Sex (12 page)

“So was he your boyfriend last night when he was beating the shit out of you?” Gaia asked. Maybe not the friendliest way to phrase it, but she couldn't help herself. The whole “victim” aspect of addicts was so infuriating to her. Addicts were always making themselves somebody's victim, if not their own.

“Whatever,” Gen scoffed “He gets violent sometimes. He thinks he's a real badass, but I can handle him.”

“Like you handled him last night?” Gaia couldn't help saying.

“Okay, whatever.” Gen groaned. “I already thanked you, didn't I? Don't worry about Casper. He's harmless.”

“Harmless, huh?”

They walked a block in silence as Gaia tried her best
to hold her tongue from the next thing she wanted to say. But she was simply no good at holding her tongue. She wanted Gen to hear it. “You know, you kind of remind me of someone. She used to be my best friend, actually. She was addicted to coke…. She's dead now.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Gen said. “I know a lot of people who've OD'd on coke.”

“She didn't OD” Gaia said. “She was killed by her dealer. You know… her
harmless
dealer.” Okay. She'd said it. She'd made her point. Gen was silent for the next block. And Gaia didn't want to say any more. Her need to “save” Gen from the same fate as Mary Moss had just kind of snuck up on her, and the last thing she wanted to do was start a punishing just-say-no lecture. There was nothing worse than a condescending savior. She knew she'd probably taken it a little too far, and she braced herself for Gen to get pissed off.

“Well…” Gen sighed after a block and a half. “I guess you're just going to have to stick by me at all times, then.” She turned to Gaia and smiled. “You can flip his Sugar Ray ass the next time he tries something.”

Gaia tried not to smile too openly at the suggestion, but the truth was, Gen had just made her day. Protecting Gen from Casper. Maybe even helping her off the drugs—something, much to her shame, she'd been unable to do for Mary. This could be exactly what her new emptied-out life needed. She knew she wasn't supposed to get too close to anyone, but this
wouldn't just be about being friends. This could also be some much needed karmic payback for letting Mary down. Besides, finding people to save uptown had been a real bitch, and Gaia had just been offered a permanent savior assignment. How could she turn that down? “It would be my pleasure,” she said, hoping it hadn't come out sounding too corny.

Gen ruffled Gaia's hair as though she were four years old, and that seemed to signal that the uncomfortable conversation was over. For some reason, coming from Gen, this condescending gesture didn't bother Gaia.

They didn't speak again until they'd arrived in front of Gaia's house, if you could even call it that, which she didn't particularly like to do. “This is it,” Gaia said, stopping under the awning and turning away from the annoying uniformed doorman.

“This
is where you live?” Gen uttered, peering through the glass doors into the embarrassingly ornate lobby.

“I don't really
live
here,” Gaia assured her, looking at the entire building with disdain. “It's just where I'm staying.”

“Well, who are you staying with?” Gen asked.

“I don't even know them.”

“Huh… And your dad's not here?”

“No,”
Gaia said. “I already told you, I have no idea where he is. What is your obsession with my dad?
Oh, crap”

Gen spun back to Gaia. “What's wrong?”

“Crop!”
Gaia whispered to herself again.

“What? What's your problem?”

Her problem was walking up the block. Two problems, actually, with coffees in their hands. And it was too late to make a quick escape. They'd already seen her. Ed was already calling out her name. And Tatiana was already giving her the evil eye.

SEEING ED'S FACE HAD BASICALLY braided Gaia's guts together. She just hadn't been prepared for it.
Don't even look at him,
she told herself.

Electrical Surge

The problem with looking at him was that it made her want to lean her head between his neck and shoulder and stay there for an indefinite period of time. She wanted to grab his hand, hail a cab, and go back to his bed for the next three days. Because that's really where they should be right now. They should be in bed. Not standing out in the relative cold, staring at each other like strangers.

