Shadows (11 page)

I claw at the fingers that are clamped around my neck, holding me under. My throat has closed over, but water rushes up my nose. My lungs are on fire. Air…Any second now I’m going to pass out.

I thrash and kick, striking something that feels like bone. My head is ripped out of the water and I’m flung backwards, hitting something hard. A wall. I make horrible noises trying to get air back into my lungs. The floor under my hands is tiled, and cold. Tremors rip through my body. I’m soaking wet, tasting blood.

‘Come on, Gabe, you’ve got to have more than that.’

Through strands of wet hair, I see Malachi standing with his leg up on an enamel bath, rubbing his shin.

We’re in a gleaming bathroom with fresh white towels
and a thick bath mat I’m possibly about to throw up on.

‘What’s happening?’ I manage to rasp.

‘I’m trying to help you.’

I choke. ‘What, drown?’

He sits on the edge of the bath. His goatee and straight hair are jet black under the heated lights. ‘Come on, you know you can’t die unless you lose your head.’

I stare at him, more interested in breathing than speaking.

‘We don’t kill each other, Gabe. There’s not enough of us left as it is.’ He checks me over. ‘Ready?’

I scramble sideways as he comes at me, wondering where Daniel is and why Malachi’s been let loose on me. But the door is shut and Malachi grabs me by my hair before I reach the handle, and drags me back towards the tub.

‘You know how to get out of this,’ he says, keeping clear of my fists. I search for purchase on the tiles, but he’s too strong. I have time to inhale before he plunges my head under again.

Back in that wet, muted world, the panic is overwhelming. I can’t die. I could drown for hours. I open my eyes. Black spots flicker against white enamel. I reach out, fingers scraping for the plug. But the bath is too big; I can’t reach it.

The thought comes again.
I can’t die.
This isn’t about
killing me—this is about hurting me. And by thrashing I’m making Malachi’s job easier.

I stop struggling, but his grip doesn’t loosen. He must know how long he’s got before I slide into unconsciousness. I grip the bath again and push back with all my strength. Malachi presses down harder to keep me under. When he’s right over me, I let my arms go limp. He loses his balance, stumbles, and I slam my elbow upwards. From the way he lets go of my hair, I’ve found the target.

Again I stagger back, gasping, but this time I keep my feet. I look around for a weapon, but there’s nothing close by except a plastic toilet brush.

‘Shit, woman.’ Malachi’s leaning against the wall, clutching between his legs but still blocking my way to the door.

What would badass Gabe do in this situation? I lunge for the brush. Surprise registers on Malachi’s face just before I fling it at him. I wrench open the door and stumble through.

Daniel is standing with his back to the room, looking out the window. He turns when he hears me and I race for the outer door. I’m moving too fast and hit it hard with my shoulder. I grapple for the door handle, and then my break-out attempt is over. It’s still locked from the outside. Of course.

Daniel hasn’t moved from the window, but he’s watching
me, his face bleak. It’s darker outside—late afternoon. How long was I out?

I sink to the floor. ‘What the
fuck?’

Daniel glances at the bathroom and runs a hand through his dark hair. ‘The easy way didn’t work.’

I push my soaking fringe out of my face. ‘For what?’

‘Getting to the truth.’

‘I’ve told you the truth.’

‘No, you haven’t, because you don’t remember it.’

I sit there, dripping water all over the carpet. ‘You think drugging and drowning me will help?’

‘I gave you something to open your mind, but it’s a mess in there. Everything bleeds together.’

‘So the next option is to let that arsehole hold my head underwater?’

Something in the bathroom catches Daniel’s attention and he holds up a hand to stop Malachi from whatever he was about to do. ‘It’s not just your mind that’s forgotten things—your body has too. If we can get your instincts to kick in, then maybe your mind will follow.’

I wring out my hair. ‘Did I pass?’

He moves closer.

I wish I had something to throw at him. ‘Don’t touch me.’

‘Gabe, this is not the way I wanted to do this. But whoever did this to you left us with no choice.’

‘Of course there’s a choice—you could choose
not
to hurt me! You could accept my memories are gone. Whatever I may or may not have known about your precious Fallen no longer exists.’ I stop to catch my breath again.

