Sexy and Funny, Hilarious Erotic Romance Bundle (32 page)

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vern take down one tear-tab for a community event, and then another. This made me smile, and I was already smiling from the heavenly scent of my flowers, so my face nearly broke from smiling.

Just then, the door jingled and another person came in.

“Good day,” Vern said with a curt nod, and he scurried away.

“Not a customer?” asked the man who’d just come in. He was a slim man with ginger hair—my father. “He didn’t leave with a book.”

“Dad! Don’t worry about it. We’re doing fine, and sales are steady.”

He pointed to a light switch next to the front door. “Want me to turn this off?” Without waiting for a response, he flicked the switch off, which turned off the flood lights that lit up the exterior sign. We didn’t need the lights on during sunny days, but they kept the store from being invisible in the evenings and through drizzling Washington winters. The owner, Gordon Junior, had been meaning to put the lights on a light-sensor switch, or a timer, but hadn’t gotten around to it, what with all the wine tastings next door. We just left the lights on all the time rather than forget to turn them on when needed, but this didn’t sit well with my father, who believes that a penny saved is a penny earned, and that there’s no penny more shiny and proud than a penny saved on the electricity bill.

“Dad, it’s pretty cloudy today. Might start raining any minute.”

He leaned over to inspect the window display, then glowered up at the halogen spotlights. “If you retro-fit some compact fluorescents in there, it won’t heat up and fade the book covers so much.”

“Then what will be my incentive to change the window display?”

He stared at me like he couldn’t believe we shared DNA.

After a moment, he cocked his head to the side. “Is that the air conditioning running? You could just open the door for a bit. Air the place out at night, get it good and cold, then pull the blinds until you get here in the morning.”

“Dad, you do realize it’s not
my
bookstore, right? I get paid the same no matter what the electricity bill is.”

He scratched his head, looking very much the absent-minded professor. My father and his business partner run a niche business selling parts for radio-control helicopters, or as I like to call them, “flying chainsaws.” They rent office space just down the street from Peachtree Books, so it wasn’t unusual to have him pop in like this.

“Your mother wants you to bring your new boyfriend to dinner Friday. She hardly got to talk to him at your cousin’s wedding.”

“Yes, I did a good job keeping her away.”

He gave me a perplexed look.

“Dalton’s not my boyfriend,” I said. “We’ve only had two dates, and that surly man who just left is his butler.”

“I’d like a butler,” my father said, as casually as if he’d been commenting on his desire for a grilled cheese sandwich.

I continued, “What I mean by mentioning the butler is, he’s a fancy actor, and I’m a fat girl who manages a bookstore, and there’s no dating book that covers this kind of a situation. I may see him again, but I shall not be referring to him as my
boyfriend
.”

My father winced and stared up at the light fixture over the display window again. “You really should replace that whole fixture. I’ve got an extra one I can bring by.”

It was so exactly like my father to evade a thorny question and obsess over something involving math instead.

I’d barely had a sip of my morning mocha, and was already exhausted from telling men no, so I said, “Sure. Bring the new light fixture over any time.”

For the rest of the day, I basked in the warm glow of the pretty flower bouquet and all it implied. The arrangement came from Gabriella’s, which was the most expensive florist in town. Most of our weekday customers are women, and there wasn’t one who didn’t close her eyes and deeply smell the flowers with a beatific smile on her face.

The phone rang a few times, but not with Dalton on the other end of the line. Closing time came and went, and I kept finding tasks to keep me there well into the evening.

Why hadn’t I written my personal phone number on the business card? Because I was stupid, that’s why.

I was, and continue to be, very stupid—stupid in the way that only girls who score well on academic papers can be stupid.

How stupid? When I tell you about the thing I did when I was fifteen, you may just write me off as worthless.

I can’t think about that too much, though, or it makes me depressed, and not the kind of mild depressed that I can shake off with a laugh, like the way I feel when I see a wireless network named “Cankles.” (I enjoy browsing around and seeing creative wireless network names like “I can hear you having sex” and “Derps” and “Click here for drug-resistant scabies,” but the term “Cankles” isn’t funny if you have them.)

An hour after closing time, the lights were still on and people had ceased to wander in browsing, so there was no reason for me to stick around waiting for the phone to ring.

Unless… I was changing out a light fixture.

My father had dropped a new one by, and I sent a quick text message to Gordon Junior to make sure I had his permission.

He texted back:
Knock yourself out, Petra.

I frowned at my phone screen. Why did he sound like he was making fun of me whenever he used my name, either in conversation or in text like this? He was a nice enough guy, but he had a tendency to come off condescending.

I shrugged it off and got to work, first turning off the breaker for that strip of lights. Growing up, my father felt it was important for me to master basic home repair, so I learned from my mother how to make biscuits with bacon drippings, and learned from my father how to change a light fixture, how to snake a clogged sink, and how to hide out in the garage before dinner to avoid being asked to help make biscuits.

Instead of standing on a stool, which I’d been doing the day Dalton Deangelo literally knocked me off my feet, I used the stepladder, even though the nasty creak the aluminum thing made when you opened it caused my skin to crawl.

