Shadow of Love (32 page)

And then his steps froze, the sound that came from the family room making him slow down and hesitate.

She was laughing, he thought incredulously, the unmistakable sound of Emily’s pearly laughter something he would have recognized anywhere. He heard his grandmother say something, too muffled to be understood, Emily’s response another peal of silvery giggles. There were others in the room, the conversation falling and rising with numerous voices, united with the clearly light mood that made him pause and then walk again, his few swift steps closing the distance to the large French door leading to the room.

‘
There you are.’ His grandmother noticed him first, her brown eyes indulgent. She was sitting on the sofa next to Emily, who was talking to one of his aunts. ‘Just in time, dear.’

‘
I’m afraid I’m anything but that.’ He grinned, his eyes on Emily, who finally noticed him, her lovely face giving him a friendly smile. He should have been happy with it, her playing along was perfect, but somehow he wasn’t. He didn’t want her to smile at him as if he were some second-degree cousin twice removed. Instead he wished she would get up and come closer, preferably kissing him, too.

‘
What was so funny here?’ He asked instead, eager to distract himself from these dangerous thoughts. ‘I thought I heard you laughing when I was coming.’

‘
I was just comforting Emily, my boy.’ His grandmother looked as pleased as a cat with a saucer full of cream. ‘She was lamenting her lack of Arabic and worrying that she could never master the pronunciation. I told her about your beginnings, James. If you remember, they weren’t really glorious, either?’

‘
Fair enough.’ He sat down on the opposite couch, watching Emily. ‘I thought I was doing pretty well after a few weeks of intensive studying, only to be proven wrong on our trip to the countryside. I could barely understand what people were saying, leave alone answer.’

‘
What James is so chivalrously leaving out is the fact that people in the villages deeper into the desert speak their own dialect.’ His Aunt Salima came to his rescue, earning his grateful look and a smile. ‘Even I have difficulties to understand everything.’

‘
All you need is time, my dear.’ His grandmother patted Emily’s hand, the warmth in her voice making him choke on his drink. ‘The best way to learn is to spend some time in the place people actually use the language. You are always welcome to come and stay here, you know that.’

He was officially insane, James thought as he saw Emily nod hesitantly, obviously not sure how to politely decline such a generous offer. His grandmother had invited Emily to stay, her approval of the girl barely short of a blessing she would offer them if they were getting married.

He had to avoid such thoughts, especially since Emily looked terrified enough by the idea of coming here again to make him realize she wasn’t planning on it at all. He didn’t plan it either, did he? He shifted uncomfortably as he tried to silence the persistent little voice in his head telling him that lots of things were turning out different from what he had planned.

He glanced at Emily, reading her like an open book. She might have hidden her less-than-cheerful thoughts from everyone else, but he knew her well enough to see through the brave façade. She was humoring his grandmother and the rest of the clan, presumably because she thought he expected it from her as part of their agreement.

He wanted to talk to her in private, he realized, suddenly impatient with the idea of sitting there with all his relatives around them. He wanted to be alone with her to pick up where they left off in the restaurant in Kafr Abdu. He needed to reestablish the connection that bound them with an almost magnetic pull that left him helpless to do anything but follow and hope for a happy ending.

He had to talk to his family first. As reluctant and impatient as he was, at the same time, it was not something he could skip. They would be leaving tomorrow; the merger finished earlier than planned. He was tempted to stay longer and spend the day sightseeing with Emily, but decided against it out of pure fear. He might downplay it as much as he liked, but the bottom line was he was too frightened to have her respond that they should leave earlier as nothing keeping them there any longer.

She liked Egypt and wanted to see it. But it didn’t mean, by any means, that she wanted to do it with him at her side; all the signs so far were leaving him in the dark.

He had had a lot of time to think about things as he drove here, his drive uneventful enough to leave his brain to a much more difficult task—planning what to do next about Emily and what they were becoming. Vague ideas of dates, flowers, dinners, and talks without the dark cloud of pretense or lies came to mind, filling him with excitement and anticipation. He didn’t dare to go into details, enjoying the sheer idea of having a future including her in his life. He couldn’t imagine it any other way any longer. And he would be damned if he didn’t do his best to convince her to see things in the same light.

Starting with having this chat with his family right now. The sooner he convinced them to take over the lion’s share of the business leadership, the sooner he would be free to spend the rest of the evening with Emily, hopefully without all those witnesses who watched them both with hawkish gazes.

‘
If you don’t mind, I would take up on your offer of those aspirins,’ he heard Emily say to his grandmother, her pale face belying the fact she might have been just looking for an excuse. ‘My headache is getting worse, and now I think that I should have listened to you, after all.’

She smiled lightly and explained, noticing his eyes on her. ‘Your grandmother told me to go and take one of those siestas that are apparently common here. Of course, I didn’t listen. I hate sleeping in the daytime. But now, I’m regretting it.’

She looked positively poleaxed, and he wished to go with her and make sure she was all right in her bedroom. He didn’t offer it, though, recalling his last visit there and how it had ended.

He pushed aside his disappointment at the lost opportunity to talk to her as she excused herself and walked out with Salima at her side. His aunt had definitely taken her under her wing, he thought with reluctant amusement, noticing the way her hand rested on Emily’s shoulder as she took her to the kitchen in pursuit of the painkillers. At least someone in the family didn’t feel like ringing the bell for a servant for each little thing, he mused, still not at ease with the oriental way of life. He knew it was normal, and both servants and employers expected it as they agreed to the employment, but it bothered him to no end. Salima was different, her independent ways and go-get-it attitude making no room for such archaic behavior.

