Shadow of Love (37 page)

Almost everything was ready now, the final inspection from the local heritage protection agent something that was to happen sometime later in the day. Both the house and the small house, as it was called, were under protection of the act of heritage preservation, any changes and additions requiring approval of the officials. He did have all the permits, and there seemed to be no problem whatsoever, the final visit to see the end result more of a courtesy call than anything else.

‘
Coming,’ he said, a smile still on his face as he swung the door open, ready to face his mom and parade her back to the house. She could only play so many tricks on him as she was snooping around.

But it wasn’t his mom. Instead, he stared into Emily’s face, her lovely features tugging at his heart and leaving him speechless.

She was here at his house, was all he could think as they faced each other for a silent second. He had to say something, he realized instantly, his head empty. He was nearly never that dull, he thought with self-deprecating humor. But seeing her here, her huge eyes and soft mouth even more beautiful and tempting than in his dreams, drained his head of anything reasonable, only the wish to pull her close and kiss her senseless remaining.

‘
James, we need to talk.’ She looked at him with something that could be interpreted as fear, he realized, upset with the thought. He didn’t want her to be afraid of anything, let alone anything that had to do with him. They were past that stage, weren’t they?

‘
What’s wrong?’ He asked, his fingers itching to reach out and hug her, dispersing the aura of misery and defeat he sensed to be hanging around her. She looked positively sick, with her trembling lips and hunched shoulders. He hated seeing her like that. A strong sense of protectiveness came over him.

‘
Hey, what is it?’ He repeated, his voice rough with emotion. He saw her swallow convulsively, searching for words.

‘
Can I come in?’ She asked now, her eyes going tentatively to the interior of the house behind him.

‘
Of course, step right in.’

What was wrong with him? He scolded himself angrily, stepping aside and watching her walk in, hesitant and guarded. She reminded him of a wild animal, cautious and ready to take off at any sign of danger. Only he didn’t want her to take off.

His hand reached for the doorknob and closed it with a decisive movement. With the door closed, the space shrank to a more intimate, private size. She noticed it, too, a flicker of uneasiness going through her features.

He walked away, putting a distance of a few steps between them. It would make her feel more at ease, he decided, knowing deep down that it was just as important for him, if he was to resist the temptation to hold her and wreck it all before it started.

‘
Look, there is no easy way to say it, so I will be honest with you.’ Emily looked even paler, her golden skin from their trip to Egypt ashen. ‘You can’t go ahead with your plans for Sophie, James.’

‘
I know.’ He nodded, her widened eyes telling him she hadn’t expected such a reaction. ‘I know.’

Suddenly he felt as light as feather, a smile creeping onto his face. She had come all the way there to tell him that, unaware that he had decided it himself, his choice made up and irrevocable. Did it mean she cared for him more than she was willing to admit? God knew, he hoped so. But her next words told him that something was wrong, her motives not exactly what he hoped them to be.

‘
You know?’ She sounded confused, her eyes losing some of their panicked expression, replaced by genuine surprise. ‘How? I mean, did you talk to Sophie already?’

‘
Why?’ He was not very proud of that trick from the old book, pairing a question with a question to buy some time.

‘
I thought, she still hadn’t told you anything, James. About Peter and what happened? But I guess I was wrong. Are you very disappointed?’

There it was, the tremble that distracted him from her words and made him step closer, ready to hold her.

‘
What happened to the dumped boyfriend?’ He asked, genuinely interested. Things weren’t going the way he expected, that much was for sure. Before he did something crazy like confessing what made him change his mind, he had to hear her side of the story. Or maybe he was just afraid of her reaction to what he had to say? He couldn’t tell if she would welcome his admission.

He wondered what she would do if he told her how he had spent a sleepless night in his grandmother’s house, his mind reliving the events of the day in the souk. How he felt the fear and frustration for her come to life once again.

Would she understand how difficult it was for him to stop himself from getting up and walking to her room, disregarding his family’s customs and morality? Because that was what he longed to do, more so than anything else in his life. To come into her room and pick her up from her bed, the warm suppleness of her body under his fingertips the only viable proof she was all right. He needed to feel her, to taste her, and to lose himself in her, he had thought feverishly as he tossed back and forth in his bed, his body impatient and on fire.

It wasn’t only the physical part of it, even though he wanted her more than he had wanted any other woman before. More so, it was the sense of peace that suffused him when they were together and that vanished each time she disappeared from his sight. In the early hours of that night, he was finally ready to face the truth that he had managed to push aside for so long. He couldn’t, and wouldn’t, be able to go forward with any of his plan; the idea was completely insane. It had taken her to come into his life and teach him a lesson in humility and forgiveness.

With her around, any thoughts of revenge and anger became ridiculous and childish. He had made peace with the past, acknowledging his own mistakes and letting the mistakes of others be exactly that and nothing more. They were mistakes that didn’t belong to him, however horrid and unacceptable he found them. He wasn’t in a position to judge them, never had been.

He hadn’t slept that night at all. As the early morning brightened the dark velvety sky with green streaks that slowly turned turquoise and pale blue, he was still awake watching the world come to life. He felt very much alive, his blood pulsing through his veins in the steady rhythm of joy and hope for the future.

The first birds woke, singing in the orange and lemon trees surrounding the inner courtyard, their silvery trills adding to the aura of endless possibilities. He knew what he wanted; it had become crystal clear during the long hours of the warm, seductive Egyptian night. He would have to be patient about it, he knew that as well. But he had all the time in the world, he thought as he started planning ahead, eager to put things right.

