another shipwreck. What had Mr. Abbott been thinking of by having her read these? He had not been thinking of her boarding a ship to venture to America.

She was keen to like
Gulliver’s Travels
at Mr. Abbott’s recommendation, and while she appreciated the satire, she had never been much for politics unless it involved human rights or equality for all people. That was one way in which she was uncertain of the new American government; it proclaimed equality, yet allowed slavery.
 

Gwen continued on through the pages. She got through Gulliver's treason and escaping Lilliput, and was saved by a knock on the door.

“Enter,” she bade her guest.

“Miss Lambert?”
 

“Come in, Amelia.” She looked up from the book to smile at her new friend.

“Mama sent me to see if you care to take breakfast with us, or if we can have something brought to you?”

“Yes, I would love to breakfast with you, thank you.”

“What were you reading?” she asked curiously.

“
Gulliver's Travels
.”

“I love
Gulliver's Travels
!” Amelia exclaimed.

“You do?” Gwen said with disbelief.

“Yes, I think it would be famous to be a giant or to live amongst them. As long as I was in favour, of course.”

“Of course.
 
Only, I had not thought it a book for children.”

“Mama lets me read most everything. She says she was raised by books.”

Gwen was amused by the young lady's understanding, and thought perhaps she might enjoy the story more if she observed it from a child's perspective as a fantastic fairytale, rather than reading into the underlying messages. The two entered the next cabin where breakfast was laid out. Lady Fairmont and her son were sitting at the small table in the captain’s cabin which had been purloined for use by the Fairmonts. It was much larger than her own cabin, and had windows that allowed in light and a view of the sea. Gwen thought that she might not feel so ill if she had a window, for when she could see, it helped immensely. She would never say such a thing, for the Fairmonts would feel obliged to give her their cabin, or allow her to sleep there in Lord Fairmont’s place.

“You look much less green today, Miss Lambert. Are you feeling better?” Lady Fairmont greeted her.

“I am, thank you. I believe the seas are much calmer.”

“Yes. That certainly helps. Amelia was hoping you would be able to play cards with us today. With Josie, that makes for four of us.”

“That would be a welcome diversion. It has been years since I have played cards.”

“I am certain you will pick it up again. I must have something to do to keep my mind from dwelling on how much longer we will be at sea. I would make a dreadful Navy man.”

“Fortunately for you, Mama, they do not allow women in the Navy.”

“I suppose so, dear.”

Gwen looked at Robert, the Fairmonts’ son. He was very intent on eating his breakfast. When he finished, he immediately climbed down from the table and went straight for his toy soldiers.

“Bang! Bang! Dead frog!” He mimicked two soldiers fighting.

Gwen had to suppress her laughter.

“Robert William, please try to be less violent, dear. Are all boys born wanting to shoot guns and arrows?” Lady Fairmont looked to Gwen, incredulous.

“My brother certainly seemed that way,” Gwen remarked.

“Mama, it is because he plays with the soldiers at home,” Amelia said matter-of-factly.

“I suppose so. I will never free the sounds of Waterloo from my mind.”

“You were there?” Gwen asked in astonishment.

“Yes. That is where Lord Fairmont received his injuries.”

“We thought Papa was dead for a long time,” Amelia explained to Gwen.

“I cannot imagine not knowing,” Gwen said reverently, though she had lost her brother.

“I hope you never have to,” Lady Fairmont replied quietly.

Josie looked around the door. “Is it time for cards?”

“Please come in.”

“We were telling Gwen we needed a fourth player.”

“I'm quite out of practice.” Gwen was wary of cards, for they had been her father's downfall. Surely they would not be playing for stakes with a child among them?

“How are the men faring up on deck, Josie?” Lady Fairmont asked.

“Oh, I think they all fancy themselves sailors. Talking shop about winds and knots and all other sorts of foreign language. Get aft of the boat or afore the mast.
 
Sleep in a berth and belay the rope…” She shook her head in dismay.

“They create their own talk to feel important,” Amelia said astutely as she shuffled the cards. The child did not seem to be a mere nine years the way she spoke.

“I 'spect you're right, dear. I only wanted to know if the winds were favourable. I wasn't asking for equations about arcs, angles and acceleration.”

All the ladies laughed.

“I'm certainly happy to have company I understand,” Gwen remarked.

“Amen,” Josie agreed.

“Miss Josie, what will America be like?” Amelia asked.

“Hm. Well, the weather is warmer most of the time, though it snows once or twice a winter. It's very big, and the place we are going is only a very small part of the country. This time of year is warm and has beautiful sunsets. But mostly, it is not very different from England.”