Shadows 02 Girl in the Shadows (14 page)

so she come to me."
"Why would you give her any money?"
"I wouldn't, but she sat right where you're sitting now and began to unbutton her blouse. She didn't wear a bra. Half the time, she didn't wear panties, neither. I don't know how many men she brought up here at night, but the list is probably a good half of the male population.
"Anyhow, she threatened to claim I tried to rape her. To make her point, she dug her own fingernails into her shoulder and tore down the skin right to her breast. She didn't wince. She sat there smiling and tearing her skin and her blouse. She said she wasn't going to run to her mother. either. She was going to get into her car and drive right to town and go to the police on me. I had no doubt she would do it.
"Anyway. I gave her all the money I had here, which was considerable because I didn't do much investing. She knew I had it. My guess was she spied on me through the windows and saw me counting it or something. She knew my hiding spots and she probably would have stolen it if she could get in. but I never forgot to lock the door and windows.
"The way I saw it, it was good riddance anyway. She was aggravating Mrs. Westington to death with her antics. I thought, of all the possible investments I could have made, this one was the best because it rid us of Rhona.
"Of course, I felt sorry for Echo. She was a mite of a thing and didn't know how bad Rhona was. I justified it by telling myself the child was better off without her. But I know a child never can forget or disown her own mother and be happy about it. And then there was my guilt over making it possible for Rhona to leave Mrs. Westington like that.
"One day, she turned to me and with those eyes of hers burning into me the way she can make them burn, she asked me where I thought Rhona got the money to take off like she had. I had little chance of gettting away with any sort of a lie. so I upped and told her the whole story. Of course, she bawled me out for it, but she also admitted she understood why I would be afraid. 'My daughter's an expert when it comes to lying and cheating,' she said. 'She could make John the Baptist look like a serial rapist.'
"Still, I felt bad about keeping everything secret all that time. Grapes are sure a helluva lot easier to raise than children." he concluded.
"Well, what should I do now? Should
I
leave?"
"That's up to you, of course. but I think Mrs. Westington would rather you stayed on. She's quite a bit older than she was when Rhona ran off, but she's still got lots of Grit. I'll do whatever I can, too.
"I won't kid you about it,' he added. "Rhona's pretty
resourceful. I don't know where you've been and what you've seen in your short life. April, but you're about to learn how low-down someone can get. When that girl gets buried, there'll be black weeds sprouting all around her grave and every animal in the world will steer clear. Birds won't even fly over the tombstone."
I nodded. "I'm not going to run away," I said. "I've done enough of that."
"Maybe so. Echo's sure found a friend in you." "Thanks. Trevor," I said. rising,
"Nothing to thank me for,"
"Yes there is. Thanks for trusting me with the painful truth." He smiled.
I walked to the door. "We're not getting pushed around anymore." I vowed.
"Yes. ma'am. If you say so," he told me, and I walked out.
Where did I get all the courage? I wondered. I looked at the motor home. The light was on. Had I left it on?
I
guess so. I thought. I'd better go turn it off. The batteries are weak enough as it is.
I hurried back, opened the door, and started up the short stairway only to stop dead in my tracks. My mouth hung open stupidly.
Sitting where I had been sitting, across from Destiny, was Tyler Monahan.

.
"What are you doing in here?" I asked. "When I drove up. I saw the light on and

thought you were in here." he said. "I was just about to leave to see
if
you were in the house. I was hoping to see you without Echo knowing I was here.'

"Why do you want to see me now? You weren't very interested in seeing me earlier,"
I
said, unable to keep the note of anger out of my voice.

I
felt bad about it all, actually," he said.
"You should. Echo was heartbroken and
couldn't understand why you would simply ignore
her." I wanted to add, "and so was I." but I didn't. "That's why I came here. I wanted to talk to you
about... about it all," he said. He did look repentant. I retreated a step to close the door and then I
walked into the motor home and sat just to the right of
Destiny. It occurred to me that we were both staring
directly at him. From the way he looked from her to
me and smiled. I could see he was thinking about it.
too. "What's so funny?"