With my arms held high over my head, the pressure on my olive green button-down shirt caused one of my buttons to pop off. Annoyed and sweating from holding the fixture up while fiddling with the plastic connectors, I said a few choice words, then pulled shut the decorative curtain across the display window and took my shirt off completely.

As I dropped my shirt to the floor, I stared over at the yellow telephone, which was an old-fashioned, heavy thing that hung on the wall.

Ring, damn it.

As if that ever worked.

I looked down at my peaches, perkily packed into my hot pink bra. There was some serious hotness at the bookstore that evening, and a certain hunky actor was missing out on a good time.

I climbed back up the stepladder and finished installing the light fixture, then screwed in the new bulbs. My hot night was just jammed full of screwing! First all the screws, now the bulbs. I giggled at my joke, and when I flipped the breaker on the old electrical panel, I jumped up and clapped for joy that the light worked.

What I didn’t know, and wouldn’t find out for a few days, was that someone was watching me. Not just watching, but photographing.

In my haste and irritation, I’d neglected to close the curtain on the other window, and anyone passing by on the sidewalk would be able to see me traipsing around in my brown trousers and a hot pink bra.

When I was done tidying up, I grabbed my purse and took one last baleful look at the silent telephone. I’d stayed another half hour, sewing the button back onto my shirt using the emergency sewing kit from the office.

The yellow body of the telephone seemed a touch grimy, and I considered cleaning it.

The phone rang.

That’s weird
, I thought.
Now I’m having auditory hallucinations.

It rang again, so I answered the phone, curious where this break with reality was going. By now it was half past eight, and I was so hungry, I could have eaten raw kale, no dressing.

“Good evening, Peachtree Books.”

A low chuckle. “Is it a good evening?”

“That depends on who this is and why you’re calling.”

“You hurt poor Vern’s feelings.”

I smiled and wrapped the long, curly phone cord around myself as I twirled in excitement.

“Poor Vern,” I said.

“You hungry?”

“No.” My stomach growled. “Yes.”

“Is this spaghetti place any good? I’m standing out front, reading the menu. They have a Forest Folk platter that’s free if you eat the whole thing, but I don’t know if I’m quite that hungry.”

“You’re at DeNirro’s?”

“You tell me.”

DeNirro’s was across the street from the bookstore. I twirled again to free myself from the twisty phone cord, made my way to the display window, pulled open the curtain, and peeked out.

There was a handsome, dark-haired young man, standing across the street, waving at me. He almost looked like a regular person at this distance.

“Is this Robert DeNiro’s restaurant?” he asked.

“No. Different spelling. Two Rs.” I pointed to the logo on the sign.

“I’ll have to get a photo and tell him about this place. Or maybe not. His lawyers don’t have a sense of humor.”

“You know Robert DeNiro?”

“Why don’t you lock up that bookstore and come join me for a carb-heavy meal that my personal trainer will beat my ass for eating?”

“They have some tasty salads.”

“Salads? Fuck salads!” He held the phone away from himself and stare confusedly at it. Then he brought it back to his face, yelling, “Who is this? I want the bad girl. The one who’s a bad influence on me.”

Giggling, I said, “Give me two minutes to lock up.”

“Two minutes. I’m starting the timer. If you go over, there will be Penalty Minutes.”

“What?”

“Penalty Minutes. Tick, tick. Time’s running.”

“Eep!” I unwound myself from the phone cord, comically tripping repeatedly, then hung up the phone and raced around in a panic. Penalty Minutes! I didn’t want to rack up Penalty Minutes, whatever they were.

My finger was shaking as I punched in the alarm code, 1225. Gordon Junior chose that number because it’s the date of the only day we’re closed.

I ran out the front door, then back in for my purse, then back out again, my heart pounding in a panic as the countdown on the alarm beeped down.

By the time I got outside the store, I was moist with sweat and breathing heavily. With a wicked grin on my face, I noted that if things went well, it wouldn’t be the last workout that evening.

Penalty Minutes were most certainly accruing, and when I ran across the street to join Dalton, my face must have been bright red judging by the way it felt.

“Darling,” he said in a English accent, then took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles while bowing.

“Sorry,” I said breathlessly, pointing behind me like a fool. “Closing. Forgot stuff.”

“You must be terribly famished,” he said, still in the English accent. “You’re making no sense at all. Come, now, let’s get you off those running shoes. You girls and your ridiculous fashionable footwear. Why aren’t you in stilettos? You’ll twist a heel in those, walking with your feet in a normal human foot shape.”

Why was I suddenly in the middle of an improv skit? Actors, sheesh.

I played along, saying, “Cheerio, bangers and mash.”

“Darling, are you making fun of my accent? This whole time I’ve known you, I’ve put up a charade, speaking with an intolerable American accent, but I can stand it no longer! I must be me!”

He was really laying it on thick, and weirding me out more than a little, to be honest. Even his face had taken on a decidedly British look. How many faces did the guy wear?

A thirtyish couple walking out of the restaurant stopped to stare, and after a moment, the woman said, “You’re him, aren’t you?” To her husband, she said, “Drake. The vampire. I heard he was shooting a movie here in Beaverdale.”

Dalton leaped toward the woman, also yanking me with him. He pulled me in front of him, making a horrible snarling sound and biting me on the neck. Not nibbling, but full-on biting.