He could hardly tell Emily about his sudden change of heart, not if he wanted her to believe him. It was too sudden and too drastic to make it real for her, he had thought as he paced the room, impatience raging a battle with his common sense. In the end, his common sense prevailed, and he curbed his need to burst into her room and confess everything. For the time being, things had to stay like that, with her as his girlfriend in the eyes of the whole world, a status he hoped to keep until they were back home. As for later, he had many hopes, some more outrageous than others.

He was almost done, he thought as he waited for her answer. She had come to him, his plans to visit her in the afternoon and explain things moving faster than planned, but in the right direction. Or were they?

‘
Peter was in an accident, James.’ Her voice was very quiet, and he had to listen carefully to get it all. ‘He talked to Sophie and got very upset. On his way home, he crashed his car, but luckily for him was found almost instantly. He… he wanted to see her in the hospital, then.’

She looked up to him, hesitating. This was the part where he was supposed to add something acerbic, he thought, like that he hoped he planned to scold Sophie for what she did. Only he couldn’t come up with anything even remotely sarcastic, his brain focused on something else entirely.

Emily had come to tell him about the reasons why he couldn’t be engaged to Sophie, not because she didn’t want him to do so, but because other things happened that had nothing to do with Emily and her wishes.

He was utterly disappointed, but managed to hide it. Or at least he hoped so, his voice harsher than he planned to cover up his fears.

‘
I take it, they reconciled then? Just like in movies? Could be Romeo and Juliet for all we know.’

She disapproved of his irony, he could tell. Her lovely mouth tightened, two lines appearing on the smooth surface of her cheeks. Well, he was disappointed, he thought rebelliously, disappointed to find what prompted her to visit him in the first place.

Was she here to ask for his understanding for Sophie and Peter’s young love? Right now, he didn’t feel very understanding at all.

‘
They did make up.’ Emily mastered her disapproval, her face serene. ‘Sophie doesn’t want to marry you anymore, James. She told me so herself, just today. I thought you should know, before you—.’

‘
Before I make a fool of myself?’ His hurt from having misunderstood her reasons for coming won momentarily, his voice cold. ‘Or before I decide to break my deal and keep the restaurant for myself? Which is it, Emily? Maybe both?’

‘
How dare you!’ She didn’t look afraid anymore. If anything, she was furious, her lovely face reddened with anger. ‘I came here—.’

‘
Did you have any plan to convince me to let you have it anyway?’ He probed and saw her flinch. He regretted his comment instantly, but was too angry to care either way. ‘Tell me, what did you have in mind? I’m quite open for offers, as you must have noticed, my sweet.’

She got even redder and then paled, her face shutting down.

‘
Forget it, it was a mistake,’ she said tonelessly, her eyes remote. ‘I came to tell you, so you can be ready when she calls you with this surprise. I thought you deserved to know, given how important it was to you. I thought I owed it to you, regardless of this bloody restaurant you keep flaunting in my face.’

She was on the verge of tears, he thought mortified. He tried to step closer, but she raised a hand, signaling him to stay away. He obeyed instantly.

‘
I was wrong, idiot that I am,’ she said now, her lips trembling. ‘You know what? Keep your restaurant, and be happy, James. I’m not for sale, not even for that. And I don’t care if you print our photos in the paper, either. You can say whatever you want and destroy my relationship with my family, if it makes you happy. I’m done!’

She turned to leave, her voice cracking at the last sentence.

‘
There will be no photos of us, Emily.’ He had to say something, he thought frantically, his fear of her leaving before he got the chance to set things straight paralyzing him. ‘I’ve already changed that part. I called them and told them to pull that part of the story, leaving just me and the house. They’re supposed to come again today to shoot a few more, since now they don’t have enough.’

It worked, because she stopped walking away. She still didn’t turn back to him; her tense back was all he could see. But he was making progress, he thought, encouraged. He kept going, his voice growing stronger.

‘
And I wouldn’t go ahead with this mad plan, either, regardless of Sophie having a sudden revelation about Peter. I was planning to talk to her in private and explain why I couldn’t be with her. I didn’t even plan on mentioning Steve.’

‘
I don’t understand.’ She finally looked back at him, her eyes confused. ‘Why would you do it? And what reasons could you give her except for Steve? It’s all about him, isn’t it?’

‘
Let’s just say Sophie isn’t the only person who suddenly saw the light.’ He felt more confident now. She might have been angry with him, and rightfully so, but he had seen her eyes, and what was in them gave him enough hope to go on. ‘It was all about Steve, you’re right. At least at the beginning. But things changed after I came to the brunch last Saturday. Suddenly, it wasn’t only about him anymore.’

He waited for her to say something, but she didn’t. She kept looking at him, her features stunned and hopeful. It was the hope that he had seen in her face that resonated in every cell of his body, filling him with the most jubilant joy imaginable.

‘
I should say, it goes back to a point twelve years ago, Emily. It started in the hospital’s corridor, where I saw this girl, sad and terrified. She had long, dark hair and the most beautiful eyes, even when she cried. I saw her, and my heart stopped, making me so very angry.’

Emily was still silent, standing motionless and watching him with those glorious eyes.

‘
I was angry, because I wanted to hate her. I needed to hate her,’ he added calmly and saw her flinch. ‘Only I couldn’t. Something in my heart fell into place as if she were the last piece of the puzzle that was missing. I kept waiting to see her, time after time. Then, she stopped coming, and I told myself it was for the best. I convinced myself she was worthless, and I was very good at it.

‘
But you see, twelve years later, I saw her again, looking at me from across the room with these eyes that seemed to look straight into my soul, and I was lost again.’

He dared to step forward, finally closing the space between them. He reached out hesitantly, his fingertips tracing the soft, velvety skin of her cheek and coming to rest on her shoulder. Ever so gently he pulled her closer, careful not to rush it. He knew that she could step back at any moment, and he couldn’t bear it.