"You and the doll have the same expression on
your faces," he said.
"What's that supposed to mean? I'm just another
doll in your eyes?"
"No, no, nothing like that." He looked very
nervous. "Whose van is that out front?"
"That's Mrs. Westinaton's daughter. Rhona, and
her boyfriend. Skeeter,"
"Really? You mean, after all these years. Echo's
mother has returned to her home and family?" "If you want to call it that. She didn't return
because she missed her daughter. They want to get
their hands on Mrs. Westington's money."
He nodded. "Nevertheless, she's come home,"
he said. "I think it was Robert Frost who wrote 'Home
is the place where when you go there, they have to
take you in.'"
"I don't think Mrs. Westington is anxious to do
that."
"Yes. but she will," he said confidently. "It's
easier for a child to run away than for a mother to turn
her out or him out, for that matter."
He was probably right. That inevitable outcome
depressed me. but I didn't see as I could do much
about it.
"Why didn't you at least wave to us in the mall today?" I asked, returning to the reason for his
appearance. "And don't claim you didn't see us." "I saw you." "So?"
"I've already told you how upset my mother's
been at how much time I spend here, spend on Echo.
She doesn't know anything about you and what work
I've been doing with you."
"So? I still don't really understand why she's so
upset about your working with Echo. You're doing
what you were trained to do, what you were educated
to do. Isn't she proud of that?"
"She would rather I help out in our business
right now. She thinks Mrs. Westington should be
sending Echo to a special school and I shouldn't be
taking on all this responsibility. She thinks I'm too
involved with their family matters."
"Well. Mrs. Westington will send her to a
school. eventually." I raised my hands and smirked.
"This is your excuse for not saying hello, for ignoring
us?"
"I just didn't want to create any more tension. It
wasn't the right time to introduce you and Echo to her.
She thinks Echo was brought to the mall deliberately
to see me. She thought you were all following me.' "What? That's ridiculous. How would we know you were there? As I recall, you said you had to work in the store and you wouldn't have time for us on the
weekend."
"My mother's not thinking straight about this at
the moment. It'll be all right, once I finish here. which
I have to do very soon, actually sooner than I had
planned."
"It'll be all right? Is that what you think? I'm
happy for you."
"I
just meant--"
"Look. Tyler, this all sounds stupid to me.
You're not a child. Just stand up to her."
"It's not a matter of that. It's a matter of
respect," he said.
"Right."
I
looked down at the control for
Destiny and slipped it into my hand. "What do you
think. Destiny?"
I
asked the doll, and threw my voice
to have her speak
"We have a mama's boy here," Destiny said. "Very funny. An obedient son is not a mama's
boy. April. My mother comes from a different world
and she hasn't lost her tradition and her sense of what
she was taught is right and is wrong. It's how I was
brought up," he explained. "Our first duty is to our
parents. We don't desert them because they're old or
sick and we respect their wisdom,"
"You should be telling Echo all this, not me.
^-
Why come to me with these explanations and excuses.
anyway?" I asked.
He looked away and then he sat forward, his
head down. "It's not only what happened in the mall.
I'm ashamed about how I behaved here with you. I
shouldn't have done what I did."
"I didn't mind it," I confessed with a
nonchalance that brought his eves up sharply. "Look. I
know exactly what happened here. Tyler. You don't
even have to try to explain it or make up something." "You do?"
"You just looked at me and got disgusted. I told
you I didn't want to get into that costume. I knew what
I would look like in it."
"Oh no, it wasn't you at all."
"What?"
"I mean, it wasn't solely because of you. It's
me," he said. "You were very honest about yourself
and told me some intimate things. I appreciate that,
but it makes me feel deceitful."
"Deceitful? Why?"
"I haven't told you the truth about myself,
April. The truth is not only don't I have a girlfriend
here or in Los Angeles. I've never had a girlfriend.
I've never been out on a real date, in fact."