Looking at Ed now felt exactly the same as looking at old pictures of her family from before her mother
had died. It was like she could see her happy home just inches from her fingertips. Right in front of her was joy and safety and a future, and Gaia couldn't touch it. She couldn't go near it or get inside it. So she couldn't bear to look at it. She just wanted to slam the book of photos closed before her resolve started to crumble—before
she
started to crumble into pieces right there in front of Gen and Tatiana and her uniformed doorman. Because she knew Ed all too well. And if he saw a chink in her armor, if he saw through to the truth of what she was feeling, then he'd never let it go. He'd find some way to chisel away at the cracks until the truth came out, not even understanding that he'd only be screwing himself in the process.

So, cold was the order of the day. Cold as ice. Colder than she'd even been to him the last time. Cold enough and hard enough to make sure he didn't come back for more. As cold as the stare Tatiana was giving her and Gen.

“Where were you all night?” Ed demanded as he and Tatiana faced down Gaia and Gen under the awning of the building. “I came here to talk to you this morning. I don't even
know
how long I've been waiting.” Ed turned to Tatiana. “How long?”

“At least an hour,” Tatiana replied.

“At least an hour,” Ed repeated to Gaia. “Sitting in your house, waiting for you. We finally went out for coffees.”

Gaia rolled her eyes to Tatiana with pure disgust. She was sure Tatiana must have just
hated
being forced
into morning coffee with Ed. She might as well have had the phrase “I have a crush on Ed” embroidered on all her perfect little Calvin Klein outfits. She was probably hoping Gaia would disappear every morning. Then she and Ed could have coffee together on a regular basis.

“Don't look at
me,”
Tatiana complained, bouncing Gaia's disgust right back at her. “You are the one who disappears. You think I like watching my mother walk around our house with worrying?”

“Whatever,” Gaia muttered.

“Whatever,” Tatiana hissed in reply. Her English might be slow going, but she was a quick mimic when it came to insults.

“So where were you?” Ed repeated. “Tatiana said you never even came home last night.”

“Not to worry,” Gen said, stepping into the conversation. “She was with me.”

Ed turned his demanding eyes from Gaia's face and stared at Gen with utter bewilderment. “Who the hell are
you?”

“Nice”
Gen responded, turning to Gaia. “Real nice. Who is this guy, your boyfriend?”

“No,” Gaia breathed to the ground, avoiding Ed's eyes.

“Well, then,
who?”
Gen asked, giving Ed a look of utter indifference.

“Yes, who am I, Gaia?” Ed asked, trying once again to catch her eyes. “I think that's a damn good
question. Maybe you'd like to talk to me about that?”

Must get out of here. Must get out of here now. Never mind being cold to him, just run. Run your ass off.
“I got to get upstairs—”

“Don't” Ed snapped, holding Gaia's arm. “Don't do that. Talk to me.”

Gaia shook her arm from his grip, though in truth, even his angry touch had sparked reminders of their night together. She couldn't believe it Even now. Even in the pre-school hours of the morning, with no sleep to speak of, arguing on the street, she could
still
feel that electrical surge when Ed touched her. God. If that electricity could cut through all her enforced avoidance and bitterness, Gaia couldn't imagine what she'd be feeling if they were in bed together right now like they should have been.

Correction. You
won't
imagine what that would feel like. You
will
get your ass upstairs now.

Gaia turned to Gen. “I'm going.”

“Do you want some company?” Gen asked.

“No, I'm just going to get some sleep.”

“You're sure? I can totally hang out. I'd hate to leave you with these two.”

“I'm sorry,
who
are you again?” Ed spat, staring at Gen with a combination of suspicion and disdain.

“That's funny,” Gen shot back, “'Cause I still don't know who
you
are, either. I know you're
not
her boyfriend.”

Ed turned back to Gaia. “Who is this girl?”

“She's a friend of mine” Gaia replied, “and that's it for the question-and-answer period. Good-bye.”

“I
know,” Gen announced to Ed. “Why don't you go out with Ms. Stick-Up-Her-Ass Two Thousand and One over here? Then you can have little blond rich bitch babies in Prada diapers.”

Tatiana eyed Gen with repulsion, muttering something back in Russian. Gaia didn't quite catch it. It was something about being “low class.”