Daniel has paused halfway across the room. ‘The Fallen are as important to you as they are to us. Your father is among them, and your fate is as tied to them as ours.’

Malachi emerges from the bathroom, his jaw set. Daniel gives him a cursory glance. ‘Go,’ he says.

Malachi raises his chin, as if he’s not quite ready to walk away from his work.

‘Now,’ Daniel says.

Malachi eyes me, and then he disappears in a blink. I should have known he wouldn’t leave the room like a normal person.

Daniel offers me a dry towel. I snatch it and wipe my face and neck, and then drape it around my wet shoulders. He sits on the bed and gestures for me to join him.

I don’t.

‘Gabriella—’

‘It’s Gaby.’

A sigh. ‘Gaby. The Fallen are the scourge of heaven and hell. They’re hunted by angels and demons, reviled for their weakness. We’re their illicit offspring—the product of their sins.’

‘So?’

‘The archangels despise us—they’ve only let us live because of Nathaniel.’

‘How does finding them change any of that?’

‘It shows we’re loyal to heaven.’

‘Why don’t you just leave it to the demons to find the Fallen and take them back to hell? Find something else to do with your lives.’

Three lines crease his smooth forehead. ‘The only way we can redeem ourselves is to deliver Semyaza and the Fallen to the Angelic Garrison, show that we’re willing to hand our fathers over.’

‘And then what?’

‘And then the archangels will accept us among them.’

‘How do you know that’s what they want? Or that they’ll give you anything?’

Daniel’s face darkens. ‘What crap has Rafael been telling you?’

It’s the closest he’s come to profanity. I’m tempted to keep pushing, but I have a more important question.

‘Where’s God in all this?’

‘God’s covenant with mankind has nothing to do with us,’ he says. ‘We’re neither angel nor human. We’re something in between.’

I hold out my arms. ‘Really?’ I’m trying to mock him, but the idea I’m something other than human deeply unnerves me.

‘Appearances can be deceiving.’

‘How can you be so sure you’re not just a human with a few special gifts?’

‘Humans grow old and die. Humans have children.’

I pick at the carpet, breaking his gaze. Not that I was planning on having kids anytime soon, but I’d assumed I’d be able to if that day came.

‘We’re hybrids, Gabriella, we can’t procreate.’

Is that a hint of bitterness?

I stretch out my bad leg. My knee protests. ‘But God created angels and humans. Angels were there at the virgin birth, and they were there when Jesus rose from the dead, after dying for
humans.
You can’t separate the two. So how can we be nothing?’

Daniel stands up. He rotates his wrist until it cracks—further evidence he was something other than a politician not so long ago. ‘We leave the existential questions to our priests and philosophers. And you forget, we have Nathaniel.’

‘An actual fallen angel.’

‘An actual
angel.’
The edge in his voice warns me I’m heading into territory that may lead to my head in a bath again.

I shiver. I’m wet and cold. The adrenaline has gone now, and my muscles ache. ‘Any chance I could have a hot shower without someone trying to drown me?’

He regards me for a moment and then nods. ‘Of course.’

I use the door handle to pull myself up, then limp across the room. I pause before I go back into the bathroom. ‘Why is everyone so convinced that what happened to me has anything to do with the Fallen?’

Daniel closes his eyes for a second and sighs. ‘Do you believe a car accident is responsible for giving you new memories?’

I rub my neck. Malachi’s fingers have left more bruises. ‘No. But do you really think Jude and I found the Fallen when no one has been able to in over a century?’

‘It’s possible.’

‘You think two hundred angels are just hiding out somewhere in the world?’

‘We’re not convinced they’re in this dimension.’

It takes me a second to absorb that. ‘Then how is anyone going to be able to find them?’

Daniel picks a tiny piece of lint from his shirt. ‘Wherever they are, they got there from somewhere in this realm, and if we can find that location, Nathaniel can track them.’

‘Oh.’ My brain is now officially full.

The door closes behind Daniel. No flashy shifting like Malachi.

I shut myself in the bathroom and stand there for a good minute, staring at the water in the tub and the twisted bath mat. And then I dash to the toilet and throw up.

In spite of everything, or maybe because of it, the shower is the best I’ve had for a long time. The water pressure is so fierce it almost drives me against the glass screen. I withstand it, letting the heat seep into my bones.