I squinted, skeptical. "You've never been on a
date? This is what you want me to believe?" "I'm not lying. You have your personal and
emotional problems and I have mine."
I thought a moment and it was as if a lightbulb
went on in my head. You don't mean... are you saying
you're gay?"
Was this why he was so interested in why I had
left Brenda and run to Uncle Palaver, why he pursued
me for details about Celia?
"I guess I'm saving I don't know. I'm not sure if
I'm gay or just afraid. insecure. It's how I am. how I've
always been. Sometimes, I think I'm asexual, like an
amoeba."
"Well, as you asked me, are you attracted to
boys or aren't you? Are you more comfortable being
with boys?" I repeated like a prosecutor.
"No. but I know I'm not as aggressive or as
interested in girls as I should be, as other men my age
are, as in fact my friends were when I was in high
school and in college. They tried to include me in
everything, parties, trips, but eventually they gave up
on rile and so did most of the girls,"
I studied him. Who would ever think a man as good-looking as he was would have trouble with women? On the other hand, his look was different and there were probably many girls and women who thought of him as Asiatic and therefore not for them. Maybe this was why he had a complex, felt insecure. Suddenly, instead of being angry at him. I was feeling sorry for him and I was thinking he and I were more
alike than he might think.
"You were never close with any girl, ever?" "No, not really. I mean. I studied with them,
things like that, but when it came to socializing, going
out on dates. I went into retreat. There was a girl once
who I knew liked me very much. She tried to develop
a romance between us. but I didn't respond the way I
should have and she just became angry at me, the way
you were. I'm sure, Anyway.
I
decided I would come
here to tell you about it so you wouldn't feel that it
was your fault. I came to apologize,I'll fix it with
Echo. too. I'll have to prepare her for my ending the
tutoring."
"She won't understand. No matter what you tell
her, she's going to think it's her fault somehow and
she's going to be heartbroken."
"I hope you'll help me with her and prevent
that. She thinks of you now as her best friend in the
world."
I sighed deeply and shook my head. "I know,
and I regret it now."
"Why?"
"I don't know how much longer be here. Tyler.
Rhona is determined to get me out. She's already
threatened me."
"What does Mrs. Westingon say about that?" "She doesn't know how bad things could get
and I don't know if I will be able to stay around here
any longer anyway. I promised Trevor I would try, but
it's really not my business or my right to come
between a mother and her daughter. Anyway. I have
my own troubles."
"I'm sorry to hear that," he said.
"Is it really important to you that I stay?" "Yes, important for Echo especially. Will you?" "We'll see. As I told Trevor. I'll try."
"I'll help you if I can," he promised. "It could
be that Rhona will get quickly discouraged once she
sees how big a responsibility Echo is and take off
again anyway,"
"I don't know as I would count too heavily on
that. Tyler. As you have pointed out. Mrs. Westington
is not a young woman. I think Rhona came here because she realizes it and wants to be sure she has control of everything, the property, the money. If Mrs. Westington should leave it all to Echo. Rhona will have a mother's authority. What could I possibly do to
help or prevent any of that? What can you do?" "Well, don't make any quick decisions about
it," he said. "I'll return on Monday. Please."
I looked at him. He really did seem to want me
to stay. Was it only to make things easier for him or
was there some interest in me, enough to keep him
thinking about me?
"I tell you what," I said. "I'll promise to stay as
long as you do." He thought a moment and then
nodded. "Okay."
"Is that a firm promise?"
"Yes."
"Destiny, do you believe him?"
"Give him the test," I made her say.
Tyler laughed, "What test?"
"Test of truth." I said. I stood up and went to
the cabinet under the television set to let a deck of
cards. Then I handed it to him. "Pick a card and
whisper what you've chosen into Destiny's ear." "What?"
"Just do
it."
He started to pluck one out of the deck. "No, this is the honor system. Don't pull it out.
Just pick it and tell her."
"Tell her?"
"That's right. Whisper it in her ear. Go on." I took the deck back and went into the kitchen.