“What did she just say?” Gen yelled, leaning in toward Tatiana. “Why don't you try that in English, bitch?”

“Your friend, huh?” Ed said. “She's charming.”

“Okay, whatever,” Gen huffed, throwing up her hands and backing away. “Gaia, if these are your friends, I think I'm starting to get why your life sucks so bad.”

“She's
not my friend,” Gaia explained, pointing at Tatiana.

“Well, that's a relief,” Gen called back. “Tell you what, when you're done chilling with Princess Prissy Bitch and Joe Crutches, give me a page, okay? I'm outta here.” She turned to Tatiana as she backed away. “Farewell, Princess Prissy Bitch! If you'd like some help learning English, why don't you give me a page, too?” Finally Gen disappeared behind the corner.

“Where the hell did you find
her?”
Ed asked.

“What? She's right,” Gaia replied. “Tatiana should speak English around us.” She gave Tatiana one last dirty look. “It might keep her honest.”

“Gaia—” Ed began.

“In fact, why don't
you
try to teach her, Ed?” she interrupted, turning away as quickly as possible. “You two seem to be getting along
so well.”

Gaia pushed through the door and prayed that Ed wouldn't follow her. Given the current amount of electricity between them, she simply couldn't take it anymore. And his new buddy status with Tatiana wasn't helping. She just needed to get upstairs and go to sleep for at least a few hours. And maybe when she woke up… through some kind of miracle… he'd hate her. Oh, how she wished for that right now.

THIS WAS NOT AT ALL THE CONfrontation Ed had in mind. It was supposed to be just Gaia and him in a quiet room, sharing some much needed honesty. Not Gaia, Ed, Tatiana, and Gaia's horrible new friend filling the space with ridiculously adolescent insults. Whoever that girl was, Ed didn't trust her in the least. He'd taken a severe and instant dislike to her and hoped he'd never be subjected to her again.

Fiery Blip

He watched through the glass doors of the building as Gaia disappeared into the elevator. But that
couldn't be it. That pittance of a conversation wasn't what Ed had traveled miles and waited hours for. Gaia's averted glances and minor insults had left him feeling emptier and less resolved than their last encounter. So she'd really left him with no other choice. He swallowed a very deep breath, bowed his head, and went in after her. Christ, he was a glutton for punishment.

“What are you doing?” Tatiana asked as she followed him into the long marble hallway.

“What does it look like I'm doing?” he replied, tapping repeatedly on the elevator button.

“Ed,” Tatiana said slowly. “I… do not think she wants you to follow her.”

“I think you're right,” Ed answered, putting an end to that argument quickly. Tatiana was kind enough to bite her tongue for the rest of the elevator ride up, though Ed could tell his choice had somehow upset her. But that wasn't his problem to deal with right now.

The elevator opened onto the small hallway, and Tatiana was at least mature enough to unlock the door for Ed even if she didn't approve of his pride-swallowing behavior.

There was no way she could understand what Ed and Gaia had shared the night before last. And if she were ever lucky enough to have a night like that, then Ed was sure she would understand why he wouldn't give up so easily. In fact, if anything, Ed saw it this
way: If Gaia was truly breaking up with him before they'd even started going out, then at the very least, a night as passionate as the one they'd shared deserved a breakup fight just as passionate. And Ed would be damned if he wasn't going to make that fight happen or else bring back Gaia's sanity trying.

He walked briskly through the spacious, sunlit living room, which he could only refer to now as “the waiting room.” When he got to her door, he knocked twice and opened it without waiting for a response.

Gaia was sprawled out on her bed, fully clothed, looking nothing less than in pain. When she saw Ed walk through the door, he could see her practically flinch with displeasure as she jumped out of bed and walked to the other side of the room. “Ed…” she choked out as if she were at the end of her rope.

“Look,” he said, keeping his distance. “The thing is… I got a call from the police yesterday, and they asked me if I'd come in and talk about the shooting, and I just thought… that you might go with me to the station this morning since you saw the whole thing go down.”