With Emily gone, he saw no reason to prolong the otherwise long day. Maybe it was for the best to let things rest and start afresh with her tomorrow.

‘
There is something I wanted to talk to you about.’ He turned to his oldest uncle, determined to get it over with as soon as possible. Procrastination had never been a part of his approach, be it in life or business.

.......

The reaction to his calm explanation of withdrawing from most of the business’s life was excruciating. He cursed his optimism more than once, wondering what on earth had made him think it would be easy in the first place. His family was bewildered, to say the least, a flood of questions dashing his hopes to have it done and over with in some reasonable time.

His grandmother was looking as if she were to suffer a heart attack at any moment. Only his knowledge of her perfect health made him persevere as she looked at him with glazed eyes.

‘
But why?’ She asked, her voice quivering. ‘Isn’t that part of your life just as much as your life in England?’

He could hardly tell her that the last ten years of coming and going between the two places could not replace the fact he had spent his childhood with his mother, unaware of his father’s position. He had pestered his mom to find out about the mysterious man who had disappeared from her life. She would repeat the same thing in her tired voice. He was a man who had to go away, but it didn’t mean he didn’t love him. He just couldn’t be around, that was all.

It was funny how such a clumsy explanation sufficed to silence him when he was a child, the hazy, vague picture of a tall man with dark hair and eyes created by his eager brain. He must have been dark-haired, if only because James was dark, his mom’s flaming red hair and blue eyes making it an insultingly easy guess. He stopped asking at eleven, suddenly realizing that his mother wasn’t telling the truth. With the cruel clarity of an eleven-year-old, he just knew that her stories were meant to calm him down and forget the obvious. Whoever his father might be, he didn’t care for either him or his mother.

‘
I just think it’s better if you all take care of the company,’ he explained patiently, thinking that Emily must have already fallen asleep and imagining her lying under the coverlet he remembered so well. There was no need to evoke his memories any further if he was to hope to sound even somewhat conclusive with his agitated family.

‘
I will always want to be a part of it,’ he repeated, noting that his uncles weren’t protesting as vocally or passionately as his grandmother. Actually, they seemed quite happy, giving him hope that all he needed was to offer them some reason that would allow them to accept his plan without looking greedy and annoying Noora.

‘
It will be an honor to be included in it, Grandmother,’ he said, going for the more flowery argument, remembering just in time they worked much better than facts around there. ‘I just believe that it would be an obstacle to reaching its full potential if the company were to be run by someone too far away to watch over it like a hawk watches the desert.’

He cringed inwardly at the sound of his words, wondering if he was pushing it a bit too far. But apparently he had done no such thing, his grandmother nodding slowly.

‘
I was hoping you were planning to move here permanently, my boy. It has always been my dream to have you here, not as a visitor but one of us, James.’

He didn’t need to look at his uncles, to imagine their mortified expressions. The last thing they needed was his constant presence taking away any hopes for their future in the company.

‘
I have my life in England,’ he said gently, almost hearing their sighs of relief and biting his lips to hide his smile. ‘My mother lives there, or at least soon she will. I have bought a house there, which is being renovated as we speak. Once it’s done, I’m planning to move into it and live there, Grandmother.’

‘
It’s good that you are a good son.’ Noora smiled slightly, her face mollified. ‘It makes me proud, James. Your father was a good son, too, too good, maybe.’ She sighed and added quietly, her lips quivering, ‘He was selfless and obedient, just as we brought him up. He paid his price for it, regretting leaving your mother for the rest of his life. He didn’t die a happy man, and I often blame myself for that.’

He knew he would never get more of an apology than that. Too proud to admit her wrongdoings, his grandmother would never fully admit the regrets and guilt she carried with her all those years. He suspected that her insisting on him being there was a part of it, too. That having him there would somehow make things right, erasing the past and bringing new hope to her life.

He smiled at her, for the first time in his life genuinely fond of the feisty old woman. He wanted to tell her that she didn’t need to do it, that the past was a closed book, and there was no point trying to exorcize ghosts that were resting in peace.

As she smiled back at him—their silent understanding something by far more priceless than the value of the company—he understood something else, too. In his blind anger over Steve’s death, he had allowed himself to be pushed into the darkness of despair and revenge, seeking ways to erase his own demons of guilt.

Because that was what hurt most, in the end. His newfound life in the States had made it easy to let the ties that bound them slacken to the point they barely communicated. He had been upset with Steve marrying Marlene and rejecting his mother, he thought now, his whole body tense with emotion. His silence was meant as punishment to the older man, who didn’t do anything wrong except having lived his life the best he could. His untimely death had put an end to any chance of clearing it up and restoring their easy camaraderie.

Yes, Sophie had been guilty of pushing Steve to the point of taking his own life, but it wasn’t his place or right to judge her, just because he regretted his own mistakes. He could see it clearly now, his drawn-out plan to make her pay for the past utterly selfish and unreasonable.

He listened to his family arguing, less and less upset with his proposal. He knew they would soon embrace it and welcome him as just a symbolic figure, nothing more. That was the way it was supposed to be, he thought, only now realizing how deeply he rejected the idea of being a permanent fixture of Luxor, Inc.

In the meantime, he had to think about what his realization meant to him and his future in England. Most importantly, what it meant to his relationship with Emily. Wasn’t it the base on which everything had been built so far—his wish to teach Sophie a lesson, using Emily to achieve it?

He had to fix that, he thought impatiently, making mental notes to contact the paper as soon as they were back home. He would ask them to remove the photos with Emily from the article, as a first step to putting things right. He wouldn’t be the reason for her falling out with her family, the implication of his plan finally hitting him full force.