He laughed, rose, and whispered into Destiny's ear.
Then I returned and knelt down to put my ear to her
lips. Her lips moved and then I turned and plucked a
card from the deck. "Was this it?"
He looked from the card to Destiny to me,
"How could you do that?"
"A good magician..."
"Never tells, but you've got to tell me or I'll go
crazy."
"It's better you believe it was simply magic," I
said, and started away, but he grabbed my wrist and
pulled me back so roughly I nearly fell over him. "In a minute I'll give you magic you won't
forget, if you don't talk."
"I must warn you. I'm trained to endure all sorts
of torture to keep the great secrets." I said.
He stood up. "Is that so?" He smiled and then
he started to tickle me and I squirmed to get away. He
held on and we both fell back on the sofa. He held me down and started to blow in my ear. I screamed and
he stopped. "Are you going to talk?"
I shook my head.
Then he poked the tip of his tongue into my ear
and I squealed.
He held himself inches from my face. We were
both very silent. I'm not like Brenda. I thought. I'm
not. I want him to kiss me. I really do. I raised my lips
toward his. He didn't move and then he brought his to
mine.
"I'm a stumbling fool when it comes to this." he
said.
"So am I." I whispered, and he kissed me again.
I moved more to the left to make room for him on the
sofa. It occurred to me as he slid down beside me that
we were truly like two young teenagers making an
initial foray into the sexual jungle. A man his age
really should have more sophistication. I thought. He
wasn't lying to me about his inexperience and lack of
romantic involvement. Could I be the first girl he's
ever gone this far with?
He fingered the buttons on my blouse
awkwardly. Should I help him? I wondered, Would he
be embarrassed, insulted, and once again turn away
from me? I waited with my eyes closed until he finally had it all done. Then
I
let him lift me so he could take off my blouse and begin to fumble now with the fastener of my bra. It was easier and in moments, he had my breast cupped in his hand, his lips to my nipple. I moaned and sank back on the sofa. He started to undo the button of my jeans and gently pull them down. I felt his fingers move under the elastic of my panties and then I let him lift my legs to
slide my panties lower and lower.
"I do like you. April," he said.
'I
do. I do." he
chanted. I heard him undoing his pants. I am going to
do this. I thought, almost solely to prove to myself I
wanted it as much as I was proving it to him and
letting him prove himself to me.
And then I turned slightly to my right and
looked at Destiny. "Wait," I said. but I said it through
her. "Wait."
Tyler stopped, a confused smile on his face.
"What?"
"Are you prepared? Are you ready for this?" My lips didn't move. He turned and looked at
Destiny and then back at me. "What are you doing?" "She's right," I said. "We have to be careful. I
don't want to get pregnant. That would be horrible
right now. Are you prepared?"
He thought a moment and shook his head. "Then let's wait until you are. Tyler. Please," I
said.
He nodded and sat back with a dazed look on
his face. I saw his eyebrows rise and fall with the ebb
and flow of his thoughts as he gazed at Destiny. The
foggy look lifted away from his face and left behind
his thoughtful, more intelligent expression. He turned
to me.
"You're right, of course, but why did you throw
your voice through the doll to say it?" He smiled at
me, but it was a smile of confusion and even a little
annoyance.
"I don't know. I just... it seemed to be what she
would say."
"She? She? It's a doll. April."
"I meant, what she would say if she were really
sitting there.' "You think we would do this in front of
someone?"
"You know what I mean. Tyler."
He thought and then he glanced at Destiny and
buckled up his pants. I started to dress as well. "Tell me this. Did you enjoy being with a male,
with me?" he asked.
"Of course
I
did. I wouldn't have gone this far if I didn't, and you already know I was upset and disappointed the first time because you ran out." I told
him.
That seemed to satisfy him. "I'd better get
home," he said. rising.
"Can you come back tomorrow?"
"I don't know. I have chores to do at our plant." "On Sunday?"
"I can do what I have to do better when there's
no one else there. I'll try. I'll call you." he said. "We