Emptiness gnaws at me.

I can’t ignore it any longer. The sense that something’s missing. I’ve always assumed it was Jude, but maybe what I’ve been missing is me.

I help myself to expensive-looking shampoo and conditioner. When I finally get out of the shower, smelling like aloe vera and vanilla, I drag my forearm across the steamy mirror and look at myself. Still the same Gaby. Somehow, I keep expecting to see someone different—the person everyone else seems to know.

Wet hair drips down my back. I run my fingertips over the lumpy tissue on my neck. It feels the same, but it means something else now.

Someone tried to cut my head off.

I had stitches and recovered the slow, painful way. Nobody shifted and healed me. Does that mean Jude really is dead? Because if he survived, surely he would have healed me like Rafa did. I exhale. I need to run to make sense of this. What are the chances Daniel will let me take a few laps around the grounds?

I open the bathroom door and let the steam out ahead of me. The room is empty. On the bed is a selection of t-shirts and jumpers, all grey or black and all designed for function over style. No designer labels here. Maggie would be appalled.

Maggie.

Rafa must be back at the bungalow by now, probably tearing Jason a new one for letting me leave. Not that he could have stopped me.

I put on two t-shirts and a long-sleeved shirt and feel more grounded. I go to the window. The sky is almost completely dark now and hanging lamps have come on around the piazza. Shadowy figures hurry along the cloister. The need to be moving is almost unbearable. I can’t run, so I pace, flipping the bird to the camera in the corner, once or twice.

All right, so what do I know? I make a mental list.

I’m the bastard child of a fallen angel.

I used to live here.

Jude left a decade ago and I stayed; we stopped talking as a result.

Something happened a year ago and we made up.

We didn’t tell anyone what it was that ended our rift.

We went missing together, presumed dead.

I survived and someone wiped my memory.

I pass by the window, see my reflection in the dark glass, my nervous pacing.

Let’s say Jude and I somehow found the Fallen. It makes sense they would wipe my memories. But why would they give me the fake life I remember? Whoever altered my memory wanted me to remember Jude. Wanted me to think I had a normal childhood. That I was okay with not having a relationship with my parents. They made sure I grieved deeply for my brother.

Why?

Steam drifts out of the bathroom and I go over to shut the door. Someone’s standing on the bath mat.

‘Fuck!’

‘Sorry,’ Daisy says. ‘You okay?’

My heart thumps again and then settles. She’s injured. Her cheek is bruised and her top lip is swollen and split.

‘Me? What happened to you?’

She shrugs with one shoulder. ‘I went to see you without permission.’

‘Today?’

‘No, on Sunday.’

‘How did they find out?’

A half-smile. ‘You rang.’ Her red hair looks dull today, tucked behind her ears. Her skin is even paler than when we met at the lookout.

‘Shit.’ I’d forgotten all about my panicked call a few hours ago. ‘Sorry.’ I glance up at the camera, step into the bathroom. ‘You know I’m being watched, right?’

She smiles and then winces. ‘Everyone’s in a briefing right now.’

‘Why aren’t you there?’

‘I don’t get to know what’s going on—at least for a day or so.’ She closes the toilet lid and sits on it. ‘But just to be on the safe side, I’ll stay in here.’

‘Do you know where Maggie is?’ I ask.

‘Sorry, I don’t.’

I want to believe her.

‘I had an argument with Taya over what happened the first time she went to see you, so there was no way she was telling me the plans today. Nobody thinks I can be impartial.’ She sighs. ‘Sorry I couldn’t answer your call. Daniel was handing out surveillance jobs when you rang. I turned it off as soon as I saw it was a new number, but
he doesn’t miss a trick. He asked to borrow my phone as I was heading out. Nobody says no to Daniel.’

‘Did he do that?’ I gesture to her lip and cheek.

She touches her face. ‘That was Malachi. But only after I busted his nose.’

‘Excellent. I smashed his balls.’

Daisy’s green eyes light up. ‘Why?’

‘He tried to drown me.’

‘What?’

I tell her about the bathroom session.

‘Daniel let that happen?’ She’s studying me, a frown changing the pattern of her freckles. ‘Why did you agree to come with him?’

‘He let me believe Mags was here.’ I’m embarrassed at how easily he manipulated me.

‘Ah, well, there’s a reason he’s one of the Five.’

‘So, it’s not just because of his perfect hair? It’s a wonder he’s got time to do anything that doesn’t involve a mirror.’

Daisy snorts. It’s not a delicate sound. ‘Ow,’ she says, and presses her fingers to her lip, trying not to laugh. ‘Oh, I
like
the new you.’

‘Yeah?’ I don’t mean to sound so hopeful.

She manages a lopsided smile. ‘It’s just…you’re seeing everything with fresh eyes.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well…’ She pauses. ‘Daniel likes to look sharp. Every
one knows that. But nobody makes jokes about it. Especially you.’

‘Why not?’

‘Well, for a start, you two only broke up a little while before you disappeared.’

I blink. And gape.

‘He didn’t tell you?’

I shake my head. Parts of our earlier conversation make a
lot
more sense. ‘He asked me if I’d slept with Rafa.’

‘I hope you said yes, even if it’s not true.’

‘No, and no,’ I say. ‘Daniel says I’m the only Rephaite woman Rafa hasn’t slept with.’

She shrugs. ‘True enough, but that’s Rafa.’

‘So you’ve been with him?’ The question’s out before I even know I want to ask it.

‘Yeah, but it was a hundred years ago. We were teenagers. Actual teenagers. I was one of his earlier conquests.’ A small smile. ‘Not one of my prouder moments, but he wasn’t such a cocky bastard back then.’

I really shouldn’t care about any of this, but…’How did he and I get along?’

‘That’s complicated.’ A frown. ‘You and Rafa were always our best fighters—when everyone was still together. You led every major operation, and no one went into even a bar fight without one or both of you.’

‘Why didn’t I sleep with him, then?’

‘I don’t know. On principle? He was Jude’s best friend. And of course he’s a prize smartarse. You two fought with each other almost as much as you fought beside each other, but it was never anything serious. Until Mya came along.’

I’m so sick of that name. ‘What’s her story?’

‘She managed to make it on her own for nearly a hundred and thirty years before Nathaniel tracked her down. She wasn’t a big fan of our way of life here. Too many rules. Plus, she wanted to be one of the Five. Rephaim have waited decades for that chance, and she just waltzes on in and wants to run the place. When she worked out how long she’d have to wait, she stirred up a lot of trouble, questioning Nathaniel and telling us we should think for ourselves. Anyway, she finally left, and took twenty-two of our best fighters with her.’

‘Including Jude and Rafa.’

‘Rafa followed his dick—big surprise there. Jude followed Rafa, and everyone else followed Jude.’

I pick up a damp towel, toss it on the edge of the bath. ‘Were Jude and Daniel friends?’

‘They were civil to each other, at least until Daniel became interested in you. Then it all went bad.’

‘How come?’

‘Jude didn’t like how you were when you were around Daniel.’

I wrap my arms around my knees. I’m not sure I want to know what that means.

‘They were never buddies, even when we were kids,’ Daisy continues. ‘Daniel was always a bit threatened. Jude could have been one of the Five in a heartbeat if he’d wanted it, but he stayed on the frontline with us.’ She straightens the bath mat. ‘Everything changed after Hurricane Mya.’

I glance back at the camera. I hope that briefing is still going. ‘Can you take me to Pan Beach?’

She looks down at the empty bath. ‘I can’t. They’ll know it was me.’

I push down my frustration.

‘I’ll figure something out,’ she says. ‘I know I’ve said that before…’

‘Thanks.’ I gesture to her face. ‘How come you’re still injured?’

She wrinkles her nose. ‘No one’s allowed to shift with me at the moment.’ She checks her watch and stands up. ‘I’d better get out of here.’

I nod, and get to my feet too. ‘Thanks, you know, for coming.’

Daisy catches sight of herself in the mirror and probes her bruised cheek until she winces. ‘My pleasure. Gabe—’ She turns to me. ‘Trust your body. You might not remember how to fight, but I don’t believe Daniel’s theory
that your body’s forgotten.’ She cracks her neck. ‘And Gabe?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Fight hard, because we
will
keep hurting you.’

And then she’s gone. All the warmth in the bathroom leaves with her.